He now returned home much the way he did every evening—sweating despite the cold, his shirt stained with substances he would rather not try to identify. He had washed at a water pump, so at least his hands, face, and neck were clean.
He supposed he ought to make quick work of cleaning himself up and scarfing down a meal if he wanted to arrive at Regina’s home on time. David’s mouth turned down at the thought of his client, who probably wouldn’t be very happy to see him. Hell, he doubted anything had made that woman happy in a long time. As much as it disturbed David, it also annoyed him that he was left to navigate his way through her eccentricities in the dark.
He reminded himself for the umpteenth time that it wasn’t his concern. If Regina wanted him to treat her like some inanimate object during their sessions, he should do so without complaint or second thought. Only, it simply wasn’t in his nature. It bothered him to treat a woman that way, and he found it increasingly difficult to arouse himself to the task. Weary as he was tonight, David didn’t know how he would manage it. But manage it he must, and the shabby state of the house he approached reminded him of that. When he came face to face with Regina tonight, he would apologize and carry on as she requested—no matter how much it disturbed him. Anything to keep her from tossing him aside and hiring another courtesan.
Resolved, he squared his shoulders to mount the front steps … and drew up short.
A woman in black had just raised her fist to knock, and whirled at the sound of his footsteps, eyes wide in her alabaster face. David blinked tired eyes, certain he was imagining things. But no, it was Regina, standing at his door looking lovely and frightened. Glancing over his shoulder, he realized he had walked right past her carriage and driver without noticing them.
Had she come to terminate their arrangement? His heart dropped at the thought. What would he do if she had?
“Hello, David,” she murmured, tucking a loose strand of fiery hair back into her hat. “I stood here for a long while, too afraid to knock. I think I must have gone up and down those steps three times, and I … well, your arrival certainly took the decision out of my hands.”
Glancing down at his soiled garments, he then set disbelieving eyes back on Regina. “I had planned to come to you within the next hour. Is everything all right?”
Biting her lip, she backed away from the door as he approached. “I had hoped we could talk. If now is an inconvenient time, I can go home and await your arrival.”
“No,” he insisted, standing back to allow her entry. “You came all this way. Come in. I’ll send for tea, and if you wouldn’t mind giving me a little time to wash and change—”
He found Mrs. Moffat approaching, her smile stiff and uncertain as she eyed their visitor. “Welcome home, Mr. Graham. Can I get anything for you and your guest?”
“Tea would be wonderful, and a little something to eat. Please see to Mrs. Hurst’s comfort until I return.” He faced Regina, who remained in the middle of the dimly-lit entrance hall, curious eyes roaming what she could see of the house. He fought not to wince at the reek of tallow candles, used to light the house out of economy, and the pitiful state of the floors. Forcing a smile, he backed toward the staircase. “I’ll return shortly, I promise.”
She gave a silent nod in response, freeing David to beat a hasty retreat. Once out of sight, he set off at a run, curiosity and the need to keep his mother and sisters from discovering Regina propelling him along.
Fresh energy spurred his every step as he tore into his room, startling his valet. The man had anticipated his arrival and had hot water and fresh clothes waiting. David scrubbed himself from head to toe, until he no longer smelled like a butcher’s shop. The valet returned just in time to help him hastily dress.
When he returned downstairs, he noticed Mrs. Moffat lingering outside the drawing room, peering through a crack between the parted doors. At the sound of his cleared throat, she flinched and whirled to face him, a hand clapped over her mouth and guilt in her eyes.
David chuckled. “And just what are you doing, Mrs. Moffat?”
Lifting her chin, she sniffed. “Just wanted to lay eyes on the lady, is all. I’d begun to think she was a ghost, what with the way people speak of her and hardly anyone even knows what she looks like. Pretty little thing, even with that hair.”
He offered no verbal response, though he wanted to argue that it was Regina’s hair and those adorable freckles that made her so alluring. However, the last thing he needed was for Mrs. Moffat to go running to his mother, mentioning that David found their neighbor attractive. Especially since everyone in the county knew how wealthy she’d been made with the death of Mr. Hurst. His mother would begin talk of courtship and marriage once it was appropriate, and David didn’t have the energy or patience to talk his way out of that.
“Please see that we are not disturbed.”
Ignoring the raised eyebrows of Mrs. Moffat, David strode inside, quickly fastening the door behind him. Regina graced an overstuffed, high-backed armchair as if it were a throne, even though her feet just barely touched the floor. Her starched skirts were neatly arranged, her posture impeccable, her expression serene save for the uncertainty in her eyes as she looked up at him. She had taken off her hat, exposing the neat order of her titian hair, the stray coil kissing her cheek making him want to press his lips there.
Which was ridiculous. This woman had very clearly marked herself as one who did not wish to be kissed, or touched, or have someone grace her with a thorough and satisfying fuck. More was the pity.
“I hope I did not keep you waiting too long,” he said, easing onto a loveseat perpendicular to her chair. “I didn’t think you would tolerate my presence with a day’s worth of work making a mess of me.”
Setting her teacup in its saucer, she gave him a bewildered look. “I don’t know many gentlemen who set their hands to actual work.”
“Yes, well, extenuating circumstances and all that. Why ask others to do what I will not?”
Her eyes narrowed just a tick, her gaze becoming more pensive as she set her cup aside and reached for a fresh one. “Can I pour for you?”
Pleasantly surprised for the offer, he nodded, though it was the tower of cakes and biscuits that caught his eye. The fare was simple, but not so embarrassing as what might have been offered had Regina called a fortnight ago. To David they looked like manna from heaven. He hadn’t eaten a thing since breakfast.
They exchanged banal remarks while she poured, asking him if he wanted sugar or lemon or milk. David watched her all the while, intrigued by her graceful motions and the delicate movements of her slender hands. They were as pale and unblemished as the rest of her—or, at least the parts of her he’d been allowed to see—a sharp juxtaposition to her stark black attire. Her cheeks were pink, and David wondered if she might be too embarrassed to broach the subject hanging between them. While he piled a handful of biscuits in his saucer and took his first sip of tea, she began to chatter about the drive here, and how glad she was for a break in the rain. David took that opportunity to devour three of the biscuits, which helped take the edge off his hunger. But then, he could take no more. If he didn’t push them toward the matter at hand, he had a feeling they would sit here all night.
“Regina … what are you doing here? While I would certainly never turn you away, I’m sure you understand how your visit might be perceived while we are both in mourning. As well, the more ignorant we keep people to our association, the better for the sake of your reputation. But, I do not think I need to tell you that. Which makes me think you came all this way for a reason, not just to gawk at me while sipping tea.”
The pink blossoms in her cheeks deepened to red and she stared down at her hands. “In truth, I wasn’t certain you would come tonight. I owe you an apology, David.”
He sat up straighter, the tea and biscuits forgotten. “Actually, I think I am the one who should apologize. You were very clear—”
“But I was not. I confess, I told myself we
could get through this arrangement without such a conversation, but you aren’t what I first made of you. I think I rather misjudged you.”
She could not have shocked him more had she flung her tea in his face. Clearing his throat, David set his cup aside and leaned forward, holding her gaze. She held herself as she always did, with rigid, cold poise. But her eyes always gave her away. Just now she seemed to battle fear and anxiety, but there was something else. The glimmer of determination. Whatever she wanted to tell him required a great deal of fortitude on her part.
“I told you when we met that my job as your courtesan can be multi-faceted. If you need to confide something in me, you should feel free to do so. Your secrets are safe with me, Regina. You are safe with me.”
A small smile edged her lips, then vanished. “I know that. At least, I do now. All my precautions were born of a fear that you might take advantage of my vulnerability. They were also born of experience. You see, my marriage to Mr. Hurst was not a happy one. It wasn’t even a contented one.”
“I gathered as much. I am sorry to hear it.”
She gave a slow shake of her head, eyes becoming unfocused as she stared across the room. Clenching her shaking hands in her lap, she took a deep, slow breath before replying. “I did not know him well before we married, but thought I had learned all I needed to know. He was handsome, well loved by his peers, charming. My parents were in favor of the match, my father in particular. He was very wealthy, you see, and our circumstances were dire. I was to be the salvation of our family, but I didn’t mind so much if Randolph was to be my husband. On the day he proposed marriage, he told me he loved me. I was young and had little experience with men. I believed him.”
David tried to imagine her as she might have been, that sweet rosebud mouth of hers more prone to smiles than frowns, the green of her eyes glittering with hope and life. Something within him reacted to the image with soul-stirring force, as he realized she was still quite young. Too young to be such a solemn, lonely creature.
“The night before the wedding, my mother came to me to explain how things should occur between husbands and wives in the bedchamber,” she went on, twisting and pulling at her fingers and avoiding his gaze. “A wife should obey and seek to please her husband, and never turn him away when he asks to be allowed his rightful attentions. It would be a very unpleasant task, but such was the price a woman must pay for the security of someone to care for her. If I wanted it to be over quickly, I must lie perfectly still and let him do as he pleased. This would make him happy, and all the better if I bore him a son as soon as possible. It would hurt the first time, but would become less painful eventually. She terrified me, but I told myself it would not be that way with Randolph. He had been so kind, and even kissed me a time or two. He was always gentle, so of course our wedding night wouldn’t be so horrifying as Mother had made it out to be.”
David swallowed, but couldn’t wash his mouth free of the bitter taste of foreboding. He knew where her story was going, and the realization made him cold with dread.
“Our wedding was small and simple, the breakfast attended by our families and closest friends. I spent the day both nervous and excited about what would happen when I was alone with him, though my mother’s words were never far from my mind. When the time came, I …”
“You do not have to do this,” he insisted. “Regina, you don’t have to tell me if you cannot bear to speak of it. I think I understand it well enough.”
She blinked, and a lone tear fell, her chin trembling as she finally looked at him, going on as if he hadn’t spoken. “He was not gentle or kind or patient. He became like a different man altogether. When I cried and told him it hurt, he insisted I would simply have to bear it. I was a virgin, it was supposed to hurt, and he had waited too long to have it ruined by my reticence. I tried my best to do as Mother told me, and lay very, very still, but it hurt too much. It seemed to go on forever, but could not have lasted more than a few minutes. Afterward, he told me it would get better and I would learn to enjoy it. I cried myself to sleep, alone. He’d gone back to his own bed.”
“Selfish ass,” David muttered under his breath, anger flooding his veins with heat. “A woman’s first time doesn’t have to be so miserable, Regina. He simply did not care to make it good for you.”
She sniffled, another stream of tears wetting her cheeks. “I had no idea, truly. I told myself it had been my fault. After all, Mother said I should lie still, and I hadn’t done that. I vowed to do better next time, and perhaps try to find some joy in the act. But it never got any better. The pain was never like it was that first time, but it was always the same aside from that. He would come to me, tell me to lie down, and climb on top of me as if I were a brood mare. I came to dread his arrival in my bedchamber, and was relieved when he would depart Lancashire on business. So relieved, that I said nothing when I learned of a mistress here, an actress there, an affair with a widow. If he took his pleasure with those women, he would not need to come to my bed. But, when he was at home, he came to me often … I think simply to remind me that he had the right. He knew I derived no satisfaction from the act. He didn’t care.”
David ran a hand over his face to smooth it of the rage tightening his features. For her to have trusted that bastard with her body and her heart, only for him to abuse them both … it defied all decency. David might be considered a rake, and he had freely slung his cock about for the sake of a good time, but he never preyed on the innocent. He had never treated a woman as if she were nothing more than a vessel for his own use. What kind of man was gratified by a bedmate who wasn’t enjoying herself?
“I understand,” he said, once certain he was calm enough to respond. “It cannot have been easy for you to let another man near you after eight years of that. And there hasn’t been anyone since to show you that it isn’t supposed to be that way.”
“I haven’t wanted that… until you. Even the consideration you took to make sure I was … that I was ready to receive you was more than Randolph ever gave me.”
Amusement curved the corners of his mouth over the way she had blushed at the mention of ‘receiving him.’ Married eight years, and the woman was as innocent as a maiden.
“Tolerable shouldn’t be the best you hope for,” he said, reaching out to rest his hand atop hers. “You deserve more. You deserve pleasure and comfort, and to feel safe.”
“I think I can feel safe with you. Last night, I was so overwrought because I could not understand how you managed to push past my disgust and make me feel something else. I thought there was something wrong with me, and perhaps that was why Randolph took lovers.”
Regina didn’t resist when he urged her onto the loveseat beside him, though she was still quite stiff. Refusing to be daunted, David kept hold of her hands, making it clear he wouldn’t touch her anywhere else unless she asked him to. He now better understood her requirements, as well as her standoffish reticence. Of course she hadn’t trusted him. He was a man, just like the one who had betrayed her trust and hurt her. She had every reason to be wary of him.
“There is nothing wrong with you. I daresay there was something wrong with him. I cannot enjoy myself if the woman in bed with me isn’t having the time of her life.”
She furrowed her brow as if he had just spoken Ancient Greek. “Does that not take away from your own … exertions?”
The honest guilelessness in her question made him chuckle. Draping one arm along the back of the couch, he kept his other hand entwined with hers and leaned in close—just enough that he registered that clean, slightly-floral scent of hers with every inhale. She didn’t move, eyes wide as she stared at him.
“It enhances my exertions, as you called them. You see, I simply refuse to sink my cock into a woman until she’s begging for it, until she cannot stand to wait a moment longer. Until I have found all the places on her body that make her moan when I put my lips on them. Until I have learned the feel of her, the scent of her, the taste of her. Until she’s
panting and writhing and pleading with me to take her. And it does please me, Regina. It pleases me to see her trembling and clutching the bedsheets, to feel her grow so wet and hot just from the touch of my lips and the stroke of my tongue.”
Regina sucked in a sharp breath, a shiver tearing through her as her eyes went heavy-lidded. “Oh …”
“I don’t take my own pleasure until yours has been achieved. It is a rule I lived by even before I became a courtesan, and it’s one I take very seriously. I understand your reasons for this arrangement are practical, but that doesn’t mean it cannot also be enjoyable. You have endured a great deal, and were so brave to reach out to take what you wanted for yourself. Why not allow the making of your child to be an unforgettable experience?”
She flushed to the roots of her hair, though her lips twisted in a wry smile. “I stand by my earlier assessment. You are very arrogant.”
David grinned. “Let me prove to you why my arrogance is well earned.”
Her voice was low when she replied, but David hung on her every word. “It will not be easy, but I would like to try. I do not think I could bear it with anyone else, but you’ve tempted me enough to try to lower my guard. Will you be patient with me?”
“Haven’t I been thus far?”
That made her laugh, but the sound was raspy and hoarse, as if she hadn’t used it in a long time. “I suppose you have, and I thank you for it. It never occurred to me that my stipulations might be distasteful to you. I honestly assumed you would prefer it that way.”
“Now you know better.”
Her lips parted on a breathy sigh, and David felt as if all the air had been squeezed from him. He was suddenly struck with the notion that he might find his next breath somewhere within the seam of that lovely, pouting mouth. He leaned in, compelled by forces beyond his own comprehension, beyond his own will. His hair brushed her forehead, the bridge of his nose slid along hers, and his eyes remained riveted upon hers, unblinking.
Taming of the Rake (The Gentleman Courtesans Book 4) Page 13
