by Kaylee, Katy
“Uh-h… My first movie, I was 18, and it started during my last year of high-school. I played the main characters little brother who gets killed midway, and then she goes all femme-fatal on the dude. It was called ‘End of the Road’ or something. Right after that, I got picked up on Trauma Unit, which was cool- I was only in one episode, but they changed my storyline to become a regular. When I got dropped off that, I was 20, and then S&F contacted my agent about doing an episode or two. We shot that, which was cool, and I went into ‘Malcom’s Buddy Shawn’. I had to learn how to shoot a gun for that. That was awesome. The first time I shot an automatic, I nearly pissed myself, though- I was a laughing stock on set for weeks.”
Ryan kept talking, and talking, and a strange sense of inclusion swept over me as I listened intently. Not even faintly did I think he was talking at me, and a smile picked up my cheeks.
Ryan
Casting Gwen a side glance over the center console, I couldn’t help but reach over and nudge her pouted face.
“I’m not saying ‘I told you so’, but… I told you so. I’ll help you clear out your garage when we get back.” She shot me a weak glare, and I stifled a laugh at how miffed she was. True as could be, Gwen couldn’t start her car this morning- not that I minded being stuck in a 4-foot-wide box with her. Her chest expanded when she inhaled sharply, her breasts straining against the seat belt, and my palm itched with the need to touch her.
“I would appreciate the help. There’s a lot of heavy stuff, though, so maybe I can ask Martin to help, too…” Trailing off, Gwen tore her gaze off the windshield as I drove leisurely towards downtown, and I flexed my hands against the wheel absently. “I feel bad for asking for help. I feel like everyone judges me for moving to San Francisco with Craig, but- he’s not even really the main reason I did it. I mean- I did marry him and do it all to be with him, initially, but…”
“No- no, I get it. Being in San Fran was a good thing for a lot of reasons that no one really looks at because of Craig.” Tightening my grip on the wheel even as I eased off the gas at a yellow light, I struggled to keep my disgust out of my voice and off my face. Knowing Gwen, she’d think it was her fault. Why is the girl always at fault? “I know I’m not one to tell you this, but you know everyone wasn’t exactly rooting for you two, Gwen. Even though I was 13, or maybe because of it, I got the sense that no one thought he was anything special, or that he was particularly amazing to you.”
“It’s a weird thing to feel… regretting how and why I went to San Francisco but being grateful that I did. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten into one of the best culinary schools in the country. I don’t want to think of what my life would be like if I hadn’t done what I did- it’s not like I can go back in time or anything.” Pausing abruptly as the light changed green, Gwen sighed and raked her hand through her beautiful, chestnut hair out of the corner of my eye. “Sorry- I don’t want to bitch about it so much… all of that is over.”
“Don’t apologize, Gwen. The truth is that my old man was totally against me being in the drama clubs and stuff when I started doing it in sixth grade. He told me all the time that I should do sports or some shit. He even told me one time that being in plays and stuff would make me gay- which is weird, because he’s not homophobic or anything. Like, he’s fully supportive of my little sister being a lesbian. I think he was just really worried that I wouldn’t be seen as a man, and he would’ve then failed as a father. Anyway- the point is, when I got chosen in junior year, he changed his tune entirely. Suddenly, he was so proud of me, when the week before, he had this resigned indignation about my acting.” Reaching over to squeeze her thigh reassuringly, I kept my eyes on the road and tried to limit my frown to the half of my face Gwen couldn’t see. “People only see what they think is the most socially detrimental aspect of something. They worry about how it’ll impact them, not you. Your family thinks that because you’re divorced, you’re stigmatizing them. Has anyone even asked you about the restaurant you sold?”
“My mom did. I wanted to go to San Fran since I figured out that it had such good culinary schools, and she was fully supportive. She didn’t exactly like Craig, but she also knew that I wouldn’t listen to her- she’s definitely the ‘make your own mistakes and learn from it’ type, which you know already… but… if she did know what Craig did to me, she’d blame herself for not trying harder.” Gwen only hesitated in the slightest before saying something she couldn’t take back, and I tensed in my heated seat. Suddenly, the car became smaller, and I held my breath as my heart hammered in my chest. “I married him because I gave him my virginity, and he convinced me that no one else would want me now. No one really knew how bad it was, and I’m sure that if they did, they’d only judge me worse. I mean- what kind of person am I to agree to stay with a guy that I knew wasn’t good for me?”
“… Did you give it to him, or did he take it from you, though, Gwen?” Grinding the question out through clenched teeth, I pursed my lips as I took a turn with stiff arms. She didn’t answer, didn’t look at me, and I glanced over to find her staring at her lap and picking her nails. “I’ll never understand that, and I won’t try to pretend I can, but there’s no black and white. There’s no single reason. There’s no moment when everything becomes clear, and you know exactly what to do and what the consequences are of not doing it.”
“I know- I knew it back then, too. I didn’t care, though- whatever happened at home, I had my cooking and my baking, and I had my goals. For the most part, I reached them. And, in a way, I’m grateful to Craig for not thinking I’m beautiful or exceptional or have a great personality or whatever. His cheating on me for all those years helped me divorce him faster. It still took three years, but when he finally showed up, it was pretty much case-shut.”
“You know- not to be a creep or anything- but the first time I jacked off was to you… that sounds way worse than it’s supposed to. I’m sorry.” Chuckling in discomfort as Gwen’s head shot up, her cheeks turning fire-engine red, I reached to run my hand through my hair. “Yeah… that was bad. Um- but, that’s the thing, though, too… You’ve always been beautiful to me even before I realized what that kind of beauty was. Especially that time I was over, and you were getting your mom’s opinion on which dress was better looking on you for the Winter Formal. I thought that the green one was the best- I remember, exactly, thinking that it made you look like a forest fairy- this was right after Lord of the Rings for me, so I was all into that fantasy stuff…”
“You remember that?” Nodding as my throat tightened in embarrassment, I inhaled deep and sharp while Gwen’s big, brown eyes bored holes into the side of my face. Shit- I can’t tell her to her face that I would hang out with Tom just to see her. Fuck.
“We’d been friends for a long time- long enough that I knew Thomas was a bit of a dick, and there were just times when I didn’t want to deal with it. That day, my parents were going to this recital thing for my sister, and your parents agreed to watch me. Thomas was being a little bitch about playing with a split screen, so we were taking turns. I remember hearing you guys talking about it, and you passed by his bedroom to get better light or something.” Yeah- great. That sounds plausible. It’s not a lie, at least. Even as relief sloshed in my chest, a cold sweat broke out on my back, and I flexed my toes in my sneakers. “This isn’t making it any better- okay. Ah- anyway- the point is that just because Craig didn’t see it, other people can.”
“Is that true, though? About the…” She trailed off, but I knew what Gwen wanted to ask, and I nodded firmly. “Why? Why me? Why not a teacher or something?”
My bark of laughter broke the tension in the air, and my car jerked when I accidentally stepped on the gas. Part of me couldn’t believe we were having this conversation, but another part of me was glad we were. At least Gwen and I had good communication. Covering my mouth with the back of my hand to hide my chuckle, I tore my gaze off the road to stare at her, flopping my head against the rest. Her face was beet red, now,
and my arm reached out with a mind of its own to poke the tip of her little, narrow nose.
“Why would I jack off to a wrinkly, old witch that treated me like shit when I could picture you, the hot 18-year-old sister of my best friend?” The question earned me a surprised arch of her slender, manicured brows, and I rolled my head side to side as I fixed my gaze back on the road. “I never understood it- why, in high-school, all the slender, makeup-caked girls were the ones guys were after. The one and only time I had sex with one of those girls, she broke her wrist. Then, she had the nerve to tell me it was my fault. Hell- friggen’- no. Not.”
The click of Gwen’s seat beat jolted my heart, and alarm swept through me when she reached over the center console. My palm smashed against her face automatically, and adrenaline surged through me when she jerked back.
“No- I’m driving- put your damn seat belt back on. I’ve seen Gods of Americana, you know- that shit’s dangerous.” Her bedazzled expression tugged down the exhaled sharply as I put both my hands back on the wheel. “Put your seatbelt on.”
“Pull over, then.” Grinding my teeth together at Gwen’s demand, I silently debated what the actual fuck I was doing telling her ‘no’. She’d just taken off her seatbelt like that, so suddenly, that it freaked the fuck out of me. I flexed my fingers hard on the wheel, scanning the street for anywhere to park into. Hehe- park into. Classic.
“Right there-“ Flicking on my blinker to slowly turn into the abandoned parking lot of a night club, the hairs on my body stood up from the eager excitement in Gwen’s voice.
Gwen
“Sit that wonderful pussy right on my cock, Gwen-“ Smashing my mouth on Ryan’s as he circled my aching clit furiously, I whimpered when he tangled his tongue around mine. My folds quivered when he spread them, swiping the head of his cock against my entrance, and I fisted his shirt at the shoulders. Sliding down to gorge myself on him, I gasped as he stretched my walls, and he grabbed my ass with greedy fingers to squeeze hard.
“Yeah-h-h…” Moaning as my clit buried in his neat curls, I rolled my hips as cold, euphoric prickles swept up my torso. Ryan swallowed my harsh breaths, spreading my ass cheeks, and I shuffled to get my knees in the right place. My jeans stuck around my shoes, hanging down over his shins, but neither he nor I worried about it. Deepening our kiss, I relished his rampant enthusiasm as he thrust up with a groan of his own.
“Fuck- give me those juicy tits, baby…” Bracing my palms on the ceiling of his car, I threw my head back to moan as I bounced on Ryan’s cock. Dragging up my shirt, he kneaded my breasts with a hungry groan, and I arched as need seared down my spine. My nipples throbbed, tightening into stiff peaks when he pulled down my bra, and I panted harshly.
His cock caressed my quivering walls, hips jerking against mine, and I clamped down on him as my orgasm welled against my abdomen. Pleasure surged through my thighs, rubbed raw against the waistline of his jeans, and I gave a strangled moan as he sucked my nipple between his teeth. Nibbling and suckling, he pinched and pulled the other peak, and I trembled as shocks shot through me.
“Oh-h- god- I’m gunna cum- I’m- I-“ Ryan squished my breasts together to kiss and lick as he thrust up, and I rocked as pressure built behind my eyes. Panting harshly, I held myself high as he took control, and a small smile tilted my lips. Against my ankles, his knees spread as he braced himself, and he put his seat back to grip my hips.
“Fu-u-uck yes-s-s…!” Hard and jerking, Ryan’s thrust sent me into a whole new part of space as resounding claps bounced off the fogging windows. “Do it- do it, baby- fuck- cum all over my fucking cock-“
Spasming around his rod, I whimpered chokingly as my mouth dried, and the orgasm that ripped through me made me see stars. Ryan growled gutturally, his thumb flying to my clit to rub viciously, and I jerked as my rapture heightened. My entire body throbbed, and he pinched my clit to roll the sensitive bead between callused fingers. Liquid dribbled down my thighs, and my lungs screamed for air as I crumpled from the force of my climax.
Grinding my forehead into Ryan’s thick pectoral muscle, I rolled and tilted my hips furiously as his thin, short nails dug into my ass. Cries of pleasure escaped me when I finally managed a shallow gasp, and he wrapped his arm around my head. Riding him with all the fury of a woman scorned, my tears dampened his shirt as I reveled in everything he gave me.
And the physical pleasure was at the bottom of the list.
“Keep cumming- don’t stop now… oh- fuck-“ A long finger slipped between my ass cheeks, and my fingers flew to Ryan’s hair to get better leverage. Redoubling my efforts, I ground my teeth as he circled my puckered hole ever so gently. Clamping down on his cock, I popped my lower back in silent urging, and his heart hammered against my forehead.
“It’s so good- it’s so good- I- I c-“ My sobs of utter euphoria became manic when Ryan worked his finger into my back entrance. Wiggling and curling, he stroked my button to send me into a fit of violent spasms. His free palm cracked against my ass cheek, only adding to the maelstrom that imploded inside me.
How cliché.
Time stopped, and my eyes boggled as I arched sharply from the prickles that raced up my spine. My senses faded in the wake of such powerful waves, and I undulated around Ryan’s cock as he ground his hips against mine. Reaching deep but not painfully so, his length throbbed and rippled, and his finger in my ass caressed my button.
Our intense bout was over too quickly, and I sunk into Ryan’s chest as every ounce of energy I had seeped away. Trembling uncontrollably, I gasped for air beyond the dense lump in my throat, and cotton invaded my mouth and thickened my tongue. My heart ached from beating so hard, and my stiff fingers couldn’t untangle themselves from his hair.
A clammy, twitchy palm cupped the back of my head, and a rasp of a sob burst from my throat. If Ryan recognized the sound, he didn’t tense; he only drew back his finger from my back entrance to rub my butt cheeks soothingly. Squeezing my eyes shut didn’t help their leaking, and hard, gut-wrenching cries escaped my mouth. Sluggishly, my mind puttered into working order, but it only managed to produce a single thought before shutting down again.
This is what it feels like when someone wants me. I’d never had sex with anyone but Craig, and it wasn’t like this- it wasn’t at all, even remotely, anything like this. It was a chore- it wasn’t memorable- it wasn’t something I liked doing or wanted to do. It wasn’t beautiful…
But Ryan- Ryan made it beautiful. And it wasn’t like he loved me, either- imagine what it would be like then, Gwen…
“It’s okay- I won’t look…” The deep, hoarse mumble made my already unstable breath hitch, and Ryan kissed my crown before stretching himself out. “I won’t look.”
Those three words were more profound than anything physical we’d done, and my cries started in earnest. My mind went from down to fourth gear in an instant, and all the thoughts I’d blocked out came rushing in to beat against my eye sockets.
I was 30 years old and only just realizing what sex is when it’s not used against me.
Now that I had something to compare it to, everything I’d been through had an even worse meaning. Ryan only wanted me because it was exciting, but he was so, incredibly, careful to make sure that he didn’t make me feel used. We were essentially strangers, but he cared more about me than Craig had at the peak of our relationship.
Craig probably never cared about me at all; I was just weak, with low enough self-esteem that he could control me with ease. I justified going to San Francisco because of the culinary school, but I stayed there so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame for 2,000 miles.
Nothing mattered anymore, though- not that it had before, at least. Craig was doing to some poor girl what he did to me, and he’d never try to contact me again. He’d never try to get me back; he’d just move onto the next one.
And Ryan! Ryan- Ryan- Ryan- he was setting the standards far too high! How was I supposed to move on when I ‘discovered I’m a strong, indepe
ndent woman that don’t need no man’…?
How was I supposed to stop this when it’s exactly what I’ve been craving for so long?
Propping myself on weak arms, I sniffled hard as I glanced up, and I blinked back my tears to find Ryan doing exactly what he said he would. He tilted his head as far back as possible, and, even then, had closed his eyes. Sitting up heavily, I gulped harshly, and my hands trembled violently as they reached up. His own tightened against my back, but he didn’t resist when I cupped his ticking jaw.
Stormy, roiling eyes narrowed into fine points as they scanned my face, and I inhaled a shuddering hiccup of a breath. Drawing Ryan’s lips to mine, I hesitated for a long moment, but he didn’t so much as blink. My nose ran, but my mouth was so dry that my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. His hand slid up my back to caress my cheek, and he closed the short distance between us to kiss me.
The tenderness behind Ryan’s mouth calmed my intense emotions the longer we kissed, but it was chaste. No tongue- no movement at all; our kiss was just a frozen connection that I clung to desperately. I didn’t blink, and neither did he, and I was the one that pulled back when a loud voice in my head shouted at me not to.
“Why don’t I take you home, Gwen. You came all over my clothes, and it’s too frigid out not to change.” There wasn’t the slightest hint of pride of victory or accomplishment in Ryan’s softened voice, and he thumbed my eyelashes gingerly. “It’s not like we were going to meet up with anyone. We were just going to check them out. We can always do it another time.”
Ryan
