by Cat Schield
Remembering all the pleasurable activities he’d promised her earlier, Oliver hailed a cab and slid in beside her. Although she claimed to be feeling better, Oliver noted something remained off with her. He scanned her profile and noticed the rigid quality of her expression. Was she still feeling sick and didn’t want to worry him? He squeezed her hand in a reassuring manner, and her gaze barely softened as it flicked toward him.
“Did something happen at the party?” he asked as they entered his building and moved toward his elevator.
“I ran into Ty.” She leaned her back against the elevator wall, and her watchful gaze took in his reaction.
For a moment he had a hard time placing the name, and then he remembered its significance. “Your ex. Did he say something to upset you?”
“You might say that.”
The floor shifted as the elevator stopped, disrupting his balance. The doors opened, and he watched as Sammi stepped into the hallway that led to his apartment. Oliver followed, recalling his aversion to the way Ty had treated her that night. And what he had done about it.
“You should’ve told me earlier,” he said smoothly, keying the code that unlocked his door. The tension she’d displayed in the taxi seemed more tangible now, something she’d placed between them to keep him away. “I would’ve had a chat with him.”
“I think you’ve already done enough.” Sammi walked upstairs and stopped in the middle of his living room and spun around to confront him. “He said you were responsible for him losing his job. Is that true?”
“I had a conversation with a friend of mine,” Oliver admitted, his gut twisting as disappointment flashed across her beautiful face. He recognized the sensation. It happened every time his father’s critical gaze landed on him. He flinched away from the emotions crawling through him.
Sammi rolled her lips between her teeth and stared at him for several heartbeats. “Did you know it would lead to him getting fired? Did you mean for that to happen?”
“Yes. The man is a bully who picked on a woman he was dating. He picked on you. You can’t expect that I wouldn’t defend you.”
“But you didn’t defend me,” she argued, wrapping her arms around her middle. “And you didn’t do it for me. You got mad and took revenge because you were angry. He said it happened in September.” Between accusations, her breath came in unsteady rasps. “You didn’t even know me.”
He thought about the night they’d spent together and its effect on him.
I did know you.
“Regardless,” he said, the anger he’d tamped down earlier rising to meet her outrage. All Oliver had wanted to do was make things right for her, and this was the thanks he got? “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. He needed to get a taste of his own medicine.”
“Maybe, but it wasn’t your decision to make. He hurt me.” She jabbed her finger into her chest. “And I could choose whether to retaliate or forgive.”
“And what did you choose?” he asked, already knowing she’d never retaliate. He recalled her naive suggestion that he forgive his father. Just the thought of it burned Oliver’s patience to a blackened crisp. Vernon didn’t deserve sympathy or compassion, and Oliver would be damned if he’d give him forgiveness.
“Once I met you,” Sammi said, her soft voice aching with sadness. “I had no need to do either. You entered my world and all I could think about was being with you. Everything else faded away. It was as if my life started the day we met.”
Oliver had no words. He realized that he felt the exact same way. That was why he’d been so focused on finding her. And now she was leaving him once more.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said.
“I know. I guess what I feel is disappointment. I thought your anger was something that hurt only you because it makes you isolate yourself from everyone around you.”
Despite her calm, measured tone, her words lashed at him. He hated being called out for doing something he believed in. And disappointing her reminded him too much of how he felt as a kid. As if nothing he did was good enough.
“Until now,” she continued, “I didn’t realize that your anger makes you want to hurt others. And that scares me. I’m afraid for what you do next. Who you’ll hurt next. I’m afraid it will be me.”
Her assertion landed on him like a concrete wall.
“I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“Maybe not intentionally, but Ty thinks I encouraged you to go after him. He thinks it’s my fault that he got fired, and if he spreads that around, that could ruin my reputation and any chance I have of making a profitable pivot in my career.”
Oliver shook his head, rejecting her concerns. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll take care of you.”
Her eyes widened. “I don’t want you to take care of me. I want you to recognize that I’m capable and have my back. I don’t need you to do battle for me. I want you to cheer me on.”
“And you know I do.”
“How?” Her breath grew shaky even as her voice gained strength. “By talking me out of moving into an apartment I can afford? And constantly telling me I don’t have to worry about money because you’ll take care of me and the baby?”
“If you want me to help you find an apartment that you can afford, I will.” The words pained him to say, but she obviously needed him to say them.
“Good, because I don’t plan on moving in with you.” She looked more determined than he’d ever seen her. “Or marrying you.”
Didn’t she understand what it meant that he’d proposed? It wasn’t just for convenience’s sake. They were going to have a baby together. He wanted them to grow closer. But while the power of their physical chemistry couldn’t be denied, they both remained barricaded behind walls, unwilling to risk being hurt.
“Not ever?” he demanded, panic making it impossible for him to think clearly. “Or not now? If you need time, I get it. We’ve been moving fast, but I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”
“Let’s go down to your studio,” she said, the change of topic catching him off guard.
“Why?”
She headed for the stairs that led below. “I want you to take the picture of me you promised that first night. I paid for it. I want you to take it.”
He’d made the offer in a bid to get to know her better, but she’d obviously taken the transaction more seriously. “Why now?”
“For weeks now I’ve had it in my head that once you take the picture, you’ll lose interest in me because in the process you’ll know all my secrets.” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “I guess the time has come for me to face that fear.”
He trailed after her down the stairs while protests spun through his mind. He longed to assure her that he’d never let her go. She was as necessary to him as the air he breathed, but he’d glimpsed resistance in her somber expression. Words between them weren’t enough for her to believe him. She needed proof.
“You don’t trust me,” he breathed.
Sammi reached the bottom and faced him without speaking. He could see the answer in her eyes. She needed him to do better. To stop being angry. But he didn’t know how. The rage had been with him for so long that it affected him on a cellular level. He couldn’t just wish it away even if he wanted to.
“I can’t take the photo tonight,” he said, troubled by all she was asking of him.
“You’ve done all the real work already,” she reminded him. Reaching the studio, she picked up one of his cameras and brought it to him. “You’ve asked all the questions and dug deep into my psyche. The only thing that’s left is to take the photo that will reveal it all.”
He crossed his arms and refused to accept the camera. He feared with her mind made up, if he did as she asked, she would then use the photo session to justify leaving him.
“You’re crazy if you think a single
photo session is all it will take for me to lose interest in you.”
She pushed the camera hard into his chest. “Take the picture and let’s see.”
* * *
Dizzy with apprehension, Sammi watched as her words hit their mark. What was she doing? Did she really want to lose Oliver with her ultimatum? Her declaration had been a gauntlet thrown at his feet. She was daring him to end things between them and risking that he’d let his stubborn anger rule him.
With her trembling fingers barely able to maintain the grip on the camera she’d thrust against his chest, Sammi withstood the onslaught of Oliver’s heated stare. With each second that passed, he grew more rigid and more resistant, and her hopes failed. If he’d been a castle, the portcullis had just slammed shut, leaving her outside in the cold.
She’d pushed him too far. She could see it in his shuttered expression. In the abrupt way he plucked the camera from her grasp. By confessing her fear, she’d revealed her faith in him was failing. Her eyes burned as tears threatened. Maybe she could still take it all back, agree to marry him on his terms. Being with him was better than cutting him out of her life. She loved him enough for both of them.
And then she recalled what Oliver had done to Ty on her behalf.
Could she really let him drown in his bitterness and regrets, or was she going to challenge him to do better? Loving him meant she had to be brave enough to goad him into fighting for their future and, failing that, be willing to let him go.
“Fine,” he said. “Let’s do this.”
Nodding, Sammi stripped out of her coat and let it fall over a nearby table. Next, she crossed to the makeup table and used makeup remover to strip away her carefully applied mask. Slipping out of her dress, she wrapped her body in a robe. Whatever came next, she intended to be raw and open to it.
She’d been photographed by hundreds of photographers and recognized that Oliver’s talent far exceeded anyone else’s she knew. Her heartbeat quickened as she imagined what it would be like to pose for him. Only this wouldn’t be an ordinary photoshoot. So much was changing in his world. Between her pregnancy and his father’s upcoming trial, Oliver was under a great deal of pressure. He coped by throwing himself into work, escaping into something he could control.
While she’d cleaned her face and scraped her hair back into a messy bun, Oliver had adjusted the lighting and brought a stool into the middle of the white backdrop. She crossed the bleak landscape and settled onto the seat, breathing deep to relax her muscles and free herself from tension.
“Tell me something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t,” Oliver began, his tone warmer than she expected, inviting her to share confidences.
Sammi thought about all the conversations they’d had and what she hadn’t told him about herself. While he waited in silent stillness, she considered and discarded a dozen inconsequential things before settling on something she’d avoided.
“I’ve never gone to the Philippines to visit.” Sammi spoke the words quietly. “And I have family there that I’ll never get to meet.”
“Why is that?”
“Until I was ten, I had it in my head that there was a perfect family awaiting me on the other side of the world if only we had enough money to go visit them. But that wasn’t the case. My mom grew up dirt-poor. Her father died when she was five, and her mother had to work in the fields. She could barely make enough to feed them, much less keep a roof over their heads. When my mom was eleven, they moved to the city where my grandmother’s sister lived, and my grandmother got a job as a maid in a rich man’s house.”
Sammi paused to let Oliver absorb where she’d come from and wondered if that changed his perception of her. His mother had come from old money and grew up in the sort of house where Sammi’s grandmother had worked.
“Things improved somewhat for my mother after that. My grandmother was able to afford a studio apartment and send my mom to school. Neither one of my grandparents had anything beyond an elementary-level education, and my mother knew the only way to improve her life was through schooling.”
“Do you know if your grandmother is still alive?”
Sammi shrugged. “I have no idea or how to find out.”
“What about your father?”
“When my mom met him, he was already married.” Sammi noticed Oliver’s grim expression and shook her head. “She didn’t know until after she got pregnant.”
“Is that when she came to the US?”
“My father’s father-in-law paid her way here and made her promise never to contact my father again.” Sammi’s heart ached as she remembered the broken tears in her mother’s eyes the night she’d told the story. “He didn’t want his daughter to learn of her husband’s infidelity. Or for there to be an illegitimate child who might one day make trouble.”
“So you were her ticket out,” Oliver murmured.
“I guess I was.” Before her mother had revealed her assumption that Sammi would terminate her pregnancy, she’d always believed that Celeste had wanted to be a mother. Now she had a different perspective and still hadn’t figured out how to cope with this new reality. “I really don’t know if she wanted me.”
“Did you ever ask?”
“Until recently it never occurred to me that I had to.”
“That has to make you angry at your mother.”
“Of course.” Sammi sighed. “But it’s a little less every day. For a long time I resented the pressure she put on me to model and make money. Facing the loss of my income because I’m pregnant has given me a new perspective. I’m starting to appreciate how terrified she was of being poor again. I can’t blame her for doing whatever she needed to survive.”
“I suppose next you’re going to tell me you’ve forgiven her.”
Sammi heard the resentment beneath Oliver’s skepticism. “I need to let go of my resentment because it’s not doing me or my mother any good. I’m as angry with myself for not trusting my instincts and letting her run my life as I am angry with her for using me all these years.”
“The difference between us is that I’m not angry with myself,” Oliver pointed out. “I’m angry with my father.”
Sammi thought of her tumultuous relationship with her mother and knew that it wasn’t that simple. “The difference between us is that I recognize she’s the only family I have and I won’t be happy if she’s not in my life. I’ve decided to put the past behind me. We’re having lunch tomorrow to celebrate her new job. Hopefully it’ll be a fresh start for both of us.”
As she finished talking, Oliver walked over and set his camera on a nearby table.
“Is that it?” she asked, getting to her feet. “Did you get the shot?”
“I don’t know.” His gaze was fixed at a point behind her. “I took a lot of photos.”
“I thought we agreed that I would pay you to take one.”
“I realized that a single shot can’t capture who you are.” Oliver shifted his attention and looked directly at her. “I was wrong to think that it could.”
Sammi’s throat seized up, preventing her from speaking. Instead, she led Oliver to the couch, stripped him out of his clothes and took him into her mouth. Kneeling between his strong thighs, she blocked every thought from her mind and channeled each painful thump of her heart into pleasuring him. Gripping his shaft, she caressed the head while swirling her tongue along his velvet length. His sharp exhalation made her smile. His tortured breaths filled her ears as she worked over him with tongue, lips and hand. She knew he was close when he began bucking into her mouth.
“Stop!” He growled the word. Snagging fingers in her long hair, he tugged her head back. “Not like this. I need to be inside you.”
With an economy of movement, Sammi stripped off her robe and underwear. His hands reached for her as she straddled his lap. She tossed her hair away from her face and braced her hands on his
shoulders.
“Like this?” Slowly she lowered herself, letting his erection impale her.
“Yes.” His voice was a hoarse whisper as his fingers bit into her hips.
She began to move, half on her own, half directed by him. Wild emotions burst free as she rode his shaft, pumping as he thrust into her. For this moment she was his to own, to command. Every flex of his hard muscles sent her hard and fast into her building pleasure. Unable to look away as he threw back his head and closed his eyes, she watched a flush stain his cheeks. The heat beneath his skin burned into her flesh, sending sensation rushing through her.
Desire built. Passion grew in intensity. She panted as her inner muscles clenched and pulled him deeper. Each time they made love she experienced such intense physical pleasure, but this time, opening her heart and giving him everything, transcended anything she’d ever known.
Sammi cried out as her orgasm slammed into her like a tsunami. She clung to Oliver as the powerful wave wiped out everything in its path. Her fear and anxiety shattered. Resentment and blame swept away and were gone, leaving behind the scoured sand upon which she would build her new life.
Oliver’s arms came around her, holding her secure as his climax arrived like a storm. His shudders made her chest ache. Had he too been unmade by the power of their passion? Was he ready to create something new on the ashes of past hurts and grief?
Or did he remain unwilling to give up the familiar patterns that kept him from growing? And how could she move forward with him if that was the case?
Twelve
The morning following the party at Into the Now, Oliver woke alone in bed for the first time in weeks. Groggy from lack of sleep, he lay still and listened, ears straining for any sound of movement in the apartment. The absolute quiet stirred his alarm.
She could’ve just gotten up and made coffee. Her absence from the bed didn’t mean she was gone. Nor did her early departure mean she wasn’t coming back.
As angry and disappointed as she’d been, would she have made love with him if it was over? Still, the desperation in her kisses and the fierce emotion she’d displayed was new. It was as if she’d been trying to cling to something, knowing it was already gone. And at the peak of their frantic coupling, he could swear he’d seen something break in her eyes. Something that set off a chain reaction of despair and sorrow in him. She’d been so calm in the aftermath, so steady and sure. A woman who knew what she wanted and intended to get it. What eluded him was knowing if what she wanted was him.
