by R. G. Angel
But I knew deep down that it was childish. He did what he had to do to keep me safe. As far as I remembered, he never promised me anything; I was the one who had been stupid enough to fall in love with him.
“I had a really nice time with you tonight,” Gareth pointed out, bringing me back to reality as we stopped in front of my dorm.
“I actually did enjoy myself too.” I tapped my forefinger to my chin, pretending to think. “How strange is that?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ll see you soon, Fay.”
He came closer, and I knew that if he tried to kiss me now, I wouldn’t push him away even if I knew it was a terrible mistake.
He did lean in, but he kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger a couple of seconds more than necessary.
“See you soon.” I walked in the building, not able to conceal my smile. It felt nice to be appreciated, and it was a first, because at home, except for my brothers, I didn’t have guys in my life.
When I walked into my room, I laid my eyes on a very imposing and extremely angry Tamlin. He was standing in the middle of my room, his arms crossed.
“Where the hell were you?” he growled.
Just seeing him here made the room twice as small as it was—he was just that imposing.
“I— What?” I asked, closing the door in a hurry, then resting my back to it. I was flushing with anger. I didn’t like the use of authority on me. I never had and right now, he acted more like a father than anything else.
“I asked ‘where were you?’” he repeated, still standing there, his eyes locked on mine. “You were supposed to finish your classes more than three hours ago. I—” He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “That was very… unreasonable,” he simply added, but I could see that he changed his words at the last minute.
“You could have called me! I was not hiding!” I defended myself with annoyance, even if the second part was not entirely true.
“Of course! Why on earth did I not think about that?” he barked with so much sarcasm in his voice that I shot him by best death glare; apparently it didn’t impress him. “Maybe you should check your phone,” he added, jerking his head toward my shoulder bag.
I frowned, reaching for my phone. “How is—” I looked at my phone, dumbfounded. It was off, but I remembered clearly turning it back on after my last class. “I—”
“What?” he snapped.
I rolled my eyes and turned it on. I had forty-eight missed calls.
“So?” he asked with a mocking smile.
“You know what? Screw you! It’s not a reason for shouting at me! It’s not— I didn’t choose any of this, okay? Do you think I ever wanted to be a mythical creature?” I asked rhetorically. “Well, think again!” I was quivering with rage. I had a bit of a temper. I couldn’t deny that, but enough was enough.
Tamlin took a step forward, but I raised a finger, stopping him in his tracks.
“Why don’t you do your fairy shenanigans to find the faes hiding and get it over with?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “So we could both go back to our lives and forget about each other.” Just the thought caused a weight to settle in my stomach. Stupid, foolish girl.
“If only it was that easy, Fay.” He sighed, closing his eyes, shaking his head with weariness. “Only the fairies are obvious to us and the faes that want to be acknowledged. I can’t feel the other faes; they are undetectable especially if they are powerful. The purer the bloodline, the more powerful they are.”
“I— What are we supposed to do?”
He shrugged. “For now, we have to wait. I can’t take you to our world just yet. It’s too early, not safe enough.”
“Who is keeping it safe? The throne I mean.” I sat on my bed, gesturing him to the desk chair.
He sat down quietly. “You have questions, I see.”
I nodded. “Some, yeah.”
“Well, right now it’s the chief general of our army that is trying to keep things in order. He was your father's best friend,” he added deferentially.
“Really?”
Tamlin nodded with a small smile. “He is also known as my father.”
“Your… father?” He nodded. “But what are you back there? Your job I mean,” I asked, trying to hide how curious I was. “I mean, it’s one hell of a mission they gave you here!”
Tamlin laughed. “One hell of a mission, that’s for sure.”
We stared at each other silently for a minute.
“I volunteered for this,” he finally confessed. “I wanted to keep you safe. It’s—”
“But what was your job?” I asked again, cutting him off. Now was not the time for sentimentality.
“I was a member of the army. It runs in our blood from generations and generations.”
“Call of duty, how nice,” I muttered, not able to conceal the bitterness in my voice. Even if I had realized by now that the reason he was close to me was because of his mission, it still hurt to have it confirmed.
He frowned with confusion and opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head vigorously.
“You know what? Sergeant or lieutenant or whatever grades you might have. Don’t sweat it.” I stood up, trying to hide the hurt. “You don’t need to be that close to keep me safe.”
“I— What?” He stood slowly too as if he was facing a rabid animal… and maybe he was.
“I know it’s a drag for you to be that close, protecting me. So I think…” I shrugged. “I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble, never being alone, so you can go back to your position of protecting me from afar.”
Tamlin frowned and walked toward me with a deep scowl on his face. “What did you just say?”
“I just said that being close to me to keep me safe was not necessary.”
“How can you even think that? Don’t you know me at all?” he asked like I just insulted him. “Being close to you, to keep a closer eye on you? Really? Do you think I’m a phony?”
“I just don’t know what to think anymore,” I admitted wearily.
“I’m your floor supervisor, going to the same school. Believe me, I didn’t need to be close to you! I could have perfectly and efficiently protected you from afar and revealed myself only when necessary. Actually, that was my order, the first one I breached without an ounce of guilt.”
“Why didn’t you then?” I asked honestly.
“Because, as absurd as it seems to you, I enjoy being with you, Fay.” He locked eyes with me, showing me how sincere he was. “You… you’re very important to me,” he added on a breath.
“Important?” I asked, unable to stop my voice from breaking.
“More than you know,” he admitted with a tired smile. “More than you know… More than you should.” He closed his eyes, sitting heavily on my desk chair.
Was it his way to tell me that he loved me too? I sighed and walked to him.
This admission gave me some courage to try once more. I stepped in between his legs and cupped his cheek in my hand. He kept his eyes closed as he leaned into my touch. As for me, it was like each time my skin connected with his, I felt an electrical current running down my spine. It was like my whole body could recognize him just with one touch.
He sighed. It seemed to be a sigh of relief, as if my touch was soothing him.
I didn’t even know why I did what I did next, but it was as if I was pulled to him. I guessed that was what they called ‘irresistible attraction,’ and that, too, was a first for me. When my lips connected with his, it was like our first kiss all over again.
“No,” he whispered against my lips, bringing his hands to my hips, gently pushing me away. “We can’t do that; it’s not right.”
I took two quick steps back as rejection was filling me up. I instigated our kissing twice, and each time he pushed me away. I never really had self-confidence issues, but it would most likely be the start.
Tamlin saw the rejection on my face because his ja
de eyes filled with sorrow. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, you know that, right? I— You’re our princess, the direct successor to our throne, and I’m just a member of your army. It’s against the rules. We already went too far… way too far.”
“You knew that from day one, right?” I asked, both angry and sad. “You knew we were always doomed, didn’t you?”
He looked at me silently, confirming my doubts.
“It’s unfair! You had no right to do that!” I shouted, my eyes full of tears, trying my best not to blink and let them fall. He couldn’t see me cry. He didn’t deserve my tears.
“No right to do what?” he asked, confused, trying to take my hand, but I jerked it away.
“You had no right to make me fall in love with you!” I croaked, not able to restrain those damned tears anymore. “You knew we couldn’t be together! You knew it was forbidden, but you tried to be my friend! You made me know you, made me fall in love with you, and now you are saying we can’t be together?”
“You… You are in love with me?” he asked, his voice husky, his face full of genuine surprise.
I glared at him, drying my tears with the back of my hand. “Like you didn’t know.” I flushed with both embarrassment and anger. “That day at the bus stop.” I shook my head “You should have walked away. You had no right to get involved with me, knowing it was going to end that way.”
I walked to the door, putting my hand on the doorknob, keeping my back to him.
“I know,” he whispered, “but I was weak. I always loved you.”
I turned around briskly. I honestly didn’t expect that one. I locked eyes with him and with this lighting it almost seemed that he, too, had tears in his eyes.
“I have no excuse except that”—he took a deep shaky breath—“I was three when I first saw you. I was five when I carried you in the woods to protect you, and I’m pretty sure I loved you ever since. It’s—” He took a small step toward me, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I know it was selfish, but I wanted you to care a bit about me, just a bit.”
I couldn’t deal with that. I was many things, but a masochist was not one of them. I knew that being close to him, knowing that we couldn’t be together, would hurt me far more than I could take.
“Mission accomplished,” I whispered, putting my hand back on the doorknob. “But I would rather you go back to the distance surveillance from now on.”
“Fay, please,” he begged.
I looked down. “I need time, please… You owe me that much.” I opened the door, gesturing him out. “Just go… please.”
He walked away slowly and stopped just in front of me, half out of my room.
“I’m sorry, Fay. I wish… I wish things could be different.”
I looked up at him. “Me too, but it doesn’t make anything better, does it?” I shook my head, raising my hands in resignation. “Close the door when you’re done,” I added, walking to my bed and lying down, my back to him.
He probably stood there looking at my back for some time, because I heard the light clicking sound of my door closing about a minute or so later.
I turned around, looking at the ceiling. I discovered in the last twenty-four hours that I was adopted, that my real parents were dead, that I couldn’t go home, that my life was in danger, that I was not even human, and that I couldn’t be with the man I loved. Could my life suck even more? I didn’t think so.
I sighed, closing my eyes. I couldn’t even go to my happy place anymore. Any other time I would have gone into the forest, just listening to the animals there, under the dim light of a tree… It would have made me feel better, but of course, a crazy stalker was around lurking in the shadows, waiting to get me alone to kill me.
How on earth could things ever get better?
Chapter 12
The week after the revelation of my new ‘supernatural’ status passed in a blur. I had to admit that I had a lot more on my mind than just the ‘you’re a fairy’ part. The ‘someone wants you dead’ and the ‘my first heartbreak’ parts somehow overshadowed that.
My parents took it rather well that I was not coming home for Thanksgiving, giving me an ‘I understand baby, it’s a long trip for such a short time’ from my mom, and a ‘It’s okay, kiddo. I know freshman year is hard, better stay there and study’ from my father.
This reaction from such overprotective parents made me wonder how much they knew about my true origins, but that was a question that would have to wait because Tamlin and I… Well let’s just say that, it was mostly awkwardness and hurt every time our eyes met.
We tried to minimize our encounters, and I tried to be obedient and spent most of my free time in my room as I knew that the protection from afar was probably a pain for him.
I sighed; I had never thought that I would fall in love but I did.
I also painfully learned that loving someone and having them love you back didn’t mean you’d get to be together. Ironically enough, the moment we confessed our love for each other was also the moment my heart broke.
“Earth to Fay.” I heard a masculine voice from behind me, bringing me back to reality. I turned around briskly.
Gareth was standing on the threshold of my room, looking at me curiously.
“Gareth? What— Hi!” I was genuinely happy to see him.
We were spending more and more time together, and I enjoyed it. For a couple of hours every day, I got to forget about my problems and it felt good.
He was my friend, a good friend. I knew that his feelings for me were a bit more ambiguous, but I kept reminding him, more or less subtlety, that I didn’t want to get romantically involved with anyone.
“Sorry, I knocked a couple of times and the door was open. I—” He really looked embarrassed.
“Don’t worry about it.” I shook my head.
I closed the book I was reading on myths and legends I found in the library. Since I couldn’t get my answers from Tamlin, I took it upon myself to look into my origins, but it was mostly unhelpful fantasies.
“Please, come in.” I gestured him in.
“So, on what planet were you?” he teased, closing the door.
“I could tell you, but I would have to kill you.”
He raised his hands in surrender. “I surrender to the dark force.”
“Good.” I chuckled. “Oh, wait! I have something for you.” I took a little silvery package from my desk, throwing it to him.
He looked down at it curiously, like he’d never seen a gift before.
“You know it’s just a gift; it won’t bite you or anything. I swear,” I joked.
He looked back at me, and when I saw the tenderness in his eyes, I started to regret the gesture. It was an impulsive gesture to thank my friend, but the look in his eyes led me to think he didn’t exactly see things that way.
“I— Why?” he asked, confused. “I mean, thank you.”
“Why? Well, because you’re my friend, and you saved my life with my project, and I wanted to thank you for that.” I smiled. “Plus, when I saw them in the shop window, I thought of you.”
I was at the shopping center a couple of days ago when I stopped in front of an antique shop called Once Upon A Time after spotting a pair of cufflinks. The design of them was three small gold circles interlinked together. The inside was discreetly filled with some icy-blue topaz dust. It was very tasteful.
“Cufflinks? They are very pretty. Thanks!” He put the box on my desk and proceeded to exchange his own with mine.
“I’m glad you like them.” I reached for my hoodie as I knew that we were about to go for some coffee to enjoy some holiday goodness like we’d done almost every day for the past week.
“But…” He looked at the cufflink on his left cuff. “Why did it make you think of me?” he asked curiously.
“Firstly, I think you are the only person I know that still wears cufflinks.” I chuckled. “No offense.”
“None taken.” He grinned. “It’s rather sad y
ou don’t know anyone with a sense of style except me.”
“You truly saved me here. Thanks.” I rolled my eyes.
“You have no idea to what extent,” he admitted, suddenly serious.
“Anyway…” I trailed off.
Gareth was always switching moods, going from joking to intense in seconds. “I know circles are your favorite geometrical form and—”
“You remember that?” he asked, completely taken aback.
“Of course!” I smiled. “You said that you liked circles because there was no beginning or end; it just goes on forever.”
“Wow… you do remember.” I could see the appreciation in his eyes.
“You’re my friend, Gareth, and you know the topaz dust made me think of your eyes.” I shrugged.
He studied me silently for a minute, making me extremely self-conscious. I was about to go in smart-ass mode and tell him to take a picture, it would last longer, when he broke eye contact and looked out of my window, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“Coffee?” he asked.
I nodded. “How could I say no when French vanilla cappuccinos and blueberry scones are involved?”
As we left the room, we crossed paths with Tamlin as he walked out of the elevator. As our eyes met, I could see his fill up with regret and sorrow as the stabbing pain between my ribs took my breath away. It was only getting worse as the days passed. Maybe the distance was not the solution to get over him, but if it didn’t work, what would?
Gareth looked straight ahead as the elevator doors closed on us.
“Do I want to ask what’s up between you two?” he asked, and I could hear the cold edge in his voice, even if he was doing a fantastic job hiding it.
I looked up at his profile and saw the muscle of his jaw budge. I knew I could lie, but I didn’t see the point. It would only reinforce his belief that we might be more than friends.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t really know to be honest,” I simply stated, giving him a sideways glance.
I saw him give me a quick nod, and I was grateful he didn’t press the subject. I was not comfortable with sharing more on the subject… especially with him.
