by JA Huss
“I know, but—”
“I am not surprised. I think he’s your one.”
“My one?”
“You know. The one. The one you’re supposed to be with. Marriage, babies, dogs, house. That kind of thing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Mmm. Yeah. I’m pretty sure.”
“Because he asked me out on a date.”
“Great! That’s super awesome.”
“I should go, right?”
“Absolutely. Vann…” She sighs. “I mean, he’s such a good guy, ya know? Except for that time he ambushed me and told me the FBI was crawling all over Fort Collins and I was in the middle of some deep, dark secret shit. He showed his ruthless side during that meeting. But sometimes you need a ruthless guy.”
“Yeah. Ruthless.”
“So go on the date. Have fun. Kiss him, Belinda.”
“He already kissed me. Twice.”
“Was it amazing?”
I sigh. Smile. Sit down on the couch. Sink back into the cushions. Smile wider. “It was so amazing. It kinda made me feel weird though.”
“Weird how?”
“Like… my head got all fuzzy. And my stomach was unsettled. And I couldn’t think straight.”
“You swooned.”
“I what now?”
“You know, like in the movies. In the olden days. When the proper ladies would be kissed by the dashing hero and they’d faint?”
“I didn’t faint. But then Tony appeared and that’s when I let him fuck me.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“No?”
“No. You were in the middle of swooning, Belinda. You can’t be expected to make rational decisions in the afterglow of swooning.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. It was a shitty thing to do.”
“So Vann’s pissed off about it?”
“No. Not really. I mean, probably. But no. He was fucking Soshee at the same time!”
“Wow. You guys are weird. But OK. And you’re pissed off about that?”
“No. Not really. I mean, yeah. Little bit. But no. He doesn’t like her that way. It was just…”
“Oh! He was swooning too!”
“Hmm. Maybe? So he’s not responsible, is he?”
“Nope. I’m pretty sure all the blame falls on Soshee and Tony for taking advantage of the two of you.”
“And our swooning over each other.”
“And that.”
I sigh.
“You good now?”
“I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too. But hey, why is Tony there, anyway? Alonzo told me that Tony is on a Caribbean vacay.”
“That’s weird. But OK. Tony says he came here for me. To, and I quote, ‘fuck me one last time and forget me.’ Unquote.”
“Yeah. That sounds like something Tony would say. So is he giving you trouble? Should I send Alonzo in to drag his ass back home?”
“No, I think he got the message. Besides, we did have the fuck. So he’s maybe good now? I don’t know. I don’t care about him. All I can think about is Vann and how he proclaimed his undying love to me last night. Because what if we don’t make it, Tara? And then I lose the only friend I have left?”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“I know. It’s stupid. But I need him, Tara. I really, really need him. I’m not even joking about this. I feel like every time I meet someone good they get dragged out of my life. And I can’t afford to lose anyone else, Tara. I’m down to the bare minimum of people who give a lot of fucks about me at the moment.”
“Stop it. We’re all still here.”
“No. You’re there. And my mom is somewhere else. And… and Vann is the only one I have left. Besides Tony, and he doesn’t count. He’s only here because he’s got some weird hate-fuck obsession with me and that’s just leftover junk from the old days. It’s not even real. And I’m sure he’s figured that out by now—”
“You did punch him in the mouth.”
“I did. So. Yeah. He’s gonna leave. Not that I’m going to pine over him or anything. I’m so over it. But… he was sort of on my side, you know? Kinda? And that’s totally over.”
“Mouth-punching usually leads to that.”
“I know. And that would be fine. If I still had Vann. But if I go on this date, and we become a thing, and then… time goes by, and we stop being a thing, then I don’t have anyone. And I need him, Tara. I really do.”
“Well, it sounds like he needs you too. This is how love works, babe. It’s scary. And messy. And even though the swooning is actually a good thing, it feels like it’s not at times. Because you’re invested, ya know? Really, really invested. So I understand, but you just have to put on the brave face and tell him all this. Did you tell him all this?”
“Some of it.”
“Well… I think it’s time for you to make your grand gesture.”
“I have to make a grand gesture?”
“You don’t have to. But if there’s one guy on this earth who would appreciate a grand gesture, it would be Vann.”
“It would, wouldn’t it? He’s sweet, isn’t he?”
“He really is.”
“But I’m not really sweet, Tara. I’m like… bitchy.”
She laughs. “You are. But honey, trust me. Your bitchy side is endearing and lovable. I know this because that’s how I fell in love with you too.”
“Aww. I love you too.”
“So you’re good?”
“But what if things go wrong on the date? This is our one chance to see if it’s going to work out. And what if—”
“Stop it. You can’t live like that, Belinda. Think of it this way—if you two don’t work out then at least you tried, right?”
“Yeah,” I agree.
But I don’t really agree. I need this date to be perfect. I need a sign from some higher power that Vann and I will make it. And that I won’t lose the only friend I have left.
I don’t want to keep saying this to Tara because I don’t want her to feel like she abandoned me. And even though I kinda think she did, she deserves her own happiness. And that happiness now resides two thousand miles away on Key West with a man called Alonzo.
So I ravel myself back up and put on the brave face. Try to be as good a friend to her as she is to me. “You’re right, Tare. And thank you for the talk. What are you up to today?”
“Oh, my God. I’m such a good fisherwoman these days. I go out with Alonzo on his charters now on the weekends. And last weekend I caught a sailfish! Do you have any idea how hard it is to reel in a sailfish? And I did it all by myself. The next time you see me, I’m gonna show off my biceps. They’re cut from all my reeling.”
I chuckle, picturing Tara deep-sea fishing in a pencil skirt.
“We have two charters today. And we’re just about to leave—”
“I’ll let you go.”
“No, no. If you need to talk more, I’ll stay behind. I’ll spend the whole day with you instead.”
“No. That’s OK,” I say. But actually, it sounds really nice. Her life sounds nice. And there’s a part of me—maybe even a really big part of me—that wants to go home. That’s the part of Tony that’s confusing, I think. He’s not my one, as Tara puts it. That very well could be Vann. But like it or not, Tony is part of home. And I miss it. I can tell myself that I don’t, and that this life is just as good—better, even. But doesn’t everyone always wish they could go home?
I would never admit this to Tara, but I’m jealous of her and Alonzo. Not because he’s some great dude—he could be, but I never knew him well enough to have opinions on that.
I’m jealous of her because Alonzo comes with a team.
A whole family of people on his side. And that little street they all live on. It’s like… being surrounded by love. And now she’s a part of that. Hell, she’s more a part of Tony now than I ever was. And again, I don’t want Tony. I just want… what he represents.
Saf
ety on all sides.
And she just walked into that by accident.
It’s almost… not fair.
“What are you doing today?” Tara asks.
“Work later,” I sigh. “Weekends are super busy. And Vic said I can use his studio for my own clients now. So he’s off on Monday. I’m hoping I get some walk-ins so my life can finally move forward and I can stop feeling like I’ll be sitting behind that cash register for ten more years.”
“That’s great!”
“Yeah. It kinda is. Vic was really cool last night. Actually, everyone at the shop was really cool last night. I really thought I was going to lose my shit, but they held on to me tight and kept me from unraveling.”
“They’re good people.”
“They are.”
“Those brothers would definitely make good in-laws.”
“Oh, my God! I’m not capable of thinking about the M word at six AM, Tare!”
“Sorry.” She snorts. “But it’s true.”
I catch the sound of Alonzo calling for Tara two thousand miles away and take a hint. She has to go. And I have to go too. “Thank you,” I say. “I needed to hear your BFF advice this morning.”
“Any time, Belinda. You know that. You can call me any time.”
We say our goodbyes, promise to visit and talk more, and then end the call.
I sigh and walk over to the window. And then I run Vann’s whole grand gesture back in my head once more time.
Maybe Tara was right. Maybe I need to find a way to make Vann feel the same things about me that I feel for him right now? I just don’t know how to do that.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - TONY
A pounding on my door wakes me from a fitful, half-sleep dream world of chaotic visions leftover from a long ago time. I force one eye open, confused about where I am for a moment. Then yesterday comes rushing back and I smile lazily as the dreamy chaos is replaced with yesterday’s crazy Soshee adventure.
Wow. What a girl. And what luck to meet her when I came here for…
Fuck.
Yeah. I would really like to forget all about Rosalinda, and Vann Vaughn, and the FBI, and the witness protection program, and that stupid yippy dog that seems to be everywhere I am.
More pounding from the direction of the door. I throw the covers off me, pull on yesterday’s jeans, and then casually check my phone for the time.
Nine oh three AM.
I yawn as I open the door and then immediately cover my mouth and smile. Because my red-headed Poison Ivy siren is on the other side wearing a pleated white tennis skirt and a light green tank top that shows a lot of cleavage. “Soshee? What are you doing here?”
She holds up a white bakery bag in one hand and a coffee holder with two cups in the other. “I told you to come by this morning so I could feed you.” She pouts her lips. “But you blew me off.”
“I didn’t,” I say, taking the coffee from her outstretched hand. “I just… slept in, I guess.”
Not true because I’m not sure I can call what I just did actual sleep.
“I was just dreaming about you though.” Also, not entirely true. But if I could choose a girl to dream about, it would definitely be her.
Soshee comes inside, kicks the door closed with the back of her foot, and then saunters over to the little table near the kitchen to set down the pastry bag. “Mmm. You dreamt about me? That sounds very promising.” She looks over her shoulder at me. “If that’s even true.”
“Should I tell you about the dream?”
“Is it a dirty dream?”
“Do you want it to be a dirty dream?”
She tries not to smile, fails, and then shrugs her shoulders as her eyes travel up and down my bare torso. When her eyes meet mine again, she’s biting her lip. “Nice… tattoos.”
I look down at my shoulders. “Well, I’m no Vann Vaughn. But they’re not bad.”
She turns around, presses her hands on the table and leans into it a little as she studies my upper body where my ink lives. “Sea monsters. Interesting theme.”
“It fits, believe it or not.”
“I’m gonna need that story, Tony.”
“I’m happy to tell it, Soshee.”
“But let’s eat first. We need our energy for today.”
I walk over to the table and set the coffee down just as she pulls out a little paper box and opens it up to reveal little sugared things.
“Frittelle,” she says, smiling big as she presents the box to me. “Eat them. I made them fresh less than an hour ago.”
I pick one up—it’s still warm—and pop it into my mouth. “Damn, Sosh,” I say, savoring the sweetness as she watches me with an expression of delight.
“Good?”
“Divine.”
“Here. Have another one. And sit.” She pulls out a chair, pushes me in that general direction, and then takes the seat on the opposite side of the table, propping her chin in her hands as she smiles at me.
“Aren’t you going to have any?”
“Trust me.” She laughs. “I ate my fill while I was baking this morning.”
“Sounds like a pretty good way to make a living,” I say, popping another frittelle in my mouth.
“I can’t complain,” she says, pointing to my coffee on the table. “I didn’t know how you take your coffee, so you got a latte instead.”
I point right back at her, still chewing. “You better be careful. I might whisk you off to Key West, lock you up in my cottage, and keep you forever if you keep spoiling me like this.”
“Promises, promises.”
We both laugh, and smile, and stare at each other for a long moment that feels very natural and right. Until it lasts a little too long and becomes awkward.
“So,” we both say at the same time.
“You first,” she says.
“Well,” I say, twirling my cup of coffee in my hands for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts as I stare at it. Because this girl is… wow. I raise my eyes up and meet hers. Sunlight from outside is hitting them in just the right way, changing their naturally deep emerald color into something more of a sea green. “I…” I suddenly don’t know what to say to her. But at the same time, I feel like telling her all the things. “I… I like this place,” I finally stutter.
“Good,” she says. “I think this place likes you too.”
“And you’ve been quite the nice surprise.”
“Back at ya.” She grins.
“What are your plans for today? More spying on Vann?”
“Psshhhh.” She waves a hand in the air. “Who?”
“Vann Vaughn? Remember him? Dude who works across the street. Tatted-up with long paragraphs of boring words instead of sea monsters?”
“Oh, him,” she says, once again waving her hand through the air. “I’m so over him.”
“You are?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Well… that’s news.”
“What are your plans for today? Take another shot at hate-fucking your ex so you can move on with your life?”
“Psshhh. Who?”
“Belinda Baker? Cute girl who works across the street with sticky-sweet pink pigtails instead of seductive red tresses?”
“Oh, her.” Soshee giggles as I play her game. I think I could fall in love with that giggle. “I’m so over her.”
“You are?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Well, that’s news too.”
I chew on my lip a little, not accustomed to flirting with girls. Not that I’m bad at it or anything. I just don’t do a lot of flirting. I don’t actually do a lot of anything with the girls I’m typically with. Mostly just let them flirt with me and then let them take me somewhere for a fast fuck so I can make a quick escape afterwards.
But I kinda like the flirting. Or maybe I just like the girl I’m doing it with?
“No plans for today, then?” I finally manage to say.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that.”
“No?”
>
“I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
“So you’ve got plans with me today?”
She shrugs. “If you’ve got time for me.”
“I’ve got all day. And you’re already here. So… it would be stupid on my part if I didn’t take advantage of that fact.”
“Oh. I get it. You want to take advantage of me.” She winks. “I like you, Tony.”
“I like you too, Soshee. You’re the best thing about this trip.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
I nod slowly. “You really are.”
“So tell me about this dream.”
“Dream?”
“You know. The one you were having about me when I woke you up.”
“Oh. That dream. Well… we were…”
“You weren’t dreaming about me, were you?”
“No.” I laugh. “But I really wish I had been. I wasn’t dreaming at all. I was just tired, I guess. I got in late.”
She cocks her head at me. “Did you go somewhere when you left my apartment?”
I nod and purse my lips, wondering if I should tell her this part.
But before I can answer she says, “To see Belinda?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “But never mind that. I really am over it.”
“What happened?”
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“I’m not jealous. Well”—she pauses—“OK. I’m jealous. But not in a bad way. I just don’t get why everyone loves her.”
“I guess the same reason everyone loves Vann. Fucking asshole.”
“OK, what happened?”
“He… he like… proclaimed his fucking love for her. I’m talking grand gesture kind of fucking proclamation, Soshee. I really hope you are over him, because she’s falling for it. I can tell.”
“Does that make you sad?”
“No! Not at all. I mean, I’m not lying. I didn’t come here to win her back. I came here to hate-fuck her out of my head.”
“And you did that.”
“I did.”
“And you’re just… done now?”
“After she punched me in the mouth last night?”
“Oh, is that what that is?” she says, leaning over the table to touch my busted lip. “I wasn’t going to say anything. But OK. She punched you.”
I take her hand before she can pull away and just hold it for a moment. “She did.”
