by Raci Ames
“You couldn’t think straight because you weren’t, I guess,” Pia joked, trying to let pop the tension in the room. She supposed they’d spent as long as they could around each other without bringing up their dating history. “You know Jeremiah that was a really confusing summer for me. I wanted to be with you - really be with you,” she said, dragging out the words so there was no doubt about what she meant. “But you kept rejecting me.”
“Not for the reasons you think. Every time you turned on the movie, you made me reenact the dancing scenes and I wound up having to run out to hide my hard-on,” he said, chuckling little at the blush reddening even deeper on her cheeks.
Scratching back deep in her brain, she could remember a few times when that had actually happened. But her memories had been washed over with shame and rejection once he admitted that he liked boys. “It was only after we broke up that I realized you liked boys, and I figured you bailed all those times because girls didn’t turn you on. Because I didn’t turn you on.” That may have been a little blunt but Pia was over pretending.
She wrapped her arms around her chest, remembering the epic confusion and betrayal she felt. She’d never gotten over the rejection, and she had kept her guard up in all future relationships. Which meant she never found anyone she loved more than Jeremiah, and, now that she was blind, she probably never would.
“First of all I like boys and girls, and I always have. You made me crazy that summer, and I was afraid I couldn’t control myself. That’s why I always had to leave.”
Pia blinked and tried to wrap her head around that statement. She’d loved Jeremiah desperately, and had been so eager to explore the sparks between them.
“We should have talked about it more, or better, I guess. But it’s fair to say I was never scared of you, and anything you wanted, I probably wanted too.” She shrugged, and stood up from the table.
“I’m sorry we didn’t. It was hard then. It’s hard now too, but I don’t like the idea that all these years you didn’t know how much I loved you, and how much I wanted you. Still want you, to be honest.”
Pia smiled, and the tension she had been carrying for years dissipated with the first part of his statement. She didn’t feel the need to acknowledge the last part. She needed to sit with it a while, see how it felt.
“I might have another copy of it on my shelf,” she said, moving over to the TV.
“Great. I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.”
RELEASES
Pia choked on smoke, panicking, fighting to escape the trap of her sheets. Wisps of black faded to silver and the air cleared, allowing her to breathe. In her bedroom in the guest cottage, she faced the beautiful man with the auburn hair, lit up like a halo, and her heart stood still. Fire lit his skin from behind, showing the deep scars on his torso. He called her sweetheart again, and that sweet Southern accent burn heat into every part of her body.
She reached for him eagerly and welcomed him into her bed. Lips flittered over her own, sparking hope and steaming up the room. Hands cupped her face, stroked down her neck, and followed down to her curves below. He lifted her nightgown off slowly, drinking in the lines of her body, until he pounced, desperate for a taste. As naked as he was now, she pressed against him, relishing in the feel of every bit of his body on hers. Feeling him wasn’t enough though, and she’d lifted her body above his, switching their positions so that she was on top. Now she had time to look, to touch, to absorb. She drank slowly from his passion, not wanting to rush anything. When neither could wait any more, she climbed on top of his erection and began to ride, grinding down hard to make up for months of sexual starvation. He took it, took all of her, pressing up to meet every push, pulling her down so she could feel more.
Time went achingly slow, until her bones and skin turned fragile with a desperate need for release. She made him still, brought his hands up to cup her breasts, and whipped against him with ever increasing speed until they both shattered to completion. His entire blushed beautifully, distracting her from bliss. She wanted to remember the way he looked right then, and she held on to each bit of the image like individual pixels, saving it consciously as if her brain was a computer screen.
• • • •
Clark bumped Pia’s foot with his nose, concerned with the screams coming from the girl. They’d began fearfully, as her nightmares often did. He had been waking her up whenever they happened, but when he did that, she would stay awake for hours, and that wasn’t at all good for her. So he learned instead, to stand by her bed and provide a gentle, silent comfort. Some nights took longer than others for her to calm down, so he would move around the bed, passing gently against her feet or hands, when all else failed, even against her head. She would calm and turn and the nightmare would pass. She stayed asleep, moved on to better dreams, and the days were much improved.
Tonight nothing worked. Agitated, Clark paced on his sleeping mat, and debated climbing up on the bed. He’d been up there many times, but always at Pia’s request and direct invitation. He knew his position in her life crossed many unreasonable boundaries, and for that reason he had made created a set of rules to guide his own behavior so that he could live with himself. First and foremost, he closed his eyes whenever she got dressed. Secondly, he stayed in her personal space only when she made the request. That meant he sat at her feet when she was on the sofa, and laid on the floor when she was in bed. Often, she requested for him to come up and cuddle, and he did love that time of connection between them, but it was a matter of pride for him that she was the one who would instigate it.
Getting up and into her bed while she was asleep seemed creepy, but the noises grew louder, he didn’t have a choice. He jumped and landed next to her on a mountain of damp, heated sheets. He didn’t want to touch her, fearful that that would scare her worse, so instead he made a low sound in the back of his throat that was his own personal sound of contentment. He’d learned that noise comforted it her, even during her most stressed.
She was sweaty and her skin was flushed, and she gripped the covers so hard it turned her knuckles white. She thrashed her legs and gave a final scream, and then, almost immediately settled down. She was panting, and her chest pounded, and he could hear her blood roaring through her veins. Her eyes were closed and her sleep seemed peaceful, like whatever she’d dreamed about had released her. Ready to jump down and leave her to sleep, he took one last glance over her face, and found her staring at him.
• • • •
“No, that’s the purple one, with the spirals, and the other is blue with waves. The last is black and covered with random spots of color,” Jeremiah said, gripping the delicate cup in his hands. He sucked down a dark tea that Pia had made from periwinkle and ginseng, praying it would make up for the hours of sleep that he’d lost last night. They had the first batch of samples come in and he needed to do inventory and figure out which products Pia could differentiate simply by feel. As much as possible, he wanted the Apothecary to stock only those she could identify, both to cut down on loss and to make her feel as powerful as possible in her own store. He also planned to use the inventory to design the look and feels on the wall, so before he could start that level of planning, they had to find the products. This was far from his area of expertise, but he enjoyed researching and experimenting. They’d been looking forward to testing the offerings from this vendor for a few days, but right then Jeremiah had the concentration of the flea, Pia didn’t look much better.
“Maybe these just aren’t as three-dimensional as the catalogue said they were,” Pia said, tossing them off of the table in frustration. She rubbed at her eyes and Heart stood up from his place in the corned, checking to make sure she was okay. Pia knew, of course, could sense the wolf’s actions where she was concerned. “I’m ok. Go back to sleep,” she said, holding up her hand so the animal would know to stay on his bed.
“I’m gonna take his spot in the sun and curl up in it myself if this tea doesn’t kick in soon.”
&n
bsp; “Guess none of us got much sleep last night? Sorry about that,” Pia said. This wasn’t the first time she’d woken up screaming but it had been far more intense than any other night he remembered. Last time, she’d confessed that the dreams of waking up in the fire had come back. Cori stressed that was some sort of progress, because she’d blocked out all memory for the months before. But Jeremiah hated that she had to go through any of it again.
“Same nightmare?” he asked, although he knew from what he heard that it was very different. At first the screams had woken him up. He’d gone right back to sleep but then she’d started with the moans. He recognized the sounds she made when she was turned on, and from that moment he’d hung on, awake and cataloguing every different tone. He’d gotten hard instantly, and hadn’t been able to go back to sleep until he’d taken care of the problem on his own. After he had finished, and she was quiet again, a monster of jealousy attacked, and kept him from sleeping again.
It had only been a few days since he’d encouraged her to date, and he was kicking himself that she’d found someone so fast. He should have spoken up honestly and admitted how much he wanted her for himself.
Eventually, he’d given up, made some coffee and waited for her to open her door. He timed his own exit to find out who she was with, but she and the wolf had been alone.
“Not exactly,” Pia said, blushing.
She inhaled deeply, gathering bravery. “It started out that way. Same dream about the fire, same naked person who came into rescue me. But this time the fire away, and the person stayed and we...” She stalled, and Jeremiah forced himself not to ask questions. This was the first he had heard that the rescuer was naked, but memories were trickling back and she kept mentioning more details each time the dream came again. Cori had said to keep her talking, so Jeremiah refrained from interrupting.
“He stayed and everything was beautiful and basically, we had... Well I had a wet dream. But something tells me you’re not surprised.”
She was adorable all flustered and frustrated, but he wasn’t dumb enough to tell her that. “It’s perfectly normal, you know, for the body to do whatever it needs when the brain gets in the way of sex,” he said instead. He kept his tone gentle and the advice clinical, but inside he screamed with satisfaction.
“Whatever, Jeremiah, I can hear you gloating. We both know you told me this would happen.”
“No, I told you that people weren’t meant to deny themselves pleasure, and that you would know when you were ready to have sex with someone again,” he said, studiously ignoring his cock as it hardened between his thighs. It was harder to ignore the way his teeth grew pointed, and the itch above his sit bone right where his tail wanted to form. His body itched with need for her, and to be a cougar again.
“So does this mean I’m ready?” she asked, keeping her hands busy braiding the different fabrics. He gripped the table, watching in horror as his nails slowly turned claw shape, grateful for once that she couldn’t see.
“You tell me,” he said, grinding his teeth.
“I want to, but I need to feel safe. And there’s only one way I can imagine that” She bit her lip, and stared right into his eyes. She couldn’t see his face but she new instinctively where to look. “You and I need to have sex.”
Jeremiah nodded. He’d known she would say that, just as he knew without a doubt that something special about Pia caused the cougar in him to come out. He already felt so out of control and he hated himself.
But he couldn’t turn Pia down. She had been so honest and brave and he owed this to her. He wanted this with her. So he consciously stopped his body from changing any more. It took all his willpower, not leaving much attention for the conversation.
“Jam?” she asked, voice sounding small and suddenly nervous.
“I’m here. I’m flattered, and interested. So interested,” he said with a laugh. “I’m just not quite sure where to start.”
“And here I thought you were some kind of expert. I’m not much more experienced than I was with you, so...”
“I’ve got you. You can trust me. Have you ever been blindfolded?”
• • • •
“Have I ever been blindfolded? Yeah, sure. Dozens of times,” Pia said, voice breaking in a disappointed bark. “I guess I can’t trust you after all.” Pia stood up searching in vain for a place that didn’t have Jeremiah in it.
“You can trust me,” he insisted. “Just hear me out. The most erotic moments in my entire life have involved blindfolds, because if you if take away one sense, all the others come to the surface. That’s true, isn’t it?” he confirmed.
Pia nodded, reluctantly letting him continue.
“Sex is mostly about sensations and imagination, so we’re going to use both to help get you comfortable enough to let me touch you. First, imagine a time when you were comfortable letting someone touch you, even if it was before you were blind.”
Pia could count her sexual partners on one hand and the good ones only on two fingers. Her dream last night had been her most fulfilling orgasm in years, sad as that was to admit. She focused on that, on him.
“Close your eyes, Pia,” Jeremiah said from behind her.
“Why? I’m blind, remember?”
“Because right now I want you to pretend that you can see, and that you are making the choice to give that up in order to have a more interesting experience.”
“Forget it. I knew this was a bad idea. No one will ever want me like this.”
“Pia stop, I’m trying to prove a point here. The fact that you can’t see is sexy as hell to me, but you have to think so too, in order to enjoy my hands and my lips surprising you. So just imagine that giving up your eyesight, just for this moment is your choice.”
Pia nodded, but still didn’t speak. She didn’t trust herself not to say something accusatory because of her nerves. She genuinely believed that Jeremiah was looking out for her here, and she wanted to give him a chance to prove it.
“This is all about anticipation,” he said softly, playing gently with her hair. Goosebumps popped up on her skin just from that innocent touch. “And you need to know that every touch, everything I do is to make you feel good.”
Since the world had gone black, she had lived in fear of all that she couldn’t see. Jeremiah was asking her to flip that around, and it required a massive shift in her brain.
But the second the blindfold slipped over her eyes, she understood what he was talking about, or at least her body did. She willed herself to relax as his hands moved down her neck. His lips followed, kissing a trail to her collarbone and she sighed, melting into the seat.
“I love seeing you let go just a little. Every time I touch you, I want you to do that again.”
Pia nodded and licked her lips. At least they wanted the same thing for the moment. Jeremiah twirled her hair up on her head, tugging a little so that her neck rose to meet his lips. He used the grip to tug her head backwards, and she moved at his will. Then he bent over and kissed her lips.
She hadn’t been expecting him from that angle, and getting caught off guard made the kiss that much sweeter, just like he said it would. From that moment, she was on board, and she turned the chair around to face him to let him know. Dropping to his knees, he landed between her legs and spread them out around his broad shoulders. Though she was completely dressed, she felt exposed beneath his eyes, but then he leaned into kiss her properly and that didn’t matter anymore.
Masterful hands dipped and twisted, instinctively finding her most sensitive points, some she had never even noticed before. With each movement and murmur she made, he adjusted the pace and the pressure, she felt like her skin was burning from the inside. He pushed her shirt up to her shoulders, releasing her breasts from under her bra, but he didn’t actually take anything off.
“You’re so much more beautiful than the last time I saw you like this,” he said. She ran her hands along his cheeks to feel the reverence on his face and tugged his lips to hers.
He used the leverage of the movement to pull her down onto the floor, and he wrapped her legs around his waist to pull her to his chest. Long fingers gripped her bum, and split her legs around his hips. She gasped at the size and steel of him, and the way they simply like puzzle pieces snapping in.
And then she had to move.
He groaned and bit at her lips, dragging the bottom one to open her mouth. He rocked his tongue in to explore, matching the rhythm of their hips. She put one hand in his hair, trapping their faces together, while the other hand moved down to press at the place they joined together.
“Too much denim in the way,” she said, flicking open her button and dragging on her zipper. But he grabbed her hand to stop her.
“Ugh, what’s wrong now?” she asked, panic sneaking in. They’d come exactly to this point in their younger years, only to have him go running.
“Save it for when we’re not in the store. I’m gonna get you off with all our clothes on, just like high school.”
“It didn’t feel nearly this good then,” Pia said, stuttering out a laugh.
“Did to me,” Jeremiah said, slipping his hands inside her pants to cup her ass and stroke beneath her simple cotton underwear. That leverage allowed him to rock and grind against her until her breath came out in little puffs and she had taken over the motion to speed them up. The temperature of her skin increased in degrees with each minute, and she was desperate to release, but she needed something more. She bit at his neck, pulling up color with his teeth, and then tilting her head to give him access to do the same.
That extra sensation hit her at the same time a growl came from the other side of the room. The combination of everything sent her shooting to the moon. Jeremiah kept moving for just another minute, and wet exploded on his jeans. And both of them started laughing.
