“How kind of her,” I joke, walking toward my dad.
“It’s her first Christmas with Parker,” he offers, arm moving over my shoulder to bring me into his side. “She wants it to be perfect.”
We shuffle through the house, Dad’s cologne wrapping me in its very own warm embrace. His smell, it’s a balm. Sounds silly, right? That the simplicity of a smell can ease me in a way very few other things can.
He smells like comfort and safety. Of unconditional love and those hugs only he seems to know that I need. On days when I feel as though the world is falling apart around me, his arm around my shoulders keeps me supported until I’m once again ready to stand on my own. I’ve never told him that, likely I would never need to. It seems ingrained, he knows what I need without actually knowing. It’s a special talent, one only a caring parent can truly offer.
Codi smells like sugar and how I imagine rainbows smell. Like fresh rain and sunshine all mixed into one. When clouds descend on my world, when my nightmares shroud me in darkness, she shoos them away like a quick summer shower, letting the sun breakthrough.
I feel oddly calmed by everything that’s packed into the earthy and sugary scent of my family. I know deep down it has nothing to do with how they actually smell and more the association of with them as an actual person. Still, if they were to change their perfume or cologne, I’d feel betrayed. Like they were no longer who they were supposed to be.
I hug Codi as I walk into the sitting room, my silent apology for being a bitch earlier today. She accepts it without issue, hugging me back tightly; her cheek, warmed by the fire, pressed tightly against mine.
I don’t let myself consider that the smell of leather now hints at a sense of power, my power. I also don’t let myself settle on the fact that the very smell will only ever be linked to Rocco Shay.
His presence is impossible to ignore. Even in the large living room. My eyes and nostrils are assaulted on every angle by Christmas, and its pitiful form of distraction. The room could be empty. A plain white space with Rocco at its center.
I work to ignore his overwhelming proximity. His silence that screams at me, begging me to look at him, to see him. That something bigger seems at play, demanding I look deeper to see more of who he is.
Everyone else focused on my dad opening the cufflinks Codi had bought for him, I casually glance Rocco’s way. He stares back for a single blink before turning his attention to his brother and my family. Not in the slightest perturbed by the fact that I caught him staring, or that I felt the need to do the same to him.
Codi and I unwrap our staple can of mace from our father. A gift we receive every year, even though neither of us has necessitated the use of it. “Thanks, Dad,” I smile. “This’ll come in handy for those unwanted guests you keep bestowing upon us.”
I hear Rocco’s chuckle, more elated than I should be at being able to make him laugh.
We open presents and I recognize that deep inside, the morning feels more comfortable and real than it has in years. With Sarah gone, Codi, Dad, and I are at ease. But worse, with Parker and Rocco taking her place, everything feels more.
Gifts opened, I stand, moving around the room to collect the discarded wrapping paper as a way to occupy my hands.
I feel Rocco’s gaze, the lazy and disinterested gleam in his eyes tracking my movements.
“You missed some,” he mocks, lifting his foot to release the tiny piece of ripped paper he’d been holding prisoner.
I look at the half ripped Santa face smiling up at me, my gaze moving up to Rocco, who wears a similar smile.
“It’s good manners to assist when you’re a guest in someone else’s home. Get off your own lazy ass and pick it up.” I turn on my heel, stomping out of the room on a mumbled cuss word. Or five…
“I fucking hate that guy,” I complain.
“But do you, really?” Codi saunters up behind me, moving toward the kitchen.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She shrugs, moving toward the stove. “Just that I see this spark when you’re with him, something that you usually only show to me and Dad. To everyone else you have this” —she twists her lips in contemplation— “don’t look, don’t speak, don’t touch, vibe. You work to scare everyone else off.”
I frown at the unintended judgment in her words.
“I'm kind of grateful for Rocco,” she admits. “He seems to have brought you back to life.”
“I can’t stand him.”
“Maybe,” she sings, moving onto the oven to check the turkey. “Or maybe you lose it around him because you’re not used to people seeing who you really are. It scares you,” she calls me out, “which means it’s real, Ryn. Whatever you feel for Rocco Shay is wreaking havoc on all those complicated feelings inside of you, and I’m not gonna lie, I love watching it unfold.”
I scowl in her direction, but she ignores me, tending to her lunch that apparently is supposed to make Parker fall more in love with her. Like that’s even possible.
Chapter Ten
Rocco
There’s a bounce in Camryn’s step I’ve never seen. That’s not saying that it’s missing when I’m not around, but considering the way Dominic and Codi keep glancing her way with their eyebrows kissing, I’m thinkin’ it’s as new for them as it is for me.
It’s stupid as shit, but I feel fucking powerful knowin’ I put it there. They would’ve tried, but they failed. It’s because they won’t look deep enough to see what she needs.
Power.
She’s sick and fucking tired of jumping at her own shadow. She’s exhausted by the monsters that creep into her dreams. She doesn’t just want them to go away, she wants to fucking destroy them.
It was the gloves. I don’t doubt it for a second. I know because I feel the same thing the moment I step into the ring. Adrenaline pumping through your veins, your fight instinct taking over… you’re invincible. You dare the world to come at you because you know you’ll fuck every last fucker up.
It’s a feeling as dangerous as it is freeing. It can make you stupid, reckless even. But it gives you something nothing else can or will. The power of freedom is too tempting to pass up. You’d bet your life on it, time and time again.
I don’t second guess myself a lot. It ain’t healthy. But buying Camryn Rein a Christmas gift was an exception. I honestly have zero clue what I was thinking. It was awkward as fuck, to say the least.
I didn’t need her reading into it, thinking that I consider us friends.
We’re not. Nor will we ever be.
We’re forced acquaintances, reluctant family members. We’d both value the reality of never having to cross one another’s path ever again. Unfortunately for both of us, it seems that little dream might stay in the land of make-believe for the foreseeable future.
I was minding my business when I saw them. Eyes catching on the candy apple colored gloves and knew she had to have them.
I could see her clearly in my mind’s eye. Long brown hair blowing around her shoulders. Small frame dressed in tiny shorts and tank tight enough to see her nipples. Fiery eyes and tanned skin glowing in challenge. Finished off gloves on her fists, ready to fight. Obviously my libido got twisted up in there somewhere, sexualizing her in a way she’d sever my head for. Truth be told, that only makes my dick harder.
I see something in her that I feel in myself, and even I have enough heart to realize that’s fucking unacceptable. She shouldn’t have to feel that way. No one like Camryn Rein should. I deserve my self-inflicted hate. No matter what haunts her at night, no matter what forces her to turn her back on the world, she doesn’t or didn’t warrant it. That’s a fact I know to be true. If in the end, my one good deed for this family is to rid even a little of that for her, I’ll die thinking maybe, just maybe, I did something right.
“Gloves were a genius idea,” Dominic interrupts my reflection, a smile on his face that makes me believe he was reading my thoughts. “Kicking myself I hadn’t thought of it
.” He ushers me away from the rest of our family—currently gathered around the kitchen counter, pouring mulled wine and talking shit. “There was something on her face when I caught her in her room after unboxing them... a fight to survive I can’t recall ever seeing on her face. Thank you.”
I shrug, not caring to respond.
“Something went incredibly wrong in my daughter’s life,” he confides, stepping into his office, expecting me to follow. “It started young, Sarah always rejected the idea of her, so she was never gifted the love of a mother. I worked a lot, so I guess in hindsight, she also felt abandoned by me.”
“Not easy for a kid,” I offer neutrally.
“Hmm,” he agrees, lifting a bottle of whiskey in offer.
I lift my chin in acceptance.
“We fought before she went off to college. She was done with being known for her name. Rein.” His eyebrows lift in sarcasm. “She wanted to carve out her own place in life. I feared I’d lose her completely if I didn’t give her that.”
Regret ages his face. The confidence he wears rigidly falling away in a wash of repentance.
“By giving into my daughter’s demands, I failed her. Whatever happened when she went to college, too much trust had been lost for her to confide in me when she came back.”
If he expects me to say anything, he doesn’t let on. Happy to stare at me, letting me read his remorse like a book I’m not interested in.
“The thing that throws me about it all is that she became obsessively caught up in Codi’s well-being on her return.”
I raise an eyebrow, my interest piqued.
“I’ve searched for answers but they don’t seem to want to be found.”
“Or maybe you don’t really want them,” I counter, accepting the glass of amber liquid he slides my way.
Leaning back in his chair, he considers my words. “Perhaps you’re right, as awful as that makes me sound. Anyway” —he shakes his head— “my daughter’s well-being isn’t the reason I invited you to share a Christmas whiskey…”
The contrast between Dominic Rein and Kane Shay is striking. I’ve never let myself believe there was a difference. They were... are career criminals, not afraid to wash their hands in blood. I assumed Dominic was as unbalanced as Kane. Both have always oozed power and demand, yet Dominic is far more formidable than my father ever was.
Kane led through fear, through threat. He forced you to see how powerful he was through menace and violence. He was unbalanced and therefore trust wasn’t something his employees could offer him. That only cut down the effectiveness in his command.
Dominic, I’m coming to realize, leads through respect. He listens and thinks through his response. You know when you’ve pissed him off and how you’d go about doing so. He’s reasonable. He leads with his mind, not his heart, which means he’s in control. Always.
Dominic Rein refuses to let emotions cloud his judgment, and for that simple fact, he’s more dangerous than Kane ever was.
“I haven’t found your scumbag wife,” I confess, unsure what else he could want from me.
Eyes pinned to mine over the rim of his glass, he sips slowly. “I know.”
Silence sits between us as he drinks slowly and I shift uncomfortably.
“Plannin’ on tellin’ me that you’re aiming for my head?”
Surely he’s not brutal enough to end me on Christmas day while my brother plays happy family with his daughters.
“No.”
I swallow, smart enough to be wary at the intensity of his stare. “Why am I here then?”
“Carmichael,” he says, placing his empty glass gently on his desk.
My fist clenches involuntarily. “He’s a dead man.”
“Correct,” he shocks me by saying. “It’s been taken care of. My Christmas present to you.”
I scowl, angered he took my revenge away from me.
He reads my reaction easily. “Rocco, one day you’ll realize that when retaliation is taken out in temper and impatience; it’s messy and more often than not incriminating.”
“Don’t patronize me,” I grit out.
“I’m not,” he responds calmly, unfazed by the animosity in my tone. “I’m being real and I’m being honest. Your anger will only get you into trouble. It will take more and more away from you until you are left with nothing.” He gestures toward the door, where Parker sits on the opposite side.
“You know, Rein, I had a dad once... he was a cunt. Not in the market for a replacement.”
His gaze drops in amusement, a tight smile at his lips. “Kane also let his anger overtake his common sense,” he insults. “He ended up losing his life because of it.”
I shoot my whiskey back, slamming the empty glass on his desk, pushing toward his with force. It meets its mark, the glasses clinking with the potent sound of disrespect.
“I don’t want that ending for you, Rocco,” he implores, moving forward to rest his elbows against his desk. “You can write a different story than Kane did. You have more up here.” He taps his temple. “And you recognize that you have more to live for.”
He lets that sink in, watching my animosity wash away in a tsunami of feelings I can’t even comprehend.
There are days when I’d tell you that I couldn’t give two shits whether I lived or died. I’m not afraid of death. If an asshole with a black hood and scythe wants to come for me, good on him. I’d welcome the journey into nothing.
Then there are the days when the thought of leaving Parker leaves me cold. Not for me. In the pit of my stomach, I know he could find happiness without me, if he’d let himself. Problem is, he wouldn’t. My younger brother has this misconceived notion that he needs me. Maybe once upon a time he did, but not anymore. The reality is that I won’t let myself fail him again. If he thinks he needs me here by his side, I’ll give him that. He’s lost enough.
“Have you found Sarah?” I shift the conversation without preamble.
“No,” he sighs.
“When you find her, I want in.”
He contemplates me, eyes set on my face in expectation. “The reason I invited you here,” he deliberates. “I want you to work for me, Rocco.”
“What?”
“It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that Parker isn’t built for this business. He enjoys running your nightclub. He’s rough, but not ruthless. And my girls would likely laugh in my face if I consider them as my succession plan.”
He’s not wrong. Camryn and Codi Rein want nothing to do with the business their father has built with his bare hands. It doesn’t take intelligence to realize that.
“And, what am I?”
“Cautious. Unafraid. Callous and ferocious as required. You’re willing to do the unspeakable.”
I bark out an unamused laugh. “Contrary to what this family believes, I’ve never killed anyone. Not by my own hand,” I add regretfully.
“Nor have I,” Dominic combats.
His declaration shocks me. I reasoned somewhere along the line, Dominic had gotten his hands dirtier than he cared to. It’s the way of the business. Or so I assumed.
“I didn’t want a hand in my father’s business, what makes you think I’d want anything to do with yours?”
Head tipped to the side, he considers me for a moment before speaking. “Because you never agreed with his ways. You didn’t want to succeed a man who brutalized you so badly.”
I hate that Kane’s wrath was and is so well known. I hate that people know he used me like a punching bag, that beating on his oldest son made him feel like a big fucking man.
Dominic is right. I didn’t want anything to do with Kane Shay and a business that was built on deceit and betrayal. Stepping into his shoes would have gifted me a one-way ticket down to Hell, effective immediately.
“I don’t deal in drugs.”
He tips his head to the side. “Again, nor do I.”
I exhale heavily. “I don’t appreciate personal matters being taken out of my hands.”
&
nbsp; “I won’t let people in my circle put themselves in harm’s way unnecessarily.”
A rally in power-struggles. Demands and warnings thrown back and forth like simple words, only they’re drowned in threat.
I mirror his position, back pressed lazily against the chair I’m perched upon, legs splayed wide. “Access to the inner sanctum has been bestowed,” I muse sarcastically. “Just needed to threaten your daughter’s life.”
“Hiding your respect and appreciation through sarcasm won’t get you far in my world, Rocco,” he scolds. “I appreciate your honesty, your straightforwardness. Don’t be a fool to make yourself look tough.”
Being schooled by a crime boss isn’t at the top of my Christmas list. Frankly, it’s downright stupid. I don’t have an army at my back to wage war on Dominic Rein. Not that I’d care to. The man has done nothing but offer my brother and I safe harbor and forgiveness, which was far more than we warranted.
“What do you want from me?”
“Eventually, I’m going to need a second-in-charge, someone I trust to make decisions for and with me. Someone who isn’t afraid to dirty their hands or fight for my family legacy.”
I feel my eyebrows pull together, shock and confusion twisting my stomach into knots. “Our families were at war for years.”
“Were,” he emphasizes. “As far as I’m concerned, that war died along with your father. If you can see past his grievances to build something stronger, I can do the same.”
I scratch at the back of my neck, my mouth uncomfortably dry. “Why me?”
“Loyalty can’t be bought, Rocco. It’s either there, or it’s not. You’d do everything in your incredible power to protect your brother, which means you’d also do anything to protect my daughters. You have buy-in into this family, whether you wanted it or not. I don’t trust you because I know you, I trust you because of the loyalty you hold for Parker.”
I massage the bridge of my nose.
“This alliance, this partnership, whatever you wish to label it, will give you full access to my search for Sarah.”
Reining Devotion: A Chaotic Rein novel Page 8
