My sister’s beauty is all-encompassing. It’s not just the prettiness of her face, it’s what she holds inside. She’s golden; from her heart and soul to the picture-perfect face people pay money in search of.
I choose to watch Parker as Codi approaches. Their happily ever after within their grasp. I lose myself in the affection softening the severity of his features.
His gray eyes shine like silver, a possessive devotion watching Codi without blinking.
The strong line of his jaw shakes, his throat swallowing the emotions ready to spill forth, back down.
The stiffness in his posture relaxes into relief. She’s here. She’s standing in front of him ready to promise her forever to him and only him.
I’ve never seen love this up close and personal. The way a man and a woman lose themselves in one another. It’s intense. The potency in their feelings. Their lives forever entwined as they carve out large chunks of their hearts to hand over to one another. A sacrifice to a legacy they will build together.
I was starved of its realness as a child. My mother and father didn’t care for one another in this way. Their feelings staked in obligation and regret. Sure, my father loved Codi and me. But romantic love is different when it’s true. The friendship nurtured, an eternal flame of devotion sparked with a simple look between two people destined for forever.
Unable to stare at its vividity any longer, I glance away as Parker recites his vows. My eyes falling to the man standing behind him.
His best man.
His brother.
Rocco is watching me unabashedly. His eyes too afraid to look directly at the adoration in front of us. Scared of what it will do to him.
I watch him as candidly as he does me. My eyes drifting over his appearance in a greedy need to drink him in.
My armor, weakened by the love in the room, wanes enough for me to recognize the beauty in the beast standing before me. A warrior; his body built for combat. Height and muscle intimidating to regular mortals. Rocco Shay is his own shield. His blonde hair is styled away from his face, sides shorn close to his head, bringing my focus to his well-groomed beard. Cheekbones are carved out like a contour you couldn’t fake, bracketing the line of his beard. Icy gray eyes look at me so deeply, I’m certain he’s sliced open any guard I’ve managed to build, seeing everything I’ve keep sacred. I know his teeth to be a perfect shade of white, his incisors a little sharper than the rest. His smile is rare, a sight on the verge of extinction. But when I catch a glimpse; goodbye heart, farewell ovaries; I’ve lived a good life and died by the prettiest of knives.
Dressed in a suit identical to Parker’s, he looks dangerous. To my life. To my heart. The currency the same, knowing he could claim them both and destroy them without hesitation.
My tongue peeks out, wetting the dryness in my lips. The discomfort at my feelings is both alarming and exciting. His focus drops to my mouth, eyes recognizing the way I tasted.
I kissed him. A fact neither of us has spoken of. My lips have pushed against his in a desperate need to feel grounded and he didn’t pull away. I don’t regret it. On the contrary, my eyes eating him up, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.
As though he can read my thoughts, his teeth bite at his tongue, grazing against it in need. Something I’d never imagine I’d see. Rocco Shay holding an arrow of desire and aiming it my way.
The clandestine line of love and hate now blurred by lust.
I hated him until I didn’t.
I was indifferent until I wasn’t.
I was content until it all shifted.
Now I’m wanting and I’m afraid of how that morphs going forward.
Hate was our beginning, but that surreptitious line has been erased. Leaving me in a trap I never imagined I’d find myself in.
Love.
Chapter Twenty-One
Rocco
Random fact, my brother is whipped.
Beyond saving.
Tied around the pinky of his new wife like a tattooed thread. Lost to the promise of eternal love.
Companionship. Support. Affection. An endless supply of your preferred pussy.
I don’t blame him. Shit, I’m pleased as fuck for him. He’s happy. An emotion I didn’t see him wear until we barged into Codi’s life; swords of revenge at the ready. Now it rarely shifts. It oozes from his skin, a charged current coursing through his veins, highlighting my own bitterness.
Their ceremony was nice enough, from the snippets I could bring myself to listen to. I felt suffocated by my mother and aunt. My throat closing in panic as Codi walked down the aisle. Their presence was screaming at me, demanding I acknowledge them. I couldn’t though. It was too hard. Parker made it difficult enough, two white roses placed on the front pew in their place. I knew if I looked in that direction, I’d see them. Their smiling faces watching Parker marry his woman. Love in their eyes and joy in their smiles. A moment in his life they should’ve been front and center of.
The church was a path down memory lane I wasn’t ready for. Parker’s heart was in the right place, searching for a way to include Lila in the most important day of his life. I’ve learned the hard way though, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Maybe my intentions weren’t exactly good, but they were significant to me. They were important. Still, I all but dug my own path the depths of nothing. Today was just another reminder of that.
I couldn’t stomach staring directly at Parker and Codi either. They were too bright. A glow of happiness surrounding them I couldn’t meet head-on for fear of the damage it could cause.
Then I found Camryn.
A safe harbor I never fucking wanted.
A woman I have no right to.
The Rein family has twisted me up and turned me inside out. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. All I knew at that moment was when our eyes connected, a peace hit me. I wasn’t fighting against myself. I felt Lila’s smile, for me. I felt Mira’s joy, for me.
She shifts my perspective. She looks at me like I’m worthy. No one has looked at me with such reverence since my mom. Sure, Mira loved me unconditionally. As does Parker. But their concern for my mental well-being was always clouding their acceptance.
“Why are you hiding around here?”
Speaking of the devil, the soft click of her heels tap against the cement of her father’s driveway.
I knew she was beautiful. Even in grimy work clothes and messy hair, she sends blood straight to my cock. But standing in front of me, body encased in a thick red fabric, her long chocolate hair in waves down her back; she’s that dangerous temptress come to life. Ready to slay me.
“You look good, Rein,” I burr.
“You scrub up alright yourself, Shay.” She sits beside me, the addictive scent of her perfume wrapping around me.
“Where is the happy couple?”
“Mind if I smoke?” she asks, holding up a small pack of cigarettes.
I can’t hide my shock.
“It’s a dirty little habit I partake in very rarely.” She rolls her eyes.
“It’s bad for you.”
“So is coffee and sugar… and you...” She drifts off, placing a smoke between her lips.
Inhaling the nicotine like a potent drug, she smiles, her eyes closing in pleasure. “Parker and Codi are mingling with their guests. Touching one another inappropriately in public and making out in a way that should be illegal in front of others.”
I grimace.
“Tell me about it.” She flicks her cigarette, the loose gray ash vanishing in the blow of wind before it hits the ground.
We attempt to speak at the same time, the awkwardness of the moment lulling us both back into silence.
“Wanna have breakfast tomorrow?” she invites, rubbing the butt of her smoke on the ground to put it out.
“Yeah, beauty.”
She looks pleased by my answer, her shoulder nudging mine in tenderness.
“Beauty,” she repeats. “Does that make you my beast?”
I laugh. “No, Cami.” I lean back, resting my arms behind us, my eyes trailing over her thick strands of hair. I refrain from reaching out and touching them. “The beast is merely misunderstood. He’s a kind heart trapped in ugly wrapping. He’s lonely and looking for purpose.”
She glances at me over her shoulder. My body itches to sit up, to lean forward and claim her mouth. “I’m the opposite. An ugly fucking heart housed in a body that makes you wet,” I whisper. “I’m Gaston, baby, and that ain’t ever gonna change.”
“Gaston was a giant douchebag who wanted to be put on a pedestal,” she argues. “He would’ve fucked himself if he could have. He didn’t want Belle’s love. He wanted the triumph of winning her. She was an object to him. You’re not Gaston. But you’re right, you’re not the beast either.”
Stretching her legs out, she moves her feet side-to-side, watching her brightly colored toenails glitter in the night sky. “You’re lonely though,” she ponders, more to herself than to me. “And you’re always searching for purpose.”
She’s not wrong. Camryn isn’t dumb. She knows I’m searching, she doesn’t know what for, but she knows it’s important enough that I won’t ever stop.
“And your heart isn’t ugly,” she implores. “Different than most, but different is good.”
Her lips purse, a silent contemplation hitting her. “Not Gaston, but not the beast.”
She shakes her head. “You’re Rocco. You have too many layers for a villain in a Disney movie. They’re always fighting for power. You don’t care for power. You fight for what your heart deems is right.”
I pinch her side. “Poetic.”
She laughs. “That one was all my own too. No Dominic influence. He’s rubbing off on me.”
“Or maybe you’re trying too hard to see me as more than I am.”
“Maybe,” she muses. “Can I ask you something?”
I don’t answer, knowing she’ll ask me anyway.
“Do you wish you kissed me back?”
The whispered words freeze between us, caught across the cold night air in expectation.
“No,” I answer honestly.
Bottom lip tipped out, she doesn’t look hurt by my response.
“You didn’t want me to kiss you back,” I explain.
Turning, she faces me, throwing her leg over the bench we’re sitting on, straddling the concrete structure.
I follow her lead.
“You didn’t kiss me out of craving. It wasn’t an attraction that triggered you.”
She looks at the bench between us, her cheeks changing in color before my eyes. “Would you now? Kiss me back? If I did it again.”
I clear my throat, waiting for her to look at me. I wait a full minute, having to use a finger to lift her chin. “I don’t know. All I know is, I won’t kiss you until you’re ready.”
Shifting closer, she touches her forehead to mine, our noses touching.
“Are you ready?” I murmur.
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
“That’s a no, beauty. You’ll know when you’re ready.” I pull back, searching for disappointment in her eyes.
I stand reluctantly. Her big blue eyes watch me, an appreciation twinkling up at me.
Leaning down, I touch my lips to her forehead. “Come.” I hold my hand out for hers. “Let’s go watch our siblings all but procreate in front of their guests.”
The warmth of her skin slips into my palm as I pull her up. I wait while she readjusts her dress one-handed, not willing to let her hand go.
“Please don’t joke about that. They’re too much. And they live with me.”
A loud boom of laughter jolts out of me unexpectedly. “If I didn’t find so much joy in your misery, I’d actually feel bad for you.”
“Rude!” She balks. “Don’t talk too soon, Shay. They turn out to be too unbearable and I’ll be moving into your place, messing with your bachelor vibes.”
I squeeze her hand. “Wouldn’t work. My loft has an all-round sugar ban. You wouldn’t survive.”
“You suck joy out of life.”
I push her away gently, our hands holding on until we can no longer reach. “It’s part of my world domination plan.”
Flipping me off, she moves toward her sister, leaving me to stand on the edge of the Rein patio watching her retreat.
“Rocco.” Dominic approaches, a whiskey in his hand.
“Dominic. Nice setup.” I gesture to his back yard, if you could call it that. The grandiose decorations transform the space into a wonderland of tulle, white roses and lanterns. Silver service an added bonus to the over-the-top cocktail party.
“Sarah’s been spotted in the city.” He ignores my praise, drawing my attention immediately.
“What? When?”
“Earlier today,” he worries. “I don’t like it, Rocco. She should’ve gone deeper into hiding. Instead, she’s out in the open. Something’s happening. I don’t know what, but I can feel it, she’s planning something.”
“You sure she’s not just cooked on meth and makin’ stupid decisions?”
“No.” He throws the contents of his glass down his throat, snapping his fingers in the direction of the closest waiter, demanding a refill.
The waiter brings me one too and I mumble a thank you, eyes set on Dominic.
“But we can’t rely on that. Prepare for the worst and hope for the fucking best.”
I sip the amber liquid, letting the earthy flavors soak into my lips. “Do we have any leads of where she’s stayin’?”
His head shakes, a fake smile on his lips, waving to Codi as she drifts past.
“No. Which means she has connections here I don’t know about. Fuck,” he spits, rubbing a hand roughly down his face.
“Boss,” the asshole henceforth known as Dork interrupts.
“What?” Dominic snaps, inhaling heavily to calm himself before turning around. “Apologies. What do you need?”
York shifts uncomfortably on his feet. “Tivoli has asked for you inside. Says it’s urgent.”
I move to walk with Dominic, but he stops me with a hand to my chest. “It’s okay. Enjoy your brother’s wedding. We’ll reassess tomorrow.”
I scowl in indecision.
“Go.” He taps his jacket pocket, opening it to pull out two Cuban cigars. “Find your brother, celebrate.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Camryn
The house is quiet, uncharacteristically so. Unnervingly so. A purposeful hush over the wide space that can only promise disharmony.
It should be bustling with people. Staff fluttering busily; food and drinks on a continuous loop to the guests outside.
Instead, it’s empty. Mayhem decorating the kitchen as though it was placed on pause. Everyone dismissed without warning.
I stop, listening for voices, but hear none.
I turn on high-heeled feet, moving toward my father’s office with purpose.
“York,” I call out as I approach.
He turns to me, appreciation in his beady little eyes.
Total. Creep.
“Where’s Dad? It’s time to cut the cake.”
He clears his throat, straightening his shoulders in importance.
Douche.
“He’s busy.”
My face screws up. “Yeah, no. It’s Codi’s wedding.”
“He’s with someone.” He steps in front of me, cutting off my path as I move toward the door.
“Do yourself a favor, jackass and move your ass out of my way.”
He swallows in uncertainty. “It looked important, Camryn. Two kids, I think they were snooping around the property.”
I lift my hands up in a who-fucking-cares gesture. “Cool story, bruh. Move.”
He hesitates for a split-second before shifting out of my way, muttering, “I better not get fired.”
I slip through my dad’s office door without acknowledging York further. I honestly have no idea why my dad hired him. He is insufferable. Some rich ki
d with a point to prove to his daddy.
“Everything okay?” I ask my dad as I step inside.
My eyes slice over the two kids sitting on Dad’s office couch automatically, their eyes watching me cautiously.
I give them my full attention, the familiarity in their gray eyes forcing my feet to take a step forward. “Holy shit,” I speak before thinking. “You look so much like—”
“Camryn,” my dad cuts me off. “We’re in the middle of something.”
“Codi wants to cut the cake,” I offer distractedly, my eyes glued to the boy in confusion.
“That’ll have to wait, I’m sorry. Can you please grab Rocco for me?”
“No need,” Rocco’s voice echoes behind me as he moves through the door. “You forgot to give me a guillotine and lighter.” He closes the door behind him, Parker a step in front.
“Fuck me,” Parker speaks first.
Why do movies pretend important events happen in slow motion? I wish that were true so I could take it all in appropriately. Instead, I’m caught between the look of utter bewilderment in Rocco’s eyes and the rough accusation in Parker’s tone. “You look exactly like me.”
I don’t know where to look.
He’s right. This kid, who can’t be much older than fifteen, is a picture of Parker with a reverse aging Snapchat filter. Same dirty blonde hair and virulent jawline. Eyes so similar, they looked plucked from Parker’s face and placed into this random child’s.
“And you’re the spitting image of Lila.” Rocco finally finds his voice, eyes trained on the young girl looking a little too entertained by the influx of people.
Parker inhales fiercely. “Fuck.”
“Who is Lila?” Her voice is like honey, sticky and sweet.
“Our mom,” the boys answer in unison.
On recollection, they’re right. She could be the girl in the photo that sits proudly on Rocco’s mantel. Long blonde hair, wolf-like eyes, not unlike her son’s, a smile of mischief and joy unmistakable.
“We shouldn’t have come,” the boy speaks, the rough regret in his voice too panicked to be comfortable. “Let’s go.” He turns to the girl, stretching out his hand.
Reining Devotion: A Chaotic Rein novel Page 16
