“Come on,” Jack said, tugging at my shoulder.
I let him turn me around.
“It’s kind of a big deal,” he said. “To people out there.”
“Not to you?” I asked.
“No, it is,” he said quickly. “To us, too.”
“Why is it a big deal?”
“Because… Because that’s how you get a baby. If you want one.”
“I don’t want a baby,” I said. “I’ve never even set foot outside my tower.”
“You don’t have to have a baby from it,” William said. “Only if you want.”
“Okay,” I said. “If I don’t want a baby, is it still a big deal?”
“Yeah,” Jack said. “It is.”
I still didn’t understand what it was. “Why?”
“I…I’m not sure,” Jack said, looking to his brothers for help.
“Because it feels so good,” Daniel said.
“Show me how.”
Jack’s eyes went shiny, and he pressed his lips together, and I knew he was trying not to laugh. “It’s, uh, a special thing.”
“And that’s bad?”
“Some people think you should only share it with your husband when you’re married,” William said. “And it’s bad if you do it before that.”
“Oh.” I thought about that a minute and then asked, “Do you think that?”
“No,” all four of them said in unison.
I blinked at them. “Why do other people think that?”
“Because, um…” William started.
“It feels too good,” Daniel said. “And they’re afraid everyone will run around doing it all the time.”
“And that girls will accidentally get pregnant,” Jack added.
“It will be harder for adults to control us,” Daniel said.
“Some people think it’s a sacred ritual,” Jack said. “And it’s too important to be shared with just anyone.”
“Oh,” I said, finally starting to understand. “Like treasure.”
They all stopped talking to look at me.
“Treasure can’t be shared with just anyone,” I said. “I’m only supposed to share it with the prince once we get married, and even then, he’s not supposed to know about all my treasure. I only give him a little.”
“That’s sex,” Daniel said.
“No, it’s treasure. I can show you.”
William’s cheeks turned pink, and he swallowed. He had that lump on his throat, too.
“Astrid,” Jack said, his eyes shining with laughter in that way that made me feel all warm and smiley, too. “That’s what your mother was talking about when she called it treasure. She was talking about your body. About sex.”
I nodded, but it didn’t really make sense. Treasure came from my eyes, not my body. But it had never made sense to me. Pretty things were pretty, but nothing more. Mother Dear told me they were valuable, but I didn’t know how treasure was better than a bird soaring over the valley, or a flower in the meadow below, or rain dripping past my window. I was tired of having all this treasure and not knowing what it meant.
“Have you done sex?” I asked.
Three of them nodded. William shook his head.
“Wait a minute,” Daniel said, turning to William. “You said Marla—.”
“Shut up, okay?” William said, his skin going pink shade all the way to his ears this time. “She didn’t want to.”
“You could have told us,” Jack said.
William hung his head. “I didn’t want to look like a loser.”
“Oh, man,” Daniel said. “You definitely need to get laid.”
“Me, too,” I said.
They all stared at me a second, and then three of them burst into laughter. Evan shook his head with a small smile.
“What?” I asked. “I don’t want to look like a loser, either.”
Daniel smacked himself in the forehead with his palm. “I knew we’d explain it badly.”
“If we both need to do this…” William started.
Jack held up a hand. “Oh, no,” he said. “If anyone touches her, it’s someone who knows what he’s doing. At least the first time.”
“Yeah, okay,” William said. “You’re right.”
Evan stepped over to place both hands on my shoulders. “You don’t look like a loser.” He gave me this look that made me so dizzy I had to grip the floor with my toes, so I wouldn’t fall over. “You’re beautiful.”
“Devastatingly beautiful,” Jack said.
“Irresistible,” William said, nodding.
“Drop dead gorgeous,” Daniel said.
“I know,” I said.
Evan stepped back, and they all did that thing where they stared at me with their mouths hanging open.
“I’m the second most beautiful girl in the world,” I said.
“Second?” Jack asked, cocking an eyebrow, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. “Don’t get too humble now.”
“I’m second after Mother Dear,” I said. “I could be first, but my hair isn’t golden like hers.”
Evan dropped his head into his hands, shaking it slowly back and forth.
“Okay, let’s drop the sex talk and get back to shifting,” Jack said. “Usually, you’ll be somewhat close to what your parents were. Like, I’m a deer, Evan’s a horse, and William here is a cow.”
“A bull,” William said, glaring.
“I’m a dog,” Daniel said. “Trust me when I say it’s hard to live that one down when it comes to the ladies.”
“Always chasing tail,” Jack said with a grin. “Even when he has to chase his own.”
“That’s not close to the others,” I said. “That’s not even an herbivore.”’
“She knows that, but not how babies are made,” William said, shaking his head.
“I got the dog from my mom,” Daniel said.
“Mother Dear isn’t a shifter,” I said.
“But your father is,” Jack said. “He’s actually the king of the shifters. Right?”
“You know?” I whispered, panic rising inside me. Somehow, they knew who I was. Maybe that’s why they’d come to get me. They knew I was the shifter princess, and they wanted to steal me away. I squeezed my hand shut around the treasure.
“We figured your dad was King Owen,” Daniel said, like it didn’t matter at all, like it wasn’t even important. It wasn’t something to say in hushed tones or hide. He went right on musing about how Father Dear was a big cat, so that meant there was a ninety percent chance that I was actually a feline of some sort or at least a big predator. Like that was more important than the fact that I was a princess with a room full of treasure below me. These boys weren’t here to steal my treasure. They didn’t even care. They cared more about freeing me.
It made me wonder what else Mother Dear had lied about. It made me wonder what was out there that she had tried so hard to keep me from.
“Wait,” I said. “I’ve only been a turtle. Are you saying that’s not what I really am?”
“That’s what we’re saying,” Jack said with a grin that was so filled with excitement that it made my own about-to-lose-it feeling settle. “If you’ve never tried to be anything else, how do you know what you are naturally?”
“Because…because that’s what I chose?”
“You don’t choose,” William said. “It comes out as you learn to shift. It’s effortless, and you feel a connection with that animal in the wild. And when you’re in that form, it’s like you’re complete in a whole new way. You feel…calm. Everything just is. You don’t question things. There’s no confusion.”
I thought of the struggle to turn into a turtle, how it hurt and took endless concentration and sometimes, pain. Mother Dear didn’t like me to shift, and I didn’t like it, either, so I rarely did it. It felt nothing like what he described. I tried to think of what would make me feel like that. When I saw the birds soaring over the mountains, I felt peaceful, but not in the way he described. They filled my heart with su
ch longing I sometimes felt like I’d die, like my heart would beat its wings until it tore through my ribcage and out the window to join them.
But I wasn’t a bird. Maybe if I saw a big cat, I would feel the same about them. Maybe I’d feel even more strongly connected, and I wouldn’t feel the longing to be free. I’d only feel the peacefulness.
“Can you take me to see Father Dear?” I asked.
They broke off talking. Evan raised his eyebrows in a question, his gaze so intense it made me squirm. “Does he know you’re here?”
“Of course.”
“We were afraid of that,” Daniel said, sinking onto the edge of my bed.
“We can take you,” Jack said slowly. “But chances are, he wouldn’t like that. If he knows you’re here, he wants you here as much as your mother. We just don’t know exactly why.”
“I know why,” I said. The answer was pressing into my palm. But I needed more answers than that. I needed a better reason than a shiny teardrop. Even a thousand tiny teardrops weren’t enough to explain why I hadn’t had friends like this my whole life.
“Why?” Evan asked.
I shook my head. “I can’t tell you.”
“Okay, so who wants to shift into a bird?” Jack asked. “I’m pretty confident that I can make it from here to the ground, at least.”
My hand turned into a fist around the treasure. I had always done what Mother Dear said. When she said I had to be a turtle, I’d believed her. I’d been a turtle. Now these boys were telling me I had to be a cat, but I wasn’t a cat, either. I didn’t care what my father was, or what my mother was, or where treasure came from. I tossed it onto the bed and pulled my purple gown from my shoulders, dropping it to the floor.
“I’ll do it.”
Chapter Twelve
Astrid
Four sets of eyes glued to me like I was made of treasure, like my body really was treasure. Like I wasn’t the second-most beautiful girl in the world. Like I was more than a girl, or a turtle, or a shifter, or even a princess. Like I was…me.
“Whoa,” Daniel whispered.
“Do what?” Jack asked, his voice kind of choked.
I imagined the birds I’d seen, the peace eagles and the crows, the blackbirds and hawks. I threw my arms up, and a prickling sensation rippled across my skin. Power surged through my body, a hundred times greater than thunder rolling through the clouds in a storm. As it grew inside me, I seemed to shrink externally. I looked up, gasping at the feathers spreading along my arms. No, not arms. I was spread wide, admiring my giant red-gold wings. I was no turtle, no fox, and no cat. I was a bird.
And then I fell to the floor.
Relief like I’d never felt before rippled through me, and I beat my wings, but nothing happened. I beat them harder, batting them against the floor until feathers started coming loose.
“Stop,” Jack said, crouching next to me. Dust swirled under the bed. I looked up at Jack. The boys were staring at me.
“Can you shift back?” William asked, falling to his knees beside Jack.
“Guess you always knew you weren’t a turtle,” Daniel said, sitting on his heels and running a hand over my feathered back.
Evan crouched, too, holding out a hand to me.
I didn’t want to be a human in a cage. I wanted to be a bird, flying free through the spring sunshine. But since I didn’t know how, I thought of my human body. Of the feeling of Jack’s skin under my fingertips, the rush of warm over my bare skin when he looked at me. A second later, I shifted back and found myself standing in the center of a circle boys.
None of them rose. Evan and Jack, who were sitting on their heels, dropped their knees to the floor. My eyes moved from one to the next. William, with his curious eyes peering out from behind his glasses, who had told his brothers I was here in the first place. Daniel, with his quick laughter and jokes. Evan, who had barely spoken since he was here but whose eyes made me shiver with sensations I didn’t understand. And Jack, with his bright yellow curls and his smile that could calm me when I started to freak out. They were all serious now, all staring at me with identical expressions of wonder and awe. Expressions that said I was a princess, and they would worship me if that was what I wanted.
But I didn’t want that. Not from them. Maybe some of what Mother Dear said was true. My father was the shifter king. One day, I would be the queen. Right now, though, I was just me, and I didn’t want these boys to treat me as if I were anything else. They weren’t here to steal from me or hurt me. They were here to set me free.
“Why can’t I fly?” I asked.
“You haven’t practiced,” William said. “Birds aren’t born knowing how to fly.”
“Who can teach me?”
Evan’s eyes locked on mine, and he gave the slightest nod.
“Okay,” I said. “Come back tomorrow.”
“Don’t you want to go outside now?” Daniel asked, rising to his feet. “We can lower you in the basket.”
“No,” I said. “When I leave, I want to fly out on my own wings.”
“Are you sure?” Jack asked, reaching up to take my hand. “It might take a while.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ve been waiting sixteen years. I’m a patient girl.”
I didn’t say the last part. That I needed time to get ready, to prepare myself. Because when I flew out of there, I was never coming back.
Chapter Thirteen
Astrid
That evening, as I sat on my windowsill, I wondered where Mother Dear had gone in the world today. What had she seen and done that was so terrible that I couldn’t see and do the same things? She must have been protecting me from something out there. But if it was so horrible, why could she face it day after day while I had to stay here?
It could be that I was weak and stupid, as she’d always told me, but I didn’t believe that anymore. At least, I was starting to question it. The boys didn’t make me feel weak and stupid. They looked at me like I was a goddess. They made me feel powerful and incredible.
And what could be more horrible than being trapped up here my whole life, being told I was too special for the world? I didn’t want to be special. I just wanted to be Astrid, the girl, the bird. Not a turtle who would get stuck as an animal forever if I tried to change into something else, so I must never, ever try. I’d been trapped here not by my body or this tower but by her words—her lies.
I could have flown out of here all along. What could be more horrible than knowing that?
I waited until I grew sleepy under the full moon, but Mother Dear did not come. I heard wolves howling down in the Second Valley. On the other side of my mountain, the First Valley was filled with witches I’d never met. Witches who I’d been told wanted my treasure—but did they? If Mother Dear had lied to me about who I was, what I was, why should I believe anything she said?
In the morning, the sky was dark and heavy with rain. I kicked off the blanket and went to the window, my heart sinking when raindrops began to streak past. Mother Dear hadn’t come the night before, and she rarely came during the day, so I couldn’t demand explanations. And Evan wouldn’t come all the way here in the rain. I sat on the sill, watching the dreary weather that matched my mood. It seemed impossible that only a month had passed since the eclipse. Only a month ago, I’d been happy enough in my tower all alone.
I’d been impatient to get down and start living the life Mother Dear had always promised for me, but that was all. It had been a vague dissatisfaction. Now that I’d experienced just a few days of the people out there, I couldn’t go back. I hadn’t even found freedom, and already I knew I could never be happy in my cage again.
A few hours later, as I was sitting before the mirror singing, I heard steady hoofbeats approaching. My hairbrush clattered to the surface of the vanity, my heart pounding harder than the horse’s hooves. I raced to the window just as a sheet of rain blew in, soaking me. I barely felt it. Laughing with joy, I threw down the basket without waiting for him to appear
. And then he did, a big, dark stallion racing along the path and bursting into my clearing.
He shifted and jumped into the basket without checking to make sure it was really me up here. I hadn’t bothered with clothes that morning, and I didn’t bother with them now. I pulled him up, hand over hand, until the basket reached the window. I reached out, gripping his upper arms, and he slid into the room with me, both of us wet from the torrents of rain sluicing down from the sky.
We were both breathing hard—him from running and me from hauling up the basket as fast as I could. Our bodies were close, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body despite his cold skin. Water trickled from his dark hair down his sculpted cheekbones and jaw, dripping onto his broad shoulders and trickling down the ridges of hard muscle of his chest and abs.
“Oh,” I breathed as my eyes dropped lower. “What’s that?”
“That’s what a boy looks like naked,” he said, his voice low and husky.
“All boys have an extra limb?” I asked. “What’s it for? Does it help you climb?”
“No,” he said, a small smile on his lips.
“What’s funny?”
He cleared his throat. “It’s for sex.”
I tried to remember exactly what they’d said about sex being related to treasure. “It gives you treasure?”
“It gets me treasure,” Evan said, still smiling a little.
“How?” I asked, suspicion rising. “Is it like a hand that grabs treasure?”
A small chuckle escaped him. “Sort of.”
“Does it suck it up like an anteater?”
“No,” he said, his smile dropping away. “It goes inside you.”
I stared at the limb that was starting to grow up toward me. I stepped back, even more wary now. Now it looked the way I imagined snakes looked—rising slowly to strike. Transfixed, I waited for him to do something with it. At last, the words burst out of me. “What’s it doing?” I asked, my voice sounding high and a bit panicked. “Why’s it growing?”
Evan cocked an eyebrow. “Because you’re paying attention to it. You don’t want it to get bigger?”
“There’s no way that can fit in my eye!”
Caged: A Twisted Fairytale Retelling Page 7
