A wide smile spread on the woman’s face. “Of course! I always have plenty to share.” She leaned forward as she mock-whispered, “Really, I think I could clothe every woman in the clans three times over, or so my mate complains every time my mother sends me home with more. I will look for something suitable and will deliver it later.” Faltz snorted but gave Heidi a begrudging smile before turning and carrying his mate out of the cavern.
Heidi’s smile disappeared following their departure, and she turned her attention to checking her weapons. Anything to keep her from having to engage in any kind of conversation with the triad.
“Heidi,” Gund rasped.
Fuck.
Sheathing her knife, she looked over at him. He looked at her hesitantly, his ears angling back with uncertainty. She felt a swell of sympathy for him but crushed it immediately. Why should she even care about his feelings now? Especially when he’d likely been playing with her mind the entire time.
“What is it, Gund?” she asked flatly.
He glanced at his triad brothers before meeting her eyes. “How are you?”
Her eyebrows arched. “A little late to care about such things, isn’t it? I mean, if you ever did at all.”
A frown pulled at his face. “I do not understand your meaning. You are our rya. Of course I cared.”
“Was. Was your rya,” she corrected him. “I doubt I was even that much. You had no problem dropping me when it suited you. To me, this seems like a long game you played very well. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out the way you wanted, and now you are stuck working with me. The only difference is that, this time, I won’t be touching any of you, and the less I have to even look at any of you, the better.”
Gund’s eyes widened in shock at her venomous words. She hated to see it. She took a deep breath and turned away, refusing to allow any tears. She had cried enough over them. She wouldn’t allow them to see her weak. They had seen enough of that.
His low growl rumbled behind her, making her stand straight in surprise. “Play a game? I have never done such a thing. I gave you my heart, my triad—and you physically threatened Tah! What could I do? I needed space to consider what was best for my triad…”
With a sharp bark of laughter, she spun around, choking on a sound of fury. “If you had considered me yours and we were a family, it would not have been a matter of your triad and me as if we were separate. That is your failing. I know I am broken. The Master broke every bit of me over the years with the horrible things I did under his command. It has made me reactive in a way that horrifies me… and I hate who I have become… but I would never have hurt you or cast you aside for a mistake, thinking that there was no way to eventually help you mend,” she spat, her eyes turning from Gund to Tah.
She couldn’t be angry with Orth, who was caught in the middle. Not really. Yes, in the end, he chose them over her, but she also knew that a triad meant survival for the Ragoru. Lone Ragoru were not unheard of, but they were rare and often mentally unstable, creating problems among human communities. The only real instances she’d heard of Ragoru attacks were in cases where it was a lone male, half-maddened.
She grimaced, allowing cold calm to wash over her. “It is done,” she muttered. “There is nothing more that needs to be said. I understand that you felt you were protecting your triad. Like I told Orth, I am pleased that I left you to find an opportunity to find a more suitable mate.”
A throat cleared, and she glanced gratefully at Bakin. His lips twisted in sympathy. “I have arranged a place for you to sleep tonight. One of the males volunteered to quarter with his brother. You may have his dome. I will take you there now.”
Letting out a long sigh of relief, she nodded. “Thank you. I am ready to go.” She glanced at the silent triad. “I will see you in the morning,” she said. With those parting words, she turned and swept out after the Mintar.
29
Tah stared at the cavern’s entrance, his mind in chaos. His instinct screamed at him to go after her and tie her to him as it warred with every bit of him that clung to the fact that Heidi was, in the end, a product of the Order. Yet her words seared him. He’d been telling himself for days that he was right to insist that Gund prioritize their safety above their attachment to the huntress. He took solace in it whenever the yearning for his mate felt too great to ignore.
In the end, it only took a few cutting remarks to show him just how ugly his decision had been. He’d been so hurt and furious that she would draw a weapon on him that it consumed him. Both Gund and Orth had tried to tell him that they didn’t think that Heidi would have used it, that it was just an instinctual reaction not unlike that which Ragoru often suffered from after trauma. He had refused to listen. Tah ducked his head, trembling with an upwelling of grief.
He had done this. He had irrevocably destroyed his family.
Of all the times he’d fallen headfirst into trouble, this time he did the one thing that he could never take back. He had ruined his triad’s mating due to his insecurities and lack of trust. Everything had been going so well—too well. Part of him had just been waiting for it to fall apart, because things always fell apart for his triad. They never could hang on to any happiness. When she drew her weapon against him, it had been as if everything within him had screamed that he’d been right. That it had been too good to be true. But he had been painfully wrong.
Heidi was right. He knew that she carried deep scars, and he used them against her the moment he got scared to validate his fears. A low, painful groan whined out of him as he crumpled into himself against the wall. He had done this.
A snarl ripped through the air, startling him from his thoughts. He glanced up to see Orth’s furious face.
“This is your fault!” Orth growled.
Tah barely had time to blink before the male threw himself at him, claws and teeth tearing at him. Tah drew up to defend himself and fight back. He growled, teeth bared, until he saw the despair in the other male’s eyes. Tah’s anger vanished in that moment and he lay prone beneath Orth, allowing the male to vent his anger until Gund tore him away.
Tah dabbed with his fingers at the blood dripping down his cheek as Orth was dragged to the other side of the room. Gund held him there, his four arms bound tightly around the other male, a low rumble filling the room as their lead attempted to comfort the hurting male. Tah watched, sorrow overwhelming him at causing his brother such distress.
Eventually, Orth’s breaths evened out and Gund released the smaller male. Orth moved away, striding from them, his back stiff with determination. He settled against the far wall, where Heidi had stood, before sliding down until he was seated on the cavern floor. He stared out ahead as if wrestling with his thoughts, his expression flat for the most part—although occasionally sorrow or anger seemed to occupy his features before leaving just as fast. The cavern filled with tense silence. Even Gund seemed to be preoccupied with his own thoughts as he stared with an empty gaze toward the entrance.
Finally, Orth huffed out a loud breath, catching Tah’s attention. “I cannot do this anymore. I thought I could. As rogs, we are taught that the triad comes before all things. Without it is madness and death. I chose the triad over my rya… over my heart. I am unable to change what I did, but I can hope that just maybe she can accept me when all things are finished. I am certain you will be able to find a third and find the mate you want. As I said before, I only want my rya. I won’t choose against her anymore.”
Tah gaped in horror as the male pushed himself up away from the wall.
“Gund, you are not going to stop him?” Tah demanded.
The lead gave him a blank look. “It is his decision, Tah. You know that. Until a triad is mated, they can dissolve and reform at any time.” He shook his head. “Orth is within his rights.” He smiled sadly at their third. “I understand your decision. You were the voice that fought for her—for our family—this entire time. I hope she welcomes you back to her side.”
Orth smiled then. It wa
s the first real smile that had graced the male’s face since the moment they left Heidi standing alone in the tall grasses of the plains. He nodded once and strode out of the cavern, leaving Tah and Gund alone.
Tah cleared his throat and looked quietly over at Gund. The other male was studying him, and it made him uneasy. Tah’s ears flattened and he closed his eyes, unable to meet the eyes of his triad brother.
“I really messed things up this time,” he muttered.
Gund’s chuckle was slow in coming but when it did Tah’s heart broke at the sadness in it.
“Yes, Tah. This definitely was not in our favor.”
Tah squeezed his eyes shut against the misery that swamped him at the ache in Gund’s voice. They had been together most of their lives, but never had he heard the male sound so defeated.
“If you wish to sever our bond, I will understand. I have probably had it coming for a long time.”
Another loud sigh echoed through the cavern. “That is your problem, Tah. You seek to live every experience to its fullest when it comes to everything else around, and yet you are afraid of living the life that you have because you believe that the worst is just waiting to happen to you. When I see you act in such ways, I see a male who is grabbing everything he can because he is afraid it will all be taken away from him at any moment.”
Tah bowed his head, accepting the gentle criticism. He knew that Gund loved him. They had loved each other since they were rogs. Nothing Gund had ever said or done toward him had ever lacked love. It sometimes carried disappointment or irritation, maybe even anger at some of Tah’s dumber decisions… but Gund had never ceased to love him.
“What happens now?” he rasped.
“We hope,” Gund stated. “We have the Master between us and our future, whatever that may be. We have no idea what is on the other side of that. So, we continue on, carry out our task, and hope for the best future for all of us.”
Tah swallowed his grief and nodded. He would learn patience to win his rya back.
“I will fix this,” he gritted out.
Gund wandered over to the sleeping pallet brought in for their triad to use and chuckled. “Only you would speak of mending bonds as if it were something to be conquered. Sleep, Tah. It is beyond worrying about at this moment.”
Tah watched his triad brother curl up on the pallet before settling on it himself. He didn’t sleep, though. Instead, he stared at the entrance for a long time, breathing in the fading scent of Heidi, wondering where she was and if she would even for a moment think of him with anything less than anger.
30
The hide dome that Heidi was provided was comfortable. Like the pottery, it was of simple design, and yet there was a certain brightness to everything. She recognized the beautiful textiles of the Atlavans in the cushions and fabrics around the room, no doubt garnered through trade with their allies. Everything was built at a height and close together so that a Mintar would be comfortably within reach of whatever he desired when lying among the cushions. In the center of the dwelling was a stone fire pit that safely contained a fire to ward off the evening chill. A huge metal kettle sat on a rock to one side of a tall, cold-lidded container full of fresh water. Heidi smiled at the homey touch. It didn’t take much searching to find the tea strainer and a container holding loose tea. There was even a tiny pot of honey.
Tea was a good remedy for just about everything… or it was enough of a comfort that she could almost fool herself into believing that.
Filling the kettle with fresh water, she suspended it from the metal arm anchored in the ground beside the fire and slowly turned it until the bottom of the kettle was directly over the flames. Leaving it to heat, she searched around until she found a pink top with tiny flower buds stitched on it lying on the sleeping mat. Wrinkling her brow, Heidi slowly picked up the delicate tunic. She was almost afraid to touch it for fear that she would ruin a tunic of such obvious quality.
This was what Beni had thought was appropriate for an assassin?
Shaking her head, she set the tunic aside and hunted around until she found a large bowl, which she carried over to the fire. Setting it down on a small table, she checked the kettle and found the water to be boiling. Using a thick, layered leather pad left near the fire pit, clearly for such a purpose, Heidi maneuvered the arm until the kettle was no longer suspended. Carefully removing it from the arm, she carried the kettle the few paces over to pour the hot water into the bowl. Returning the kettle to its rock, she ladled a bit more of the cold water into the bowl, mixing it until it was a comfortable temperature.
Finally, to get clean!
Taking off her armor, she set the pieces aside and wiped them down with the damp corner of a cloth. She used the dry part to rub a small amount of oil from her personal supply into it. Although washing it was more for her sake, to get the smell of her sweat out after so many days of walking without cloth separating her skin from it, she didn’t skimp when it came to oiling it. She depended on her armor too much to neglect it. Once it was cared for and stacked carefully on one side of the room so no one would trip over it, she turned to see about her bath before the water cooled completely.
Heidi shucked her pants, peeling the material off her legs, followed by her underwear, until she stood beside the firepit, naked as the day she was born. With the sliver of what was left from her soap, she lathered the cloth and attacked every crevice of her body with gusto until every bit of stink and odor was removed. Orth would hate that. Her bottom lip wobbled at the thought, remembering the way he enjoyed licking her body even if it made her shudder with horror. She suspected he got even more enjoyment out of it then.
Shaking her head at the memory, she rinsed her rag and wiped away the soap, using the remaining soapy water to wash out her clothes. Wrapping a blanket around herself, she carried the bowl outside and dumped the unclean water where Bakin had indicated to dispose of waste. Balancing the bowl on one hip, she strode back across the Mintar settlement to her little dome and stepped inside. She stopped and stared at the gray Ragoru in her space.
Pinching her lips together, she strode by Orth back to the fire and ladled more cold water into the bowl to rinse the soap out of her clothes. With a quick tuck to make sure the blanket was securely wrapped around her, she crouched beside the bowl and began the arduous task of rinsing her pants.
“I am surprised to see you here, Orth. It is late. I would assume that you and your triad would be bedding down by now.”
The male shifted uncomfortably, but his eyes stayed focused firmly on her. “I left the triad.” He said it so quietly that Heidi’s head snapped up, certain she had misheard him.
“You did what?”
“I left. I could not keep pretending that I was okay with not choosing you just because having a triad was all I had ever known or been raised to know. Tah knows he made a mistake, and Gund’s biggest mistake was yielding to that idiot’s paranoia rather than doing what was best for our triad—what he should have been focused on.” He shook his head in amusement. “All this time, he insisted that our triad was better off without you, and yet every time he said it, I could see that it killed him little by little. He was just too blind to see. I do not want to sit by and watch my brothers self-destruct. I want you, Heidi. I never stopped wanting you since the day you said you would be ours.”
Heidi stared at him, her mouth dropping open at his emotional flood of words.
He wanted her? After everything, he chose her? Her lips begin to quirk as he continued to say how much he missed her, how desperately he yearned to be with her again, swearing to her that he would be a good mate and never leave her side again. Every word made her heart a little lighter.
She stifled a laugh when he paused to breathe, looking at her like a helpless rog. He was wearing his heart on his fur, his yellow eyes looking at her with hope. She could crush him easily for no other reason than spite, to punish him for leaving her. She’d imagined doing so several times after he delivered Gund’s mess
age to her. Even then he’d looked sad and conflicted, but left all the same. She’d relished dreaming of how she would stomp on his heart if he ever offered it to her again. Now that he was, staring at her with cautious hope and contrition, she couldn’t do it.
“What of Gund and Tah?” she asked.
Orth shrugged. “I am not certain. I know Gund will stay with Tah for no other reason than that they have been together all their lives and he won’t abandon him, but I know Gund suffers your loss. He tried to find comfort and satisfaction with Tah, in some desperate way believing that it would make it easier to bear being apart from you… but it did not work, and it did nothing to heal their hearts. Even Tah suffers every day, whether or not he will admit it.”
Heidi’s eyebrows winged up. “Gund and Tah have been… going at it, have they?” She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “Good for them.”
Orth looked at her for a long moment as if trying to gauge whether or not she was serious and chuckled. “You never cease to surprise me, rya.”
The loving word washed over her, and she shivered. Her eyes traveled over his beloved features, mapping them out and refreshing them in her memory. Yes, she wanted that love again. She blinked back tears.
“I am still broken, Orth.”
The male snorted and gestured to himself. “Do I look whole to you? My life since reaching adulthood has been a constant fight for survival. We are all broken, but I am confident we can find a way. We can lean on each other, and help each other heal, because we have each other.”
Her lips quivered and curved into a wide, watery smile. “Fuck, you’re right! I want that. I want to go for that.”
He stepped forward and raised a hesitant hand. It paused near her face and she pulled it down and pressed her cheek into it. The happy sigh that issued from him felt like it came from her own heart too. She looked up at him, no longer caring that tears were flowing freely from her eyes. No longer caring if she showed her vulnerability.
Huntress Page 20
