by Alexa Land
Once outside, I held the door to Nana’s stretch limo and rubbed a water spot off the roof with my thumb as she and her friends climbed in back. A few months earlier, Nana and I had painted a rainbow over the top of the car and a big stripe down each side to liven it up a bit. But after everyone told us the stripes looked like two big cocks, a friend of mine who owned a body shop gave it a new paint job. He’d done a much better job than we had, so now the entire limo was covered end to end in a sparkling rainbow, each color blending perfectly into the next. Nana was a huge advocate of gay rights, and the rainbowmobile was her none-too-subtle way of showing her support.
The senior contingent decided to postpone the trip to the wine shop in favor of heading to Mr. Mario’s salon, so they could primp for a party Nana was throwing that night. So basically, Dante had come along for no reason. He sat up front and chatted with me as we rolled slowly through typical Saturday-in-San-Francisco traffic and up and down the steep hills.
We stopped at the salon first, and then I headed to the Marina District, where Dante co-owned a restaurant with his husband and lived above it in a spacious loft. “I’ve been meaning to ask you,” I said, glancing at him as I pulled up to a stoplight, “how are things going now that you’re back in charge of the family business?”
The Dombrusos had once been major figures in the world of organized crime. Even though they’d gone legit in recent years, apparently it wasn’t the kind of thing you could ever completely walk away from. There were still rival families and old grudges to contend with, and lately there had also been dissention from within the Dombruso clan. Dante’s cousin Jerry had been running the family’s business interests ever since Dante stepped down a few years ago. But when another cousin, a sweet guy named Nico, fell in love with someone from a rival family, Jerry had been outraged and had taken out a hit on both Nico and his boyfriend Luca. Fortunately, it had been called off before anyone got hurt, but after that, Dante resumed control of the family.
“It’s fine,” Dante said, pushing his black hair from his eyes as he watched the traffic. “Everything’s under control.”
Of course he’d say that. Dante was the type of man who’d carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and never once complain. But a bit of strain had appeared around his eyes since he’d been back in charge, and he was definitely quieter, more stoic, and seemed like he always had a lot on his mind. He’d actually started to remind me of his brother Vincent, who’d always been serious like that.
“Have you heard from Jerry?”
“Not a word.” He’d offered his cousin a position within the family (like the old adage said, keep your friends close and your enemies closer), but Jerry had resigned after a few weeks and disappeared. It seemed like Dante and Vincent (who’d stepped up as second in command) were holding their breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. No one was dumb enough to believe Jerry had just decided to bow out gracefully and relinquish control without a fight. He wasn’t that type of man. He’d simply known he was outgunned when Dante and the rest of the family confronted him, and he’d pretended to play along. It was anyone’s guess when and how he’d lash out at them, but everyone was certain it would happen.
Dante’s brother-in-law Trevor was just exiting the restaurant with his dad TJ when we pulled up a few minutes later. Even though they looked a lot alike with their slender build, dark hair and blue eyes, it was hard to believe they were father and son, since TJ could easily pass for twenty-five. They waited for us as I parked.
I tried to hurry around the car so I could open Dante’s door for him, but he opened it himself before I got there and said, “You know you don’t have to do that for me.”
“Sure I do. I’m the chauffeur.” I didn’t wear a uniform anymore, because my job was pretty casual and had expanded way beyond driving the limo, but that was still what I’d been hired to do.
“You’re more than that, Jessie,” he said. “You’re a member of my family, who also happens to drive my grandmother around. Thank God for that, because it’s scary as shit when she gets behind the wheel.”
His words stirred up a lot of emotions in me, since I really wished I was a part of the Dombruso clan. But I pushed them down and distracted myself by wiping water spots off the limo with the cuff of my blue hoodie. Meanwhile, Trevor called, “Damn, you changed out of your pretty frock, Dante. Charlie will be disappointed! I hear you were a vision in satin and ruffles.”
Dante grinned at that and said hello to Trevor and TJ before asking, “Is my husband inside?” When Trevor nodded, Dante hurried into the restaurant.
TJ said, “I’d better go, I need to get back to work. Nice to see you, Jessie. Trevor, I’ll talk to you soon.”
“You sure you won’t change your mind and come to the party tonight, Dad?” Trevor asked.
His father shook his head. “Big crowds aren’t really my thing. Have fun, though.”
TJ said goodbye and took off, and I joined Trevor in the alcove in front of the restaurant’s polished wood door. My friend sighed as he watched his dad disappear into the stream of pedestrians on the sidewalk, and I asked, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just worry about him. He tends to isolate himself. I knew that party would be out of his comfort zone, but I’d hoped he would come anyway and maybe meet a few people.”
“I’m glad you’ll be there, though. I thought you might be working.” He was a chef’s apprentice at Dante’s restaurant.
He turned to me and said, “I took the night off. I just came in to sample a tasting menu the chef’s putting together.” I studied my friend as he was speaking. We were both in our twenties, and like me, Trevor looked a lot younger than he was, especially in the baggy sweatshirt and jeans he was wearing. People tended to underestimate both of us based on our appearance, but in Trevor’s case, they were wrong to do that. Not only was he building a brilliant career, he was also happily married to a great guy named Vincent and was an amazing dad to their adopted son Josh. In other words, I might look like a shorter, blonder version of him, but Trevor was light years ahead of me in every aspect of his life. When he turned to me, his brows knit with concern and he asked, “Are you alright, Jessie? You seem a little sad.”
I hadn’t thought it showed, and I quickly pulled up a smile. “I’m fine.”
“It’s okay to admit it if you’re not, you know,” Trevor said.
After a moment, I confessed, “I’ve just been having so much fun today, and it’s kind of bittersweet. I used to have a lot of days like this, but they’re getting to be few and far between. It’s a bummer to watch myself growing obsolete at the best job I’ve ever had.”
“How are you becoming obsolete?”
“Well, you know. Nana doesn’t need me like she used to. Her fiancé Ollie bought a convertible last month, so he drives her around, except when it’s a group outing and she needs the limo. Plus, let’s face it, eighty percent of my job description was partner-in-crime, but now Nana has a new wingman for all the schemes and adventures she dreams up.”
“I didn’t think about that,” Trevor said.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely thrilled that Nana found Ollie. They’re perfect for each other, and she deserves a happily ever after, especially after her jerk of a husband dumped her for a woman half his age. I mean, come on! Who does that?”
“A total asshole, that’s who.”
“Exactly. Nana deserves all the happiness in the world after the shit she’s been through. This job was one in a million though, so I can’t help but be a little depressed now that it’s starting to wind down.”
“I get it, but you’re a part of this family, Jessie. Even if your job’s changing, that’s never going to. You know that, right?”
I really wanted to believe him, and it was great that both he and Dante had said it, but I couldn’t help but think they were just being nice. I said, “I feel like a jerk for turning Nana’s happiness into a negative.”
“That’s not even sort of
what you’re doing! You’re just sad about your job, which is understandable.”
I decided to make my escape before I got all emotional. “I’d better run, I have to get to the house because Nana’s expecting a delivery.”
“See you tonight,” he called as I returned to the limo.
*****
I parked in Nana’s driveway about thirty seconds before a whole fleet of delivery vans pulled up. The next day was Valentine’s Day, and also the wedding anniversary of two guys who Nana considered a part of her family, so she’d decided to throw a huge bash. She loved parties and looked for any reason to celebrate, so the holiday and Skye and Dare’s anniversary were the perfect excuses to go all out, as far as she was concerned.
Once I signed for the delivery, a small army from the party store began unloading a truly staggering number of balloons. A young woman with cropped, bleached hair stopped right in front of me and looked up at the house. She was holding a billowing cloud of red, white, and pink heart-shaped balloons by their curling-ribbon tethers, and murmured, “Holy shit.”
Nana’s home always made one hell of a first impression. I’d learned when she first hired me that it was called a Queen Anne Victorian, and it was enormous, gorgeous and close to a hundred years old. To me, the house with all its elaborate period details always looked like something out of a movie, grand and whimsical at the same time. The latter was partly due to the fact that we’d painted its façade top-to-bottom in an iridescent rainbow, under the guidance of one of Nana’s artist friends, a talented guy named Christopher Robin. The house and limo were a matched set.
“It’s like gay Disneyland,” the woman murmured. She looked at me and asked, “Do you live here?” When I nodded, she said, “Lucky,” before heading into the house with the rest of the balloon parade.
No doubt about it. Nana had taken me in a little over a year ago, just weeks after I was hired as her driver, because my building had become overrun with a massive, truly disgusting ant invasion. Even after the problem was eradicated, I stayed at Nana’s house and let the lease run out on my apartment.
I loved living there. I got to pretend I was part of a family again, something I’d sorely missed after my real family disowned me when I came out, and the Dombrusos played along. But I felt like I was taking advantage of Nana’s hospitality, especially since I wasn’t on call twenty-four/seven anymore.
I was startled from my thoughts when a deep voice behind me asked, “Where do you want this dick?” I grinned and cued up a snappy comeback, but when I turned around, my mouth fell open and I forgot what I was going to say. One of the delivery guys was holding a nine-foot pink cock, and there were several more lined up right behind him, each carried by a delivery person with a poker face. The shaft was artfully crafted out of a spiral column of smaller balloons, topped with a large, slightly pointed balloon for the head, and flanked at the base by two even bigger round balloons. The cocks were actually quite well-done, if not at all what I’d been expecting.
“Is this the Aphrodite’s Temple balloon package?” Nana and I had placed the order with the web browser on my phone at the last minute, and we hadn’t really been paying much attention. So only then did I realize the description of ‘impressive, pink Grecian columns’ had been tongue-in-cheek.
“Yeah. It’s usually ordered for bachelorette parties. Do you want us to take it away?”
“Oh hell no.” I stepped aside so the dick parade could filter past me. I thought it was hilarious and knew Nana would get a kick out of it.
An enormous balloon arch followed. It was also part of the Aphrodite package, so it consisted of red and white hearts interspersed with pink dick-shaped balloons, which jutted out at every angle. I had the delivery people frame the front porch with the arch, and waved and flashed a smile at the asshole neighbor across the street when he got out of his Mercedes and glared at the house.
Once the downstairs and the grand ballroom on the third floor were decorated and the last delivery person filtered out, I shut the door and chuckled as I took in the scene before me. It was festive, no doubt about it. The curved banister leading to the second floor landing was lined with dozens of balloon hearts and foot-long dicks, and I’d had the party company place a dozen of the giant peens randomly around the spacious foyer. They looked like a big, pink, dick forest.
Someone knocked as I was admiring the décor, so I threw my arm around the nearest towering peen and struck a pose. When I swung the door open, River Flynn-Hernandez, who was both the caterer for the party and a friend of the family, raised an eyebrow at me and said, in an accent that was an interesting mix of California surfer and Louisiana drawl, “Nothin’ that happens at Nana’s house surprises me anymore.” I could understand that. Anyone who visited regularly knew to expect the unexpected.
He placed several canvas grocery bags just inside the door. I followed him out to his van in the driveway and asked, “Where’s Cole?” River and his boyfriend worked together and were usually inseparable.
We both picked up crates of produce, and as we carried them to the house he told me, “Cole’s not coming. It’s okay, though. I just got off the phone with Trevor, and he said he’d come early and help me cook.”
“Is Cole okay? He didn’t catch that flu that’s going around, did he?”
“He’s fine.” River just left it at that and took a right turn into the big, sunny kitchen.
As I helped him unpack the boxes onto the long, granite-topped kitchen island, I said, “Your brother’s here.” I pointed to the backyard with a bunch of carrots.
“I know, I saw Skye’s truck.” River’s long, sun-streaked brown hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and he tucked an escaped tendril behind his ear as he said, “I’ll go out and say hi in a minute, some of this stuff needs to be refrigerated.”
When everything was unpacked and the refrigerator was loaded, he said he needed to run back out to his van for something, and I told him I’d be in the backyard. I paused to check my reflection in the gleaming chrome of a giant espresso machine Ollie had bought the week before. I’d been growing out my blond hair, and pulled off my baseball cap and tried to finger comb it a bit before giving up and putting the cap back on. I then pulled down the zipper on my hoodie, but what the hell did I think I was doing? I was built like a sixth grader, so it wasn’t like I was going to impress anyone with my manly pecs. The fact that I was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘You suck. I like that in a man’ really wasn’t going to impress anyone, either. I pulled the zipper up again before grabbing three bottles of water from the fridge and heading outside.
Funnily enough, the peen theme continued out in the yard. Two long rows of Italian cypress trees lining a wide, paved path had been trimmed into tidy columns, and each was flanked by a pair of round shrubs. That horticultural gem had been dubbed Cockhenge at some point, and while Nana swore she hadn’t had them trimmed to look like cocks on purpose, she’d ended up liking it and had left them that way.
At the end of the long pathway, Cockhenge culminated in a recently-added stone and concrete platform. A huge metal sculpture of two male faces in silhouette was under way on top of that base. The face on the right was tilted back and the other face hovered above it, held up by a thin column of metal whose curve suggested the front outline of a neck. The silhouettes were almost but not quite meeting in a kiss, and the lips of the face on the right were parted slightly, as if in anticipation. Even though the sculpture wasn’t even halfway done, it was already gorgeous.
The artist, a cute guy named Skye with shaggy, blue hair and a quick smile, was prying a piece of metal off the face on the left when I stepped into the yard. He did that a lot. He was a total perfectionist when it came to his artwork, and if he didn’t love something after he welded it in place, he went after it with a crowbar and tried again.
Skye had been working on the sculpture since early December. He was at Nana’s house three or four days a week, usually accompanied by his husband Dare. They were such a cute c
ouple, so obviously in love and completely devoted to each other.
Dare was a dancer, and had been choreographing a routine with a friend while his husband welded. When I came outside, he took a break and picked up a towel to wipe the sweat from his face and short, brown hair. He taught classes to earn a living, and was also working on an original ballet production with the all-gay-male dance troupe he’d been assembling.
That day, and at least a couple times a week, the couple was joined by a dancer named Haley, who was helping with the choreography. Skye and Dare usually worked out of a warehouse in Oakland, but Nana’s house was pretty centrally located in the city, so it was a good place to meet up. Nana encouraged that, of course. She loved having lots of people around.
Haley was a tall African-American guy with a muscular body, who wore his hair in short dreadlocks. He was undeniably sexy. I was trying to stop crushing on him though, because he clearly thought of me like a kid brother. At twenty-four, I was only three years younger than him, but I got it. I was short, skinny, and looked like I was in my teens. No wonder I wasn’t even a blip on his radar.
They all stopped what they were doing and said hello when I joined them, and thanked me as I handed out the water bottles. I was also greeted by Skye and Dare’s dog. The black and white boxer nuzzled my hand until I scratched his ears, then went back to sniffing the landscaping.
Even though it was a sunny day, there was a bit of a breeze, and the dancers pulled on sweatshirts over their tank tops before taking a seat on a couple patio chairs beside the sculpture. “Aren’t you guys freezing out here?” I asked as I sat down on a corner of the stone and concrete base. “You can move into the ballroom upstairs if you want to.”
Dare said, “It’s really only cold if we stop moving, which we never do for long.”
“Plus, you want to stay close to your hubby,” Haley said with a teasing grin.
