by Tiana Laveen
Her back was towards him as he quietly placed the board in the middle of the table. Emulating her movements, he approached her from behind. The woman tossed him a sassy glance over her shoulder, but she kept on moving, throwing that ass back in his direction. Her butt rubbed against his groin a time or two, making his engine stir.
She spun around, taking steps back, then forward, moving her body in just the right way. The woman could really move. He loved the big smile on her face, the light in her eyes and the beautiful sound of her laughter. She seemed impressed that he was not only keeping up, intuitively following her lead, but they undoubtedly looked good together, felt good together… It was so right. He let the moment take over, savoring it. The smells of dinner blended in with her perfume and the energy in the room. Foxy Brown featuring Blackstreet now rapped, ‘Gotta Get You Home.’
“Damn! You got all the old jams! I feel young again!”
“Young again? You don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Boy, I’m thirty-eight years old, goin’ on eighty-three! These knees of mine are trying to play me and I’ve got some strange stuff going on with my leg. It’s from my job. I’m a mess!” She chuckled. “This is probably the most exercise I’ve gotten all year though. I love to dance, but you probably can’t tell with my fat ass! I look like a big ol’ blimp!”
“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” He slowed then stopped dancing altogether. Anger and sadness merged within him—not directed at her, but on her behalf. She stopped moving, looking perplexed.
“But it’s true.” She shrugged. “I am fat. I ain’t sayin’ I’m a whale, but I’m damn sure overweight as certain as my name is Jessica Franco. There’s nothing fit and trim about me. I don’t have a problem with the truth. It doesn’t hurt me, Kane. It just is what it is.”
He hesitated a little then grabbed the wine and two glasses. Setting them on the table, he pulled out a chair for her, then turned the music down a little. He returned to her with a pack of cigarettes, finding her staring at the board in admiration. She ran her fingers along a few of the pieces. Lighting one of the cigarettes, he leaned back in his seat.
“You ever heard of the term self-deprecation?”
“Yes.” She picked up one of the kings and stroked it. “It’s when you make jokes about yourself. Poke fun at yourself.”
“Yeah, that’s what it is.” He took a drag from the cigarette. “Jessica, when you look in the mirror, what do you see?”
“A woman staring back at me.” She picked up another piece and gave it the once over, too.
“Mmm hmm, and do you ever say anything nice to that reflection?”
She seemed at a loss for words.
“What are you talking about?”
“When you look in the mirror, do you say, ‘Good mornin’, Jessica. You’re sure beautiful! I like your lips, Jessica, and your eyes. I love you. I love me.’ Do you say shit like that to yourself? Because if you don’t,” he shook the cigarette at her, “then ya should.”
“I do love me, but why lie to myself about that sort of thing? This don’t have to be no woe is me shit. So what? I made one comment about my weight and you’re taking it too far, making it about self-esteem. I got plenty of self-esteem. Hell yeah, I poke fun at myself. It’s funny, and that’s all right.”
“It’s not funny though, Jessica. See, that’s just the thing. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t find it comical at all.”
“All right, well, maybe we have a different sense of humor. The bottom line is that I ain’t everybody’s jam, and that’s okay.”
She kept fidgeting with the Chess pieces while an awkward silence webbed between them.
“When’s the last time you’ve had sex?” The woman’s eyes bucked, as if he’d asked to piss in her mouth. “Well?”
“That’s a personal question and we’re not in a place to be discussing that. I just met you,” she stated tersely. “I’m not a prude by a long shot, Kane, but this is a first… hell, I don’t know if it’s a date or what it is, but I don’t feel comfortable talkin’ bout that sort of thing right now.”
“All right.” He snuffed out his cigarette. “Let’s play the game then.”
He bolted himself down like a window being slammed shut and locked, and just like that, he was playing Chess after years. He was rusty, but could tell early on that the woman knew exactly what she was doing. This wasn’t someone who played every now and again. She had skills that could only be acquired through years of practice.
Damn. She’s good.
“It’s a date.”
She looked up at him in confusion. He’d undoubtedly interrupted her concentration.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a date. We’re on a date. It was always a date.” He tapped his finger against his lower lip as he studied the board. “It’s just weird as fuck, I’ll give you that, so I guess it doesn’t feel like a date to you. But it is.”
She was quiet for a moment, then moved her knight.
“Why do you think it’s weird as fuck?”
He couldn’t help but notice the cute smirk on her face when she asked.
“Because you think it’s weird as fuck. You think I’m weird as fuck, too. I don’t care. As long as you play the game and have a good time, it’s fine with me. You wouldn’t be the first and you won’t be the last to think I’m strange.”
“I didn’t ever say that.” They were quiet once more and after a few seconds, he moved a pawn.
“You didn’t have to say it. You noticed I wasn’t getting my mail all the time. To you, that was probably weird since I was at home. The previous mail lady didn’t care. She just let the shit pile up. I was happy that she didn’t interfere.”
“You think me telling you that your mailbox was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey was interfering?”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m just sayin’ that you probably thought it was peculiar.” She nodded in agreement. “Then you tried to do a good deed and brought me that bin with all the mail in it and when I opened the door you saw how messy my dining room and foyer area were… even remarked about me havin’ a real nice house.”
“You do. It’s my dream house, actually. I love my house, take good care of it, but this right here,” she paused and looked around, her eyes big with wonder, “it’s just so pretty!”
“Thank you. My point though is that you didn’t understand why my house looked the way it did. Hell, I wasn’t completely sure, either. The next thing to add to my odd factor, I guess you could say, is that I didn’t even ask you out to a movie or for coffee, or skating even. I asked you to come over here to my house and play Chess. Then I ordered practically everything on the damn menu right before your arrival. After that, we talked about jobs and you realized I am not working in my profession, and yet, knowing your mind was working, I told you about a car accident and you probably were wondering how I can even afford to pay this mortgage every month.
“I can’t say you’re wrong with everything you just said.” She stared at the board with intensity, then shifted her gaze to him. “Houses over here aren’t cheap.”
“Right. I’m not filthy rich, but I don’t worry about money, bills, stuff like that. I’m definitely financially secure. So, suffice it to say, I’m honest about who and what I am, Jessica, but I don’t prescribe to self-deprecation is all I’m saying. I can admit I’m strange sometimes without tearin’ myself down. It’s pointless and gives other people the permission to put you down and walk all over you.” She looked deep in thought. “They think it’s alright to tell you something slick, mean and unnecessary just because you said it first.”
“I think people will say what they have to say, either way. They don’t need my permission to talk slick about me, as you say. Been doin’ it for years. I’m not going to give my power to people like that, Kane. They get a kick out of it. I’ll beat them to the finish line.”
“I see what you’re saying. You try to beat people to the punch, make them think their
words don’t hurt, but words do hurt, Jessica.”
“They do, but we can choose how we respond to folks. If I can help it, I ain’t going to ever give someone that type of control over me by letting them see me sweat.”
“See, but you gotta watch people. Can’t open a door for that sort of shit, try to do a little reverse psychology I guess, because that doesn’t work on everyone. And once that door is open, it’s hard to close. Now I’m going to be quiet and let you think. It’s your turn again.” He took another puff of his cigarette and leaned back in his chair. After about a minute, she moved one of her pawns. “Ohhh…” He grinned. “Got you.”
She sucked her teeth in annoyance and slammed her hand on the table.
“I was distracted by all your talking, but I’m enjoying that so what am I supposed to do?” She giggled. “It’s not over,” she warned, reaching for the bottle of wine.
“You’re damn straight it’s not over.” He moved another pawn. “Your turn.”
“So, fill in the blanks for me. You did all of that talking, Kane. I want you to tell me why you said I’d think you are strange. You’re right though, after you put it the way you did.” She smiled, and he smiled back. “Why and how?”
“All right. I doubt I’ll see you again after I tell you why and how though.”
“What would make you think that? You crazy or something?” She winked at him.
“Because you won’t wanna be bothered with this shit after I tell you. Crazy? I’m a whole basket case.” He chuckled mirthlessly.
“I’m not crazy, but it seems all of my friends are. You’ll fit right in!”
He loved how relaxed she made him feel.
“First of all, well, okay, let’s start at the beginning. The car accident involved two other friends of mine,” he said while she concentrated on her next move. “We were comin’ home from a party a couple days before Christmas. One of my friends was driving, he’d been drinking. We all had, although I wasn’t drunk. I’d only had one beer, so really, I should’ve been the designated driver. But I was pissed about something that had happened at the party and it was his car, so he did the driving. I knew in my gut that was a mistake, but I ignored my instincts… too busy being angry, not thinkin’. Long story short, we ended up skidding and turned over at least three times.”
“Oh my God.”
“Friend in back seat broke his neck, a couple ribs, and his leg. It was a miracle he didn’t have a spinal injury. I got tossed halfway out the window. A piece of jagged glass cut into my damn side, slicing me open like a can of cranberry sauce. Glass was all embedded in my arm. I was fucked up. Nothing compared to what happened to Lamont though. He’d been the one drivin’. He died.” His chest tightened as he spoke.
“Good Lord.” She took a loud, deep breath, briefly closed her eyes, and shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Kane.”
“Yeah, me too, especially since I’d been arguing with him a few minutes prior about somethin’ stupid. He was one of my best friends. After that, I changed. I became… afraid. I’d never been that type of person, you know, the kind to be ruled by fear. I was outgoing, adventurous, open. Then something strange happened.”
“What?”
“Every time I would try to go outside, I started having anxiety attacks. I was naturally outside when the car accident happened and something in my mind, shit, I can’t even fully understand it, told me something bad will happen if I go out. It was so bad, I could barely function. Now, I can go out, but it has to be in short intervals. So yeah, I’m crazy. Sorry. Your move.”
The woman didn’t budge. “Agoraphobia?”
“Yes. A form of it.” He was surprised she knew what it was called, though he really shouldn’t have been. Honestly, Jessica seemed to know a lot of things. “I can go outside, like I said, but, uh, it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety when I do. I literally have to gear up for it and it can’t be for long periods of time. Obviously, this isn’t an ideal condition to have, especially for a bachelor who imagined himself settled down by now, making real good money by running my own company, as I was, doing what I love and partying on the weekends every now and again with my buddies. I thought I’d have at least one child at this age and be married to a remarkable, loving woman. Everything went to Hell the night of the accident though. My world exploded… None of what I set out to do transpired.”
“You can’t let this control you. I know that’s easier said than done though.” He lowered his gaze. “Have you talked to a professional about this? It’s an anxiety disorder, right?” Her voice was soft, caring. He was rather surprised she wasn’t judging him, or at least, she played it off well.
“Yeah. I’ve seen several therapists and though I’ve improved, I still can’t seem to leave the house without freaking out. I hate this shit.” Emotions were bubbling up and no matter how he tried to suppress them, they kept demanding to be felt. “The one silver lining is that it was determined there was something wrong with the car.
“Ironically enough, it was a mechanical issue that caused some of the gears in the vehicle to lock up and the airbags to deploy at the slightest prompt, such as the driver slamming hard on the brakes, which he did. It was determined the airbags played a big part in the accident and that’s how we ended up crashed and rolling over. His intoxication was ruled as not the main factor, which is practically unheard of. Anyway, we received a settlement, including compensation for pain and suffering. The accident made it all over the Dallas news. Lamont had been a college football star and beloved in the community. So, that’s how I got this house.”
“The settlement?”
“Yes.”
“So, let me get this straight.” She took a sip of her wine. “You want to be outside, but you get worked up and stressed out while you’re out there?”
“Yeah.”
“You used to have a nice ass job, a great company that you started from the ground up, made good money and was living your life, but then the accident happened and all that travelling you were doing—and have been encouraging me to do tonight—came to a stop.”
“Yup.”
“And you’ve seen therapists, many of them.”
“Mmm hmmm. On top of that, after I started freakin’ out, my girlfriend left me, my family and I were getting into it big time, and I basically said, ‘fuck everybody,’ and pitched my tent elsewhere. I thought the move would somehow cure me. It didn’t.”
“Your turn. Kane, I need for you to not be so hard on yourself but at the same time, try to solve your own problem.”
“I’ve tried.”
“Not hard enough. I know it’s an anxiety disorder, but this shit is in your mind and you know it is. It’s telling you the wrong thing. Would you listen to someone in your ear saying, ‘You suck?’ Naw. You’d tell them to go away or suck on an exhaust pipe.” He cracked up at that. “It’s true. I can tell your old self probably didn’t take any shit.”
“I didn’t.”
“Get on medicine if you have to. Hell, you might already be on it and if that is the case, get new medicine because the kind you have now isn’t working. Do you know how many men would kill to be in your shoes?” He tossed her a glance, surprised by her words. “You are a sexy, tall, nice-nest-egg-havin’, once-upon-a-time ambitious work of art who had the world in the palm of his hand. But now you have some fears and probably guilt trips regarding the death of your friend. This has caused you to not live your life to the fullest. Instead, you stay in this big ol’ house and barely go anywhere. That’s not right. Show me where God said this is the plan for you?”
“That pretty much sums it up and I doubt God would want me cooped up like this, but He didn’t want a lot of things, I’m sure. It happened any ol’ way.”
“God sure is funny! In fact, He’s talking right now.” She laughed then studied the board. “I decided to pray to Him to bring someone into my life. I hadn’t done that for a very long time, so I went to God on bended knee. Looks like he brought me a new friend. I a
ppreciate that.” She winked at him and he winked back.
“I doubt you asked for a crazy friend.”
“I ain’t say either way. Apparently, He believes I can handle whatever he sends my way.”
The sight of her suddenly made his heart flutter. “If I told you that your soul is beautiful as hell, would you believe me?”
“Yes. I know that to be true. I’m a good person. We’re all flawed, but I’m a good ass person. No doubt.”
“If I told you that I find you very attractive, would you believe me, Jessica?”
“I don’t know. I’m rarely told that.”
“Well, I do find you attractive.” They locked eyes. “I like your smile. I love your cheekbones and your eyes. And if I may be so forward, you have a rack that I would love to motorboat.”
The woman burst out laughing so hard, she almost toppled out of her chair.
“You’re so crazy! I mean, shit…”
He burst out laughing then.
“I am, but besides this whole outside thing, I’m in my right mind. I know beauty when I see it. So, I am kicking your ass tonight, and we know where this is going to go.” The woman grunted as she considered all of the pieces he’d taken from her, then frowned. “I’m competitive, but maybe I should’ve taken it easy on you. You’re good though, real good.”
“You don’t have to take it easy on me and trust and believe, if we play again, I’m going to mop the floor with you.”
“Do that.” He grinned. “I’d like to see you try but in the meantime, I wanna see you again. So how about it? When are you free?”
“You gotta have a picnic with me outside if you want to see me again. Ha! Look at that! Gotcha!” She messed up his play as she snatched one of his pieces.
“That’s not—”
“We’re going to do this together. I want to travel, but haven’t done what I need to do to accomplish that. You’re going to help me. I am going to help you get your ass back outside for more than just mail runs.”
