by Tiana Laveen
I don’t have much money as you know, and I always pay you back whatever you’ve lent me, but I promise you, as soon as I get paid from my new job, I am going to buy you something real nice. You deserve it, Jessica. I can never repay you for all your help, prayers, and love over the years, but I can at least let you know that you’re cherished. When you receive this, consider it my 30 day notice. I am out looking for apartments. No, it won’t be nearly as nice as your pretty house that I’ve been enjoying, but it’s a new start.
Speaking of new starts, I am so glad you have a new friend, Kane. None of us have met him yet and I know why, but hopefully since you said he’s making progress, that’ll change in the near future. It’s about time you had someone put a smile on your face.
Love, your sister always,
Melissa ‘Dougie’ McLaney
Jessica sat with the letter in her hand, feeling some kind of way. She reached up to remove the bobby pins from her braided bun, allowing her tresses to fall past her shoulders. Then, she headed back to the living room where Melissa was still fast asleep on the couch, not having even moved an inch. One black high heel was kicked off and the other was Lord only knew where.
Jessica smiled down at the woman, grabbed a throw blanket, and wrapped it around her before returning to her bedroom. After removing her robe and slipping into a light blue button-down pajama shirt with matching pants and fuzzy white socks, she tumbled into the bed, nestling in the warmth of the sheets with her phone. On Instagram she went, searching for low carb dessert recipes, the latest blooper news video clips and any holiday deals for gift ideas. Then, a text message flashed across her phone:
Kane: Christmas is almost here, baby. Anything special you want?
Jessica: A beach body, some rum so strong it’s illegal worldwide, a white Lexus with leather interior, and an extra ten hours each day.
Kane: LOL. That’s a tall order.
Jessica: I thought you said you work at the North Pole? I’m sure you can swing it. LOL. What are you doing up so late?
Kane: Working on one of my cars in the garage. I plan to drive it very soon. I tried to go out today but when you aren’t here with me, it’s harder than I thought. I walked up the street though.
Jessica: 1 to 10?
Kane: Panic level about a 5.
Jessica: I am so damn proud of you, baby. You can do it. You don’t need me to hold your hand.
Kane: I know. I’m determined. It gets easier every day.
Jessica: Do you know what I really want for Christmas?
Kane: What?
Jessica: For you to come to my mother’s house for Christmas dinner. Everyone gathers around there, the whole family and many of my friends, too. My mama can really throw down and since you don’t talk to your family anymore, I’d love for you to join us. I know it’s a lot to ask though.
Kane: I’ll come. I promise.
She smiled and sent him a kissy face emoji.
Kane: OK, gotta go before I fall asleep out here. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow.
Jessica: I love you too.
She placed her phone down on the nightstand, turned off the light, and pulled the sheets up over her shoulder.
Funny how it’s Melissa’s birthday, but it feels like it’s mine…
Kane sat in front of the crackling fireplace holding a cigarette with a slight kink in the middle. He’d spun it around and around while it was still unlit as his thoughts raced within the walls of his mind. At last, he lit it. Spirals of smoke eddied from the cigarette as he slouched down into the leather chair. Rubbing his chin with a rough hand, he was contemplating the life he’d made.
He caught a whiff of himself. He stank of oil and grease. Hours in the garage had proved to be therapeutic, a welcome distraction. He’d wanted to surprise Jessica by showing up at her house with a bouquet of red roses, as well as a birthday present for her friend, Melissa, but every time he got in his car and drove it out of the driveway, he stopped, his hands holding the steering wheel in a death grip. His stomach would flip and sweat oozed from his pores. The vehicles were ready, but he was not.
His cars now had fresh oil changes and tune ups. They were sparkling clean… and still parked in the damn garage. He hated himself. Hated his limitations.
He listened to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Greatest Hits on repeat then followed that with an old CD from back in the day featuring some De La Soul classics. Now here he was, imagining Jessica fast asleep in her bed. He wished he were lying next to her, smelling her skin, running his hand along her shoulders, burying his nose in her hair, scented with strawberries and cream shampoo and conditioner. He grabbed his phone and re-read their text messages they’d exchanged about an hour earlier, when she’d invited him for Christmas dinner. He typed out one last text to her, certain she’d see it in the morning:
Jessica, I love you so much, baby. I promise you to not be a burden. I promise to be your blessing. Real men bring pleasure, not pain. I got this.
He stood, cigarette dangling out the side of his mouth, and grabbed his keys…
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Invisible Touch
What does it feel like to be invisible? A nobody?
It feels like the bottom of a drink coaster, the pressure of a heavy glass filled with alcohol pressed against your back. No one looks at you. They forget you’re there. Being nobody is a place where one lives – a person, not only a condition. It’s an island created for a soul of one. Inside, you know that when you walk past, no one sees you. They see to the left of you, the right of you, above you and below you. You’re clear like glass.
Being nobody feels like last year’s textbook. It feels like old, soiled newspapers, the ink all smudged and black, blending in with the soaked background. You’re in a landfill, on a mound of dirty one-eyed baby dolls, ratty socks and rusted car parts. Difference is, some child had once loved that baby doll, someone had once worn that sock infinite times and someone had once driven that car until it broke down. Those items were cared about.
But as the newspaper, well, you weren’t the headline news on the front page, or the coupon, cartoon, sports score or Wanted Ad sections. You’re the page no one ever reads in the first damn place, the articles of least interest. Being nobody is something one gets used to, and maybe that’s the worst crime of all, the one we commit against ourselves to accept our invisibility. But how the tables have turned…
How does it feel to be suddenly in the limelight? To be noticed, not just tolerated? Adored, not just fake-smiled at? Made love to, not just fucked? Loved, not just liked?
How does it feel to stand outside your work building with your truck loaded with good and bad news for the people in the neighborhood—bills, uncashed checks, handwritten love letters, early Christmas gifts, and cards—only to look out into the parking lot and see a sparkling white Lexus with white leather interior and a tall, Texan son of a bitch that chain smokes Newports and Marlboros, plays Black people music and has a king-sized dick? How does it feel to see him sitting in the driver seat of that new car, winking at you? How does it feel for him to get out of that car, walk up to you, keys dangling in his hand as he takes long, slow strides like a mothafuckin’ rhinestone cowboy? Like his ass wasn’t cowering in his house just a few months ago.
Am I dreaming?!
This Chess-playing, amazing kisser and lover, night-sweat-havin’ bastard at three in the mornin’ was lookin’ at her like the sun, moon, and stars only rise and fall at her command.
KING. KANE. IS. IN. THE. MOTHAFUCKIN’. BUILDING!
Jessica began to shake as Kane drew closer. He was wearing a worn brown leather jacket, slightly wrinkled white shirt, Levi jeans and brown boots. Rings adorned his fingers and a shiny gold crucifix hung from his neck. Tears welled in her eyes and she found herself unable to look in his eyes. Two fingers pressed against her chin and lifted her gaze to his.
“You drove it here, didn’t you, Kane?” Her voice cracked.
“I did.”
“You boug
ht this car for me, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
“Oh my God!” She couldn’t control herself. Up and down she went like a frog, jumping to the sky and landing against the asphalt. She sprang up like daisies, went down like rain. “I ain’t seen you in seven days! I thought you were avoiding me. Thought maybe you were scared about the Christmas party but didn’t have the heart to tell me.”
The man looked sorrowful and a bit confused, too.
“Why? Baby, I was calling and texting you so you wouldn’t worry.” He waved his hands. “It’s not like we weren’t having any contact at all.”
“But you were being vague, elusive. You wouldn’t let me come over, either.”
He smiled then, as if it all made sense to him.
“Because I had some shit to work out. See, I could no longer use you as a crutch, Jessica. That had to end. I needed to stand on my own two feet.”
“Scale of one to ten, baby?” Happy tears ran down her cheeks as she brought him close for a peck on the lips.
“Two.”
Jessica screamed when he swooped her up in his arms and walked her right over to the white chariot – a Lexus GS. He set her down on her feet, handed her the fob and pointed to the big black shiny bow atop the vehicle. “Let me explain what’s been going on before you get in this car.”
She gave him her full attention.
“First of all, I made myself drive the night of your friend’s birthday party.”
“What?! You didn’t tell me!”
“I know, I know, but hear me out. It didn’t go well at first. See, I sat there, sulking because I couldn’t go… because you invited me but I couldn’t make it. I busied myself, but soon ran out of shit to do so I sat down, feeling pissed. That was my breaking point, Jessica. Something was outside that I wanted. I have heard hundreds of stories about your mother, your brother and your friends and I’ve yet to lay eyes on these people.” He shook his head, rage and hurt apparent in his eyes. “That’s not right. You love these people. They are a part of your life, as am I now.”
“Yes you are, baby.”
He wiped a tear from her face with a swipe of his thumb.
“I kept repeating to myself all of the things you’ve said to me to keep me motivated. I kept thinking about how I want to take you out to eat, on real dates, vacations. How I want to travel to places all over the country and world with you… show you shit you’ve never seen! You’re missing out on God’s creations, and if I can’t show you the places I’ve been blessed to visit, then I’m useless!” He threw up his hands. “I have never, in my entire life, met anyone like you, Jessica. You are amazing! Smart, direct, funny as hell,” She smiled and sniffed. “Giving… making sacrifices. You’re an angel… my angel.”
He ran his hand along her cheek, his touch soothing and full of love.
“I kept hearing tapes in my head of some of the terrible things my family has said to me, but then, I remembered some of the good things they said, too. Yes I’m angry with them, and we have a lot of things to work out, but I can’t blame them for all of this. I have to take accountability for my part in how my life turned out.” She nodded in understanding. “So, that night, I tried to drive one of the cars again. I made it up the street, saw traffic and freaked out. I took the car out the next day… then the next… driving farther and farther. But I still wanted to go on, like how I used to be. I used to love joy ridin’.” His blue eyes glistened with optimism and promise. “And then, do you know what I remembered that helped me do that?”
“What?”
“I remembered you calling me a king. I wanted to live up to that.” She bit into her lower lip.
Praise God! She pressed her eyes closed, silently thanking the Lord.
“I fell in love with you because of who you are, and the fact that you love me for me, accepted me for where I was in life at that moment. You demanded progress, but you never made me feel less than a man. Kings don’t stay in the castle all day though, baby, and I wanted to live up to your expectations, while being by my Queen’s side. You don’t stay in one spot. You move around… Speakin’ of movin’ around, it’s time for you to drive this beauty. Go on now, get in.”
Without hesitation, she sat in the driver’s seat, trembling with excitement. Kane went around to the other side, got in, and put his seatbelt on.
“I know you have to start your route, but they can spare ten minutes. I bought this car three days ago and couldn’t have you come over and accidentally see it. It would’ve ruined the surprise. That was another reason why I kept you away. These cars are made very well, but I wanted to add a few bells and whistles for you. New music system, rims, things like that.”
“Oh, Kane, you shouldn’t have!” She teared up with joy.
“Yes, I should’ve! Trust me though, it was hard. I wanted to call you to come over and give me some pussy in the midst of it, but I had to make the sacrifice and keep you away, it almost wasn’t worth it.” She burst out laughing, not knowing what to do with herself. “The insurance right now is in my name. We can switch it to yours later, but this is completely paid for, and it’s all yours. You won’t have a car note, nothin’.”
“I can’t believe this! Ain’t nobody ever done no shit like this for me be’foe!” She threw her arms around him and brought him in for a hug.
“All right now, Jessica, you’re wastin’ time. Start ’er up.”
She pulled out of the lot, her cheeks hurting from smiling so damn hard.
“It rides so smooth, Kane… I can’t even hear the engine. This baby is like butter!” He laughed and nodded. “I can’t believe you bought me my dream car!” She squealed.
“Now check this out, Jessica, the horsepower goes up to 467. It’s a V6 engine, too.”
“I love it when you talk that dirty car talk to me.” They both burst out laughing as she sailed away on cloud nine. “What you think people gonna say when they see my Black ass in this luxury car, huh? I need to steal one of Melissa’s fur coats and have my nose in the air while I’m driving, give ’em something to look at!” She chuckled.
“They’re going to think, ‘Damn, that woman look like royalty… She looks like she belongs in that car, with her smooth, gorgeous skin and big, pretty lips…” Her pussy swelled as he scooted closer to her and stroked her neck. “They’re gonna say, ‘Who is that queen driving that chariot? ’Cause every king has a queen. You know how the game of Chess works. You play it well.”
“I still need to beat you though. You been making me look bad. Smashing you at Uno isn’t enough. Just you watch, I’m going to win one of these days!” Shortly, they pulled back into the lot. “I sure as hell don’t want to, but I’mma have to have Melissa drive my new car back ’cause—”
“No, it’s under control. Here’s what we can do. I will drive your personal truck to your house and park it in your driveway, okay?” She nodded. They got out of the car, and she kept staring at it, in shock and in love.
“It’s right there in the employee parking lot, space D14.” She pointed across the way and handed him the keys.
“Now, with Christmas bein’ only a few days away, I need to know if there’s something I should bring to your mama’s house?”
“Hell, I didn’t even really think about that. I guess you could bring some wine or liquor. All the food is provided.”
“All right, I can do that. What should I wear?”
“Just casual.”
“Nah, I gotta dress better than that. I’m meeting my girlfriend’s family for the first time.” She smiled as he intertwined their fingers. Together, they made their way back to her mail truck.
“You really surprised me, Kane.” She laughed nervously, fighting back tears. “I can’t believe this… feel like I’m dreamin’.” He leaned in and kissed her.
“Go on and get to work.” He smacked her on her ass, making her jump. She opened the truck door. “Your truck will be there when you get home, baby.”
“How are you gett
ing back to your house though, Kane?!” She called out as he made his way to the work employee lot.
“Uber. I’ll be fine!” He waved her off then blew a kiss. She watched him walk away and soon, she saw her vehicle coming out the lot. He honked, waved and rolled on past like it was no sweat. When she got inside the mail truck and sat down, she needed to take several deep breaths. Picking up her cellphone, she called Melissa. It went to voicemail.
“Dougie! I know you’re out shoppin’ for new work outfits and stuff for your apartment right about now wit’ your birthday money. But I wanted to let you know Kane’s ass done not only left the house, but he went out and bought me a brand new white Lexus with Casper white interior, sunroof, boomin’ system that he installed himself and all kinds uh shit! He bought it and souped it up in his garage, girl. Put some shiny ass rims on this joker and everythang! Heffa, you listen and you listen good! I’ll probably be asleep in the bed by the time you roll back up. If you touch one damn inch of my new car in that driveway when you get back to my crib, that’s yo’ ass! I’m with the shits! If I see one scratch, one piece of orange tangerine lemon lime sunrise sunset tootie fruity on Rudy piece of hair weave up in there or smell your cheap Family Dollar perfume, you can call Subway sandwiches, ’cause it’s a wrap on dat ass! Now… Call me back so I can brag some more. My man is the shit!”
CHRISTMAS DAY
Kane knocked on the small, attractive house door. The white house with a pretty porch was decorated with large rainbow colored lights around the exterior. His arms were weighted down with bags of beer and of liquor. Loud music drifted out, making the bass in his body thump. ‘Never Too Much’ by Luther Vandross had finished playing, and was followed by ‘My Boo’, by Ghosttown DJs. He bobbed his head to the music as the door swung open and a man greeted him, beer can in hand. He had a big gap between his two front teeth and looked a bit like Luther Campbell from the 2 Live Crew band.
