by Tiana Laveen
“I love all of you the same, but Jessica has my heart.” He winked at her. “So, Kane, what do you do, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Not at all. I’m an automotive engineer. I have my own company, too. I help car companies with design improvements, things like that.” In fact, he’d just fired up his old website to get the wheels moving on that again. “My father has a few car detailing shops so my interest in this sort of thing came early on.”
“Now see, you’re talking my language now!” The big man shoved a forkful of greens in his mouth. “Can I pick your brain later about my Plymouth?”
“Definitely!”
The conversation went on with more laughs and sharing of stories. Kane felt right at home. With the exception of Anthony, no one gave him a hard time and in fact, they engaged him in conversation and welcomed him with open arms. As the night wore on, he found himself dancing with Jessica and Melissa to ‘Just Fine’, by Mary J. Blige. He could see why she loved Melissa so much. The lady had shown up late but had a bagful of gifts and truly seemed to adore Jessica. Melissa waltzed off after asking him about his brothers, and the two danced alone then. He loved the big smile on Jessica’s face, the way she came alive when she danced… It was salve for his soul. She leaned into him.
“Ain’t God amazing? You’re here… with me. I got exactly what I asked for this Christmas.”
He held her to him.
“God is amazing. Because He literally delivered you to my doorstep. Now that’s what I call service.” She smiled big and wide and kissed him. “He not only sent help, but He also sent hope and love in the form of a magnificent woman…”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
When the Mask Slips…
Kane’s house smelled like a garden after the rain. Crisp and fragrant air and soil, sweet and floral with citrusy aromas. Pots and pans clanked about and she stood on the sidelines holding a beer, a mere witness because she’d been evicted from his kitchen. She chuckled. The man was simply astounding. Far from perfect, but he slid down her soul like a spiritual glove.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Just thinking about some things is all. Right now I’m being nosy and going through your house. Don’t let me find something good I can sell on eBay.” Her feet sank into the soft fibers of the plush, black rug.
“Hell, if you find my old collection of beer bottle caps, you let me know! I bet they’re worth a small fortune… in Monopoly money.”
He kept toiling, making them both big chef salads and steak, while all she had to do was relax. It had been such a damn good night. She drew closer to the kitchen and peeked inside, careful to avoid being spotted. He stood at the stove, shirtless, a pair of black jeans hugging his adorable ass just right. His hair grew so damn fast, it was almost at the middle of his back now. His arm muscles contorted as he tore into a tangerine and chewed on the juicy fruit. In between bites, he sang ‘Closer’ by Ne-Yo as it played on Alexa.
A huge bouquet of red roses he’d given her after their date night at the movies that evening sat on the dining room table. He’d not been to the movies in so long! Seeing him out and enjoying himself like that tickled me so.
She tiptoed away from the kitchen to the living room, then moved from room to room on the first floor, daydreaming, fidgeting, swimming in thought until something caught her eye. Two large masks hung on the wall by the entrance of the kitchen. She stepped in front of them. Funny, she didn’t recall them being so large and attention grabbing from all of her previous visits.
One was black, the other white. They were glossy, haunting, like theater masks, but far less detailed and expressionless. Mesmerizing, scary. They drew her to them because they looked alive. In fact, they looked familiar, bursting with a story yet to be told. Though they had no eyes, they seemed to stare right into one’s soul.
Reaching for the black one she stroked the rim of the vacant eye sockets, the nose, then the slit for the mouth. She barely touched the white one, letting her fingers dance in front of it, as if wishing to feel it, but approaching with caution.
“What are you doing?” came the deep, rustic voice of her love.
“Just… looking at these.” Her tongue tangled as she struggled to find the right words.
“Touch it.” He walked past her into the living room, holding several dishes laden with food. She kept staring at the white mask as he set out silverware. The clinking of glasses followed then the tinkling sound of water being poured into them.
Then, he came to stand beside her. He reached for her hand and placed it on the white mask. Her fingers glided along it and damn if she didn’t feel a spark, like a magic jolt racing through her body.
“That’s my face. Well, it was an abstract mold of my face.”
No wonder I’m drawn to it…
“Why’d you have that made?”
“I didn’t exactly. When I was in college, I volunteered to model for an art class. They did some sketches and what not, but they also made molds of my face to paint and decorate various ways for an upcoming project. When everyone was finished making theirs, one guy had done two. These. I wanted them and asked him if I could have them. He said yes.”
“Why?”
“Because they represent who I am. I know that now. At the time, I didn’t, but I really liked these for some reason.” He caressed the chin of the black one. “They tell my story. Come here.” He took her hand and led her to the dining room table. After pulling out her chair, he took a seat himself. The crackle of the fire blended in with the soft music as they drowned in their own thoughts for a while.
“Everything looks so delicious, baby. Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome. I tried to take into account what you said about watching your carbs, so no baked potato. I make a mean baked potato though.”
“I bet you do!” She grinned. “I’ll try it on one of my cheat days.” She took a bite of her salad, savoring the rich and contrasting flavors of the fresh bell peppers, lettuce, and black pepper.
“Jessica…”
“Yes?” She reached for her glass of water and took a sip.
“Lamont kept secrets from me. I was his best friend. He’s dead now.” His brows ruffled as he picked up his fork and began to play with his salad. “I’ve been a hypocrite though because I’ve kept secrets, too. I’ve kept them from my family, from my ex-girlfriend, from you…”
“What kind of secrets?”
“I didn’t tell my folks that I didn’t want to be in the family business. Instead, I let my actions speak for me. That wasn’t a mature way to handle it, but I was young back then. I was too busy tryin’ to not make any waves at first and then all of my pent-up animosity came out and I basically gave ’em the middle finger. Not that they didn’t deserve it to some extent, but I could’ve handled that differently. I should’ve handled it differently.” He shrugged. “When I opened my own company, my father was pissed. He wasn’t happy for me at all and said I had betrayed him. So, that secret ended up causing another rift between my family and myself. Too many rifts create problems like you wouldn’t believe.”
“I can imagine. What secrets did you hide from your ex-girlfriend?”
“I never told her I didn’t want to get married. Well, I did, just not to her.” He grabbed his steak knife and sliced up the meat. “I let that shit blow up and it resolved itself after the accident. I was grateful when she left me. That’s fucked up.” He tossed his fork down and sighed. “So, it was basically the same thing I did to my parents – just let shit fall apart. I did what I wanted to do and my actions spoke loud and clear. I hate that back then, that’s how I handled things. And… I’ve been keeping a secret from you, too.”
“Yes, you said that, and I’d like to know what it is.” She braced herself, but tried to look as calm as possible.
What in the hell has this man done?
“It’s nothing bad, baby. This is a good one.”
“Oh, thank God.” Relief flooded her. “I thought you was about to
say somethin’ crazy like you’re married and been lyin’ all this time or some shit like that. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“There’s no other shoe over here… just a dirty boot. Listen.” He leaned forward, his light blue gaze deep and piercing. “I’m startin’ my company up again. It’s already in motion.”
“Oh, Kane! That’s great!”
“I didn’t tell you right away because honestly, if I failed, I would’ve felt like shit about it. But I can tell already that not only are things going well, I’ve already got some of my old clients vying to get my services and some new folks, too. A couple of big companies are courtin’ me. Even though a long time has passed since I’ve been in the game, it looks like my reputation is still solid.”
“You shoulda asked me from the jump if I thought you would succeed and I would’ve told you that my boo is gangsta!” she teased, drawing a laugh from him. “I’m serious though. All jokes aside, Kane, you’ve got this in the bag. This is your passion. Just be patient with yourself and take it day by day.”
“I am… I am… Now, back to the reason I started talking about the masks.” He pointed across the way at them. “Secrets are no good between best friends and lovers. For me, you’re both. I have to be open with you, even if it isn’t pretty, and you need to be open with me, too.” Her smile slowly faded. She knew what he was driving at, and it had nothing to do with getting behind the wheel of her new Lexus. “You don’t have to tell me nothin’, Jessica, but I’m a smart man. You know I know too, don’t you?”
She nodded and adjusted her plate on the mat, eyeing the perfectly-grilled ribeye steak. The delicious meal had provided a nice three-second distraction from the inevitable conversation.
“Yeah, I knew you understood at my mama’s on Christmas. I didn’t want to get into it there.”
“And that’s why I didn’t push the issue. I even let New Years pass and never brought it up until now. Christmas definitely wasn’t the right time or place for a conversation like that.” She nodded in agreement. “Now look, I’m your boyfriend. We’re friends. We were friends first, Jessica.” He threw up his hands. “Somebody hurt you, and we know who that somebody was. I got a feelin’ you haven’t told your mother, despite how close you two are. I saw how you looked when she brought him up. Am I right or wrong?”
“You’d be right about that there.” She took a bite of her salad. “She doesn’t know. Before you ask why, I’ll tell you.” He reached for his glass and took a big gulp of water. “It woulda killed her.”
She chewed on her salad, her eyes still focused on the food before her. She couldn’t stomach looking into his eyes just yet, needing a moment to collect herself.
“My mama is a good woman, a nice woman, Kane. She’s the lady who gives the little kids candy at church, the one who fills in when an usher is out sick. My mama is the lady who cracks a joke when you’re in the bed sick just to make you smile. She gets up early to iron your clothes even if she isn’t well. She’s the type of person that just has a genuine, big heart. She’s known for her humor, her love of the Lord and her appreciation for family.
“When we talk about… bad stuff, thangs like that, she can’t comprehend it… I’m not saying she isn’t intelligent. She is. I am saying that because she is wired differently, especially when she’s confronted about a wife’s duty to her husband and so forth. I know she would have lost her mind, knowin’ that a man she’d brought up in her house was messing with me. She’d internalize it, blame herself. But it wasn’t her fault. He was charming, a snake in man’s clothing. The truth would’ve destroyed her. He told me as much, and in some way, though I know most child rapists say things like that all the time as part of some brainwashing script, in this case, he was right. Something inside of you dies knowin’ that your mother is in love with a man who don’t really want her. He wants you, her child…”
She stabbed her salad over and over with the fork. The plate scooted about as if running from her hand.
“What do you want from me to make this better?” His deep voice poured over the open wound like a mollifying medicine. “If that’s even possible? Do you want me to be there with you when you tell her? She needs to know. You told me that your—”
“She can’t be told!” She shoved her plate aside and held herself, shaking her head.
“You think she can’t handle it, Jessica, but she is probably stronger than you give her credit for. I think sometimes we don’t always see our family members, especially our parents, in the most accurate light. Before they were a parent, they were just, well, themselves. I know you probably think I’ve got some nerve. I have blocked my parents from even calling me. They tried to get down here for Christmas and I made damn sure I wasn’t home so like I told you, they left that card and those gifts on the front porch. But this is different. This is far more serious.”
“Kane, I can’t do that. I understand what you’re saying, but I do in fact know my mother really well and what I see is what she is. Ain’t no way she’d be able to handle this. Then I’d have to get into the details. The nasty, twisted, repulsive facts. She’d wanna know when it started. I’d have to tell her, let her know it began before the ink on their marriage certificate was even dry. She’d call her brother, my Uncle Thomas, wailin’ and carrying on, and he’d blame himself for leaving and the whole damn family would be up in arms once it spread like wildfire. You think I want Anthony’s crazy ass knowin’ about this? His mama is just as cuckoo and would probably blame me, say I tried to seduce him or something silly like that. I’m not trying to open that can of worms and then have to beat some of my kinfolk to death. Look, my stepfather is dead. It’s over. It’s not worth it!”
“It’s not worth it for who, Jessica?” He pointed to the masks on the wall. “The black face – is that what you show people? The white face – is that who you are inside? A clean slate? All of your goodness, your stories, your life washed away just to protect other people from the truth? The sacrificial lamb is actually the black sheep of the family, taking all the blame. They’re one in the same.” His words hit home. “I was the black sheep, too. I can relate. My family made me out to be the golden boy, but I rebelled. You, baby, are going to eventually have to rebel, too. I want to know why does he get to rest in peace while you suffer with struggle?”
Her eyes watered and she shook her head, then rested her face in her hands. He stood from his seat. She trembled as he wrapped his arms around her. Switching places with her, he had her sit on his lap.
“I need to tell you in more detail what happened, Kane.”
“Do you want to tell me?” he asked.
She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Yes and no.”
“That’s honest. So, only if you’re up to it, tell me.”
“I’m up to it. My father died. He was my world.” Kane squeezed her hand. “I was a daddy’s girl when I was little. Corey and I used to be with him all the time. When he came in from work, he’d take us out bike riding, fishing, the pizza or ice cream parlor, the library, all sorts of things. My father was hands on. He’s the one that taught me how to play chess. We’d play for hours. It was our special time together, especially since Corey wasn’t interested in it. Then, he got a cold, or so we thought. It wasn’t a cold, but pneumonia. They caught it too late. He slipped away just like that. Our family was never the same. My mother had Corey and me all by herself, and she was depressed… so sad after Daddy died. He’d been her one and only; they’d been high school sweethearts. So.” She sighed. “A little time passed and word got around about this handsome man who had moved into town. He saw my mother one day at church, and made his move.
“I was there when they met. I remember thinkin’ what nice clothes he had on, how nice he smelled… well groomed. He was a light brown color, not light skinned, not dark skinned – right in the middle with a golden glow. He had what they called ‘good hair’, back in the day. It was black and naturally wavy. He was tall and got a lot of attention. He had s
ome money, too… was originally from Alabama but moved to Texas to open a barbecue spot. He was a bit younger than my mother, by four years, but she took such good care of herself you wouldn’t have known it. See, my father was poor, and we ain’t never have any money so this was a whole new thang and people were shocked that he’d go after my mother since she was already saddled with two kids. But Mama was sweet and pretty, so some understood, I suppose.
“Before long, they were married and he was doting on me and Corey, giving us everything we wanted. Then, he started spending more and more time with me, alone… It started with him telling me he couldn’t replace my daddy, but he wanted to be there for me. Then he started sending my mama away to run errands when Corey would be out wit’ his friends somewhere or asleep. He’d say he’d need this or that, and Mama would go take care of it. Sometimes she’d try to take me with her but he’d say for her to leave me there ’cause I had homework, or something like that. She was rarely out that door for five minutes before he started up.
“It started with him touchin’ my arms, my legs, kissing me on the cheek. He’d give me money. Then he started tellin’ me that some boys would take advantage of me ’cause I wasn’t that pretty. They’d just try to use me.” She drank some water because her throat was going dry. “He told me… he told me I was real Black, but he still found me pretty. He said that, uh, at least I had nice hair. Then he’d play with it. I was feeling uncomfortable at this point, but he played on my insecurities. I was getting teased at school sometimes, and he tapped into that. He’d tease me at home, but wrap it in a compliment. That confused me. He started telling me that one day I’d get married, and I should learn now how to please my husband so that I … so that I could keep him.”
“Jessica?”
“Yeah…”
“I understand what happened. He groomed you. You don’t have to tell me anymore.”
“No, I’m going to tell you. It doesn’t hurt me the same way it used to. I need to tell you this story, my story… The mask needs to come off.” With tearful eyes, she looked at the two masks on the wall, then continued. “So… one night, Mama was at church. I don’t too much know where Corey was, but he and I were alone. I was sittin’ on the couch reading a book, the TV was on, and he came out his and Mama’s bedroom, naked. I had never seen no naked man before, only Corey when he’d act silly and run out the bathroom without a towel. Kid stuff like that. I remember knowin’ something wasn’t right though, that he shouldn’t have done that, be that way around me.
