“Kenzie… it’s okay, baby. No one will hurt you again. I won’t let anyone hurt you,” I whisper while rubbing her back, trying to reassure her that she is safe.
“Nicholas? What… How…?” She tries to pull away from me a few minutes later when she finally wakes up, but I don’t let go of her.
“You had a nightmare.”
“I’m sorry I woke you… I… it was probably from that movie we watched earlier.”
“It wasn’t from the movie, Kenzie.”
“Uh... I was reading a book—“
“Stop,” I plead.
I look down at her, but she doesn’t meet my gaze. I gently lift her chin until I can see her face. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes: fear, shame, embarrassment, and sorrow stare back at me. She silently begs me not to ask her about the nightmare, but I don’t know how to just let it go. Someone hurt her and that’s not something I can ignore, even if that’s what she wants.
“Kenzie… who hurt you baby?”
“No one.”
“Someone hurt you. Your nightmare was real—it wasn’t from a book or a movie, was it?”
She shakes her head and tries to look back down, but I hold her chin up, not letting her shrink away. I’ve never seen her like this; the Kenzie I know is strong, confident, and even when her apartment was broken into—she is resilient. The Kenzie looking up at me now is like a shell of that person: the person looking back at me is not the one I’ve gotten to know these last few weeks. My heart, which I swore would never exist again, breaks as she looks at me with pleading eyes.
I don’t know what to do; I don’t know how to handle this. Put me in a boardroom and I can take on anything that comes my way. Put Kenzie in my arms, sobbing after she relives someone hurting her, and I don’t know how to act. God, I want to find out so badly what happened to her. I want to beg her to tell me who did this to her and then I want Carter to find him so I can ruin him.
“You’re safe, no one will ever hurt you again, I promise,” I vow. Even though I don’t know who hurt her, I know I would do anything to keep her from being hurt again.
She doesn’t say anything, but a single tear rolls down her cheek. She licks her lips as she shudders against me. I don’t think about what happens next; it’s almost as if my body has a mind of its own. Holding her chin in place, I lean down until my lips hover just above hers. I close my eyes and wait… I wait for her to push me away or tell me she doesn’t want me to kiss her. When she doesn’t say anything or push me away, I close the gap between our lips and envelope mine over hers. I wrap my arm around her waist, anchoring her to me as I deepen the kiss, not knowing how else to comfort her right now. She tentatively reaches up, running her hand through my hair, providing the encouragement I need. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth; she moans in response and tugs at my hair just enough to make my dick start to stir.
As I feel it twitching and threatening to make its presence known, I realize we need to stop before we both do something we would regret. As much as it kills me, I pull back from Kenzie’s soft lips but keep her pressed against me. My heart beats wildly; my breathing is heavy, almost as if I just finished running a marathon. God, I hope I wasn’t wrong for kissing her… the last thing I want is for her to feel like I took advantage of her when she was upset.
“Kenzie, baby... tell me who hurt you.”
“No one.”
“That’s not true, and we both know it. Who. Hurt. You?”
“Nicholas, please let it go.”
“I can’t. Someone hurt you, and I want to know who. I need to make sure whoever did this can’t hurt you again.”
“He can’t. He doesn’t even live here; he can’t hurt me again.”
“He lives on the West Coast?” I suddenly realize that she didn’t run to New York for love; she ran to get away from someone.
“Yes.”
“He’s the reason you left—the reason you moved to New York.”
“Yes.”
“Who was he?”
“No one.”
“Baby… ”
“He was just a stupid guy who I thought loved me.”
“He was your boyfriend?”
“Fiancé, technically.”
“You were going to marry him? Someone who hit you?”
“Please, Nicholas. It’s a part of my life I don’t like to think about. I was young and incredibly stupid.”
“Why would you stay with him? You deserve so much better; no one should ever hit you.”
“I didn’t think anyone would ever love me—he was the first guy who acted like he cared about me. He would apologize after hitting me and tell me how much he loved me. I was stupid. I believed him. I believed that I deserved it every time he hit me. That I didn’t deserve anything better.”
“Why would you think that? You’re such a wonderful, loving, caring person. You deserve someone who treats you as such.”
“I… that’s not what I was told growing up. When you hear something often enough, you end up believing it.”
“Oh Kenzie…”
“It’s the past… I don’t like to think about it.”
“What made you finally decide to leave? I’m grateful you finally did but—“
“He almost killed me one night.”
“WHAT?!”
I’m fuming... I’m seeing red… I’m going to kill the son of a bitch. What kind of fucking piece of shit almost kills the woman he supposedly loves? What type of man hits any woman?
“Please, please… I don’t want to talk about it. I finally woke up that night, left him, and worked with a wonderful group who helped me move out here. They made sure nothing from that night appeared in my medical records and helped me find a group in New York that could help me get my life back together.”
“Kenzie… if he ever tries to contact you again, I want you to tell me. Please, promise me you will tell me if you hear from him.”
“I… I will.”
“Do you often have nightmares?”
“Not really. It’s not like I have them every night. I wish I didn’t have them at all, but they always seem to hit when I least expect it.”
“I know what you mean.”
“You do?”
I don’t respond, not wanting to admit that she’s not the only one who suffers from nightmares. Unlike Kenzie though, my nightmares occur almost every night. It’s rare to go a night without one, and I’ve learned to function on very little sleep. I never would have expected Kenzie to have suffered from nightmares and never would have guessed the reason for them. I’m left with more questions unanswered than were answered tonight. What the fuck did this guy do to her? What did her mother do when she was growing up to make her think she didn’t deserve to be loved? Who the fuck is this low life who hurt her?
I need to have Carter dig into her background. I need to know who this fucker was. I need someone on him to make sure he can’t hurt Kenzie ever again. I don’t give a shit what happens in a few weeks when our arrangement ends: I’ll pay any cost to ensure that this fucker stays far away from her. People like that shouldn’t be allowed in society; there is no place for men who beat women.
“Nicholas,” Kenzie moans softly, pulling me from my angry thoughts.
I look down and realize that she is fast asleep, still wrapped in my arms. She moaned my name in her sleep… and even though I have no idea why she did this, it makes me smile. I should leave, go back to my room, and sleep in my own bed. I should leave things alone so they don’t become awkward between us. Having Kenzie here isn’t good—we have crossed too many lines this weekend. The right thing to do would be to go to sleep in the room next door and pretend that I never came in here. The right thing to do would be to forget everything she just told me. The right thing to do would be to forget how great it feels to have this woman curled up next to me. To forget how amazing it feels to have her sleeping in my arms.
Unfortunately, I’ve never been good at doing the right thing.
&
nbsp; Chapter 22
Kenzie
I’m hot… like I’m lying next to a scorching fire. I force my eyes open, needing to figure out why it’s suddenly so hot in here. I can’t sleep when it’s this hot. When my eyes finally focus, I immediately realize why I’m sweltering and it absolutely floors me. Nicholas, a shirtless Nicholas no less, is lying next to me, sound asleep. His leg is wrapped over mine and his arm rests across my stomach. It takes me a minute to remember how he ended up in here with me.
I panic, remembering the nightmare I had last night that brought him into my room. I never wanted him to know about my past, never expecting there to be a reason for him to know about my nightmares. I never thought we would ever be sleeping under the same roof, so in my mind, there would never be a chance for him to find out about my ex. You just don’t randomly bring up that you dated an asshole who liked to hit you over dinner one night with someone you barely know. You especially don’t discuss things like that with a guy who is paying you to go on dates with him. That is not part of the contract. He wants and needs someone who is complication-free; he doesn’t want to sit and talk about someone’s horrible childhood or the stupid mistakes they made as an adult.
I take one last glance at him, one last deep breath inhaling his scent, before I slide myself from his grip. I immediately feel… alone. I can’t remember the last time I had someone’s arms around me like that. I can’t remember the last time someone cuddled me after a nightmare; hell, I can’t remember the last time someone just held me. I would love nothing more than to stay in bed, wrapped in his arms all day, but unfortunately, I know things are going to be awkward enough when he wakes up. I don’t want to give Nicholas any more of a reason to cancel our arrangement.
I look back at him sound asleep in the bed that I was in only moments ago, before I resolutely step into the hallway and close the door behind me. I head down to the kitchen, determined to make breakfast and a pot of coffee before Nicholas wakes up. I need to wrap my head around everything that happened last night.
God, it felt so good to sleep in Nicholas’s arms. I don’t know why he came into my room when he could have just ignored my screams. I don’t know why he laid in bed next to me when he could have just called my name or shook me awake like they used to do at the shelter. I don’t know why he held me even when I’m sure I fought him… I don’t know why he kissed me. His soft lips felt amazing against mine—the kiss was so different than the one at the awards dinner. It was full of emotion, which doesn’t make sense because this is just a business transaction. Nicholas doesn’t have feelings for me. He probably just felt sorry for me. Perhaps that’s what I felt in the kiss… sympathy.
And then he stayed in my bed… all night. He slept next to me the entire night when he could have easily gone back to the guest room he was supposed to stay in. Why didn’t he go back to his room? Maybe he was going to return to his room but accidently fell asleep? Maybe he thought I would be mad if he left? The dinging of my phone forces my attention away from him.
Did Nicholas have any problems during the night? –Vivienne
No, his fever remained down and he ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup with veggies before bed without a problem. – Kenzie
Good to hear! He might not have a bad case since he didn’t eat all of the chicken –Vivienne
What can he have for breakfast? Should we stick with soup or can he have something else? – Kenzie
Something light should be okay. Nothing greasy or too heavy though. –Vivienne
Great, thanks! –Kenzie
I’ll stop by later this evening to check on him. If he holds down breakfast without a problem and his fever doesn’t return, I don’t see the need for you to stay another night. –Vivienne
Thanks –Kenzie
I’m relieved that Nicholas is feeling better, but when I first read her text, I felt disappointed as it means I would need to leave soon. I don’t know why, but I was kind of looking forward to spending more time with him, especially now that he is on the mend. I learned a lot more about Nicholas yesterday than I did over the few dinners and events we’ve been to together. I knew after the night my apartment was broken into that he was caring, but last night just went beyond anything I could have imagined. Nicholas comforted me in a way that no one has ever been able to. In all the years I’ve had nightmares, no one made me feel as safe as Nicholas did last night. No one made me feel protected the way he did.
I suppose it’s a good thing that my stay here is coming to an end earlier than originally planned; we’ve crossed quite a few lines this weekend, that are going to be hard to uncross. Do we just pretend like this weekend never happened? I saw a side of him that I had no idea existed under the CEO façade he puts on every day. I’ve caught a few glimpses, but last night, I realized Nicholas really is like nothing I ever expected.
I briefly consider talking with Bridget but quickly decide against it. What if she determines that I violated the contract with Nicholas and fires me? What if she ends the contract between me and Nicholas? I don’t even know what I would say to her. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling or even what I’m thinking.
“Something smells good,” Nicholas’s voice pulls me from my worries.
“Your mom said you could try a real meal this morning as long as it was light and non-greasy. I was just finishing an egg white omelet with veggies and a little cheese.”
“It smells really good, but you didn’t need to cook for me, Kenzie.”
“I was up so it wasn’t a big deal. Do you want to try coffee? Or maybe tea?”
“Coffee would be wonderful. I’ll get it.”
The coffee pot is next to the stove, putting Nicholas close to me. I can feel myself blushing immediately, at the memory of how it felt to have his body pressed against mine last night and wrapped around me this morning. When he returns to the breakfast bar, the air around me suddenly feels cooler, and I find myself wishing he hadn’t left the spot where he was standing.
“If you don’t like it—“
“Kenzie, you haven’t made anything that I haven’t liked, so I have no doubt this will taste just as good.”
“Your mom said she would stop by later this afternoon to check on you but that if you keep breakfast down and your fever doesn’t return, you won’t need me here any longer.”
“Oh… that’s good. I’m sure you have things to do.”
We sit in silence, finishing our breakfast; both of us seem to be avoiding the topic of last night. I don’t know what to say to him. Do I apologize for having the nightmare? Do I thank him for waking me? For holding me all night? For comforting me? For kissing me?
How the hell does someone handle this?!
I don’t know that there is a protocol for how you deal with someone the morning after they wake you up and hold you all night. I suppose this would be different if we were friends or lovers—at least then we would be emotionally invested in our relationship. This is different because we’re not emotionally invested in this business transaction… at least Nicholas isn’t. I think I could be…
“Do you return to work tomorrow or are you off?” Nicholas pulls me from my thoughts.
“I’m scheduled to work in the morning. What about you? Are you going to PFS tomorrow?”
“Probably not, I think I’ll work from home tomorrow. My office is set up so that I can work from here so my assistant will only need to rearrange any face-to-face meetings I had scheduled for tomorrow. I think I’ll spend one more day here before braving the office. I don’t need my employees concerned that I’m sick. It’s the reason I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Periodically, I work from home so it won’t raise any red flags for anyone if I spend the day here tomorrow.”
“It’s good that you have that flexibility.”
“It is. I usually work a lot of evenings and weekends from here, so having a fully equipped office is essential.”
“Do you ever not work?” I can’t help but laugh. It seems he works co
nstantly: long hours at the office only to return home to work more hours. No wonder he said he doesn’t have time to date…
“Not really. Even when I’ve taken a vacation, I don’t completely disconnect from the office. I can’t… when you run your own business like I do, a day off means a risk that something could happen. I’ve taken a day here and there, of course, but even then I’ve never been entirely unavailable to my staff. Alex always knows how to reach me if something comes up.”
“What do you like to do when you are able to take a day or two off?”
“I love spending time on the open water. I have a boat that I don’t get to use nearly as much as I should. There’s something so calming about being on the water, don’t you think?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been on a boat before.”
“Never?” I shake my head. “Wow… you have no idea what you’re missing. I don’t know if it’s the rocking from the waves or just the fact that you can look for miles and see nothing but blue… whatever it is, it’s relaxing. You should try it sometime.”
“Maybe.”
“What about you? When you’re not working, what do you like to do?”
“I like to read, so I spend a lot of time at the library. I’ve always loved to cook and bake, although the last apartment I lived in wasn’t really conducive to do either. Since I moved… since I’ve been staying downstairs, I have been cooking a lot more. I love to try new recipes or make up ones on my own. There’s something very satisfying about making an entire meal from scratch.”
“I wouldn’t know. Unfortunately, I can’t cook very much. A frozen pizza, spaghetti, and anything that can be prepared in the microwave is pretty much the extent of my cooking skills.”
“I’m sure you could follow a recipe—“
“Nope. I can barely follow the instructions Julie leaves me on the food she freezes for the weekends when she is off. I get too distracted: I’ll start following a recipe or the heating instructions and then end up engulfed in emails or something work related. The next thing you know, whatever I was making is burned to a crisp.”
The Arrangement Duet Box Set Page 22
