by Zoë Burton
Georgiana reached a hand out to lay on Elizabeth’s. Elizabeth gripped that hand tightly as she completed her story. “Brutus’ presence fills me with peace. It always has. I think that is why I fought so hard to be allowed to have him in the first place. He always knows when I am in trouble, and does what he can to help me. I gave him unconditional love when he was a puppy, and he has given me the same.” She looked up at Georgiana as she completed her explanation. “I cannot describe it better than that; would that I had the words to do so. He represents peace and comfort to me, and he shares his peace and comfort with me when I cannot find my own.”
Squeezing Elizabeth’s hand once more, Georgiana expressed her appreciation. “That is beautiful, Miss Bennet. Thank you for sharing it with me. Though I cannot claim any similar experiences to yours, I do have fears, as well.” Georgiana hesitated, biting her lip and looking down. Raising her eyes once more, she continued, “I fear being taken in by unscrupulous people and ruining my family’s name. I know those fears seem … odd … for a girl with a brother like mine, but I do not always make the correct decisions. Anyway,” she rushed to finish before Elizabeth could speak. “I have found riding to be what calms me. Riding, and working with my horse. Of course, she is at Pemberley, but I can at least use one of my brother’s horses here when I wish to ride. I was curious to discover if the feelings generated were the same, and it seems as though they might be.”
Smiling again, Elizabeth agreed. “It does seem that way. I think maybe God gave us dogs and horses and even cats for that very reason. They make excellent companions.”
Turning the conversation away from such heavy topics, Elizabeth next asked about Georgiana’s studies. As she listened to the other girl’s reply, she looked across to her aunt and uncle, in conversation with Darcy. She observed her host.
Georgiana asked another question, and Elizabeth turned to give the girl her whole attention once more. This time, the pair of them shared some laughs over Elizabeth’s tales of Brutus and the funny things he did as a puppy.
Unbeknownst to Elizabeth, she was just as much an object of scrutiny to Darcy as he had been to her. Though when he first saw her, Darcy had thought Elizabeth not very handsome, as he watched her now conversing with his sister, he could see how well her animation enhanced her features. Her dark eyes and hair set off her creamy complexion, and her dancing, snapping eyes displayed her merriment. They are enthralling, those eyes, Darcy thought. He had noticed her liveliness before, but here, in his home, he could see that quality paired with perfect manners. He found the combination both fascinating and enticing. Turning his attention back to his own conversation, Darcy tucked his observations into the back of his mind. He would bring them out and examine them later, after his guests had gone and he had time to make a thorough study of them.
~~~***~~~
Darcy greatly enjoyed the visit, and it was clear the Gardiners did, as well, for they extended an invitation to him and his sister to come to their home for tea the following week. The invitation was eagerly accepted, and a date and time set for the next Wednesday. Brutus had been waiting outside, on the top step, for his mistress, and the family had boarded their hired conveyance without incident.
Darcy and his sister separated then to complete their normal afternoon activities before meeting again for dinner. As per his usual habit, Darcy retired to the library to read, though this day he struggled to keep his mind on his book. His thoughts and reactions to Elizabeth seemed determined to maintain a place in the forefront of his mind, so he eventually put aside the tome and gave in to them.
Darcy was not certain just why he was so entranced by Elizabeth Bennet. He felt sorry for her, he knew, but he would feel that way for any lady suffering as she did. He felt sorry for his sister, who just a few months ago had nearly been the victim of a fortune hunter. She had not suffered in the same manner as Miss Bennet had, but her pain had been real and deep, and Darcy had been forced more than once to stifle the urge to hunt down the bounder who had hurt her and beat him senseless. I must be feeling similar things to what I did when Georgiana was hurt, he thought. I am certain that is how she feels about me. Darcy was struck with a pang as he realized he did not want Elizabeth to see him as a brother. I want a deeper relationship with her than that. Darcy alternately savored this new understanding and feared it, for he had no way of knowing for certain how Elizabeth felt. In the end, he forced the matter from his mind, vowing to consider it more later, and returned his attention to his book.
When he met Georgiana for dinner, he discovered that his sister’s enthusiasm for their new friends’ visit remained strong. It was all she wished to speak about, and Darcy indulged her, as was his wont.
“You found Miss Bennet to be worthy of your friendship, then?” Darcy asked after listening to Georgiana ramble on for several minutes about the things she had learned.
Georgiana rolled her eyes. “You sound pompous when you say things like that; ‘worthy of my friendship,’ as though we were the king and queen. Yes, my dear Fitzwilliam, I did find Miss Bennet a worthy friend, as I did her aunt and uncle.”
Darcy’s brow rose at his sister’s impertinence. “I sometimes feel that I have been too easy on you. Why else would you find it acceptable to be rude?” When Georgiana sighed and opened her mouth to apologize, he interrupted her. “Do not worry; all is well. I am too delighted to see you lively again to take much offense at bad behavior. If you are happy with Miss Bennet’s friendship, I am pleased to allow it.”
“Thank you, and I am sorry for being rude. I was correct and you know it, but I am sorry for saying it, and for rolling my eyes. You are the best brother a girl could have.”
Darcy blushed at Georgiana’s words. “Thank you. You are the best sister a gentleman could have.”
Georgiana blushed, and ducked her head as she quietly thanked him. “I know I have been a trial to you in the last months.”
“You have not,” Darcy firmly denied. “You made a mistake, yes, but you did not hide it and did not follow through with the elopement. Instead, you confessed all to me. I was and remain proud of you for that.”
“But, I have spent most of the last three months weeping and crying. You cannot have enjoyed that.”
“I most definitely did not, but I could not begrudge you your time of grief. You have greatly improved in the last weeks, and I confess to feeling relief because of it. Now then,” Darcy said, changing the subject, what did you and Miss Bennet talk about during your little tete-a-tete?”
“Oh, many things! Literature and music, and her dog, mostly.”
“Oh?” Darcy was inexplicably curious about what his sister had learned about Elizabeth. “Can you be more specific?”
“I can,” Georgiana teased, “if you give me but a moment to say it.” She giggled when her brother smirked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. She continued, “Miss Bennet prefers Shakespeare’s comedies to his tragedies. She likes poetry well enough but prefers prose. She enjoys all music but finds Beethoven too difficult, though she confesses she never practiced as she should.”
Darcy nodded. “I concur with her on each of those. Did she say anything else?”
“I asked her about her dog. She was very open about it, perhaps more than I expected her to be. If I am interpreting what she said correctly, she feels the same comfort from Brutus that I do when I work with Daisy.” Georgiana paused for a moment, as if considering something, but then spoke once more. “I shared with her some of my fears, as well. Not the cause of them, and not all of them, of course. It felt … I was relieved to have shared those things, especially with Miss Bennet, who clearly understands.”
Surprised, Darcy did not know what to say at first. Then, he stumblingly started speaking. “I-, I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share something like that with her. Miss Bennet is a very kind lady, and sympathetic to the plights of others.” He stumbled to a stop and then looked at his cup, watching as his fingers played with the handle. He thought about w
hat Georgiana had just said about Daisy and how she had, when they had arrived home from Ramsgate, made a beeline for the stables. She had spent endless days with her mare, shunning her brother’s company and that of the neighbors who came to call, in favor of working with Daisy. He had been concerned, giving thought to forcing her to leave off, but she was so much more relaxed when she was with the horse that he let it go. Instead, he charged the stable master and grooms with keeping an eye on her. He only gave up his worry when one of the boys reported to him that she often spoke to the horse, pouring out her problems to the mare and crying out her sorrow over her broken heart. Thankfully, the groom was a loyal employee, though a little extra money slipped to him assured Darcy that Georgiana’s revelations would not be spread about. When he had gathered his thoughts together, he spoke once more to Georgiana.
“I remember how helpful Daisy was to you. I am not certain I understand it, but if you say an animal can help someone in that manner, I believe you.”
“I do say it.” Georgiana took a sip of her tea and then paused in the act of setting it down. “I wonder if it is something a gentleman simply cannot understand.” She placed the cup on the table and picked up her fork. “Perhaps only ladies are sensitive to its effects.”
Darcy snorted softly. “Perhaps.” He could recall gentlemen he had met who preferred their hunting dogs or horses to their peers; perhaps this was why.
Getting to Know You
The next week passed swiftly for the Darcys and for those who lived on Gracechurch Street. The Gardiners took Elizabeth out in the carriage every day, and though she was able to appear calm, it was obvious to the couple that she still struggled. However, they refused to give up, and searched for ways to assist their niece with her internal battle.
Elizabeth bore their efforts as best she could. Her disposition had always been toward cheerfulness. She had not been formed for unhappiness, and that made her fear all the more vexing, even for her. She acknowledged readily that it was unreasonable of her to be afraid of riding in all carriages, but all the talking to herself about it in the world did not stop the rising tide of terror inside her every time she faced one.
This day, Wednesday and the day of the Darcys’ visit for tea, Maddie Gardiner took her niece out alone, with only a footman and Brutus for company. They made it a short ride, because there was still so much to do to prepare for the visitors, or so Maddie felt. She chattered to Elizabeth about it as they rode around the block, but Elizabeth did not appear to hear above half what she said.
Later that afternoon, as they sat sewing together and chatting, Maddie complimented Elizabeth. “You are making excellent progress in taming your fear, you know. Your uncle and I are proud of you.”
Elizabeth immediately stopped sewing, dropping one hand to Brutus’ neck, gripping his scruff, and allowing the other hand with its embroidery hoop and dangling needle to fall into her lap. “I am uncertain that I deserve such praise, but I do appreciate it.”
Maddie lowered her sewing, as well, to turn her gaze to her niece. “You do deserve it, else I would not have given it. A month ago, we would have had to lift you bodily into the carriage and hold you the entire time you were in it. Now, you are able to sit with the appearance of calm, and with Brutus along, you only need a little help to enter it.” Maddie leaned forward and reached for Elizabeth’s arm, laying her hand gently there. “At the rate you are going, you will have left behind your fear before you even realize you have.”
Elizabeth merely nodded, her head lowered. She sighed and blinked the tears out of her eyes. “I am not certain I believe that, but thank you for having faith in me. I want so desperately to be rid of this terror that seizes me!” Turning her head to the side, she wiped her cheek on her shoulder, erasing evidence of the tear that had escaped to run down her face.
Maddie squeezed Elizabeth’s forearm once more, then leaned back into her seat and resumed work on the seam she was letting out on her eldest son’s shirt. “Your uncle and I have been searching for a way to help you conquer the remaining fear. We cannot bear to see you suffer. Will you allow yourself to be seen by a physician, if we can locate one who is willing to deal with this?”
Elizabeth’s head jerked up, eyes huge in her face. “I do not want to spend the rest of my life in Bedlam. I am not insane.”
“No, no,” Maddie dropped her sewing to her lap again as she rushed to reassure Elizabeth. “That is not what I meant. We would not consult someone who would rush to that conclusion. What I meant was that there are men who study how the mind works and how it influences behavior. There are also theologians who counsel on the subject, based on the teachings of the Bible. We would like to find one of those sorts of gentlemen to talk to you and help you get over the fear. I promise you, your uncle will never allow you to be sent to Bedlam or anywhere else.”
Maddie tossed her sewing on the table beside her when Elizabeth sobbed, and pulled her chair closer to Elizabeth’s. Putting her arm around her niece and pulling her as close as she could, Maddie held Elizabeth as she cried. Brutus was, of course, draped over Elizabeth’s shoulders and lap crowding out Maddie. “I am sorry, dear girl. Shhh …” Maddie kissed Elizabeth’s head.
When her sobbing slowed, Elizabeth apologized for becoming emotional, but Maddie would hear none of it. She sent her niece off to her room to rest; in a few short hours, they would have visitors, and they all needed to present their best selves to their guests.
By the time the Darcys arrived, Elizabeth had slept off her emotion and appeared as cheerful as ever. She had cried herself to sleep and when she awakened, had given herself a stern talking-to.
“You have made new friends, Lizzy,” she scolded herself in the mirror. “Do not run them off by looking a fright or becoming a watering pot.” She laughed at herself. “It does feel good to meet new people again. I have missed that.”
She took one last look into the cheval glass, smoothing her dove grey skirt and assuring herself that her hair was in place. Then, she took a deep breath and descended the stairs, arriving at the bottom just as the Darcys were being admitted to the house.
“Welcome to our home,” Elizabeth greeted the visitors warmly. “My aunt is giving final instructions to the governess, I believe, and my uncle is in the drawing room waiting for us.” Elizabeth curtseyed to Georgiana and Darcy and accepted their greetings. Once the maid had taken their hats, gloves, and wraps, Elizabeth led them to Gardiner, chatting about the weather and the traffic between Mayfair and Gracechurch Street as they walked.
Similarly to what happened when they shared tea the previous week, the group as a whole conversed before breaking off into smaller groups. This time, Darcy had found himself beside Elizabeth on a settee, she on his left, with his sister on his right, nearer their hosts, who sat in chairs on either side of a small table holding the tea service. As he turned to ask Elizabeth a question, he braced himself. When he had first seen her this evening, his heart had skipped a beat. He knew not why that should happen, but she had looked happy, and that happiness had lent a glow to her features that captivated him.
“You are looking very well this afternoon, Miss Bennet.”
Elizabeth smiled. “You, also. You seem particularly pleased.”
“I lay that to the joy of meeting with my friends.”
“Very well, then. We shall do that,” Elizabeth teased. “I confess that I was also eager for this visit to arrive. I have been unable to visit for a long time, or it felt that way. You and your sister are my first guests since …” Elizabeth swallowed, suddenly choked up. “Since the accident.”
Darcy’s eyes had never left Elizabeth’s face, and he saw the tears welling in her eyes as she stumbled over her words. Softly, he asked, “Have you been out of your first mourning for long?”
“It has been four weeks as of yesterday.”
“Four weeks? Georgiana and I arrived back in town four weeks ago.”
Blinking back tears, Elizabeth’s lips lifted at the corners. “What a
coincidence.”
“You have had no other visitors? None of your aunt’s friends have come?”
“She has had friends come by in the mornings, and I have greeted those and sat in the parlor with her while she entertained them, and she has had two or three dinner parties. I have not felt much like entertaining for that long, so I greeted the guests and then spent the evenings upstairs with my cousins. It was probably rude, but Aunt assures me that everyone assumes I am still mourning. Which, I am, but …” Elizabeth’s gaze slid away from Darcy’s.
“But you were not ready for company. I am certain your aunt is correct and that her friends understood. Losing one parent at a time is difficult. I cannot imagine losing all of my family at once.”
“It is devastating,” Elizabeth agreed.
Darcy watched, mesmerized, as a determined glint came to her eyes and she straightened her shoulders.
“I am ready for society again, though. Do you enjoy social events, Mr. Darcy?”
“Actually, no, I do not, in general. I prefer intimate evenings like this one, with few people. Most society events are crushes, where there are too many people and not enough air.”
Tipping her head, Elizabeth studied her companion. “I am surprised. I would have expected a man of sense and education to enjoy the company of a great many people.”
“Oh, I do, but I am uncomfortable making small talk with all but my closest companions. I cannot catch the tone of people’s conversations and find it difficult to care about their concerns. In a word, small talk is generally boring to me.”
During his speech, Elizabeth’s brows had risen almost to her hairline. “You do very well with us here, and we are almost strangers. Perhaps you need to practice more, and then you will become proficient in conversation with new people.”
