by Heide Goody
She was sandwiched between DC Camara and an Odinson. Ragnar’s wife, Astrid, pressed a thermos mug into her hand and helped guide it to Sam lips.
“It’s tea,” said Astrid. “Tea makes everything better.”
There was the buzz of engines. An orange RNLI lifeboat was speeding towards them. In the sky above, distant but approaching, was a yellow rescue helicopter.
Sam looked at the sea for signs of anyone still in the water.
91
Eventually – though she resisted, just wanting to stay in the wet but warming blanket that had been put round her – Sam was coaxed out of the life jacket, some of her wet clothes, and given a jacket and more dry blankets.
The Odinsons rowed back to shore with less enthusiasm than they’d rowed out.
“But what about Cleethorpes?” said Gunnolf. “The saga?”
“We rescued a maiden from pirates,” Ragnar replied. “That’s enough for one day. Today pirates, tomorrow Cleethorpes.”
“And then the world!” shouted an Odinson.
Once he had a phone signal, Camara was making a call. It appeared to be fifty percent terse instructions and fifty percent carefully worded apology. When he had finished, Sam was finally able to ask him.
“Why did you bring out a Viking ship to rescue me?”
“It really seemed like a good idea at the time. There is a small chance I might not be fired.”
The rowers grounded the ship on the beach, then leapt into the shallows to drag it ashore. Sam was only permitted to disembark once they were firmly on the sand.
A small but significant crowd had formed. Odinson children cheered and demanded ice creams. Odinson men went to show their wives their war wounds (mostly consisting of rope burns and splinters from rowing). Local residents came and took photos, or just stood and tutted and disapproved of the general goings-on. Ragnar, with Hilde held in the tightest embrace, stood once more in the prow of his boat, soaked up all of the attention and called for his mead horn.
Sam had to push through the crowd until she found Rich, who she knew would be waiting. Her dad was beside him. Delia too.
Marvin enfolded Sam in a shockingly earnest hug. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“I was just out there. In safe hands.”
“He asked me to rescue him from Otterside,” said Delia.
“They were arresting old folks left, right and centre,” said Marvin. “Thought I’d better get out of there sharpish.”
“One of the arrested a turkey killer by any chance?” asked Delia with a hopeful lilt.
Sam nodded. “And how was your meat-free Christmas dinner?”
“Beetroot and lentil bake with sweet potato parcels did not go down well with my uncultured kin. I hear your Christmas was less than stellar, too. And to think there were moments over Christmas when I was quite envious of you. I pictured you shimmying about in your fancy clothes, eating your fancy butlerised meals and being treated like royalty.”
“I think you’ll find that the word is ‘buttled’,” said Rich.
“Not butlerified?” said Marvin.
“So, I’ve promised to take the family out to a restaurant for a proper Christmas dinner,” said Delia. “We can squeeze in a few more chairs. Fancy being treated to a mammoth Christmas lunch?”
“Mammoth,” said Marvin and hummed.
As they moved up the beach, an Odinson stood beside Ragnar on the platform that was the Sandraker and began to loudly recount the saga of the day.
At Rich’s car, Sam carefully peeled off a blanket or two. She stretched and hissed as the aches in her battered body awoke.
“I might need a change of clothes before we go eat.” She winced at a fresh pain. “And a bit of TLC.”
“Your nose,” said Marvin, reaching out to touch yet not touch her bloody nose.
“You should see the other guy,” she said automatically, and nearly burst into tears.
She composed her emotions. There would be tears later. Right now there was going to be drink and food and loved ones. And then some more drinks. Tears could wait.
Afterword
Many thanks for reading book two in the Sam Applewhite series. You can find the link to book three in the coming pages.
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Heide and Iain
About the Authors
Heide Goody and Iain Grant have written more than twenty novels together. They both live in the UK. Iain lives in Birmingham with his wife and family. Heide lives in North Warwickshire with her husband and family.
Also by Heide Goody and Iain Grant
Sandraker
The aristocracy abide by a different set of rules...
* * *
...or so it seems to Sam Applewhite when her job brings her to Candlebroke Hall, the stately home. The burglary definitely wasn’t what it appeared to be, and the subsequent accidents suggest that it’s a dangerous place to spend time.
* * *
Sam is caught up in events as she tries to protect the interests of young Hilde Odinson, part of the local viking family. The Odinsons insist on doing things their own way though, with scant regard for the law. In the meantime, Sam starts to understand that while many people would kill to live at Candlebroke Hall, maybe there are others who would kill to get away from it.
Sandraker
Clovenhoof
Getting fired can ruin a day…
* * *
…especially when you were the Prince of Hell.
* * *
Will Satan survive in English suburbia?
* * *
Corporate life can be a soul draining experience, especially when the industry is Hell, and you’re Lucifer. It isn’t all torture and brimstone, though, for the Prince of Darkness, he’s got an unhappy Board of Directors.
* * *
The numbers look bad.
* * *
They want him out.
* * *
Then came the corporate coup.
* * *
Banished to mortal earth as Jeremy Clovenhoof, Lucifer is going through a mid-immortality crisis of biblical proportion. Maybe if he just tries to blend in, it won’t be so bad.
* * *
He’s wrong.
* * *
If it isn’t the murder, cannibalism, and armed robbery of everyday life in Birmingham, it’s the fact that his heavy metal band isn’t getting the respect it deserves, that’s dampening his mood.
* * *
And the archangel Michael constantly snooping on him, doesn’t help.
* * *
If you enjoy clever writing, then you’ll adore this satirical tour de force, because a good laugh can make you have sympathy for the devil.
* * *
Get it now.
Clovenhoof
Oddjobs
Unstoppable horrors from beyond are poised to invade and literally create Hell on Earth.
* * *
It’s the end of the world as we know it, but someone still needs to do the paperwork.
* * *
Morag Murray works for the secret government organisation responsible for making sure the apocalypse goes as smoothly and as quietly as possible.
* * *
Trouble is, Morag’s got a temper problem and, after angering the wrong alien god, she’s been sent to another city where she won’t cause so much trouble.
* * *
But Morag’s got her work cut out for her. She has to deal with a man-eating starfish, solve a supernatural murder and, if she’s got time, prevent her own inevitable death.
* * *
If you like The Laundry Files, The Chronicles of St
Mary’s or Men in Black, you’ll love the Oddjobs series.
* * *
"If Jodi Taylor wrote a Laundry Files novel set it in Birmingham… A hilarious dose of bleak existential despair. With added tentacles! And bureaucracy!” – Charles Stross, author of The Laundry Files series.
Oddjobs
