by Sands, Samie
She laughs nastily. “Yes, you could say that.”
“What have they done?”
“You know what, Danny.” Oliver rests his hand on my arm, taking back control. “I can already see this woman isn’t going to help us. Let’s go.”
But the idea of heading back out there is too much for me. It knots anxiety into my stomach. We’re doing okay, but only just. I don’t know how much longer we can keep going.
“No, please.” I give the woman a desperate glare. “Please, there’s a big group of us, lots of people. Young and old. We aren’t anything to do with this group, I don’t even know who you’re talking about. We just need somewhere to rest for a while. We’ve been on the road for so long, people are starting to lose hope, and that always leads to trouble.”
“No, we’re done here.”
Oliver turns and starts to walk away but I don’t join him immediately. I still have hope.
“You have lots of people?” She peers at me curiously. “And you aren’t the Bandits?”
“We just want a chance to rest, that’s all I’m asking.” I push my hands together in a prayer gesture. “We don’t want to impinge on what you’ve created here; we just need some time.”
She glances over my shoulder towards Oliver, anger flashing over her face, and then back to me where she softens. She must be able to see my sheer desperation.
“I will have to meet everyone first.”
Relief floods me, I get a spark of something like hope once more.
“Of course. Whatever you need, I completely understand. Thank you so much.”
Now I just need to convince Oliver. Fingers crossed he’s feeling reasonable.
Emma
I’m out.
I can hardly believe it, but here I am, out in the world. The dangerous, horrifying, disgusting world. I didn’t have any choice in the end, my mother made the decision for me. It’s hard to even think of her as the crazy woman who flung a knife around the kitchen despair but since that’s the last image, I have of her, I’m sure it will remain.
I’ll go back eventually, once all of this is over, but for now, this is what I need to be safe. I just wish I could find other people doing the same thing.
“What do I do now?” I mutter to myself as my eyes dart everywhere. “Where do I go?”
I never really came out here with a plan. I kinda fantasized about it, but nothing solid. I suppose in all my dreams about this I thought I’d find Rachael, but to be honest, she could be anywhere now. There isn’t even any guarantee that she’s alive...
No, I don’t want to think like that! I need to keep my head up.
I dart my eyes from side-to-side, wondering which way would be safest for me. All the homes appear empty now. Well, either that or filled with infected. Everyone was drawn out by the lack of food by the looks of it.
The only way I’ll be able be able to feel secure is around other people, but right now, there’s no chance of that. By this point, my parents might be out looking for me, hunting me down, ready to punish me for breaking their ridiculous rules, and if they aren’t the infected will be. I have to give up on the idea that I’ll find others right away and get somewhere safe before night falls.
“Eenie meenie miney mo.” I point to the homes in front of me in turn, deciding which one to barricade myself in for the night. I’m pretty sure these ones are all empty but that doesn’t make me any less scared to get in there. I don’t have any chance of defending myself. “The house I will stay in is this one.”
My heart thumps in my throat as I look the building up and down. Such an innocuous place, nothing about it looks scary, but I’m absolutely petrified of it all the same. As a bookworm who loves adventure stories, maybe I should relish the idea of getting to live in one myself, but the truth is I don’t like it. But perhaps that’s because of the plot.
If I were to choose any story to live inside, this would not be it!
“Come on, Emma.” I take a shaky step forward, knowing action is what this moment needs. “Just go inside. It might be fine. Think about the bed, the possible food in the cupboards, not that there’s much chance of that.” My mouth waters at the mere idea. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve consumed anything. “Think about having thick concrete walls between myself and them.”
I shudder, thinking about the infected. Protection from them is the best thing I could ask for. I need to just focus on that.
Rachael
“This camp is okay, isn’t it?” I ask Olivia doubtfully. “It seems like it will be alright.”
“I dunno. It always starts out okay, but it goes wrong, doesn’t it?”
“Don’t be like that. Don’t be negative. It might be fine. And hey, at least we get to share a room here. It’s just me and you. We could be stuck with loads of other people. Danny and Oliver did well to get us in.”
I list the possible positives, ticking them off on my hand as I go. I need these plus points as much as Olivia. If not more. The more time that passes, the lower I sink.
She blows out a giant breath of air and flops onto her mattress. “I suppose.”
I don’t like seeing Olivia like this, it frightens me. Especially at a time like this when we should be happy. We’re not on the road, we have safety, we have walls around us and other people, food and drink too, this is ideal.
For this life anyway.
“What’s going on with you?”
“I dunno. My head is all over the place at the moment. I miss before. I know we keep talking about it, but I really miss it. School, homework, parties, the lot. Even the parts I shouldn’t miss, I do. I want to go back there. It’s annoying that isn’t possible.”
I slide down into a sitting position and nod agreeably. I can battle the sadness as much as I can but with my friend in this pensive mood, I only have so much strength.
“I know what you mean. I keep thinking about it as well. This isn’t a life, is it? It’s just us existing, trying to get by. Surviving. Enduring each day.”
“Exactly. And if it isn’t going to get better, then what is the point? We aren’t happy, no one is happy in this life. I honestly don’t know if I can do this for the rest of my life. Don’t you agree? What’s the point of living?”
I pause for a beat too long. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
Olivia’s head falls into her hands and I do the same. Actually, it’s a bit of a relief to slide my eyes closed, to press my palms into them, and to block out the world. She’s too right about too many things. This isn’t really the sort of future any of us envisioned having.
“I suppose the only thing we can do is keep going,” I murmur into my hands. “Isn’t it? It might not be what we wanted, but surely, we can find some way to make it worthwhile.”
“It won’t be easy,” Olivia warns. “What can we have to live for here?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find something, won’t we? Me and you. We’re kick-ass independent women.” I force a weak smile on my face. “If anyone can do it, we can?”
Olivia sighs and smiles back. “You know what, it’s that or give up, isn’t it?”
“So, we’re gunna do it? We’ll find something to live for?”
I hold out my pinky finger and she curls hers around mine to shake it. “That’s right. We will.”
Oliver
“I don’t think I can take it anymore, Danny, I’m serious.” I rake my fingers angrily through my hair. “Look at him. Seriously. He’s hanging off Katie like a bad smell. He hasn’t left her alone at all.”
“I don’t know, Oliver. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about.”
“Can you not see what I’m seeing?”
“He does like her, I can see that, but Katie is batting him off. Look at her, that girl only has eyes for you. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
I shake my head, refusing to acknowledge that. I don’t understand why Danny isn’t worried. Ever since we set foot in this camp, Ryan has reall
y upped his game. He’s utterly determined to win Katie around, and while I don’t think he’ll do it, it pisses me off.
I should have killed him, or at least left him to die. All my problems would be sorted.
“It’s nice that’s what you have to worry about anyway.” Danny pats me on the back. “Better than when we were out there, and it was all about life and death.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. It was a good idea that we came here.” I dart my eyes everywhere and take in our new surroundings. This is almost a life here. “You were right to drag us in to the place. It’s the best set up camp that we’ve ever been to.”
“You think it’ll last?”
I shrug my shoulders. “It has more chance than anyone else. The leader is a good person, the way they’re running this place is fair, the walls are strong...”
“The strong walls are the best part of it.”
“I do need to get out of here though, I think. I might have to go out on a supply run or something. Being here and watching him doing this is getting under my skin. I don’t want to lose my shit.”
“No, because if you do, you’ll ruin this here for everyone.”
He shoots me a warning look and I feel it running all the way through me.
“I don’t want to wreck it for anyone, I want to stay. That’s why I need to leave.”
“Well, if you go, I’m coming with you.”
“You don’t have to do that...”
“Oh yes, I do. I absolutely have to come with you. I’m your friend.”
It’s weird, I met Danny much later than the others, but aside from Katie, he’s the person I’m closest to. We just have a connection, we click, I really respect his opinion.
“Okay, well we’ll make some plans tomorrow. But for now, I need to get that asshole away from Katie because if he continues to fawn over her like that, I’ll kill him.”
“I know you will, Oliver, but I’m begging you not to. I can’t handle murder on top of everything else. Remember, we’re rebuilding here, not tearing each other down.”
It’s easier said than done, but I’ll do my best. I really will.
I’ll do what I can to ignore him.
Rhys
“So, what do you think of this place? It’s alright, isn’t it?”
“I think Oliver has done a good job,” I reply loyally. “He’s picked a good camp.”
“I don’t know. It feels a bit like there’s something fishy going on here.”
“Oh, come on, Alex. You’ve been positive all this time, keeping me going. Now you’re the one falling apart? Just when we have some safety. What’s going on, buddy?”
“I don’t know, I’ve just seen some things that don’t quite feel right.”
“Like what?”
“There are sketchy characters here, I’m telling you. People who are using this mess as an opportunity to do bad things. I don’t like it. I don’t think we can settle here.”
I scan my eyes around at the buildings, the gardens where vegetables grow, the children laughing and playing. Maybe there is something going on under the surface, but it seems alright to me.
“You think it’s going to implode, or something will get in from the outside? What sort of sketchy stuff are you talking about?”
“I don’t know for sure. But I intend to find out.”
I give him a sideways suspicious glance. “You aren’t about to do something stupid are you, Alex?”
“You know me. I don’t do anything reckless if I don’t see cause to.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything reckless at all.”
“Exactly, and we’re living in all of this!”
I toss my head back and groan, knowing I don’t have any choice. We’ve been in this too long together, we’ve suffered too much. There’s no separating now.
“Okay, obviously I don’t agree with you, but I’ll help. Anything to stop you getting killed.”
“I won’t get killed, I’m quick and smart.”
“So, you think, but this all sounds pretty stupid to me.”
“You’ll see. Trust me.”
“Oh look, there’s Rachael.” I nudge him playfully, knowing she’s about the only thing to distract my friend. “You think you might talk to her today?”
It’s a weird thing to have a crush in the apocalypse. It seems alien, but somehow normal as well. Only, there’s the added pressure that no one might be around tomorrow, so you need to act quick. While we’re safe though, we might as well have a bit of fun. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
“Nah, man, I’m not going to talk to her now. She looks all stressed.”
“That’s such an excuse.”
“It isn’t. I’ll talk to her another time. Today just isn’t the right time.”
“Your face is as red as your hair. I think this is the perfect time.”
But he shakes his head, admitting defeat, and I know I won’t be able to get through to him. “Another time, maybe. But today, I have more important things to worry about.”
I roll my eyes and snort. “Okay, fine. Well, I suppose you better show me what you think is going on then. The sooner we can get this done, the quicker we can return to normal life.”
“Well, as normal a life as we can get.”
Katie
I like this place, I do. It’s much better being in here than out there. At least here, we’re safe. It could be a home for all of us if we just try and see positives. There are houses, people, walls sky-high...it’s been a long old time since I saw one of the infected, which is everything.
But I don’t like what it’s doing to Oliver.
He’s changing, day by day, minute by minute. There’s a black cloud clinging to him and he can’t shake it off. I’d like to work out what it is, but with Ryan hanging around me like a bad smell, it’s hard to do anything.
“He’s going crazy again,” he whispers into my ear like an unwanted unreasonable voice. “He’ll end up getting you killed. Remember what happened last time...”
“What happened last time wasn’t his fault. He was trying to protect me.”
I wish everyone would stop bringing up that day like it’s something we should all judge Oliver by. It was a momentary lapse of judgment. An accident.
“If he was trying to protect you, he wouldn’t have gotten into that car. And even when he did, he would have kept his eyes on the road...”
“Ryan, we had a crash because Oliver was trying to get me away from those monsters...”
“They weren’t infected.”
“I know, which makes it even worse. They were animals, threatening to do all kinds of terrible things to us, and they would have followed through as well. If you remember rightly, Oliver nearly sacrificed himself to protect everyone else from those beasts.”
“Yes, then he got you into a car when he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to drive and he nearly killed you. You would have ended up dead if he didn’t find that doctor...”
“But he did, and I’m still alive.”
“Well, he had a darkness in his eyes then, a real menace. It’s there now too. You should be worried.”
I gulp down my own feelings and refuse to get sucked into Ryan’s games. I don’t want to see any darkness in his eyes because I love him. Through this world, Oliver has become mine and I’m his. I don’t know if we would be together had it not been for the situation, but that doesn’t make our love any less real.
This world has pushed us together, given us love and something to hope for, and I refuse to give up on that.
“This place is good for all of us, Ryan, the sooner you start accepting that, the better. There are plenty of people here, you can mingle, you don’t need to stick with...”
I don’t say ‘me’, but the implication is there. I just want to breathe without him. A moment of peace to just be would be perfect, but he won’t let that happen.
“Trust me, Katie, you don’t see it yet because you’re blinded, but this p
lace is going to be the death of Oliver. It’s time for you to start accepting that.”
Danny
“Are you okay, Oliver?” I ask him anxiously as he speeds down the road. “You’re driving a bit...erratically.”
He doesn’t even wince as he slams yet another dead one from the front of his vehicle to God knows where. Blood and guts cover the windshield, but he merely flicks the windscreen wiper on with water to wash it away.
Grime from the undead is harder to wipe away than the usual dirt covering a car, so it doesn’t go easily, but even that doesn’t bother Oliver. He’s got a one-track mind at the moment.
“I’m fine, I just need to get away from there,” he growls, pointing backward.
“Do you have a plan where we’re going?”
“Well, the guys said that they’ve cleaned out the nearby places, so we need to go quite far.”
I nod silently, knowing this is much more about him escaping the situation with Ryan than supplies. I’ll go wherever the hell he needs to go, just to keep an eye on him. I can’t let anything bad happen to him. Just because he’s becoming ever so slightly unhinged, doesn’t mean he was always this way. When I met him, he was the strongest, best man I’ve ever known. Even from before.
“There have to be shops somewhere that haven’t been ransacked yet. It’s just finding stuff that’s still edible. Over a year into this apocalypse and things are going downhill.”
“It’s lucky they grow things back at camp,” I comment idly. “That’s the only way to keep surviving.”
“Especially since Gas goes out of date eventually. I don’t know what we’ll do then. We won’t be able to get around as easily then.”
Every time he reminds me of things like this, I get a painful bolt in my stomach. The world isn’t going back to how it was. I don’t know how to deal with that. Admittedly, I didn’t have much going for me back then. I lived alone, worked the lonely night shift in a gas station, didn’t do too much outside of work...it wasn’t the best life, but it wasn’t this.
