Patiently, he waited in silence in the quiet hope that she would eventually turn around and look at him. Preferably soon.
“Keevah, I will be back in a fortnight,” he said, his tone encouraging. “I want ye to wait for me.”
When she turned to look at him there was no doubt she was puzzled. “Wait for ye?”
“Aye,” he said, taking a cautious step toward her.
“To what end?” she asked as she tilted her head to one side.
He offered her his most sincere smile. More than anything, he wanted to give her the words of his heart. He could hear one of his men calling for him as he came down the path.
“Keevah, I want ye to ken that I sincerely value the friendship that has sprouted betwixt us these past weeks,” he said in a soft, warm voice. “Ye made the most difficult times far more tolerable.”
He watched as she wrapped her arms around her waist. She said nothing and kept her back to him. Whoever was calling his name was growing nearer. Damn! He wished he had more time.
“I am glad for yer friendship as well, Lachlan,” she said. Her voice was nothing but a whisper, giving him a glimmer of hope. If the leavin’ is difficult, mayhap it is because she has the same feelin’s for ye.
“Keevah, will ye please look at me?”
There was a knock at the door – one of his men calling out his name. “Lachlan, Jamie says we must go,” came a voice from the other side.
She took in a deep breath before turning around. “Ye must nae tarry,” she said, giving a slight nod toward the door. “I wish ye well, Lachlan.”
Another knock, louder this time. “Lachlan! Are ye in there?”
“Keevah-” He was interrupted by another loud knock.
Frustrated, he yanked open the door. “Tell Jamie and the others to wait,” he ordered. “And dinnae bother me again.”
Properly chastised, the young man spun on his heels and left as if his toes were on fire. Satisfied, Lachlan shut the door and turned back to Keevah.
“Ye should nae make yer men wait,” she told him.
He chuckled softly. “They will nae leave without me.”
He was, after all, their new chief and laird. While he knew he had a duty and responsibility to his men, there was a more important duty standing before him.
“I want ye to marry me.”
She spun on her heel; her eyes grew as big and round as wagon wheels. “What?”
“I want to marry ye,” he repeated.
“But why?” she asked incredulously.
Chuckling again, he took a step forward. “Because I love ye, Keevah.”
The sincerity in his voice, the genuine look of adoration in his big brown eyes was unmistakable. Her heart cracked with the knowledge that she could never be his wife. The last thing she’d ever want to do was bring him even a moment of pain. While she had recently come to the realization that she cared for him, far more than she felt she had a right to, there was no possible way she could agree to be his wife. No matter how badly she wanted to.
“Ye need a better, finer woman than me,” she said.
“I can think of nae better woman to take as my wife than ye, Keevah.”
She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t go down without a fight. Once he made his mind up about something, there was very little chance of getting him to change it. “I am the auld whore, remember?”
A flash of fury erupted behind his dark eyes. “Never say that again,” he told her through gritted teeth. “That was yer past, nae who ye are now. I dunnae care about what ye once were.”
“But ye should care,” she told him, her tone biting.
“Keevah, ye could nae help what happened to ye. Many women are forced into that kind of life through no fault of their own.”
She openly scoffed at him, knowing he was trying to be noble and kind. But he didn’t know the truth. “Ye do nae ken me or why I did what I did. Ye will never understand.”
From his furrowed brow and slitted eyes, she could tell that wasn’t the answer he had expected.
There were many reasons why she’d chosen to take that particular path in her life. No one, not even Lachlan, would ever be able to understand.
He was silent for a long moment. “I dunnae care about the why of it, Keevah. I only ken that I love ye and want ye for my wife.”
She swallowed hard, wishing he would hurry up and leave so that she could spend the rest of her life grieving the loss of his friendship and all that might have been. “And what would ye do the first time a man smiles at me? Will ye be wonderin’ if he is a man from my past? And what if he were?”
A tic was beginning to form in his square jaw. She could tell he hadn’t given that any thought.
Lord above, she didn’t want to hurt him. She didn’t want them to part on bad terms. “Go, Lachlan,” she murmured.
“I will nae go unless I have yer promise that ye will at least think about my proposal,” he said. With his arms crossed over his chest, she knew he wasn’t about to budge without making the promise.
Swallowing hard, she acquiesced, knowing full well she could think about it until the end of time and her answer would never change. “Aye, I will think about it.” ’Twould be impossible for her to think of anything else.
Satisfied, he smiled, looking much relieved with her answer. “I love ye, Keevah. I will be back in a fortnight. Three weeks at most.”
She waited until the door closed behind him before she let the tears fall. Aye, she loved him far more than she ought, but she knew a man like Lachlan MacCullough deserved a better woman than she.
But knowing that hard truth didn’t make the leaving any easier.
As he closed the door behind him, Lachlan couldn’t escape the sensation that he was leaving one life behind in pursuit of another. It damned near cleaved his heart in twain to leave her. He wanted nothing more than to go back inside, toss her over his shoulder, and drag her away, to start their future together now. Resisting that urge, he turned and walked away. He couldn’t and wouldn’t force her into anything. She would have to come to him willingly or not at all.
While she had made the promise to think about his proposal, deep down he knew her answer would be the same the next time he asked.
Slowly, he made his way along the path and made a silent promise to himself. Upon my return, I will somehow convince her to marry me. I will make her see the rightness of our union.
I will win her heart if it is the last thing I do.
Without looking back, he made his way to his waiting men. Taking to his horse, he gave the call to head out.
Ahead, the unknown. Behind him, the only woman he could ever love.
From the little window near her door, Keevah wept as she watched Lachlan walk away.
No matter how much she genuinely wanted to be his wife, she knew that was not her future, nor his. Now that he would be interim chief of a clan, he needed a woman whose past would not come back to haunt either of them. A woman without all her secrets; secrets that could potentially ruin many lives. Secrets she could never reveal to anyone. Secrets she must take to her grave.
She firmly believed that a marriage, any marriage, should be based on a foundation of sincerity and honesty. Nay, Lachlan was a good man and he deserved both those things and more. And honesty, divulging long buried secrets, was not something she could give to him. Everything else, love, adoration, respect, aye, those things she could give. But if she were not completely honest, then all those things she could give him would be tainted.
She hadn’t been allowed to spend the remainder of her day awash in heartache. Less than an hour after Lachlan departed, one of the kitchen maids was knocking at her door.
“Aeschene has sent for ye,” the girl said.
Keevah took note of the young woman’s profoundly red cheeks. See? This is all the proof ye need to ken ye’ve made the right decision. If a kitchen maid cannae speak to ye without shame or embarrassment, then how could ye possibly expect to be a laird’
s wife? Nay, ye’d bring naught more than overwhelming embarrassment to yer husband.
Keevah told the brown-haired lass that she would be along directly. The poor girl scurried away, fearful, Keevah assumed, that if she tarried too long at her door, her tainted reputation might somehow rub off on her.
After washing her face, she grabbed her cloak, painted on a look of indifference, and headed out to see what Aeschene needed. All the while, with her heart breaking with each beat, she pretended that all was right in her world.
Keevah’s feigned indifference evaporated the moment she saw Aeschene. Her friend was in the gathering room, sitting next to the fire, a soft blanket draped across her knees. There were two things that brought forth her tears. Seeing the look of sheer contentment on Aeschene’s face, and her burgeoning belly. In three months, Aeschene would be holding her first bairn in her arms, nursing him or her at her breast.
Contentment, motherhood, and knowing that above stairs a man who loved Aeschene more than his own life were symbols of all the things Keevah would never have.
Until Lachlan’s proposal that morning, Keevah had resigned herself to knowing she’d never experience any of those beautiful moments in life. For years, she’d convinced herself she was happy and content.
But her heart, her shattering heart, finally spoke the truth and it was all too much. She ran to Aeschene and collapsed at her feet.
“Keevah? Is that ye?” Aeschene asked as she reached out to pat her head. The poor woman was very nearly completely blind. Keevah hadn’t announced herself when she ran to her.
She nodded her head and sobbed an ‘aye’.
“What on earth is the matter?” Aeschene asked, her voice tinged with a blend of confusion as well as concern.
Through tears and occasional sobs, Keevah described her earlier interaction with Lachlan, and his proposal.
“Och! Why would ye be cryin’, Keevah? That is wonderful news.”
“Nay,” Keevah said, choking on a sob. “I cannae marry him.”
“Do ye nae love him?”
“’Tis the God’s truth I do,” she said as she wiped her tears away with her fingertips. “More than anything, I love him.”
“Then why can ye nae marry him?”
Had the woman forgotten everything she knew about Keevah?
“Ye ken why, Aeschene. Lachlan deserves much more than an auld whore as his wife.”
Aeschene dismissed her argument in its entirety. “Bah! If Lachlan does nae care then why should ye?”
Keevah swallowed hard before answering. “Because what if some day we come across a man from my past? I dunnae want to be married to someone who might constantly be thinkin’ did my wife warm his bed?”
“I doubt very seriously that Lachlan would ever think such a thing.”
“But he might. And do ye nae think the Chisolms would nae be as forgivin’ as ye?” She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly. “Nay, Aeschene, I dunnae want to bring any shame to Lachlan. And I dunnae want him to constantly be defendin’ my honor.”
Aeschene reached out and placed a warm palm on Keevah’s cheek. “I think ’twould only take him needin’ to do that once and the need would never arise again.”
While she appreciated Aeschene’s positivity and loyalty, she thought both were ill conceived and ill placed. She simply couldn’t understand for she hadn’t lived the kind of life Keevah had.
“Come now, and dry yer tears,” Aeschene said as she withdrew a bit of linen from the sleeve of her blue dress and handed it to her.
“Now, I ken ye cannae see the suitability of marryin’ Lachlan-”
“I cannae see the rightness of marryin’ any man,” Keevah interjected.
“Be that as it may,” Aeschene said, ignoring her altogether. “Ye be a fine woman, Keevah. I may be blind, but even I can see the excellence of marryin’ Lachlan. Ye would make him a good wife, of that, I have no doubt.”
When Keevah began to argue otherwise; Aeschene would hear none of it. “Tell me, Keevah. How long do ye plan on punishin’ yerself for the decisions ye made in the past?”
“I am nae-”
“Aye, ye are. Ye are punishin’ yerself for yer past and refuse to think about yer future. A future that could be filled with so much love and happiness that it might seem too unbelievable.”
“Aeschene, I ken ye’re tryin’ to help-”
Aeschene clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Then ye be lyin’ when ye say ye love him more than anythin’.”
Appalled at the accusation, Keevah sat as straight as an arrow. “But I do love him!”
“Nay. If ye truly loved him, and if ye truly valued yer friendship with him, ye would have said ‘aye’, and ye would be standin’ before the priest. Ye would become his wife and partner. Instead, ye hide yer head in shame, punishin’ yerself for yer past. Ye have sent Lachlan to live out the rest of his days alone as he tries to get the Chisolms under control and prepare a future for my child.”
Her words hurt but didn’t make them any less true. Keevah hadn’t thought of it in those terms. “But he will find a wife. A better woman than I,” she tried to argue.
“Nay,” Aeschene said firmly. “If I ken anythin’ at all about Lachlan, he will never marry. He will spend all the rest of his days waitin’ for ye.”
The thought of Lachlan living the rest of his life without anyone to love or be loved by, felt like a kick to her stomach.
“Will ye at least consider what I have said?” Aeschene asked with a raised brow.
Keevah swallowed back more tears. “I can assure ye, I will think of naught else.”
With the promise made, Aeschene moved the discussion to the reason she had sent for Keevah in the first place. “Now that Marisse is married, she will nae longer have the time to help me.” Marisse had been her constant companion for several years; Aeschene’s eyes to the rest of the world.
Keevah took the chair opposite her friend, soaking up the warmth from the hearth. She was only half listening, for her mind was still on Lachlan.
“I need someone to be my eyes, Keevah. Someone I can trust. Someone I can confide in.”
“Have ye chosen that someone yet?”
Aeschene smiled. “Aye, I have. I would like ye to do it.”
“Me?” Keevah was beyond surprised.
“And I swear, if ye tell me ye are nae good enough, or that yer past would somehow keep ye from sayin’ ‘aye’, I will have to beat the bloody hell out of ye.”
Keevah’s eyes grew as wide as trenchers. She tried to find a good retort, but came up empty handed.
“I need ye, Keevah. I truly do. Next to Marisse, I consider ye my dearest friend.”
It had been years since anyone had held her in such high esteem; since anyone considered her their dearest friend. A pang of … longing perhaps, tugged at her already heavy heart. Kiernan. It had been more than five years since last she’d seen the young woman who’d been as close to her as a sister. But there wasn’t a day that went by when she did not think of her. Not only was she a sister of her heart, but she was also the keeper of Keevah’s secrets.
Aeschene’s voice broke through her quiet reverie. “Will ye please do this for me?”
Keevah knew ’twould be as difficult to agree as it would be to decline. Saying yes meant she would have to watch every day as Aeschene’s family grew. She’d be witness to the love shared between she and Black Richard. Both constant reminders of what she could never have.
But to say no, would mean she’d be turning her back on the friendship they had forged. She would go back to her little cottage and spend every day of the rest of her life alone. Suddenly, the thought of being truly alone no longer held the same appeal it once did.
“Aye, I will do this for ye.”
Chapter Three
Three long days and nights of traveling in the cold, bitter rain, in mud up to their horses’s knees, Lachlan and his men finally reached the Chisolm holding. Cold, filthy, and hungry, Lachlan wanted nothi
ng more than a warm meal, a hot bath and fresh clothing, and to begin his life as laird.
Jamie, who took his position as second in command quite seriously, rode to his left. Determined to impress his new laird, Jamie worked twice as hard as anyone else in their army of one hundred sixty warriors.
To his right rode Fergus MacDougall, one of the men lent to him by Angus. Fergus was tall and lanky, mayhap no older than five and twenty, with ginger colored hair and dark blue eyes. Lachlan liked the young man for two important reasons. Firstly, he didn’t speak unless he had something important to say. Secondly, he had been highly recommended by both Angus and Duncan. Apparently, he was a brilliant strategist. And according to Angus, the lad is the pure definition of grace when it comes to a sword.
They had just crested a large, wide hill when the keep first came into view. Jamie let out a low whistle as his eyes grew wide in wonder. Even Fergus was impressed, for he grunted approvingly.
Lachlan stared out in the same wide-eyed wonder. His first thought was that Keevah would have been just as awestruck as he and she would have found much beauty in this place. Where it pertained to first thoughts and Keevah, the two were inseparable. ’Twas impossible for him to have one without the other.
The main keep was four stories tall, with four square towers on each corner. Those towers were six stories tall.
Made of dark gray stone, the keep nestled into a grassy outcropping, surrounded on three sides by the largest loch he’d ever seen. That loch stretched on for as far as the eye could see. The early morning sun glinted against the blue-green water, making it sparkle and glimmer.
Surrounding the entire keep was a massive, well-fortified, crenelated stone wall some two stories in height. Just beyond the first wall was a wide courtyard and another equally fortified second wall, complete with a second set of gates that led into the bailey.
From his vantage point, he could see the large stables, a granary, and various other outbuildings. Dotted along the banks of the loch were numerous cottages.
Lachlan's Heart: Book Two of The MacCulloughs Page 2
