by Erin Rylie
And that I have with Carlos.
It was possible that Marissa and Kyle were just in the honeymoon phase of their burgeoning relationship, but Kelsey didn’t think so. They were just so comfortable together. It showed in the way they were constantly touching in small ways—not excessive PDA, but a brush of hands here, a peck on the cheek there. They deferred to each other when ordering—hell, they even shared their meals with one another without a word of discussion. Kelsey watched in awe as, without breaking conversation, Kyle cut his steak in half, placed it on Marissa’s plate, and took half of her chicken and moved it to his. He then took all of the tomatoes out of her salad and put them on his. It was both adorable and nauseating.
What struck Kelsey the most, however, was that she and Kyle had never been that way over the course of their marriage. Hell, she hated tomatoes (loved ketchup though), and Kyle had never picked them off of her salad and eaten them. It was a tiny gesture, but one that spoke volumes to Kelsey. She and Kyle had been missing something in their relationship—and it was not her fault. Kyle and Marissa’s dance of the tomatoes actually reminded Kelsey of her and Carlos drinking hot chocolate. She drank the warm delicious drink, and he picked the gooey marshmallows out of her cup for her.
When Marissa got up to head to the bathroom, Kelsey couldn’t help but grin at the way Kyle watched her go.
“We never had that, did we? What you have with Marissa is what you and I were missing.”
Kyle let loose a small smile. “Yeah. I don’t know how to describe it or what it is, but I didn’t realize it was missing from my life until I found it. Until I found her.”
“It’s chemistry.”
Her ex-husband nodded. “Yeah. You and Carlos seem to have plenty of it, huh?”
Kelsey laughed at how unreal this situation was. “If someone had told me a few years ago that you and I would be divorced, dating other people, and discussing it over dinner, I would’ve had them committed.”
“That’s just it though, Kels. This is what you and I were always good at. You have always been, and always will be, one of my closest friends. Friendship always came easy to us because it was what we were meant to be.”
“I feel the same way. I think we were meant to bring James into this world though. I can’t regret a single choice I’ve made in my life because we have the most incredible son.”
“You know, he reminds me so much of you sometimes. The other day, we were in the grocery store and he asked me what high fructose corn syrup was. Apparently he heard one of his preschool teachers talking to another adult about how bad it was for kids, and now he refuses to let me buy groceries that contain it.”
“Ohhh, that’s why he’s only been eating fruit and vegetables since Sunday! I offered him some fruit snacks last night and he looked at me like I’d run over a giraffe. So now our son is a vegetarian who refuses to eat anything with high fructose corn syrup in it. Wow.”
“He’s definitely one of a kind.”
“I’m so glad you’re still in my life, Kyle. You’re right, we will always be friends.”
He put a hand over his heart, doing his best to look wounded. “You know, most guys would cry if they heard those words from you.”
Marissa chose that moment to return from the bathroom, sitting down and placing a hand over Kyle’s on the table. Kelsey snorted at the besotted look on his face.
“Somehow, I think you’ll survive.”
“Huh, so you and Kyle are friends? Like really actually friends?” Becky asked, pulling the cork from a bottle of wine. Kelsey had told her friends about her dinner with Kyle and Marissa when she’d gotten home. Becky had managed to get James bathed, into pajamas, and into bed. Apparently little giraffes were easy to wrangle at bedtime.
“Yeah, it wasn’t awkward at all. It’s like I’m living the ideal divorcee life. Who knew?”
Sophie chimed in after taking a healthy swallow of wine. “He was such a shithead when you initially filed for divorce that this complete one-eighty surprises the hell out of me.”
“You know, I think he was just scared. He and I both went from living with our parents, to living with college roommates, to living together after college. Neither of us ever had the chance to be completely solitary adults. I mean, I was scared too, but I just cried a lot. He got angry.”
When Sophie took another big gulp of wine, draining her first glass of the night, Becky and Kelsey both looked at her with raised eyebrows.
“Don’t judge me! This is my first real night out since Ella was born. I pumped before I left, and we have spare bags of frozen breastmilk. I’ll have to pump and dump, but it’s not like I’m going to be feeding my newborn boozy breastmilk.”
“You know, breastfeeding a baby girl actually reduces her chances of getting breast cancer.”
Sophie rolled her eyes and refilled her glass. “Thanks a ton, Encyclopedia Brown. I was looking to obtain some useless knowledge tonight.”
“Hey! That’s not useless at all. It pertains directly to your situation! You’re breastfeeding a girl.”
“Am I? I just thought Ella had a micropenis and a very feminine name for a boy. Nobody told me I had a daughter.”
Kelsey huffed. “Fine, I won’t share any more awesome information with you tonight.”
Becky topped off Kelsey’s glass, filling it to the brim. She had to sip off of the top to avoid spilling red wine all over her white couch. “Good call. Just get drunk and tell us all about Carlos’s big dick. If you keep this up, you’ll be Dr. Roger from Friends.” Her friend adopted a British accent and quoted Chandler, “Here’s some little known facts about couscous; they didn’t add the second cous until 1979.”
“Ugh, you’re the worst.”
“Soooo does that mean you won’t tell us about Carlos and his wondrous, magical cock?”
“What is your obsession with our boyfriends’ dicks?” Sophie asked. “When I started dating Rafe you wanted to know all about his dick too.”
“Well, forgive me for wanting to make sure that my besties are getting the good dick. You ladies are like my sisters, and I just want to make sure you’re being fucked the way you deserve.”
“In your weird, perverted way, that’s actually a pretty sweet sentiment.”
“Yeah, well, I love you or whatever. Now give me the details. I want length, girth, curvature, and mouth feel.”
Kelsey spit her wine out on the coffee table, their first spit take of the evening. “Mouth feel? Have you been watching the Food Network recently? Next you’ll be asking me if his dick has any umami.”
“Stop avoiding the subject, Kels. Tell me about the penis.”
“Fine! It’s a nice size—no, I will not give you measurements; it tastes like a penis and it’s pierced.”
“Pierced? Oh, Officer Ramirez, you dirty boy.”
Sophie popped in, her cheeks flushed either from the wine or the conversation. “What, um, what does it look like? I’ve never seen a pierced dick.”
Kelsey sighed, “He has a Prince Albert, so it’s like a piercing through the head of his penis.”
Becky shoved her phone in Sophie’s face. “This is a Prince Albert piercing.”
“Holy shit, Becky! Why do you randomly have a picture of a Prince Albert piercing on your phone?”
Becky shrugged like it was no big deal. “This guy I dated a few months ago had a nice dick. It was pierced, so I asked if I could take a picture for my spank bank.”
Sophie looked at the picture, and though she wouldn’t admit it out loud, it was a nice dick. “The real question here is, why is it dressed up like a pirate?”
“Oh, well, he said he wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, so I thought it would be fun to dress the little guy up.”
Sophie shook her head and managed to ask the question on both their minds through her laughter. “Where the fuck did you get a cock-sized pirate costume?”
“It’s actually a Halloween costume I found online. It’s made for guinea pigs.”
When Sophie and Kelsey managed to stop laughing and asking follow-up questions (What else did you dress his dick up in? How did he feel about having a pirate dick, etc.), Becky went into excruciating detail on the subject. After at least forty-five minutes of dick talk, countless spit takes, and many refills of their wine glasses, they finally stopped talking dick and changed the subject to Ella. Sophie showed them pictures of her adorable little newborn.
“Speaking of, um, children, I have some pretty big shit I need to share with you. Becky rarely opted for a serious conversation, so Kelsey couldn’t help but worry about what was coming. Butterflies took up residence in her stomach, and she topped off her wine glass just in case.
“I don’t really know how to ease into this conversation, so I’m just going to jump right in. Ten years ago, you both know that I dated a guy named Reese. He was my first love and things ended…badly. To say the least. What most people don’t know is that when he and I broke up, I was pregnant. Reese and I have a nine-year-old son.”
Kelsey and Sophie hadn’t known Becky before college, so they hadn’t known Reese personally, but they had met him one time, when he’d stopped by their college dorm to talk to Becky. Their friend had refused to talk to him and had proceeded to lock herself in her room for a week. She had never really opened up to them about why the relationship had ended, but both Kelsey and Sophie knew that he had hurt Becky deeply. He was a part of the past that their friend just couldn’t seem to get over. Becky hadn’t had a serious relationship in the years since she and Reese broke up, flitting from hookup to hookup without ever settling down.
The news that Becky and Reese had a child together was shocking to say the least. Kelsey couldn’t help but feel hurt that one of her best friends had kept such monumental news from her. Instead of voicing her upset, though, she decided to swallow it and support Becky. If she was just sharing this news now, there was a reason for it.
“You both know that I took a year off after high school before starting college, it’s why I’m a year older than the two of you. I told you that I took a year off to travel all over Europe, but the reality is that I took that time off because I was pregnant and I didn’t want anyone to know. When my parents found out that I was planning to keep the baby, they threatened me with all kinds of bad shit, so I ran away. They wanted me to have an abortion quietly because my father was up for re-election for senator and they didn’t want me to do anything to hurt his chances. I moved to Houston and got a job as a waitress. I found a little apartment and paid for it myself with a small inheritance my grandmother left me when she died. I found out about the baby right after my eighteenth birthday, so I got access to the funds at just the right time. I had everything all set up—the nursery was put together, I had savings, and I had a plan to go to college once the baby was old enough for daycare.”
Becky swallowed and looked to the ceiling, clearly fighting off tears. “When I had the baby, it was the best day of my life. He was so beautiful, you guys.” Her voice broke and tears streamed down her face. Kelsey was surprised to find that she was crying too. “A few weeks after I had Ryker, my parents found me. They showed up at my apartment with Child Protective Services. My dad used some connections he had to have me deemed an unfit mother. They took Ryker away from me and put him in a foster home. I’ve been fighting for him ever since, trying to get him back, but my dad is a very powerful man and he hasn’t made it easy. I’ve been saving up for years so that I could afford a good lawyer to help me. All of those times I told you that I was out clubbing or drinking, I was actually working odd jobs. I’ve bartended, cleaned office buildings, waitressed—pretty much every overnight job I could find, I took. Earlier this year, I finally managed to save enough money for that lawyer.
“I heard from her last week and she did it. Child Protective Services conducted an interview at my house earlier this week and they’re giving him back to me. He’s coming home next week, once all of the paperwork is settled. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you anything sooner, I was just so terrified of doing or saying anything that would hurt my chances of getting Ryker back. I need your help now though. I’m so worried he’s going to hate me. I tried writing him letters when he was first taken away from me, but I found out that my dad paid someone at the foster home to throw away any mail I sent his way. My own son has no idea who I am, and I am so terrified that he’ll never forgive me for not being around all these years.”
Kelsey immediately moved closer to Becky on the couch and wrapped her arms around her crying friend. Sophie got up from the love seat she’d been sitting on and came back with tissues. Sitting down on Becky’s other side, Sophie joined the group hug.
“Keep pressing your tits into my sides and I’ll turn full-blown lesbian, ladies.”
Kelsey laughed; it was good to know that Becky’s humor was still alive and kicking even in hard times. “If Carlos heard that, his poor little mind would be blown.”
“I’ll be sure to let him know that we scissored next time I see him.”
Kelsey pulled back from the hug, handing a few tissues to Becky before grabbing a handful for herself. “So what are the next steps?”
“Well, I was close to getting him back when he was three. I saved up enough for a relatively cheap family attorney and we were fighting the unfit parent charge, but Ryker was diagnosed with Asperger’s. My father used that and his connections to keep Ryker away from me for even longer.”
“Shit, that’s so fucked up, Becky.” Sophie sniffled, still fighting tears.
“At the time, I was still in college and didn’t have stable enough financials. Now, though, I have plenty of money saved. As you know, I have a stable job and bought a house a couple of months ago. I made sure that his room was set up and everything was in order before Child Protective Services came over for an inspection. The house is in a great school district in Sugarland, and I’ve provided proof that I could afford any necessary medication or treatment Ryker could possibly need.”
Becky took a deep breath, wiping away a few more tears before continuing. “Basically, all of my ducks are in a row, but I’ll need help figuring out how to connect with him. I’ve read all of the parenting books, and I’ve talked to a great child therapist in the area about what to expect. I feel like I’ve done all of this preparing, but I don’t know how to make a child understand why I couldn’t be in his life. He must be so confused.”
“Well, the big question to ask is, what will you do about Reese? Have you told him about Ryker? Does he know he’s a father?”
“He has no idea.”
Kelsey sighed and took a healthy sip of wine. “Becky, I know things ended badly, but he has a right to know that he’s a father.”
“I know that. I do. When I was a teenager and I found out that I was pregnant, I was just so pissed at him for the way things ended. Then I was fighting to get Ryker back. Now that it’s actually happening, I don’t know how to proceed. I look at things from Ryker’s perspective and I get scared. He’s starting this whole new life with someone he doesn’t know. Is now really the time to introduce him to Reese?”
Sophie, who had been quiet for a few minutes, let out an awkward laugh. “Shit, this is a tricky one. You don’t ever do things in small measures do you, Becky?”
“Go big or go home. Apparently that’s my rule for life, not just dicks.”
“Well,” Sophie started tentatively. “You said you thought he was still in Dallas, right? So the way I see it, your biggest priority right now should be Ryker and getting him settled. Maybe in a year or so, once things have calmed down, you can approach Reese. He might not even want to be in his son’s life. He should definitely get the choice though.”
“The most important thing for you to take away from this conversation is that we love you, Becky. We will support you no matter what, in any way we can.”
“You two are the best. If I didn’t love dick so much, I really would steal you from Carlos and Rafe. Can we get drunk and watch 10 Things I Hate A
bout You now? I need some wine and some Heath Ledger.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Ramirez, Petrov, get your asses in here now!” The captain yelled at him across roll call, startling him from his paperwork. Carlos shot Reese a look, earning a shrug in response. Apparently his new partner wasn’t sure why they were being summoned either.
These last few weeks with Kelsey had been bliss. Last weekend they’d celebrated James’s fourth birthday and it had been a blast. Kelsey and Kyle had thrown a backyard party for their son, inviting all of James’s playmates from his preschool and enough adults to keep everyone sane. He and Kelsey had spent countless hours finding everything giraffe themed they could for the party. Thank goodness for Amazon.
He woke up with Kelsey wrapped in his arms every morning, and almost every night (it turned out having sex with a kid in the house was a challenge) they made love until their bodies were sweaty and exhausted. Yes, he thought of sex with Kelsey as making love now. There was no point in denying anymore that he was in love with her. Hell, she’d held a piece of his heart from the get-go. He hadn’t yet worked up the courage to talk to her about his feelings though. She still held herself back from him, keeping her emotions bottled and unreadable. He knew she felt something for him, but he didn’t know what. Until he did, he didn’t want to say those three little words and scare her off.
When Carlos and Reese walked into Captain Stevens’ office, his boss didn’t look up from the stack of paperwork on his desk. “I need you two to go on patrol for a few hours. There was some big bust downtown and we need more patrol units out on the streets until our boys get back from dealing with that mess. Ramirez, I know you’ve only been out on patrol a few times since you’ve been back, but are you good? Rafe can’t go with you today—he’s training—so it’ll be just the two of you. You won’t be able to stay in the car if shit goes down.”
