by Soraya Lane
“Checking his oxygen levels,” she said, barely glancing up. “Then I’ll take his temperature and administer his pills, as well as give him a little injection.”
His father didn’t look at him, but he felt the silence stretch out.
“What kind of injection?” Cody asked, wondering if he wasn’t going to like the answer.
He saw the way Lexi glanced at his father, as if asking his permission to share. They seemed to have an unspoken language, a closeness that almost made him jealous. This must have been what Tanner was trying to explain, the way they seemed to have an understanding, the way his father lit up when she was in the room. He could see why they all thought she was good for him.
“Morphine,” she said eventually, her voice low. “To help with the pain.”
“Morphine?” Cody repeated. “I didn’t know your pain was that bad, Dad. Why didn’t you say?”
“It’s just to help me sleep,” the old man muttered. “Don’t go getting all worried about it or telling your siblings.”
But he could see that look again, that something passed between him and Lexi, and he knew there was more to it. Was his dad worse than he realized?
“Dad?”
Walter sighed. “What good would it do me, telling you all how bad my pain is? As far as I’m concerned, I’m lucky to be alive and that’s the end of it. Moaning never got anyone anywhere, did it?”
Cody blew out a breath. “I just wish I’d known.” He would have come home more, he would have called more. He sure as hell wouldn’t have missed Thanksgiving. Or maybe he would have, maybe it would have made him even more scared to come home. “I’m sorry.”
His father held out his arm, and Cody watched as Lexi gently held him, carefully injecting him and smiling down at him the entire time. There was a softness there, a warmth that took him back in time. She’d been a sweet girl even in school, maybe too sweet for him. He’d been so focused on what he wanted, determined to do what he wanted to do, and maybe she’d been so quiet and kind, he’d been able to ignore how she felt about it all. And since then, he’d somehow steered clear of the good girl and gone for all the wrong types of women. Why the hell hadn’t he been man enough to say goodbye to her, or had he been so into himself it hadn’t even crossed his mind?
Watching her now, it was like looking in a window and seeing a flashback of what he’d done wrong in the past, memories slowly trickling back to him.
Cody rose, lifting Sophia in his arms and walking past the boy.
“Hey, little dude,” he whispered, “want me to come back for you once I put this one to bed? We can go make hot chocolates while your mom works.”
The boy nodded, but he glanced over at his mother first before answering. She gave a quick nod.
“Yeah,” he whispered back.
Cody grinned and walked from the room, heading straight up the stairs. His sister’s husband was away traveling for work and wasn’t due back until Christmas Eve, which was why Mia was staying in the house with the kids, and he was happy for the children as a distraction. Having them in the house made it easier to stay busy, and stopped him from trying to find an excuse to fly out and go back to work.
“Shhh,” he whispered as he lowered Sophia, reaching for the soft toy bunny she liked to snuggle and tucking them both beneath the covers. He watched her for a moment, her dark hair splayed across the pillow, cupid lips parted in slumber, before dropping a kiss to her forehead and tiptoeing out.
“She loves her uncle Cody,” Mia said, her voice low as they stood outside the bedroom.
“She’s got me wrapped around her little finger already, that’s for sure.”
“You’re a natural with her. Seeing you like that, it reminds me of how you were with me when we were little.” Mia leaned into him, her head to his shoulder. “Tanner was always trying to toughen me up, but you were always so kind to me. I don’t remember you punching me or pushing me out of a tree even once.”
He chuckled. “At least I was nice to you.”
She pulled back and he met her gaze. “As opposed to?”
Cody cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Lexi. I was an ass to her and until now I’ve never really thought about how I left her. I was so happy to be moving on, and I didn’t think about her being left behind.”
Mia frowned. “She’s never said anything.”
“She doesn’t need to. It was written all over her face when I saw her today for the first time. I hurt her and I didn’t even know. Or maybe I did know and I was just too juvenile to understand it.”
Mia stifled a yawn. “It’s never too late to grow a conscience, Cody. If you have something to apologize for, spit it out before it’s too late. That’s my advice.”
“Thanks.” He looked at her properly. “You look dog-tired.”
She yawned again. “I am. You try having an unsettled baby half the night, and a little girl who wakes at six a.m. and thinks it’s party time. Not having Sam to help is killing me.”
“Send her to me then,” he said. “I don’t care. I’m usually up before six anyway.”
She laughed. “You’d seriously take her at that time of the morning? Man, you’re gonna make a great dad one day.”
Cody held up his hands. “Not me. I’ve got no plans to have kids; work is more than enough of a baby for me.”
“What?”
He backed away from his sister, not about to get drawn into a conversation with her about children or his lack of desire to ever settle down. “Forget I said anything, other than the part about helping out. You need me, just holler. Right now, I have hot chocolate to make.”
He ran back down the stairs and ducked his head into the library. The kid was waiting, watching out for him.
“Come with me,” he said, before glancing in Lexi’s direction to make sure she was still okay with it. “We’ll just be in the kitchen.”
The boy looked nervous, so Cody stuck out his hand. “I’m Cody,” he said. “And you’re the famous Harry, right?”
Harry giggled. “I’m not famous.”
“You sure? Because I’m sure your mom told me you were famous.”
He was clearly trying hard not to laugh, but it wasn’t working. “I’m not famous. Honestly!”
“I must have gotten that wrong. It’s just she had the biggest smile on her face when she told me about you, I thought you must have been a movie star or something.”
Harry walked closer to him now, and Cody was relieved he’d managed to break the ice between them. He might have been a fool in front of Lexi earlier, but at least he wasn’t tongue-tied now.
“So you like hot chocolate?” he asked.
“Yup.”
“What about cookies?”
Harry grinned. “I love them.”
Cody disappeared and brought out some cookies from the pantry, sliding them across the counter. Then he helped boost Harry up onto one of the stools.
“So what happened at school today?”
Harry shrugged as he ate his first cookie. “Not much.”
“You like taking the bus home?” he asked. “I used to love the bus ride. It was even better than recess, getting to sit and talk with all my friends.”
“I don’t like school. I just want to stay here, on the ranch.”
Cody poured milk into a pot and stirred in some cocoa. This was how he remembered hot chocolates when he was a kid, he just hadn’t had to make them himself before. He hoped he was doing it right.
“I remember that, too. But school’s important. It’ll help you get even smarter.”
Harry was staring at him, and Cody smiled, not worried about the kid studying him.
“My mom says the same thing.”
“That’s because she’s so smart,” Cody replied, still stirring and waiting for the cocoa to dissolve. He remembered exactly how smart she was, too, always refusing to fool around with him until she’d studied first, and making him hit the books all the time. “You know, you have the same
eyes as her.”
“How do you know my mom?”
Cody sighed and turned the gas off, finding two big mugs and pouring the drink into them. “We were really good friends, a very long time ago.”
“Why doesn’t she like you then?”
Cody laughed. He couldn’t help it. “She said that?”
“No, but she gave you the same look that she gives my dad, and the dentist, and I know she doesn’t like either of them.”
He had no idea what to say to that. “Here you go,” he said, sliding the steaming mug over to Harry. “Just be careful, it’s hot.”
Cody stood and Harry sat, both blowing on their hot chocolate and taking small sips. It wasn’t quite the same as he remembered, but it wasn’t bad.
“So tell me about your mom. What do you guys do for fun?”
Harry giggled. “We eat so much pizza that she tells me we’re gonna pop! And we watch movies.”
Cody wasn’t going to mention Harry’s dad—it seemed safer not to—but he guessed the guy was completely out of the picture. “You have a favorite restaurant or anything?”
The kid shook his head. “Mom keeps saying that she loves going out for dinner and she wishes someone else would cook for her, but we mostly eat at home.” He smiled. “Did you used to go out for dinner with her? Were you, like, boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Cody put down his mug and held up his hands. “I’m not telling you that, you’ll have to ask your mom, but yeah, we went out for dinner a lot. Your mom used to love getting all dressed up and going out. We thought we were so grown up, but we were only eighteen.”
“Ask your mom what?” Lexi asked as she walked into the room.
Cody cringed. “We were just talking about the past, about how we used to know each other.” She must have supersonic hearing, or else it was just a mom thing.
She’d walked in so confidently, but he didn’t miss the way her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink as she put an arm around her son and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. She clearly didn’t want to talk about the past in front of Harry.
“How’s that hot chocolate?” she asked, and Cody watched the tender way she brushed the hair from Harry’s forehead, so gentle and warm with him.
“Awesome,” Harry said after draining the last of it.
“You want one?” Cody asked. “Honestly, it wouldn’t take me a second to—”
“Thanks, but I need to get this one into bed,” she said quickly. “I appreciate you taking him though. Harry, what do you have to say?”
“Thank you,” Harry said quietly, jumping off the stool and holding his mom’s hand.
“No problem, buddy. Anytime.”
He stood and watched as Lexi led her son from the room, a million things racing through his head as he thought of what to say. Talking to Harry, reminiscing about the past just now, it was making him remember what a good time he’d had with Lexi. It had been a long while since he’d thought about it, but not everything about his home state had been so bad.
“Lexi, wait up,” he said, knowing he needed to say something before she left. Suddenly all he could think about was how crestfallen she’d looked earlier in the day, when he’d watched her out the window in her car, and he hoped he hadn’t been the cause of it, even though Tanner had insisted he couldn’t be. She was almost at the front door, her back to him, but she slowly turned at his call.
“I really need to get Harry into bed,” she said, as if the last thing she wanted to do was waste time talking to him.
“I know, I just…” He looked at her, at the guarded expression she wore around him that was so different from the look she gave his father. Or the look she gave her son. He sucked back a breath. “I just want to say sorry.”
“Sorry?” she repeated.
“Seeing you again, it’s reminded me of everything that happened between us.” He glanced at Harry standing beside his mom, knowing he had to be careful with his choice of words. “I just want to say that I’m sorry for the way I left. It wasn’t right.”
She laughed as she planted her hands over Harry’s ears. “After all this time, you’re saying sorry? Wow.”
Cody shifted uncomfortably, hands back in his pockets. “I didn’t realize there was anything funny about it, but yeah. After all this time, I’m saying sorry.”
“I appreciate the thought,” she said, taking her hands off Harry’s ears and pulling on her coat, her eyes like a storm about to lash out with lightning, “and I’d like to say that it’s about time. But it’s not. You’re more than a decade late, Cody. Some things you just can’t make up for, no matter what you say.”
He went to open his mouth, but before he could say anything else, she’d already yanked open the door and disappeared out into the bitter-cold darkness.
Cody stared at the door for a second before walking slowly into the kitchen and going to the liquor cabinet, deciding to pour himself a drink. What had he expected? Her to say she accepted his apology followed by some reminiscing about the past? He groaned and drained a short glass of whiskey. Stupid. That’s what he was. Goddamn stupid.
Trouble was, he’d forgotten about Lexi without a second thought all those years ago, but there was something about the woman she’d become that made him think she’d be a whole lot harder to forget the second time around.
He poured another drink and stared at the dark amber liquid before knocking it back, looking up at the ceiling as he savored the gentle burn in his throat. He knew why he was so scared of Lexi—she reminded him of the type of woman his mother had been, and the second he’d known she was terminal, he’d wanted to run. And he had. Away from home, away from the pain, away from anything that made him feel. Nothing had changed, either. He was still the scared son of a bitch who’d bolted all those years ago, and being at home terrified him in case he ever had to deal with those thoughts and feelings again.
He pushed the bottle of whiskey away, not wanting to drown his sorrows in liquor. Work was usually his way to stay focused, and if he had any downtime he’d head straight to his local boxing joint and pull on his gloves, working out with his trainer. In the morning he’d run instead, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to do that with a hangover.
Cody put his glass and the mugs in the dishwasher and turned out the lights, walking past his father’s library and noticing the light was still drifting out from beneath the door. He paused outside, listening but not hearing anything, so he knocked softly and waited for a reply.
Nothing.
Cody nudged the door open and saw him lying on the big leather sofa, the ottoman pressed up close to it for his legs, and a soft blanket tucked around him. His mouth was open slightly in slumber, and he walked quietly over to him, pulling the blanket up a little higher and flicking the lamp off.
He steeled his jaw as he walked from the room, closing the door behind him as he trudged upstairs. Tears pricked his eyes but he refused to let them fall. But there was something about seeing his once-imposing, big, strong father asleep in his den because he didn’t have the strength to make it upstairs—in a morphine-induced slumber at that.
Chapter 4
LEXI stared out the window, wondering if it was going to snow. Trouble was, every time she looked out at the weather, her gaze drifted to the big house across the driveway, and she couldn’t stop thinking about the man inside. When she started working for the Ford family, she’d had a funny tingle about being there, her memories of Cody always drifting somewhere in her mind. She’d refused to look at the photos of him in Walter’s office, never letting her thoughts wander, staying focused on what she was there to do. And for months it’d worked out just fine. But the energy in the house had shifted having him there, and she had no idea how she was going to get through the next week with him in residence.
She gulped. And there he was, standing outside the house, stretching in the cold, looking like he was about to go for a run. Lexi watched the way he arched his body, limbering up, and something inside of he
r warmed as she admired him. Yet another reason why she’d been so hung up on him—he had muscles in all the right places. She took another sip of coffee, as Cody started to jog away from the house, enjoying being able to look at him without him knowing.
“Mommy, is it snowing?” Harry asked.
She turned, coffee mug in hand, and smiled at her son. He was sitting at the table, eating Fruit Loops, his attention mostly caught by the television playing a cartoon. That was another reason she couldn’t stop thinking about Cody—seeing him with Harry had twisted her up in knots. He’d been so sweet with him, which of course had won her son over instantly. Not giving in to her attraction to him wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d thought.
“Not yet, honey. Maybe later today.”
“Do I have to go to school?”
“Yes,” she said, expecting the question. “It’s your last day, and then you’ll be home for two weeks.”
He grinned and she moved closer to wipe the milk from his chin. For some reason her kid always had a messy face, no matter what he was eating.
“Cool.”
She glanced back at the house again, before tipping out the last of her coffee and stacking the few dirty dishes they had in the sink, ruffling Harry’s hair on the way past.
“Let’s go, little man. We can’t be late for the bus.”
She brushed his teeth and hair, told him to put on his shoes and quickly finished getting herself ready. Lexi looked in the mirror and smiled, before the smile turned to a frown and she scrambled to find her lipstick, adding some extra highlighter to her cheeks and dabbing perfume to her wrists and neck.
“Mmm, you smell nice, Mommy.”
Lexi dropped a kiss to his head. “Thanks, bud.”
Maybe it was stupid making an extra effort, but the least she could do was make Cody see what he’d missed. Although compared to the girls he probably dated, she bet she was little more than a country bumpkin. She shuddered thinking about the never-ending stream of women who tripped in and out of his apartment on a weekly basis.
She bundled Harry in the car and jumped in the driver’s seat, starting the engine and rubbing her hands together. It was only a short drive, but without the heater blasting she was convinced they could actually freeze to death.
