by Soraya Lane
“Sorry, girl,” she muttered, before looking down and seeing that Cody’s hand was still resting on her leg.
Heat flooded her and she hated it, her body betraying her as the man she’d never forgotten stood with his warm palm on her jean-clad thigh. So much for swearing off men—her body clearly hadn’t received the memo!
“You need any reminders?” he asked.
“Pretty sure you taught me everything I needed to know when I was seventeen,” she muttered, regretting the words the second they left her mouth. Because they both knew that horseback riding wasn’t the only thing Cody had taught her that first summer they were together.
“Good, well, I’m glad it was so memorable.”
If his father hadn’t been watching, she’d have kicked him, but instead she rode out the heat wave passing through her body, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him as she brazenly stared back at him.
“Come on then, let’s get moving before the weather closes in,” Cody said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and mounting his horse so easily it made Lexi cringe. She had no idea when he’d last been in the saddle, but clearly his limbs were still capable of moving correctly, unlike hers. How had he made it look so damn easy? Was it something to do with being born on the ranch? Maybe it was just in his blood.
“Where’s the food?” she asked as Cody nudged his horse in the side and started to walk.
“Tanner’s bringing it, he’s going to meet us at that nice place by the river, with the big tree hanging over the water. You remember the spot?” His voice didn’t even hint that he was teasing her, it was an inside joke, but it still made her bristle.
“Of course he is.” She would have laughed at the fact he’d made his brother their servant, except for the fact that he’d name-dropped the place they were riding to for a reason.
On a hot summer’s day, with the sun on their backs and the wind on their skin, beneath the enormous overhanging tree by the river, she’d given her virginity to Cody, and he was taking her back to the one place on the ranch she sure as hell didn’t want to go with him. Not today, not ever. Because remembering how good that summer had been, how happy they’d been, it hurt. And she was dealing with enough hurt to last a lifetime already.
Chapter 5
CODY would never admit it, but his legs were starting to ache. It had taken every inch of his strength to push up into the saddle, his thigh muscles screaming out as he’d forced his foot high in the stirrup, and he’d only been pleased that Lexi hadn’t been able to see the look on his face as he’d landed in the saddle. Or maybe he was lucky Tanner hadn’t seen it, because his brother never would have let him live it down.
There was something about being back in the saddle again though, something peaceful about watching the world from the back of a horse. Time passed at a different pace on the ranch, and as much as he loved being at work and living in a high-pressure world, he liked the dip in pace here too. As a kid he’d felt trapped by the sameness of it all, but now he could appreciate it for what it was.
“You ever miss this, just being able to hop on a horse and ride? How does it compare to city life?”
Lexi’s question made him stumble from his thoughts. “I don’t miss it when I’m not here,” he said. “That probably doesn’t make sense, but when I’m in the city, I don’t look back. It’s only when I come to visit that I remember what I left.”
If she were a canine, he was certain her back would have physically bristled, and he regretted his choice of words given their history.
“You can’t stay away too long,” his father chimed in. “You do that, you forget what’s in your blood.”
He started to cough then and Cody wondered if the air was too cold, whether it had been selfish of him to bring his father out just so he could spend time with Lexi.
“Do we need to head back?” he asked her, keeping his voice low so his father didn’t hear.
She shook her head. “He coughs when he talks too much sometimes, but I think he’s enjoying it.”
Cody nodded and they kept riding, the three of them fanning out three-abreast now with Lexi in the middle. He watched her, seeing the way her body had relaxed, moving gently with the horse. Her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and he had the sudden urge to ride closer and slide the tie out so he could see it tumble down her back like it had been the day before.
“So why did you actually want to go riding today? You suddenly had a yearning to be back in the saddle and play rancher?”
Cody chuckled. “I think you know why I suggested this.”
She kept her gaze fixed ahead but he saw the faint smirk of a smile pass her lips. That was the girl he remembered, always keeping him on his toes. “Maybe I want to hear you say it.”
“Is it so bad that I want to spend time with you?” he asked. “I mean, I’m feeling like an absolute idiot for how things played out in the past, and I thought we could reconnect. I’m not going to lie, it’s nice seeing you again.”
She laughed. “More like you thought I’d forgive you and you’d have a plaything for the next few days. Am I right?”
Cody looked over at his father, pleased to see the old man gazing in the other direction, clearly lost in his thoughts. “Your words, Lexi, not mine.”
“So there’s no one special back in New York? No Mrs. Ford? Or are you more of a ‘play while the cat’s away’ kind of guy.”
Cody was the one bristling now. “I’m a lot of things, Lexi, but a cheater is not one of them.”
She looked amused, and it annoyed him even more than her comment. “You don’t strike me as a one-woman kind of guy.”
At that he shrugged. “Never said I was. But I don’t cheat,” he kept his voice low. “There’s a big difference between setting out clear parameters and being unfaithful. Besides, I’m not really interested in relationships, to be honest. I’m too busy.”
“Ahh, of course. So if it’s only a one-night thing, you can’t cheat, right?”
He was about to nod when he realized she was being sarcastic.
“I know all about guys like that. You see, I used to date you, then my son’s father. I really seem to be able to pick ’em.”
Walter cleared his throat and Cody looked over. “You okay, Dad?”
“I was just wondering if you two think I’m deaf as well as dying?” he said dryly.
A quick glance at Lexi showed burning red cheeks, and Cody cleared his own throat, embarrassed at being caught like that. His dad had never been a fool, so he didn’t know why he’d thought he wouldn’t be listening.
“We have history, that’s all,” Cody muttered. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s amusing as hell to an old man listening in. But I think you’re digging yourself a pretty big hole there, son.”
Lexi’s laughter should have driven him mad, but he couldn’t help smiling back at his father. He was right, trying to justify his lifestyle to an ex-girlfriend who was already pissed with him might not have been his cleverest move.
“How about we call a truce?” Cody asked. “For everyone’s sake. While I’m home, we get along and don’t mention the past. Deal?”
Her shoulders pushed up, but she finally released them into a shrug. “Fine. Deal. But only because I have way too much respect for your father to bicker about the past.”
“Heard that too,” Walter muttered smugly.
Cody rode closer to her, using his outside leg to nudge his horse over, and held out his hand. He watched as Lexi stared at it, before fumbling with her reins and putting them in one hand so she could reach him. They shook, and he stared into eyes the color of almonds.
“So do you spend Christmas Day with your own family or—”
“She’s spending it with us,” his father boomed, sounding more like his old self for a moment. “Aren’t you, Alexandra? I want you by my side having the best Christmas lunch that money can buy.”
Cody watched as she shifted, maybe unsettled by the offer. �
��Dad, she might have plans already.”
Lexi shook her head. “Actually I don’t. My mother’s in an assisted-care facility right now, and it’s just me and Harrison, so other than going to visit Mom, we’re just hanging out the two of us.”
“With us,” Walter insisted.
Cody hated seeing the sadness pass over Lexi’s face. Anger he could deal with, but not sadness. Sadness was why he’d left Texas in the first place. “Lexi? You know you’re welcome, right? Don’t decide not to come just because I’m here.” For some reason he couldn’t stop thinking about how Harry had said they didn’t go out for dinner much, even though he knew she’d like to. Was it because she was worried about money, because she was supporting her mom? He made a mental note to ask another time, when his father wouldn’t be listening in—or anyone else for that matter.
She glanced at him, more vulnerable, more like the girl he remembered all of a sudden. “Thanks, Cody.”
They rode farther, covering the long stretch of land between the barn and the river, and he suddenly felt like a jerk for taking her back to where it had all begun between them. He’d never been short of attention from women. Hell, since moving to New York he hadn’t had to work for it at all, it just seemed to fall into his lap as often as he invited it. But those women were all after him, they wanted something from him, whether it be money or status or a leg up into the world of finance and investment. Lexi wanted nothing from him, she never had, and he suddenly had no goddamn idea what to even do with that.
“So tell me about your son,” he said, realizing that was the only thing he could bring up that didn’t involve their past or antagonize her in any way. “He seems like a good little guy.”
“What do you want to know?”
“What’s he like? Does he have his dad in the picture? Would he like to play ball on Christmas Day?” he laughed. “Does he like horses?”
“Ahh, well, yes to playing ball and horses, but it’s a no to having his dad around. His father is great at making promises and not so great at keeping them, so I try to keep expectations pretty low.”
“When you say pretty low…?” Cody asked.
“As in, ‘you’re lucky to hear from him on your birthday’ and ‘don’t expect a present’ kind of expectation,” she said sarcastically. “Oh, or if he wants to hit me up for money, then he’ll be father of the year for a few days, until he disappears again. But now that I have none, suffice to say he’s now completely absent from our lives.”
Cody sighed. He had an instant mental picture of the guy, and he hated that a nice girl like Lexi had to deal with it. “Anything I can do?”
She made a weird noise in her throat. “Like what?”
“I don’t know, but if you think of something, well, I like kids. If he needs a guy to kick a ball around with, I’m happy to do it while I’m here.” He would have outright offered to help her financially if she needed it, but he knew she was far too proud to ever say yes.
“City slicker like you remembers how to kick a ball around?” Her brows shot up and she started to laugh.
“Yeah, I do actually. Just like I can still ride a horse, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“You’re serious?” she asked. “About doing stuff with him?”
Cody nodded. “I might have been an ass to you in the past, but I’m not a bad guy. If you need help while I’m here, just ask for it. I really enjoyed hanging out with him the other night, there’s something about him.” He laughed. “Actually, he kind of reminds me of you, so maybe that’s why I like him so much.”
Lexi smiled over at him, an actual smile that wasn’t a smirk or a half scowl.
“Now that you two have made up, can someone tell me when your brother is joining us?” Walter muttered. “If I sit any longer in this goddamn saddle I’m gonna fall out of it!”
Cody laughed, harder than he’d laughed in a long time, and he winked at Lexi. “You might have a sore ass, Dad, but I bet this ride has done you the world of good.”
Walter grinned. “Any day above ground is a good one, son, but this one’s been pretty memorable so far.”
Cody nodded. “Good to hear.”
“But you two are like listening to one of those bad lunchtime soap operas. Are you done with all the talking?”
Cody shot his dad a look. “Old man, any more moaning and I’ll make you trot the rest of the way.”
Walter gave him a mock salute. “Noted. Now call your brother, would you?”
Cody reached into his pocket for his phone, then patted his other pocket. Dammit! “Ah, that might be easier said than done.”
Lexi produced a phone before Cody’s father could even curse him. “Got one here. I’d be a terrible nurse if I wasn’t prepared for emergencies.” He watched as she sent a message before his dad called out again.
“You got any more pain meds in there for me?” Walter asked, and despite all the jovialness of before, he could suddenly hear the crack in his dad’s voice.
“We okay here?” Cody asked. “If you need something, if we need to stop…?”
Lexi waved her hand at him, down low, as if she were trying to get him to be quiet. “We’re fine here,” she said quietly. “Nothing a little painkillers won’t help.”
They reined the horses in and stood in a semicircle, Cody ready to grab his father’s reins if he needed to. Hell, he was prepared to leap off if need be and break his father’s fall, but right now he didn’t look like he was in danger of keeling over.
The rumble of a vehicle approaching alerted him to Tanner arriving, and he stood in his stirrups, waving out to him. Tanner was driving slowly so he didn’t spook the horses, and Cody watched as his brother stopped and leapt out of the car, breaking into a run.
“Everything alright here?” he called out. “Why have you stopped?”
“Did you text him?” Cody asked.
Lexi nodded. “Yeah. Just to make sure he was on his way. I didn’t say anything to make him worry though.”
“We’re fine,” Cody called back, dismounting as Tanner approached. ‘He just needs some pain meds and—”
“You never should have taken him out in the first place, you should know better!” Tanner fumed. “This is bullshit, exposing him to the cold like that and—”
“Bullshit is my two grown sons telling their father what he can and can’t do,” Walter grumbled. “I can make my own damn mind up, and I said yes to this ride.”
Cody and Tanner both fell silent. Cody might spend his days brokering deals and telling people what to do, but when his father spoke, he listened, and when his father told him to do something, he did that too.
“You want to switch to riding in the car with Tanner?” Lexi asked, her hand resting on Walter’s arm as she leaned toward him from her horse.
His father softened before his eyes then, but to Cody’s surprise, he shook his head.
“No. To hell with it! If this is my last Christmas, I’d rather fall off this damn horse than spend it riding in a car.”
Cody swallowed and looked at his brother. He watched as Tanner did the same, looking like he was swallowing a rock as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. They weren’t exactly words either of them wanted to hear, but the old man was right.
“Let’s get a move on then,” Cody said, mounting up again.
Tanner stood back and Cody gave him a wave, eventually hearing the rumble of the farm vehicle’s engine starting behind them. They had about fifteen minutes left to ride if they just walked, and as he shifted his horse to ride beside his father, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was the last time they were ever going to be on their family ranch together again.
Don’t take him yet, he thought silently, looking skyward. It was hard enough losing you, Mom, I don’t need to lose Dad too. But it was inevitable and he knew it. When his mom had passed, he’d been in college still, trying to find his way in the world and wishing he didn’t have to go home and see his mother take her last breath. When school had finished, h
e’d run far away to avoid being with her through it all, terrified of seeing her long, beautiful hair falling out in clumps, and even more scared of seeing her bald head that she proudly covered in bright-colored scarves. Or of how tiny she became, how thin, until there was nothing physically left of the woman he’d spent his childhood with. The woman who’d cuddled him and listened to him, the woman who’d never been too busy to drop everything whenever he’d needed her. He might not need his dad in the same way, but deep down he knew he was still that boy terrified of seeing the end. And of saying goodbye.
* * *
Lexi shut her eyes and felt the movement of the horse beneath her, the gentle sway of her body somehow easing the tension in her head. Maybe it was a combination of the movement, the cool wind against her cheeks, and the fresh air, but whatever it was, it was the first time she hadn’t felt like she was sinking in weeks. Maybe months.
But how long was that feeling going to last? Until Harrison outgrew all his clothes and she had to find the money for them? Or when she got a message from her mom? Or when the mail arrived and told her there were only two weeks left to find a new facility or that her payments were too far in arrears? A wave of heat flooded her, thoughts muddling in her head, and she pushed her thoughts away, trying to refocus on the horse again, on how she felt being away from everything.
She wasn’t about to give Cody credit, but maybe it hadn’t been such a bad idea of his to get away from the house for the day. The cold air wasn’t great for anyone who wasn’t well, but Walter was long past the point of getting better, and she could see he was enjoying it, even if he was slightly uncomfortable. Although she might change her mind about how sensible it was if he ended up with pneumonia.
“When I kick the bucket, I want you to put me there.”
Lexi’s eyes flew open and she pulled on the reins to stop her horse when she saw that Walter had halted. He was staring straight ahead, a big smile stretching across his face and making him look younger than she’d ever seen him look.
