When you were learning these skills, you had to engage your willpower and self-control not to go back to bad habits. But once you practiced enough, these behaviors no longer took much conscious effort or willpower, as they were relegated to the deeper, more automatic procedural parts of your brain. Once you’ve engaged in a behavior long enough, it no longer requires willpower. It is now a habit.
Some Simple Willpower ‘Hacks’
Limit your use of willpower: The best strategy to maintain your willpower is simply to reduce the number of times you have to exert self-control or make decisions. When I work with elite athletes competing in major events, we make sure they get to their events a few days early, not only to acclimatize to the environment, but also to set things up so they don’t have to exert much willpower, self-control, or make many decisions close to competition.
We make sure almost everything is pre-decided at least for the day before and the day of competition. This includes even simple things such as when they’re going to wake up, what they’re going to wear, what they’re going to eat, what time they’re going to leave for the competition, or exactly how they are going to get to the venue. These are all pre-set so they can conserve their mental energy by not having to draw on the limited resource of willpower.
This strategy holds true for your everyday decisions as well. If your plan is to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow to work out, get everything ready the night before. Get out your gym clothes, equipment, supplements, and such so you don’t have to waste time and energy looking for these things or trying to make any decisions the next morning.
The same goes for more cognitive tasks like writing a report or book. If tomorrow you plan to work on your project for three hours, clear your desk the day before, decide what you’re going to do if the phone rings or you get an “urgent” email about something that may or may not be urgent. You need to imagine yourself dealing with these effectively. Taking this step is essential to sticking to your plan and achieving your goals.
For some athletes I work with who have to make weight for competition, like wrestling and mixed martial arts, one of the hardest things they have to do is exert willpower and self-control to stick to a strict diet. The body likes to fight back when we try to stick to a dietary regimen.
The body is generally pre-programmed to stay at a particular weight and does everything in its power to prevent rapid changes, especially weight loss, as it is more dangerous to survival in the short term than weight gain. Whenever we try to cut back on calories, the brain sets off a number of processes to prevent weight loss, which includes making you obsess about food. It takes an unbelievable amount of willpower to stay on a strict diet, which is one reason diets don’t work in the long term. As the day goes on, denying yourself the calories your body craves uses up a lot of the willpower gas tank.
Most of us can relate to this, especially if we are average-to-high on Negative Emotions, or average-to-low on Motivation. Think of how easy it is not to eat that ice cream in your fridge for breakfast even though you’re starving. But resisting the urge to eat that same ice cream when you’re not even hungry at 10 p.m. is next to impossible for many people. The trick here is to engineer your environment to prevent this from happening.
One strategy is to make it much harder to get your hands on the offending food. So at the very least, bury it deep in your freezer! Better yet, put it in the freezer in your basement. Even better than that, of course, is simply to not have it in the house. So you want to make it a pain in the ass to get a hold of.
As disciplined as I am, even I had this exact problem. Almost every night I craved ice cream and was almost powerless to stop myself from eating it. Because of my history of being on the higher side of Negative Emotions temperamentally, it should come as no surprise that this would be a potential weakness for me.
Don’t get me wrong, eating ice cream a few nights a week isn’t going to kill you. But I wanted it every night. So I did two things. Given we don’t own a second freezer in the basement or garage, putting it there was not an option. Instead, I purchased only one smaller tub of Ben & Jerry’s or Haagen Das per week. When this was split with my wife, there was no way it would last more than two nights.
You may be asking, “What did you do on the other nights?” Well, what I did was drink a cup of decaf tea or coffee and have one of my favorite protein bars. Once I consumed these, I usually had no more cravings. And if I did have cravings, I worked on tolerating the discomfort, which is something I will have more to say about in the upcoming books in this series.
Use If-Then Statements: Another strategy is to use the “if-then” statements I will discuss below with goal implementation. Basically, you just plan for what you are going to do when a specific situation arises. If you’re dieting and trying to make weight and your partner or buddy shows up with some Haagen Das, you’ve already prepared in your mind what you’re going to do. So it would look like this:
Before being confronted with a situation like this, you write down or at least say to yourself “if I get confronted with a food that is not part of my diet plan, like ice-cream, I will drink a decaf coffee and have a protein bar.” Researchers have found this technique to be very effective in improving self-control, even when your willpower is depleted! Having the plan in mind ahead of time requires much less willpower to make the more appropriate choice.
Build-up Willpower: Think of willpower as a muscle. The more we work it, the more fatigued it gets. The flip side is that the more you exercise willpower, the stronger it gets.49 There are different ways of doing this. Resisting little temptations each day, like pushing your plate away before you are totally full, can strengthen your willpower.
You can also get yourself to do things that are hard or that you’re not dying to do each day. One strategy that I and some of my clients use is to take a cold shower each morning. Doing things that are uncomfortable or difficult, like taking a cold shower, is bloody hard to do! Before we do something hard, our brains often tell us that we won’t be able to handle it or it will be too hard. Usually, we listen to this little voice and obey it.
Despite doing this for almost a year, my mind still tries to convince me that I can’t do it each morning. But this argument is now weak. What I do is thank my mind for doing what it is designed to do, which is to help me avoid pain — then do it anyway. This builds self-confidence and self-efficacy in addition to willpower and serves to reduce the power my negative predictions have over me. By doing hard things every day, you will increase your willpower and repeatedly show yourself that you are more than your momentary thoughts and feelings.
Exercising your willpower doesn’t just increase your willpower for the task you exerted control over. There is a spillover effect and your ability to exert self-control in other situations improves.50 So successfully sticking to your goals and plans breeds more success.
Boosting Willpower When It’s Depleted: Researchers have found that willpower is never really totally exhausted. But it gets harder and harder to utilize as it becomes depleted.
The good news is you can get a boost by drawing on your motivation or the reasons why you need to use your willpower.51 And there is significantly less willpower depletion when you use it for reasons that are in line with your values, passions, goals, and purpose!
When you feel the need to exert willpower for reasons that are contrary to your mission, values, and goals, such as when you try to please others or for some other external reason, your willpower becomes depleted faster. So use the strategies in this book to make sure you’re working toward the right goals. This will help ensure that your willpower remains as strong as possible.
We also know that the willpower depletion effect is minimized when you’re in a good mood when exerting self-control. So it’s easier to exert your willpower when you feel good or have positive and supportive family and friends around you who make you feel good.52
Similarly, how you view a situation, or your beliefs and attitudes, can mit
igate willpower depletion. For example, if you find it hard to get yourself to work out due to willpower depletion, you can remind yourself how you will feel good about getting closer to your goals if you do exercise. When you do this, the act will have less of a depleting effect on your willpower.
Other things that lift your mood like listening to your favorite music can also temporarily boost your willpower. So feel free to blast your favorite tunes when you feel the need for a willpower boost.53
Also, as noted earlier, consumption of foods high in glucose can give our willpower a short boost. Even better of course is to eat the right foods that give your body a nice steady supply of glucose. But in times of need, sucking on a sugary candy might do the trick.
Another strategy to increase your willpower when it’s already depleted is to just think of someone who has a lot of willpower.54 Maybe you’re a combat athlete training and find yourself wanting to give up due to exhaustion. Thinking of your upcoming opponent continuing to train despite their fatigue can motivate you. Or you can imagine someone you admire and how they wouldn’t give up or give in to temptations in the situation you are in.
How to Make ‘If-Then’ Plans
Another great strategy to keep you on track toward your goals is to have “if-then” plans. This strategy has been brought up a number of times in this book for good reason. It works. It has been well researched and is highlighted in Heidi Grant Halvorson’s book titled Succeed.
This involves having specific plans for when you are going to work towards your goals, and can help you prepare for things that can get in the way. It basically refers to the idea that you plan ahead by thinking: “If X happens, then I will do Y.” So, for example, when you plan your week, think of the various actions you want to take or any obstacles that may come up. Then rephrase it with “if-then.” Here are some examples:
“If it’s Tuesday, Thursday, or Sunday, I will wake up at 6:30 a.m. and do cardio.”
“If my phone rings during my dedicated time for working on my big goals, I’ll let it go to voicemail.”
“If I’m driving in the car alone, I will do my breathing exercises for at least five minutes” (more on this on my website and in the upcoming books in this series).
Remember, our brains like to be told what to do, not what not to do. If you use “if-then” plans, your brain will know when to do something, where to do it, and/or what to do if a specific situation arises. Less willpower will be used because the “decision” has already been made. According to Halvorson, there are hundreds of studies that have been done on “if-then” planning.55 The results? On average, there are increased rates of goal attainment and productivity of 200 to 300 percent! So using this strategy will make sticking to your plans and goals easier for you.
What to Do When You Fall Off the Bandwagon
Let’s be clear. You’re going to fall off the metaphorical bandwagon at times when pursuing your goals. Expect that it’s going to happen. Setting and achieving big goals is not an easy task. If you set an unrealistic and perfectionistic standard that you will never fall off the bandwagon or that if you do you’re a failure, then your self-confidence and belief in your ability to reach your goals are almost guaranteed to wither.
Get the idea that you will never fail or have off days out of your head now. I’ll say it again. You will fall off the bandwagon! What differentiates those who continue to be successful after falling off and those who don’t is how they handle this.
If you look at falling off the bandwagon in black-and-white terms, you’ll see it as a personal failure, and will want to throw in the towel. But if you see it as a learning opportunity, then you will actually improve and grow. This is part of the Growth Mindset I mentioned earlier in this book. Recall that having a Growth Mindset refers to the belief that you can improve with hard work. You need to adopt an attitude that embraces these setbacks. Even using the term “failure” is not at all accurate.
One thing you need to understand is that our brains accept our thoughts as truths if left unchecked. This fact is the core of the most successful forms of psychological treatment, including Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. These therapies focus on dealing with our thoughts and interpretations of events.
If you interpret your setback and label it as a “failure,” then it’s more likely to lead to further failure. If you embrace these events as learning experiences that can help you become better, then you’ll come out of it even closer to your goals. The best basketball player to ever play in the NBA knew this all too well and credits it to his success. Michael Jordan said:
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
So embrace setbacks as opportunities for learning. To do anything else is a guarantee that you won’t achieve your full potential.
Procrastination and the Myth of Inspiration
Have you ever found that you set a goal for yourself but start to peter out after a few days or weeks? Maybe you decided that you were going to be getting up 30 minutes earlier to do cardio or work on that book you’ve finally decided to write. You start out with good intentions. You start out strong. Then you procrastinate. You know it’s important to you and you’re not sure what went wrong. You wonder how you’re going to reach your potential if you can’t keep on track and be constantly motivated.
Well, you’re not alone. The truth is, we all struggle with this. Earlier in my life, I struggled with sticking to my goals. In high school, I knew I should have been trying to get good grades by consistently studying, but I couldn’t get myself to follow through on these goals. It almost ruined my life.
Setting a goal is usually the easy part. But the idea that you can stay motivated by relying on the inspiration that motivated you to set the goal in the first place is flawed. It’s not in line with what we know about the brain.
Something you find inspiring can only be inspiring for so long. Your brain simply can’t stay in a hyped-up inspired state for long. It’s designed to return to a state of equilibrium or balance. Some of you may recall this from grade 10 biology. It’s called homeostasis. Your brain habituates to it. It’s really not much different than what happens when you consume caffeine every day. Your brain just gets used to it and you develop tolerance which reduces the effect the caffeine has beyond a normal state.
That’s why inspirational speeches can be highly motivating in the short-term, but usually don’t lead to lasting change. Motivational speakers are highly sought after because they can bring up powerful emotions in the moment. When we feel strong emotions, we feel moved and inspired to act.
But strong emotions don’t last. Our brains won’t let them. Strong emotions also prevent us from thinking clearly, from grasping what it will actually take or what will need to be given up to achieve your goals. This is why relying on inspiration alone doesn’t lead to lasting progress.
Let me tell you a little secret that is backed by tons of scientific research. Real progress on big goals doesn’t happen because of a number of moments of inspiration. It happens because of hard and persistent work, day-in and day-out, regardless of your level of inspiration and motivation. It’s not as sexy as what you see in the movies.
Get the idea that you need to feel inspired or motivated to work on your goals out of your head. If you allow it to stay there, you’ll never achieve your goals or reach your full potential. American artist Chuck Close had it right when he said “Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work.”
The real secret to staying motivated and reaching your goals is to work on your goals no matter what you feel like doing. It doesn’t matter if you feel energized or inspired to get up early and hit the gym or work on your book. Just do it. You may find yourself saying “I’m too tired” or “I’m not feeling it today.” Just do it.<
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The most important differentiator found in those who achieve their goals and accomplish great things is that they don’t live their lives dictated by their immediate feelings, urges, level of inspiration, energy, mood, or immediate circumstances. They don’t let these states or circumstances dictate their actions. Instead, they decide what to do based on their deepest values, purpose, and goals and then do the work regardless. If you understand and implement this one principle into your life, you’ll make real progress.
Why ‘Listening to Your Gut’ Is Sometimes Bad Advice
As highlighted throughout this book, successful people know themselves well, recognize their strengths and weaknesses, and then live their lives based on their deepest values, beliefs, mission, purpose, and goals — not based on their immediate urges, moods, or circumstances.
It’s easy to get sidetracked or fall into the trap of waiting to take action on something until you’re in the mood or the time feels right. Some people call this procrastination. If we base our decisions solely on our moods and energy levels, we will rarely get anything done. Lots of people are creative when they feel like it, but you’re only going to become successful if you do it when you don’t feel like it. After all, we’re talking about achieving your important goals, not a hobby.
One of the reasons we have a hard time doing things we know we should be doing, or stopping ourselves from doing things we know we shouldn’t be doing, is the result of thousands of years of evolution. The reality is our brains are biased to find fault, see danger, and predict pain when there may be nothing there. These are often experienced as “gut reactions.”
These were really helpful when we were roaming the Savannah, as there were potential dangers everywhere and we had to avoid them if we wanted to survive. This helped us err on the side of caution. These biases are often called Cognitive Distortions because they are distorted ways of seeing the world.
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