“I do, as a matter of fact.” I followed her gaze south. “And it’s not that far away.”
The delivery box was a great investment worth every piece of silver. The onyx box was a gift from the goddess to be sure, the only thing in this game that made sense. Like a mailbox, I could send and receive correspondence, but it was instant, and the farm was better for it. In one day, Bretta had sent out an order for seeds, and they were delivered by her supplier the next day. The ground was as ecstatic as I was, and I spent the morning planting with the other farm hands.
Bretta and I had made an afternoon visit to Ol’ Trev Miller, two miles south of my lands. After a little tongue wagging and more than a dozen handshakes, the man was on board. Bretta had outlined the plan and the man gazed upon me with way too much emotion in his eyes, like I was so sort of savior. “Lord, you be a man for the people, warms me heart it does. I thank ye, and would be honored to mill your wheat.” He even went on about casting off his wheat brand and taking up mine, even Bretta had been surprised by that. Not that I had a brand, or the vaguest idea of how to get one, but I was happy all the same.
Once we returned to the farm, I found a very annoyed looking Hana, with two women with her. “I do hope there is a good reason for making us wait?” Venom dripped from her words and I tried to disarm her with a smile. Another fail, for it just seemed to piss her off more.
“Sorry, we were speaking with a miller south of here. He is willing to partner up with me, tie his brand to me.” Her annoyance evaporated and her expression took on a calculating look.
“Well, I cannot fault you for expansion.” She then turned to the women behind her. “May I introduce Lady Norma of Soucan, and her chaperone, Mistress Islae.” Bowing to the women and they curtseyed in return. “I know it is sudden, and without warning, but they are here to…how should I put this, court you.” I blinked at her in confusion. “A moment my ladies, he is a bit dense sometimes. Bretta if you wouldn’t mind showing them the dining facility and Hesty’s renowned pastries?”
I didn’t know if that was a request or an order, neither did Bretta. But my big partner escorted them inside. Once the door was closed, Hana turned on me, “look guy, you need to show her a good time. Her father is the High Lord of Soucan, big money there.”
“So?”
“Moron, you don’t have to marry her, just don’t piss her off. Show her the farm, talk about the plants. She is a High Lord’s daughter, she will grow bored and want to leave. Case closed.”
“Why bring her down her if you didn’t want me to marry her?”
“Do you?”
“That’s not what I meant, why did you bring her down here to court me, if you want me to bore the shit out of her?”
Hana made a dramatic display of throwing her arms in the arm, “Because nitwit, like it or not, you’re a nobleman and I have been blowing you up in court. What happened to you, has only made you more famous when I filed an injunction against the Slave Guild, and that pissed off the gentry in your favor. People have taken notice of you, for good or bad. Persik is a name that is being whispered on the lips of nobles and royals alike. Courting, marriage, all come in to play now. She is only the first of many, so let me know if you like her and I will get the ball rolling. Same with the others to come. Just be respectful and don’t give them cause to be offended.”
“Get the ball rolling?”
“Look buddy, I am getting some pretty sweet Matrimonial Offers for these daughters, I decline more than I consider, as is my job. The pot is only getting sweeter, and you are going to have to suck it up. I am here for you.”
“You’re here for money.” I pointed out and she smiled. There was no lying about it, she didn’t give one shit about me, but what I could do for her, she made it clear enough. “I understand. Maybe next time, a little heads up would be nice.”
“Sure thing, but next time, you’re coming north.” I shook my head no. “What? Taken a liking to the bumpkin lifestyle?”
“Maybe, but the fact is, if I am not here working, contracts are not being filled. I discovered a way to get the crops growing faster. So, they come here, deal?”
Hana rolled her eyes at me, “Whatever, it's your funeral. But!” She held up one finger, “If, and I mean if, you manage to pull off a royal courtship, your ass goes north. No if, ands, or butts, just yours in a Lift going north.”
“Fine.”
“I knew you would see it my way.” She looked around for a moment, “you growing weed over there?”
“Yeah, need a few buds, do yea?”
“I wouldn’t mind it, if your offering.” It was my time to roll my eyes. “Hemp is a good crop to grow. It's used for everything, but you need to be careful. Players know what the buds are and will raid you for them. Not that it really matters, the dumbasses don’t understand the difference between hemp and pot. Let me know if you start growing the second one.”
“And yet, your dumbass is still going to smoke it.” I added.
“It’s not the good stuff, but it helps with the stress you’re putting me under. Seriously, if this was the real world, I would have grey hair by now.”
“The price you pay for earning a higher percentage than I am.”
“Jealous?” I sighed, I was. “Go get washed up, you’re dirty as hell. Maybe a change of clothes if you have another, clean set? Oh, and you’re returning with us. You can come back tomorrow, but you need to go to court in the morning. Weston wants the details of your enslavement and how it happened, also where you have been for the last few months?” She poked her finger in my chest, “and you need to be exceptional, you need to look and act the part. Tomorrow, you turn in your quest and become a nobleman for real.”
“How did you know I finished all the tasks?”
Her smile was pure evil, “because I made you, that's how. Run along now little boy, wash up before bed time.”
Lady Norma was a quiet woman, cute as a button and bored as hell. Mission accomplished. She made it known with her constant sighs and fidgeting hands that she wanted to be anywhere but on my farm. Which was fine with me, she wasn’t really my type anyway. Not to mention every time I looked down the soil was telling me things. “Tramp, slut, she will cheat on you, gold digger.” I really loved the land. They were all awesome and I had to keep my mirth in check. Then we got to the tenth plot, the diva field made it known, just what she thought of me walking with another woman. “I will kill her.” It might be worth letting it happen, just to see what the soil of capable of. And it did, Norma started to trip on stones that had not been there before, her shoes became stuck and it wasn’t just the Diva that it didn’t care for her. “Maybe we should return.”
“Yes please, I was not bred to be a rural woman.”
“NO SHIT!” The orchard told me. It was hard to separate the two, to focus on one at a time, the land or this woman who hated it.
We headed back and Hana had the Lift ready and waiting. As soon as it took off, it was like being unplugged from a life support machine. All the energy I had, drained away, my connection broken and I was left feeling empty. Was this how I had always felt before? My mind contemplated the connection as the women spoke of fashion and everything else, I didn’t care a lick for. It was during this time that I really began to understand what was going on, what it meant to be enlightened. This goddess, she must have something to do with the land, maybe she was the land. My thoughts spun back to my first day in the game, how I had thought, “she was bounty.” I had never thought of a woman like that, not even a girl with huge breasts. Whatever was going on with me, it wasn’t a bad thing, I have never felt this type of connection, not with a person, not with a place, certainly not with soil. It felt like this was all I needed, what I had been missing for so long. It felt right.
I was so lost in thought that Hana had to shake me, “earth to Jaeger, we’re here!” Norma giggled into hand and left a moment later without even a goodbye. I had wasted a day of her life and I
didn’t know what would come of that, but I was thankful for the land and knew it was looking out of me.
We headed for her carriage, and she simply stated, “what’s wrong with you, you didn’t say a single thing in the carriage, that’s extremely rude, even amongst bumpkins.”
“Just thinking,” I didn’t feel like explaining it to her.
“I could tell, hope she's worth it.” Oh, she is! “So, clothes, you need to dress the part.”
“Mildred’s would be nice.”
“No, it wouldn’t, you have silver now, I said you need to look like a nobleman, not a commoner.” I gave her a hard look. “Fine, whatever, if you want to look like you are below everyone else, don’t blame me when you’re the laughing stock of the court.” She called out to the driver and once we were underway, she explained what she had been doing the last few months. “You have three accounts now, your personal one, your nobleman account and your business account. I think I should open another for this mill, just in case something bad happens, it doesn’t drag you down with it. Minimize the loss, so to speak. We might want to also put a rather hefty insurance policy for these times when you get lost in thought. Keep it up boyo, and you’re going to have a pissed off father burning your place to the ground.”
“Okay.” I said as I climbed in behind her. Only this time, she did not make the effort to expose her ladies to me. Must have only been a one-time deal, one that I doubted would be repeated now that she had me as a client.
“The farm is going to have to produce at least another twenty crop harvests to fulfill the contracts we have.” She stated when the door closed behind me. All business.
“Okay.”
“And I am going to take out my chest right now and blow you until your head spins.”
“Okay...wait what?”
She gave me an angry expression, “I don’t like being ignored.”
“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. The farm should have no problem with the harvests, in fact, I think we might be able to squeak out another ten if we are lucky. Add the hemp crop, the beans and the orchard, I am thinking a solid two from all of them.”
“Aren’t we the know it all now.” Her eyes reflected the figures going through her brain. “Is there a way you can set up another three hemp crops. I know a person whose livelihood revolves around it. He’s always on the lookout for a supplier with excellent quality stock. You can make almost anything from hemp.”
“No, that would be too much. Hemp grows slower than wheat, and if you want quality over quantity, it will need time to get there. No point in burning out the land.”
“Can’t you just throw down some cow or horse shit and call it good?”
“Doesn’t work that way. Certain soils produce certain crop quality, sure most plants will grow in shit rich soil, but the quality takes a hit.” Even I was surprised by the knowledge, but that was what the Novice book was all about, soils and crops that grew in them. It was so second nature, that I was impressed with myself. “So, what else have you been up too?”
“Besides you making me rich, I got a new boo. You would hate him, just saying.” I smirked at her. “So, what happened exactly, I have never heard of a nobleman being enslaved on their own land. I mean, as screwed up as it is, Tier One peeps are supposed to be off limits.” I doubted she actually cared, something about the way she asked made me think I needed to be filtered.
“They tricked me, beat me almost to death and put me on a ship. Fed me this weird elixir and I woke up in the back of a wagon. Had to play camp bitch until I was able to run away. Not much to tell.”
“You’re going to have to do better than that in court. You need to spin the woe is me card, drama it up a little bit. Who was it that purchased you?” I could see she was really into this.
“Alright desperate housewife. Her name was Vexi, a Harekin from the Dark Lands.” Hana’s mouth dropped. “Know her?” She nodded, unable to speak, “she wasn’t too bad, almost nice for majority of time, then she turned psycho bitch and tortured me. But I learned a few things from her, like how to swing a sword.”
“Better, but leave out what she taught you. Might even want to add a little something.” I could tell she was really getting into this.
“Like how she forced me to spar with her squire, that whooped the crap out of me for days on end?”
“Yes, just like that...wait, did that really happened?” I nodded, “Hey, Jaeger, I think you need to report this. That’s taking it too far, we are not supposed to haze other players.”
“Hazing as in, tying me to the bottom of a wagon and driving it over razor grass?” My mood was quickly shifting toward the negative. “Or how about breaking my leg and having healer reset it without healing me after? Or maybe knowingly starving me? You want me to drama it up more than the truth?”
“Fuck...sorry I didn’t do it to you. I just thought they made you clean out their shit pots and cook them dinner.”
“I did that too, and listened to them screw each other while tied to a wagon wheel a few feet away.”
Hana was silent for the first time since I had known her, a loss for words from a mouth that never stopped moving. I was thankful for it, I didn’t like reliving that shit either, but a quick trip to Mildred’s set my mind right.
“Mildred, my love, can you make me look fancy?” I called out when I entered. The eccentric woman raised one eyebrow and shook her head no.
“Mildred does not perform miracles, but Mildred can make you look good, really good. Mildred can make woman want you and men want to be you.” She measured me with only a glance, “you bring silver this time?” I nodded, and she looked at a somber Hana in the doorway. “Mildred wants to know, you want peacock, or studmuffin?”
Hana gave a forced laugh and answered, “I think we need something else. Humble yet refined. Dignified yet shows who he really is, a man of the people.”
Mildred was bobbing her head in a crazy fashion. “Mildred knows,” and then she turned back toward me, “Mildred does not like those clothes, she will make something you can work in, good, strong, not rip.”
An hour later we left her store and I had three new sets of clothes. “What was all that about? I thought I needed to dress the part?” I said when we were in the carriage.
“I was wrong, after hearing what you have been though, you need to be humble. You need to be you.” She looked out the window, “sometimes I get carried away, trying to turn everyone into fancy peacocks like your tailor said, but the fact is, you’re not one. Probably will never be one. If I had to guess, you’re a jeans and an old t-shirt kinda guy. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable, not every man is destined to wear a suit. You’re a farmer first, a lord second, it has been a long time since I have seen that. You just need to flip it while in court, you still need to impress people and I think you will gain a huge pity following when you tell your story.”
“Pity?”
“Work with what you have. You’re not an epic man and that's fine, there are more than enough of them in this world. And no matter how much I try to make you into one, I don’t think it will happen.” She turned her amethyst eyes back on me. “I am sorry, I should have seen who you really were before, and now I know how to proceed.” I raised my eyebrows in question and she gave me a sly smile. “So yeah, I had this whole thing planned, have you buy a house in the city, to entertain the nobility and throw parties worthy of note. Maybe force you to marry some high lords’ daughter who was rich enough and willing to fund a merchant empire. I was going to make you into ALOW’s version of Amazon, only with crops.”
“I would have hated that.” My voice was dry, and almost cracked.
“Now I know that, but I didn’t before. In fact, I think I need to review those M. O’s I previously declined at a single glance.” Looking back out the window she said, “you need a good wholesome woman. A Betty Crocker of the Gentry World. Someone who everyone loves, someone who will bear you more children than
you know what to do with.”
“Why the hell are you still trying to marry me off?”
“My silly, stupid employer, because commitment is just as big here as it is in our world. The longer you’re a bachelor, the more your reputation will grow and you don’t want that, not now. You want to be left alone, farm your crops and maybe go on a couple quests one day, sound about, right?” She had me figured to a T, even though she wasn’t looking at me. “Cut them off before it gets out of control. Like I said before, no woman would ever willingly share her husband with another woman, unless she is messed up in the head. With another Race? Well, doubly so. I will find you this Betty, and you will marry her, she will be someone who is not a trophy wife, but a woman who will work beside you, like your partner, only more human.”
“Bretta’s not human?”
Hana’s head came around so fast, I thought her neck would snap. “I thought you knew?” I shook my head no. “She’s a Bison Kind, Animalkin. Not to be confused with a beastkin, which is a mix between an Animalkin and another race. Wow, did you know she was married to your friend Cletus?”
“You learn all sorts of new things.” I said shaking my head in disbelief.
“Didn’t know why she hated him so much, did ya?” She smirked at me. “Now you know.” Then she stopped and thought it over, staring past me for a moment. “You’re elf kind as much as you are human. Oh, this is going to be tricky, no wonder Norma didn’t give you the time of day. Your ears give it away.” I reached up and touched my ears, they felt normal. “They’re pointy, not like pure elf pointy, but enough to see it in you. Betty might not be the way to go after all.” She growled at me, “don’t make this easy or anything. Do you happen to remember which branch of elf you’re mixed with?”
“Branch?”
“Come on, seriously? Open Book of Lore sometime. High Elves, top of the food chain, then they split into three categories, Arcane, Nature, and Spectrum. After that you really have to put in the hours to get it right, I never did. But if I had to guess, with how easy you picked up farming, I am going to say Spectrum, because they are the most knowledgeable.”
Noble Farmer Page 12
