Every time she closed her eyes, her mind would go to the place she had suffered so intensely. She still ached in places and her ribs would be sore for a while yet. Her skin was healing but not her mind. She’d hoped she could control the mental images but, in her sleep, she had no control, unlike Maya. Amara wondered if Ethan could help.
Maya said the more she used her abilities the sharper they became and the easier she was able to master their direction. With time and practice, she might be able to extinguish the flashbacks and the night terrors. Maya had encouraged Amara to help the men at the Center or at Restoration House to give her the most opportunity to do that practicing. Unfortunately, the time to stop the predetermination work was a short window Amara couldn’t allow to close.
She had little luxury in the execution of the fix and wasting her time with helping women now would destroy more women later. Not that the effort was a waste or that these women had less value, she just could save more. But now that her men appeared to understand, maybe she could get them to help her stop the practice.
“Amara, where are you?” Ethan’s strong deep voice slipped into her thoughts, bringing her out of herself.
“What? Oh, I’m here. I just,” her lip quirked up slightly, “I don’t know. I guess I was daydreaming.”
Wilder studied her, and she now knew what the ‘bug under a microscope’ felt like. “You were a million miles away.”
“Not quite so far maybe a hundred years away would be more accurate. Sorry, were you saying something?”
“We’re adding more residents tomorrow to the Women’s wing. We already have six in different stages of transition to their new lives and ten is the limit we ever take. That is about all we can oversee at a time. Is that too much chaotic emotion for you to handle safely? I don’t know your abilities to cope as an empath. I know we talked about you working a little with the women as a way of helping you acclimate to your new environment, but Ethan is concerned with the overload.”
“Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t know how much I can take. I was in the training facility and it was bad at times. Really bad. Especially when…”
“Especially when there were others around you in pain when you were also in pain,” finished Ethan gently. “I promise we will keep a close eye on you. You could decline.”
“Yes. But I’m not in danger now, nor are they. The emotions and the physical needs are different. We won’t know until we try. And I know I could refuse but if you promise to help me change the outcome enough, then Maya is right. I should use my gift for helping others.”
Finn sat and pulled her onto his lap, nuzzling her hair. He had no qualms about showing his affection. She loved that about him. No decisions on her part.
Amara continued. “Besides, if you’re right and we find a way to stop the gender selection, then there is a very slight possibility I won’t be here. Everything I did based on that future eventuality might be gone but since my family did not engage in the program, I would simply have another path. It would mean I would never know you, not that I won’t exist.”
Her voice hitched with the sudden rush of emotion at that possibility. The pit of her stomach cramped at the idea of losing what she hadn’t yet publicly claimed. The room was stone silent in the hard contemplation of her statement. Finn tightened his hold on her. The comfort and reassurance plus the fact that they obviously did not want to contemplate her disappearance from their lives was crushing her mentally. Her heightened intuition was almost painful, and she moaned.
Finn mistook her discomfort to be his tight hold and loosened it. He kissed the top of her head before letting go completely. He stood, shifting her to Ethan, and walked out of the room. His worry echoed and merged with the others’ concerns and her heart was heavy with the weight of them all. His absence caused a deep pain in her belly filled with desperation. Something had to make this worth the risk of her life with these men that she was drawn to and she had to find it.
Amara woke the next day and was more exhausted than when she had gone to bed last night. It took a long time for her brain to calm from chatting with itself. Finally, when that noise died down, she had lain in the bed for another long while, staring with her eyes closed but her mind still open. She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew she heard someone scream. She felt herself lifted from her chamber of horrors and held tightly. She fought but the masculine scent of a warm body in a cedar forest swept over her frazzled nerves and calmed her. This scent was safe. Finn. His shushing and rocking her, like a precious child, relaxing her sobs, helped her to breathe easier in his arms.
“Sweetheart, can you tell me what your dream was about?”
That was Ethan’s voice. But she was definitely in Finn’s arms. She shook her head in answer to Ethan’s question.
“No, I don’t really remember but I heard the voice.”
Ethan continued as he went down onto his haunches in front of her. “What voice?”
“The man I overheard, the surgeon and the man who seemed to be in charge, who said that women were of little value but to reproduce. He had such contempt of women it scared me to sense his anger and those feelings. I felt dirty and in danger.”
Wilder must have come into the room as well but remained at the door. He took up the questions when Ethan had stopped. Amara cuddled deeper into Finn’s arms. “At the training center where you were,” Wilder took a calming breath before he could continue, saying, “What was a surgeon doing there?”
She felt the deep shiver that raced through her body. “To alter us.”
“What? Alter you how?” Wilder was already indignant.
Amara wasn’t sure she wanted to tell them as she felt their emotional angst becoming harsher. Finn rubbed her arms and kissed the top of her head. His emotions were stormy.
“Do I really need to tell you? There isn’t any danger now. I can learn to control my dreams.”
Finn spoke with his lips pressed against her ear. “If they know, then they have something to work with. Like me on safety and protection. If I don’t know what I’m protecting against, I can’t do a proper job.” She nodded. He kissed her ear.
She explained the conversation she’d overheard, then explained the emotional alterations so women could breed often and without attachment. She explained the genetic anomalies, and how they were made to look as though the differences were never there. The training she told them about brought a half smile to Ethan’s face.
She knew men liked the things she was taught, and the messages the guy’s brains were sending out said they were interested and a little excited but also rejecting of their timing of those thoughts. She loved them a little more right then.
“The training was fine, no one, you know, but it was after it was over that things got bad.” There, she’d taken away some of their guilt.
Finally tired again, she fell asleep in Finn’s arms but awoke later to an empty room. Finding she missed the comfort, she asked Charlotte where Finn’s room was. Following the directions of the automated response system, she opened his door quietly. He was in the largest bed she had ever seen. He was all over it. Finding a spot that he wasn’t in, she crawled in beside him and just as she was relaxing into a secure sleep, his big beefy arm came around her waist. She stiffened and regretted her choice. She tried to squirm back off the bed but with his eyes still closed, he wordlessly pulled her close, placing her head on his chest. It was more comfortable than she would have ever expected. That was her last thought for the night.
She woke in her own bed and wondered if she had dreamed going into Finn’s room, but his bed cover lay over her, the scent of him lingered on her night shirt. Amara’s skin carried his essence. He had drawn her close last night but pushed her away this morning. She was confused but even without her empathic abilities, she concluded he must have rejected his own feelings for her. The painful knowledge was amplified by fear that none of the men wanted her for keeps.
She remembered their words in the last wee
k, how she felt about them, and their unspoken emotions when chatting to her, thinking of her. No, she was wrong. But her insecurities wouldn’t let go completely. Ethan was right, she had some work to do personally to be whole again. She’d never misread clues before, but she had obviously done so now because Finn could have left her to sleep in his bed but didn’t.
There was a firm but quiet knock on her door as she was gearing up to engage in her pity party. “Come in.”
Finn stuck in his head and gave her a big smile. “You’re up. I have breakfast if you want some. Ethan and Wilder have gone to pick up the women. They will be back this afternoon and I thought you might want to know how the house security and monitoring system worked before they got here. Possibly learn some of the computer system and the routine when we have women at the House, which is often. With our full house now, it will take sticking to the schedule to get any time to ourselves.”
She shrugged nonchalantly, puzzled at his good mood. Happy, even. She sensed no embarrassment or barrier between them. “Sure, if you want.” Her voice showed her confusion and her efforts at hiding her hurt.
Finn’s face softened, and he became serious. “Amara, I love that you climbed in bed with me last night. Early this morning, I put you back in your bed because I wanted you to sleep longer. I had to get up, do PT, and shower, among other things that are part of my morning routine.”
The relief was freeing. “Of course. I didn’t mind.”
“By the looks of it, you did.” He walked in closer and leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips. She reached up to hold him in place and reconnected, deepening their kiss until she needed air. The brute wasn’t even breathing hard.
“I would never reject you, honey. None of us would. We are overwhelmed with our attraction, truth be told. We’ve never, collectively, been drawn to a woman immediately and so completely as you’ve captured us.” He sighed and sat on the bed next to her. “I’m a big man. Tall, muscular, and my long hair and beard give me a more dangerous look. Being the security and computer geek means if there is any trouble that way, I take care of it. I’m very good at it and actually love the rush, but some don’t think my size and military training is an asset in other situations. You can see why I rarely interact with the residents in the women’s wing. You, on the other hand, are a godsend.”
Amara smiled and traced the design on the front of his tee shirt. “You don’t scare me.”
“Well, sweetheart, that is good and bad. There are going to be times that I will expect you to do what I say simply because I say it and I get the impression that that is not something that will go down easy with you.”
“But you’re so sweet. You’re nurturing. You would never force me to do something.”
“Don’t be deceived. I’m a man used to getting what he wants and if it is necessary to get you moving in the right direction, I will definitely be stern. I’ve been known to punish without warning, if the defiance is bad enough. And you need to start practicing honesty—with yourself and us.”
“If you say so, Finn.” Her tone was one of disbelief and she hoped she’d pulled off her words as truth. She knew he wasn’t lying but better not to give him any power over her by showing her deep submission although all she wanted to do was follow his instructions. She mentally shook her still fuzzy head. She’d never battled herself before. “Can I have breakfast?”
“Yep. Get dressed. It will be on the table in five minutes.”
She wondered what fire she was playing with here. She sensed he was exactly as he professed to be, gentle when appropriate and a hard ass when necessary, with little thought at the switch. He was a man who wanted what he wanted. Amara was content to know she was among those things he desired.
For the remainder of the morning and past lunch, Finn was as good as his word. Orienting her to the rather sophisticated security system for their home, Restoration House, and firewalls to their computer systems.
“Why do you call this place Restoration House? I mean, it gives me the impression of having fallen from grace and needing to be brought back into the fold, so to speak.”
“It’s really for two reasons. The first is that if we are trying to keep women safe while they recover, it’s good to make it look like it’s something else. Most would never believe they would be here. Secondly, it is a restoring for women who have been exploited. We give them a place to restore their dignity, their self-esteem, their connection with the safe parts of their world and if not available, help them establish a new place. There are many professionals that give their time here teaching, sharing, guiding. I rarely come to the wing, myself.”
Looking down the long corridor lined with doors on either side. “Which room is mine, then?”
Finn chuckled. “Either of the rooms you slept in last night will work.”
She shook her head. “No, I mean, I’m like these women, right? So, I’m supposed to stay in one of these rooms.” Her hand swept through the air, indicating the hallway.
Finn’s tone roughened. “Are you trying to be deliberately difficult or do you really not know?”
Ethan answered from a door at the other end of the hall. “Neither, I would wager. She is trying to get a clarification of her position with us. Am I right, Amara?”
She stared at Ethan as he came into the hall and shut the door behind him. Feeling the heat climb her neck and infuse her face, she tried ignoring his question. Instead, she asked, “Where are the new women? Weren’t you supposed to bring them with you?”
“Never mind the women, Amara, they are with Wilder. He is doing orientation.” Ethan was calm and yet intense, sending a shiver of anticipation through her nerve endings.
“We were almost done with ours, except for the schedule that I think she can hear with everyone else, in the morning.” Finn responded. “I need to go and do my part of the orientation, so I’ll leave Amara with you to finish pointing out the rooms. You’ll explain the rest?”
Ethan tipped his head slightly in agreement. As Finn turned, he planted a sizzling kiss on Amara’s lips and left the wing designated for the residents of Restoration house. She was beginning to understand that she would not be a resident here.
Ethan put his hand out for her, and she took his invitation without hesitation. His hand was soft and cool, unlike Finn’s which was always hot and rough. “These are the residents’ rooms, but you will not be residing here. I’ll explain in a moment. But could you open the bedroom doors on the right side of the hall as we pass them? Those are empty. We like them to appear welcoming and allow the women to pick from what is available.” He waited until she had opened the first bedroom door before waving his arm to the opposite side of the hall and continued. “This first room is the multipurpose room. They have meals, do activities, visit, whatever else they want to do in here. There are tablets in each bedroom, so they can connect with the outside world once we have all their information in our system.”
“Why does that matter, putting their information in the system?” she asked, as they walked further down the hall and she opened two more doors while Ethan threw open the next door.
“It matters because we put blocks on certain sites and people identified in their profile as dangerous or counterproductive to healing.”
“Surely that’s their choice.”
“While they are our responsibility and we need to provide for their safety, it isn’t their choice. If they disagree, which they will always have the chance of doing, they are free to either leave or return to the Center.” Ethan paused to allow Amara to speak, but she decided it was each woman’s choice. “Good, now here is Wilder’s medical room for tending to the physical needs of the women.”
Ethan opened the door next to the one he entered through. “This is my therapy room.”
“So, if I need to talk, I come here?”
“Well, you could, but I would hope you would come to me personally in our living quarters. My office is there as is Finn’s and Wilder’s.” Ethan paused. “A
sk what you really want to ask, little one.”
Amara stared at the man looking down at her. She was a typical height, 5’6” but Ethan must have been 6’4” with broad shoulders, well-developed muscles and yet, he didn’t overfill his tailored suits. His was a presence to be reckoned with and his interpretation of her thoughts proved his skill as a psychiatrist.
“Amara.”
“Where do I fit?”
“Everywhere. You’re our teammate. We want you to work with us, as I’m sure you know, and yes, you understand these women from first-hand experience. That will help them and us get where we all aspire to be. You will do what the women are doing in group when you are able. We hope that is often, but you are part of us. You will live with Finn, Wilder, and myself.”
“But why?”
“You mean, why other than your empathic abilities and we want to give you a safe place to take a break from the chaos of the women’s thoughts?”
“Yes.”
“Because we are attracted to you and know you are attracted to us. Just as we know you can sense our emotions when we are near you.” He raised his eyebrows to challenge her denial. It never came.
“So, you really are attracted to me.” She hadn’t misread them.
“Without a doubt. I imagine, if we sat down and assessed our true feelings, we would not be able to deny our passions for you. We crave you as our woman, Amara. Finn has already claimed you.”
“Oh, but we didn’t… I mean, nothing happened.”
“But he has openly claimed you from the first day. Wilder as well. I was not as easily reached.” He smiled. “It was the second day before I accepted my deep need for you. It’s like a craving only you can fill for us. You hold our hearts captive.”
“For me too.” She looked into this man’s face and her breath was swept away with the intensity of his emotions for her. Different from Finn’s but equally consuming. “Don’t you find that odd? I mean, I don’t think it is in human nature to connect so quickly.”
“It is if it is right. There are no time limits on love, bonding, or need, Amara. We are all different.” Ethan pulled her into his arms and looked down at her. “I’m not as gentle as Finn. I can be as affectionate as the other two, but we are different men, Amara, with diverse requirements. We each have a different way to meet those needs. Our desires are our own. Does that trouble you? Does it sound like too much to deal with?”
Captured Desire Page 11
