“I’ll get that ordered and things should move pretty quickly. We’re not very busy tonight.”
“Thanks.”
She hit the hand sanitizer on the way out the door and I was alone in the quiet room again. Dylan had fallen back to sleep almost as soon as she’d finished examining him. A few minutes later, the door opened again, but this time, it was Zac peeking through.
“Hey,” he said, a little breathless. “Right room.”
“Thanks for coming,” I told him. He came over to stand beside me and rubbed a hand over my back. It was comforting to have him there with me. As much as I could do things alone, I didn’t always want to.
“Of course. He’s my boy. Has anyone seen him yet?” he asked.
I was filling him in on where we were at with this process when a super young, like maybe my age, woman came in with the lab cart. Little guy didn’t even wake up as she confirmed his name and birthdate nor when she actually poked him.
“Where’s Laney?” I asked once we were alone again.
“Told her to take the car home. She couldn’t come back to the room anyway and I didn’t want her sitting out in the waiting room for however long it takes.”
“Good idea.”
Someone tapped on the door and Zac told them to come in.
Tegan, a tall, dark sight for sore eyes, came through the door. He would’ve known Dylan was on the other side from his chart, but getting this surprise shook me. Not him. He was steady as could be.
“Hey, guys,” he said with a smile as if seeing me didn’t faze him at all and maybe it didn’t. But I stood up so quickly that the chair shot into the wall with a muted thud. Not loud enough to wake my boy but enough that the other three of us in the room heard it. Zac placed his hand on my back again to keep me from losing my shit. This was all too much at once. “I’m on call for surgery. If it’s all right with you, I’ll give Dylan a quick look.”
“Fine by us,” Zac answered, so I didn’t have to.
“Dylan,” he said while gently tapping his shoulder to wake him up. “Hey, bud, I need you to wake up for a minute.”
My son’s eyes opened slowly but showed as much excitement as he possibly could have at that moment.
“Hi, Tegan,” Dylan said sleepily.
“Not feeling too good?” Tegan asked him. Dylan shook his head. “OK. I’m going to push on your stomach and I need you to tell me if it hurts more when I push or when I let go.” He released the bed so it’d lie down flat. “So does it hurt more now”—he pushed down—“or now?” He released.
“The first one,” Dylan said.
“Does it kind of hurt all over?”
Dylan nodded, which was more than he could give me at home.
“OK. Let me listen to your heart.” Tegan pulled his stethoscope from his pocket and put it in his ears then placed the round part on Dylan’s chest and then moved it down to his stomach. I’d never seen him do any of the medical stuff before and he was sexy as hell. If my son weren’t sick in that bed and Zac weren’t here, my panties would’ve already fallen off. Tegan helped Dylan sit up and listened to his lungs. “All right. You can lay back down.” He moved the bed into a more comfortable position before turning to us.
Seeing the way Tegan handled my son drove home the fact that I’d done everything wrong. I’d let someone else into our relationship and fucked everything up. I’d kick my own ass again later.
“So… ” He moved to the end of the bed away from Dylan. “I don’t think it’s appendicitis, but I’d like to run a few tests to get to the bottom of it. I’ll order those and get you guys out of here as soon as possible. Sound good?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Zac told him.
Tegan gave us a nod and left the room. Fuck. He hadn’t given me a second glance.
Not long after, an ultrasound tech came in, a woman in her thirties maybe with bright red hair and a pleasant smile came in behind Tegan.
“This is Victoria,” he told us. “She’ll take him down for the tests. It’ll be quick.”
“Can I go with him?” I asked, not really directing the question at either of them. Anybody who wanted to answer could.
“The x-ray would be bad if there’s any chance you’re pregnant,” Victoria told me.
My gaze jumped up to Tegan against my will. His jaw tightened as he finally looked at me.
“Definitely not,” I told her but couldn’t break the hold Tegan had on me.
“Still, better to just let him go,” Tegan said. “He’s asleep and probably won’t wake up for any of it.”
“We find that kids tend to do better without their parents there,” Victoria told me. “It’s one of those things. Like parents get their kid’s worst behavior. That kind of thing.” She released the breaks on the bed as Tegan held the door open for her to begin pushing the gurney out.
“Dylan’s a good friend of mine, Victoria,” Tegan said following behind her. “Take good care of him.”
“I always do,” she said back before our door shut and I couldn’t hear them anymore.
Once Tegan was out of the room, Zac leaned against the counter opposite me and said, “You still haven’t talked to Tegan?”
I shook my head. “When I called about Dylan earlier he didn’t answer.”
“So?”
“He had Rhian call me instead of doing it himself.”
“So?”
“Stop saying so.”
He chuckled. “Sorry. But before it sounded like you might’ve had a revelation.” He took a breath. “Also, Laney might’ve said something about you having never been in love and that added to your freak out. Don’t get me wrong. If you want me to think the guy’s a douche, I’ll think that for you.”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend you can talk to about your feelings?” I asked him. He raised his middle finger at me causing me to laugh quietly. Nothing had changed in all the years we’d known each other.
“I’m being serious. Do what you think is right but Laney was under the impression that you had some regrets. Oh.” He snapped his fingers. “She told me to be clear that this is from the conversation at our house the other night not your house. Whatever that means.’
I snickered. She wanted me to know she’d kept her promise. “Laney wasn’t wrong,” I said with a sigh. But I also didn’t want to talk to Zac about it when anyone could’ve walked into the room right then.
We waited in silence for the tech to bring our kid back which happened a lot sooner than I’d expected. Dylan was still asleep on the gurney.
“He barely stirred,” Victoria told us as she pushed the breaks as quietly as she could. “Poor guy is not feeling well.”
“Thanks,” Zac told her as she left.
Only twenty minutes later, Tegan joined us again. He came in with a tablet in hand which I’d come to learn was how they did charts now.
“I’ve looked everything over and I don’t think it’s appendicitis,” he told us with as much confidence as a person could have.
“Good,” Zac said with the relief we both felt.
“But we did see an intestinal blockage on the x-ray. But we took a couple of extra films and did the ultrasound. Turns out, he’s a little constipated.”
“What?” I asked, more to myself than anyone else. How would that have even happened to this level? Dylan had never been constipated a day in his life. Though now that he used the bathroom alone, I guess I couldn’t keep track anymore.
“It happens sometimes. Sometimes it’s diet, but otherwise, it just happens. I’m going to prescribe a laxative just to make sure his pipes get cleaned out and you can follow up with his pediatrician. Any questions?”
We both shook our heads. He told Dylan to feel better, said he could get dressed, and that we’d be discharged in a few minutes. Then he was gone again.
It was all very professional. Tegan barely acted like we were passing acquaintances not like we’d seen each other naked. It was an awful feeling.
“Can you get him dressed?
I’ll be right back,” I asked Zac. I didn’t wait for his answer before I left the room.
Tegan was about ten steps from Dylan’s room at the nurse’s station. I made my way to him but as I passed what looked like a couple of young nurses, one of them said, “He’s so damn hot.” The other giggled.
I swallowed hard because I knew exactly how hot Tegan was but hearing them also reminded me that he had options. Lots of options should he want to use them.
As I slid up next to him, he barely spared me a glance.
“Hey,” I said quietly. “Thanks for taking care of Dylan.”
“No problem. It’s my job.” He tapped away on his tablet.
I swallowed hard and asked him, “Can we talk? I’d like to talk if you have a minute. Explain some things.” As I looked up at him, I hoped he see the pleading in my eyes and not the churning in my stomach. See how desperate I was to at least make him understand how wrong things had gone in my head. I wasn’t even expecting forgiveness. Just the chance to explain.
I didn’t deserve it. If he’d told me to fuck off right then, that would’ve been on track for how I’d treated him. But still… I hoped.
He glanced down with hard eyes as he handed the tablet to the nurse behind the desk.
“I have patients,” he said coldly before walking away.
Acid burned my throat at the thought of him being able to turn his back on me so easily and the knowledge that I’d been the cause. This was all on me. I knew it. He knew it.
And in that moment, I hated myself for it.
Chapter Nineteen
When we got home from the emergency room that night, Zac insisted on cleaning up the vomit I’d left behind while I got Dylan tucked back into bed. Then he stayed until Dylan was fully asleep. I offered to drive him home, but he’d wanted to get Dylan home and settled. Now that we’d done that, I couldn’t leave our kid alone. He’d sent Porter a text asking for a ride which Porter would never say no to.
If I had to become a teen parent with someone, I was really glad I Zac was by my side every step of the way.
Two days later, Dylan was back to normal. The laxative Tegan had prescribed worked like a charm. Which meant Dylan got his guy time with his dad Thursday night. He was over the moon. Even if it meant missing a week at my parent’s house.
Friday, Zac and Laney picked Dylan up early to go to the baseball game in the city. With my free time, I knew what I had to do. The thought of doing it though made me a bit nauseous. I put on a pink skirt and cute white tank top then drove over to Tegan’s house before I lost my nerve.
Nobody was home. Duh. Tegan usually worked until five. Sometimes later. And Rhian was probably with Porter off doing Friday date stuff at five o’clock in the evening. Made sense at the time.
I did the only other thing I could think of. I called Laney.
“Hey,” she answered with the loudness of the ballpark behind her. It was rare that they had a six o’clock game. It almost never happened. “What’s up?”
“So I was thinking you should invite all of us to your house tomorrow or to the pond or something. All of us,” I told her knowing she’d get exactly what I was saying.
“Uh, no way.”
“What?”
“No,” she said again. Not at all what I was expecting. “If this is about you making things right with Tegan, you have to do that yourself and you said you’d prefer without an audience. Sorry.”
Why, why, why did my friends want to force me to do what’s right? I sighed. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll let you get back.”
“Bye,” she said, sounding a little too happy about being right, then ended the call without waiting to hear from me.
She was right even if I hated it. I’d let my fear scare me off and I was going to have to fix it. Since I was already at his house I’d just wait as long as it took. But not in my car. I walked up closer to the house then sat down in the grass.
After a while, I laid back and held my phone up to scroll through my social media. Nothing fun seemed to be going on for anyone. How disappointing that there wasn’t anything to distract me. At least not until I saw the picture that Laney posted of Zac, Dylan, and her at the ball game.
Damn, my kid was adorable with his chubby cheeks and giant smile. The three of them looked like they were already having a ton of fun. The best part, I noticed, was that not a twinge of jealousy hit me at the three of them looking like a little family because I knew Laney wasn’t trying to take my spot. She was just another person to look out for and love my kid.
The sound of a car door in the driveway startled me and I flung myself up into a sitting position so quickly that the world tilted slightly. Throwing up on the front lawn was not the impression I intended to make.
Tegan got out of his car and came toward me. He was wearing tan dress pants and a white buttoned-down shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up. He looked professional. But knowing the body that lurked beneath made me sigh. His muscles pressed against the fabric, testing the limits but also didn’t make the clothes look overly tight. No, Tegan knew how to dress his body.
He sighed then said, “Get up.” Yikes. That didn’t make it sound like he was happy to see me there and perhaps a bit annoyed.
“I’ve been sitting here so long I’m not sure my legs work,” I told him.
He reached a hand out to offer help and I took it. The moment our skin made contact, my stomach melted and everything inside me wanted him. Before knowing whether I had any effect on him, I had to wonder if he’d even hear me out.
“Can we talk now?” I asked him.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said but didn’t move away from me.
He could’ve told me to go home and stormed off into his house. He didn’t do either of those things. To me, that meant there was a chance even if he didn’t think talking was a good idea.
“Please, Tegan. I need to explain. If you want me to leave after, then I’ll go. I’ll never come to another group thing again. I promise. If you’re there, I won’t be. Please.” I didn’t love the sound of my voice right then. It was begging and teetering on the verge of whining but I was willing to do anything to get him to listen to me. At least to explain and make sure he knew that I didn’t think any of this was his fault.
He took a deep breath, his chest puffing up and falling just as quickly, and then, finally, he nodded. “Go ahead.”
I took a deep breath. Time to do what I know needs to be done.
“I’m so sorry for ignoring your phone calls. Ghosting you as you called it. I’m sorry that I didn’t just explain right away. It was stupid. I was stupid. I should’ve made sure everyone knew that the problem was me, but most of all, it never should’ve happened in the first place. And I know you’re not like the guys who just want to sleep with me. My last relationship didn’t end well and the stupid comment about being a trophy wife hit me wrong. It’s something Ian used to say all the time and basically that it was the only redeeming thing about me. When you said it, even as a joke, my brain went to a dark place. I’m sorry. I fucked it all up and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it better.” I took a deep breath. Every ounce of oxygen I had was used up making my breath huff in and out like I’d just sprinted up the street. If I didn’t get it all out right then, he wouldn’t still be there to listen.
“You know, I’m trying to stay mad at you, but you’re very distracting.” He leaned in a little closer, the tightness in his jaw softening. “You smell amazing.”
The first glimmer of hope sprung up in my chest. I locked eyes with him, quickly wet my lips, and asked, “Do you think that distracting ability could be used to my advantage?”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Almost as if the answer were painful for him. When he finally opened them he said, “Yeah. Probably.”
Hope now filled my heart as it began to beat so fast, I was sure he could hear it. “So we can talk?”
“How about I go change and we get something to eat
?” he asked. “We’ll talk then.”
“Yes. Absolutely. Yes, please.” I pointed to his house because I wanted to get this thing going. He motioned for me to follow, so I did, but I stayed just inside the door while he went to get out of his work clothes.
As I stood there, a bit of nervousness took over. Not only because I’d have to explain everything to Tegan. That was expected, but also that Rhian might come home before we left. She had apologized, but we hadn’t seen each other since that day at Laney’s. Would it be weird? I didn’t know, but things had to go back to normal eventually. Even with all of this going through my mind, though, Tegan was the priority.
“Ready?” he asked. He’d startled me with how quickly he came out of the bedroom in a pair of dark blue jeans and white V-neck T-shirt, his chest muscles testing the stretch in the cotton.
My face heated at the sight of him, even as innocent as it was, and suddenly I thanked my past self for leaving my hair down to, hopefully, cover some of the pink in my cheeks.
“Absolutely.”
When we left his house, he didn’t take my hand the way he would’ve a few weeks ago. Not that I expected him to, but I wouldn’t have scoffed if he had. I wanted some contact, any contact, that would indicate we would be OK.
I didn’t get it.
“Meet me at Bdubs?” he asked.
Some of the hope I’d previously held onto as if it was a life raft in the middle of the ocean, keeping me from drowning, deflated at the idea that we weren’t riding together. But of course, we weren’t. What if he decided that my reasoning wasn’t acceptable or that he didn’t want to deal with my brand of crazy? Then there would’ve been a whole awkward car ride back to his house.
This was probably better.
He arrived first and I pulled in beside him. At least he’d waited for me. Once we were seated and ordered, I didn’t know how to begin.
“You wanted to talk?” he prodded.
“Yes.” But first, I took a huge gulp of the water the waitress had set before us. “I’m not entirely sure where to start.”
“First, how is Dylan feeling?” Tegan cared, whether he’d admit it or not. Though he’d admit being concerned about a patient. Damn it. I couldn’t pretend it was more.
Hard to Say Yes (The Fallout Series Book 3) Page 17
