They remained staring at one another boiling in angry silence, each momentarily lost in their own thoughts until the clock chimed jarring Katie back to the present. Even if every fiber of her being was ready to throttle Lord Clifton she was still his cook and was not going to give him any real leverage to dismiss her. She looked up at the hour. The best course of action was to leave, to keep her mouth from uttering anything she might later regret. She needed some fresh air to clear her mind and raise her spirits. So many emotions, so many realizations were whirling within her mind, she needed to escape, she needed time to reflect. Could someone who played such beautiful songs really be cruel enough to destroy her family and stoop to spying? Yes, she was most certainly convinced now of Lord Clifton’s low character even though a slight feeling of doubt persisted to tug at her. She must push that nonsense feeling aside, however, for a man who was capable of such deceit was most certainly capable of actions must worse.
“Thank ya Lord Clifton,” she uttered evenly, though her fingers trembled slightly as she handed him back his folded handkerchief, “You have given me much to consider.” She would take the high road she told herself, not stoop to saying what she really thought of him.
Standing up, Katie left the parlor before she lost her nerve and headed to her room. She would go for a walk around the grounds, she decided tying the laces on a pair of old brown leather walking boots and hanging her apron on the back of the rocking chair by her window. Listening to Lord Clifton play the piano, his display of compassion, his eyes as he had held her gaze...then his unashamed confession of spying and his threat that he would continue to do so... her mind was a knot of conflicted emotions. If anything could cheer her up and offer her a sense of peace and normalcy, she knew it would be walking outside. Feeling her heart slightly lifting at such a prospect, Katie grabbed her hat and left her room wishing she could smile.
Chapter 13
Robert remained standing in the parlor long after Katie had left. He did not know what annoyed him more, the fact that Katie had invaded his privacy and detected what he was really doing in Ireland, or that he now felt guilty for having spied on her. Get a grip man! He chided himself as he fumbled with the handkerchief that now seemed to sear with Katie’s hatred. She gave you a perfectly valid reason to suspect her. Why does it bother you so much what she thinks? He shoved the handkerchief into his pocket and crossed the room to the window.
Never in his life had Robert apologized to a member of his staff, but as he glimpsed a figure growing smaller and smaller in the distance, he began to feel amends must be made; and as much as he hated to admit he, he knew he had wronged his cook ever since he had set foot in Kerney Hall. He tore his gaze from the horizon and stormed from the room irritated by his realization. Rushing through the corridor, forcing himself forward before he lost his nerve, Robert nearly barreled into Dearing.
“Ah,” gasped the butler, “Lord Clifton. May I assist you sir?” Dearing inquired working to school his alarm and confusion.
“Yes, my hat, Dearing.” Robert remarked.
“Certainly, Sir.” Dearling smiled before quickly returning with Robert’s bowler.
“Thank you, Dearing.” Robert remarked taking his hat and smashing it onto his head as the butler opened the door allowing him to pass. As he walked onto the porch Robert knew he had been rude, and that Dearing must certainly think him a lunatic, but he must press on for the words he was going to speak to Katie were already becoming stuck in his throat. As he walked along in the direction he had seen her going, he felt discomfort ebbing. Yes, he was Lord Clifton an aristocrat of noble birth, an esteemed political person, but he was still a man and, therefore, capable of admitting his wrongs even when that person was someone he and others would deem beneath him. When had he become such an elitist snob?
He was continuing to berate himself, when he caught sight of Katie and his nerves which had been growing steady suddenly became shaken once again.
◆◆◆
Feeling the glowing sun upon her face, Katie took a deep breath and felt the warm summer air fill her lungs with life. With each step she took, the soft sunrays wrapped themselves around her brightening her mood. Summertime in Ireland was beautiful! Walking away from the hall, she made her way towards the creek picking the daisies that dotted the field along the way. Once she had a large handful of the simple yet elegant flowers, she began weaving a wreath like the ones her mother use to make for her when she was a child. Reaching the creek, she unlaced her shoes and slipped them from her feet. Wearing the daisy wreath on her head, she leaned back beneath the trees and closed her eyes. This is what summer is about, she thought, listening to the creek’s splashing and the baying of sheep in the field on the other side of the road.
The warm summer breeze played with her hair and dress as her head rested on her arms. Why had she felt flustered when Lord Clifton had looked at her even when he had not denied her accusations? Nothing was making sense anymore. She should not feel the way she was beginning to feel, it was nonsensical! Stop thinking, she told herself, just relax, clear your mind and listen to the sounds of nature. She heard the birds chirping, the rustle of the leaves in the trees and…
“Well,” spoke a man’s voice causing Katie’s eyes to flash open as she sat up.
“It seems like we cannot avoid encountering one another,” Robert lightly chuckled leaning against the trunk of a tree. He had actually chuckled. The vibration of it within his chest, although feeling like cleaning out a dusty attic, had been a feeling, a good feeling. Alright, you can do this, just ease into your apology. He reminded himself.
“I’m sorry sir... I thought…I did not know...,” Katie stammered snatching the daisy wreath from her head, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She had not been prepared to see him so close after their argument. What was he doing here? More spying? She felt the anger rising within her but forced it down.
“Why should you be sorry?” Robert asked working to make his words sound friendly, “When I am the one who should be seeking your forgiveness. I hope you will accept my apologies for my behavior.”
There, he had said it, he could now depart. Yet as he looked at the shocked expression that was emerging upon her face, for some reason, despite his better judgement, Robert felt drawn to continue speaking with her. She was not like Mr. Dearing or Mrs. Sparrow. Katie did not know him before the war, and he was now convinced after her confrontation, that sadness and pity were the last emotions she would convey for him. No, when she looked at him he would not be reminded that the person he had been had died. Robert felt relieved. As he continued holding her gaze, he watched her eyes soften as she studied him.
He had not liked Katie ambushing him about his actions, but staring at her now, Robert knew that even though he had been angry and ashamed, he was more afraid that Katie would never look at him the way she had when they had locked gazes only moments ago in the parlor. He had thought...he needed to make sure.
“Thank ya, Lord Clifton.” Katie spoke softly unsure if the words she had just heard him utter had been real. Did men like Lord Clifton truly seek atonement? Her brain must have not deciphered his words correctly. “I must be go’in. I could have lost track of the time and forgotten to serve lunch.” Katie fumbled looking for an excuse to escape, the air was suddenly becoming quite stifling.
“Yes, I guess that would have been a frightful crime.” Robert remarked. Had he just made a joke?
“Are ya purposely mock’in me?” Katie questioned, her agitation evident.
Robert ignored her inquiry. “It would have been a shame to miss such a beautiful day.” He mused. He was surprised by how easily his own words were rolling out in her presence. Why was he even bothering with speaking to her? He had apologized, there was no need for further conversing. Why was he hopeful that he had indeed seen something he could not forget within her eyes?
“Yes, it would have been a shame to not be outside today. It is a day that is perfect for climb’in fences and running throu
gh fields with the dirt between your toes.” Katie breathed finding her words again, her eyes alive and sparkling. What was she saying? She should be leaving, not speaking so intimately.
So, Robert thought intrigued yet again by his cook, she was the young woman he had seen climbing the fence when he had first toured Kerney Hall.
“I better get back to the house.” Katie quickly added brushing the dirt from her skirt. More so, she had to leave so she would stop talking to Lord Clifton. It would be too easy to slip again into friendly conversation, too easy to look again into those eyes and see someone who... when they had met in the kitchen he had been so curt, so arrogant! And he had acted the same when he had first found her in the parlor. And she now knew him to be a deceitful and pompous spy, who if he made connections about her father, would ruin her family! But then, when he had handed her the handkerchief, and just now when he had apologized… Katie’s mind was racing. His aloofness was still present, but he was acting differently. Why was he trying to be nice to her now? Was it so he could continue his game of espionage? She was done trying to befriend her snobby employer. She would not help or condone the actions of a man bent upon destroying her father. Her father was most certainly not involved? Lord Clifton was a stuffy aristocrat right? She felt the guilt punch her in the stomach at this last thought, for she was not entirely sure now that he was arrogant. She was so confused! But if his pretentious attitude is truly his character and his motives are reconnaissance, he needs to leave Ireland!
“Allow me to accompany you,” Robert spoke offering Katie his hand. Was it possible that they could become friends? No, they could never be friends in the sense that he and Captain Wesley were, but acquaintances? Was it too much to hope that he had stumbled upon someone whom he could talk with that would not remind him of the past? Had he ruined this possibility with his harsh words at their previous encounters? His intentions were pure. He was not fraternizing with the staff like aristocratic pigs did for the purpose of taking advantage of their positions. He had not wanted to speak to anyone about the war...yet after listening to her story about Kerney Hall, hearing her play the piano, seeing how the music moved her...looking into her eyes...in her could he confide?
As Katie placed her hand in Lord Clifton’s, she felt the flutter of butterflies, what was she doing? Robert pulled her to her feet and Katie found herself again gazing into his deep brown eyes. They stood in silence, each searching the other’s gaze, while the gentle summer breeze lightly tugged at their hair. Then blinking, Katie found herself back in reality, an English lord walking with a bankrupt Irish girl, let alone his cook who should be furious that he was spying upon her, was just not proper! Yet…slipping on her shoes she found her lips would not allow her to reject his offer.
Walking towards the manor, Katie’s arm nestled in his own, Robert discovered his mind was abuzz with questions. Dormant, it had been given life by this perplexing woman. He found himself suddenly wanting to know everything about her, yet thought this absurd. She was his cook, a potential fraternizer with the enemy, a friendship between them would never work in England, but here...could it be possible? Times were changing after all. Still, something inside him made him shy away from asking the questions that really allowed one to discern the character of a person, instead he stuck to her employment. That was the proper thing, the safe thing to do was it not?
“How did you learn to cook?” he found himself asking. Why on earth did he have to pick such a boring question to start their conversation? Still, it was a step in the right direction he told himself. It was only weeks ago, he recalled, he had been hauled up in Evanshire not desiring to speak to anyone.
Katie turned to him, her long red curls catching in the breeze, and Robert was captivated as she opened her mouth to speak just like he had been in the kitchen.
“I used to watch our...that is a cook I knew.” Katie replied. She had almost let slip that her family had once employed a cook. A blunder such as that could have opened her up for a shower of questions she did not wish to discuss. Praying that Lord Clifton had not caught her fumble, she continued quickly, “When I was a child, this cook I knew from town would let me visit her and sit on the counter and help stir whatever she was make’in. I think, I learned to love cook’in just as much as I loved hear’in all the stories she would tell as we worked. She’s long since passed, but cook’in,” Katie continued, “allows me to keep her stories and recipes alive.”
She had not thought about cooking with Mrs. MacFarlane in almost forever. Why had she so suddenly, so casually dispelled this memory to someone she hardly knew? Worse, why was she continuing to engage in such friendly banter with a man with whom she should be treading a finer line? What if he somehow discovered that Kerney Hall was her home through something she let slip?
Robert nodded, no longer feeling like an idiot for selecting this topic for conversation. For a moment, they continued walking neither one speaking. Then stopping, Katie turned towards Robert.
“Lord Clifton,” she spoke.
“It’s Robert,” he remarked holding her gaze astounded by his own leap of intimacy. “Lord Clifton is a title I no longer desire.” For some reason each step he took with her, he seemed more and more at ease. Maybe, he found himself reasoning, it was just because he was away from the stuffiness of the English aristocracy.
A flicker of uncertainty passed through Katie’s thoughts before, “Robert,” she heard her own mouth betray her. She continued somewhat hesitantly, in the kitchen she had not been able to get him to open up about himself, would he once again resist? “I’ve told ya why I enjoy cook’in, now it is your turn. Besides the piano what is something ya enjoy?”
Katie watched Robert’s features turn contemplative, and as they continued to walk she was sure he was going to remain silent.
“I used to enjoy writing.” Robert finally spoke.
“What did ya write about?” Katie asked.
“Essays. Mostly regarding politics, but that was when I still believed in a government’s desire to put the lives of its citizens above all else.” He spoke. Though this was what he indeed thought, he had not said the words aloud till now.
They continued walking, and Katie watched as a small flock of birds flew overhead. One of the birds she noticed, flew with a wing that was slightly crippled. Though crippled, it still continued to fly. She smiled and turned to look again at Robert.
“Do ya see that bird fly’in there?” She asked Robert pointing to where it flew in the sky. “Its wing is damaged, but still it flies. Times have not always been kind to it, but it has not been defeated by its struggles.”
Robert stopped in his tracks and turned towards Katie. “Am I correct in thinking that you believe me to be like that bird?” He felt both upset and hopeful at this notion.
“I'm merely point’in out,” Katie spoke softly, “that the bird’s love and need to fly was not defeated. Ya may draw whatever paralleles ya wish.” She added with a smile.
They had neared Kerney Hall, and seeing it in sight, Katie removed her arm from Robert’s. “Thank ya for walk’in me back. I think it would be best for us both if we continue the rest of the way on our own.”
Allowing Katie to walk on ahead, Robert leaned against the stone fence reflecting upon his experiences with her thus far. Three times now Katie had given him a gift. The legend of Kerney Hall, bringing the piano back into his life, and now bestowing on him the hope that he could and that he would heal. He had not asked her to do so, and he was not deserving of her kindness. Seeing her in the distance slip through the kitchen door, Robert made a vow. He would make amends for his brash behavior, Katie's gifts would not be squandered. He was now ready to believe that his life could be saved and rebuilt.
Chapter 14
Mrs. Sparrow hummed as she dusted the parlor. Glancing at Lord Clifton as he played the piano, she felt elated. In the past week, she had seen such a change of demeanor in her employer. Although he was still not entirely the man he had been, he no longer s
eemed to have given up on life. He was healing! Even Mr. Dearing had noticed the change in his lordship’s disposition, for the staunchy butler had now taken to wearing a constant smile upon his face.
As she continued dusting, Mrs. Sparrow saw that Lord Clifton did not have an audience. It had not gone unnoticed by her that the cook could be found frequently sitting in the parlor listening to his lordship play and sometimes playing the piano herself. She knew the scenes which she observed went against social protocol, but even so, she could not help but appreciate them. For whether or not it was acceptable behavior, Katie was helping Lord Clifton become himself again.
Quietly exciting the parlor, Mrs. Sparrow saw Katie emerging from the corridor leading to the staffs’ bed chambers. She was wearing the simple yet lovely light yellow chiffon dress she donned each Sunday morning, and her long red curls hung softly over the soft cream scarf that was draped delicately over her shoulders.
“I see you are off to church then.” Mrs. Sparrow stated with a smile.
“Yes.” Katie replied beaming in return. “The stew is simmer’in on the stove, and the scones are baked. I will be back in time to serve.”
“I know you will be.” Mrs. Sparrow remarked, “You have not been late yet.”
Katie smiled at the housekeeper’s approval then continued walking towards the door. She was just about to turn the knob when she heard Lord Clifton’s voice.
“I see you are going to church. “ Robert spoke knowing he was stating the obvious. “I hope you have a nice time.” He added hoping his voice sounded as friendly as it did to him.
“Yes, I am. Thank you.” Katie expressed, her green eyes holding Robert’s gaze as he nodded then turned to leave. No, she was being silly. Why was she even thinking of asking? But the words were out of her mouth before she could take them back.
Pretentious Hearts Page 8
