by LH Bondi
Then she realized. “He never cared for you that way either Serina.” A knife cut through what was left of her heart.
And she saw a hand extended out to her. For a moment she had hoped. “May I have this dance ma’am?”
It was Gabriel. Well why not Gabriel. He was nice, handsome and he obviously liked her.
Taking his hand, he led her to the dance floor and even before she looked into his eyes she knew the answer. “Because he wasn’t Joshua. And never could be.” Meeting his gaze as she looked into his eyes. So beautiful and blue. It sealed the deal. All she saw was deep brown. And all her dreams that were within them.
Gabriel mistook her sadness for grief. “I’m sorry about Granny Hind.”
“Thank you.” Then she looked confused, “did you or your family know her? Is that why you are here?”
“I’m here for you Serina. My feelings haven’t changed. I told you at the bonfire I would give you some space. But my feelings haven’t changed. Apparently, yours hasn’t either.” He stopped dancing.
Serina pulled away. He stopped her. “Gabriel, I do like you. You know I do. You’re a good friend. But…”
He stopped her then by pulling her back in his arms finishing the dance. “I’ll take it. If that’s all it is right now, I’ll take it. The rest can come later. I’m patient. Some things are worth waiting for.” He bent towards her.
For some reason. She wanted to know. Know if they had a chance. And she let him. His lips touched hers. It was a simple kiss nothing at all. And that’s exactly what she felt. Nothing at all.
Then it was over. Gabriel was smiling, and she didn’t want to take that moment away from him. Not then not at that moment. She lay her head on his chest. To keep him from seeing the truth in her eyes. She knew it was wrong not to tell him. But she knew the heartache that can come from love not returned and she wanted to spare him that and let him enjoy his brief happiness.
When she opened her eyes, she met Joshua’s. He was hurt. She could see everything in those eyes as he closed them and walked away.
“Gabriel, I have to go.” And she ran off to find him. She heard Gabriel hollering after her to stop. She glanced back to wave him off and saw Cin had him handled. Apparently, she had seen the whole thing also.
She followed Joshua behind the buildings and saw him there waiting on the dock.
“Joshua,” she touched him on his shoulder, “ it’s not what you think. I don’t feel….”
He looked at her then. His hurt was deep. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ve been worried. I had to see if you were ok. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Interrupt? You didn’t.” And she knew he had seen the whole thing.
She saw it when he looked at her. “I never thought I was good enough for you. I thought you deserved someone normal. Not like me and this half-life.”
“Joshua good enough? Of course, you are good enough. I’m ...”
“No Serina.” He interrupted. “No, I’m not. You deserve better. He seems like a nice guy. I hope you two are happy.” He glanced at her then
She tried desperately to speak but he kept going. “All I ask is one thing. I’ll always be here for you. Always, no matter what. But, could you please try to stop calling me to you. I’m never strong enough to resist.” He looked her straight in the eye. “I will always love you Serina. Always have always will.” And he was gone.
Serina fell to her knees and placed her hands on her face she was crying again. She couldn’t believe she had anymore tears to shed.
Cin was there sitting beside her.
“Boy, messed that one up good girly.”
Sitting down the rest of the way. I lay my head on Cin’s shoulder. “Thanks, Cin.” I spoke in a not so friendly tone.
“I never lie. I always shoot straight. And girly, you done a doozy!”
“Now what on earth made ya kiss that boy. Ya know you don’t like him like that. And now ya got the one ya don’t like thinkin ya do. And the one ya do thinkin ya don’t.” Cin shook her head. “Granny’s cacklin at ya I’ll tell ya that. Or she’d be a pinchin ya. Yep.”
“I don’t know Cin it wasn’t anything. Gabriel has been so sweet and so honest about his feelings. I had just told him mine hasn’t changed. And he told me he would wait. And I had been thinking about Joshua and still confused.”
“Joshua has never told me anything. Never told me how he felt. Never said it. And here was Gabriel telling me all the right things. And I wanted to know, Cin. I wanted to know. If I would feel anything.”
I wiped my cheek. “So, I did it. I let him kiss me.”
“Well? What was the verdict?”
I sat up bringing my knees to my chest. “You know very well I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. And all I kept thinking about was Joshua.”
I put my head on my knees and looked at Cin. “ Joshua told me he loved me. Ya know. Told me he never thought he was good enough, said I needed someone “normal.” Man, I hate that word. ‘Normal’.”
“Well girly what ya gonna do about it?”
“Nothin I can do Cin. He wished me and Gabriel happiness or some sort of nonsense. Asked me not to call to him anymore. And said he would always be there for me. And would always love me.”
“I don’t even know what that means. ‘Call to him’?” Her nose was now running again from all the tears. And she pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket. “I think the town is all out of tissues.” And she exhaled mixed in with a kinda sad laughter.
“I don’t know what it means for certain. Sounds like you and him got some sort a deep connection to each other. Maybe we could do a little research. Talk bout it some more with Aunt Viv.”
“Or I don’t know. Maybe you coulda just asked him?” Cin rolled her eyes and playfully elbowed Serina.
“He didn’t give me a chance. He just left. Poof. Told me he loved me then. Poof. Gone.” Serina made a poof sign with her hands and fingers. And wiped another tear with her handkerchief.
“Hey, ya gonna be alright girly? The parents wanna go out n celebrate the baby. But I can come over later. Ya wanna come with? Suppose to be some fancy place in the city.”
Serina’s smile reached her eyes. “I forgot about the baby. I’m so silly.” And she gave Cin a hug. “Nah, this should be just the three of you. I’m so excited. Don’t forget. Makes me kinda a adopted big sister.”
“Heck yeah. Oh, we gonna have some fun with this lil girl. Oops!” And she brought her hand to her mouth. “My mom don’t wanna know.” She got to her feet and extended a hand to help Serina. “This should be fun keepin my mouth shut.”
Serina taking Cin’s hand said, “I give you till the end of dinner.” They both giggled.
Cin playfully knocking up against Serina answered. “I give me till we get in the car.”
Serina bit her lip. “I guess I gotta go face Gabriel?”
“Yep. Told him you would be right back.”
“Look Serina, I understand why. And I know ya don’t wanna hurt the boy. But ya shouldn’t have let him kiss ya. And now ya gotta tell him that.”
“I know. I know. Gotta go clean up my mess.” Still biting her lip. “But I really am not looking forward to this. I almost would prefer Marsha.”
Cin got all serious, “shhhhh that’s just bad karma. Girly don’t say that name right now. If’n ever. Gives me the willies. Did ya see that thing? The eye poking out. Her stuff was a drippin off.” And Cin shook. “Nasty thing. Ewwww!”
Serina smiled. The two friends walked back to the festival. Parting ways at the dance floor. Cin going to meet up with her parents and leave. Serina going to face her music so to speak.
Gabriel was there waiting as she knew he would be. Taking a deep breath. She put her shoulders back and headed straight for him. “I can do this. I can fix this.” She told herself over and over.
When she saw the hopefulness filling his eyes. “No, I can’t fix this” was all she heard.
As Serina reached the place where he was
sitting. He stood up and reached for her hand.
She quickly placed her hand in her pocket as an answer. And watched the hopefulness start to leave his face. “Can we talk? Umm somewhere maybe not so crowded?” She asked
Now he placed his hands in his pockets and began walking to some empty benches at the other side of the gazebo.
They were sitting facing the waters of the swamp. Serina found herself wishing she could draw upon the waters as Cin did. Maybe it could make this easier.
Taking a deep breath, she started. “Gabriel, I shouldn’t have ever....
He interrupted, “please don’t say it.” He spoke looking straight at me.
I could see the sorrow I was causing. And I wished with all my might I didn’t have to hurt this sweet guy.
And he continued. “You don’t have too. I can see it in your face. I’m still in the friend zone. That kiss was nothing to you.”
“I don’t regret doing it though.” Gabriel spoke, “I don’t regret kissing you. I had to give it a shot. And who knows. Maybe someday. Just maybe you will change your mind.”
Serina placed her hand on his. “Gabriel. It’s not my mind that needs to change. I don’t feel that way in my heart.” Her hand came up and rested on her chest. “You are such a great guy. And I care for you. I really do. But it’s just friendship. I never intended to hurt you. And I do hope we can still be friends.”
A half smile crosses his lips. “If that’s what I have to be to be a part of your life. A friend is what I will be. As I said. I’m very patient.”
Serina smiled. “You’re a good guy Gabriel. Some girl is gonna be very lucky.”
He leaned closer gave her a peck on the cheek then walked away.
Serina sat looking out over the swamp. The energies coming off the waters was electric. She couldn’t help but think. Something was coming.
Chapter 25
Home
After picking up what was left of the fudge Serina was grateful to be home. It had been a long few days. And today was no exception. She kept playing what granny had said that terrible night over and over. Then she would remember Joshua and the look in his eyes as she had broken his heart. Back and forth over and over. All the ride home. This was all she could think about.
She was home in a hot soothing bath and still that was all that kept playing in her head. What did granny mean. She said she would never leave. Was she just talking about in our memories? Our hearts?
What did Joshua mean when he asked for her to quit calling him? How could she quit. She didn’t even know she was.
Think Serina. Think. She could feel the answers so close. Why couldn’t she see the answers. She knew the answers were in her head. Why couldn’t she find them.
She reached up with her toe and turned the hot water up. The hot liquid soothing her tired feet. Somehow, she had talked herself into wearing some low heel sandals instead of her normal black sneakers. A few hours into the celebration and she realized her mistake.
The water felt nice. And the lavender scented epsom salt was soothing. The lavender was helping to calm her brain. Helping her to relax for the first time in days. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Feeling more and more relaxed.
She felt so calm her brain had finally quieted some. She still could hear the questions. But they were more like whispers.
Sighing and stretching her arms a little she picked up her foot and turned the handle on the hot water off.
Then she saw his eyes again and frowned. No no no! I’m relaxing.
Suddenly she was jerked underwater. She was struggling screaming. The screams silenced by the bubbles in the water. Something had her leg. She saw glimpses. It was a blackened twisted hand and glimpses of bright blue eyes with blond hair. “MINE “it screamed with painted sharp jagged teeth. The word coming out hissed and muffled.
She screamed again with all her might the sounds muffled and gurgled drowned out by the water surrounding her. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t real. But she couldn’t breathe. Water was everywhere suffocating her. Suddenly her mother and Aunt Viv was there pulling her up.
Her mother wrapping her in a warm towel. “I got you baby. I got you.”
Her mother faced her. “You’re ok Serina. It was a dream is all. Just a dream.”
“I’m ok now Mom. Really, I’m fine.” Serina breathed deep catching her breath.
“I just haven’t gotten any sleep.” She was panting still catching her breath. Reaching and gathering the wet strands of hair from her face. “I guess I got to relaxed and dozed off.”
Looking at Aunt Viv Serina knew it was more than just a dream. Somehow Marsha had been here. The how was the most important question.
She saw the large black cat out of the corner of her sight. It was Mo. He came over and proceeded licking her face.
“I’m fine Mo.” He still didn’t stop. “Really I’m fine boy.” And she giggled. “Silly ol thing.” Scratching his head.
“What’s Mo doing here?”
Aunt Viv answered. “He came a scratching and a howling at the door. Making the most unnatural sounds I’ve ever heard. When we saw it was him. I opened the door and he came a bustin past all of us high tailin it up here.”
“Seems granny has him a watchdogging everywhere.” Aunt Viv teared up. “That’s our good boy, Mo. Now come on your Aunt Viv’s gonna go find you a nice T-bone. Out of my private stock. Yes, sir Nuttin but the best for our hero.” She reached down petting the large cat him purring very loudly.
Her mother looked concerned and a little pale, “honey I know how strong you are. And I know you were born for this. But I worry. So much. Aunt Viv tells me I’m silly. But I’m your mother. It’s my job to protect you.”
“I’m fine Mom. I promise.” Her mother was crying now. “Really mom. It’s just a lack of sleep is all.”
“I know I know.” She said through tears and hiccups. “I know I’m silly. But promise your mother you will be careful.”
“Of course, mom, always.”
Getting up and walking to the door. “If you need me holler.”
I nodded to her as she left. It was nice not to have to hide things from her now. But there were still things about my life she was better off not knowing.
I got out of the tub. Sucking in my breath as the towel hit the deep blue black bruise that was already formed and was circling my ankle.
Since when did dreams cross over to reality. And how in the world had it possibly gotten in here? She found her phone a text from Cin from about fifteen minutes ago. Read. On my way girly.
“It never gets old.” Serina spoke out loud.
About an hour later Cin was here. We were sitting in my room. Enjoying the nice tea and cookies Aunt Viv had brought up. She had stayed for only a few minutes. And said she would be back later. Didn’t won’t my mom getting too curious.
Although we were grateful. Everything about me being a protector and Cin being my seer was all out in the open we all agreed that my mother would always receive the PG version. And everyone would be happy.
Deep down I knew my mom realized all the dangers. But I think it made her feel better to pretend otherwise. So, we all played along. And my dad always wanting to keep the peace played along as well.
So here we were. Sitting around a tea tray and sugar cookies. Drinking tea. Staring out the big bay window watching the rain drizzle down the glass panes. The sound of thunder strangely soothing. The lightning echoing light across the night sky. Somehow making the darkness seem less black. We enjoyed the moment. For as long as. Well as long as Cin could take it.
“Well girly ya gonna talk to me or ya just gonna sit there all cuddled in ya jammies.”
“They are cute by the way. Lovin the black cats.”
I smiled, “ a little tribute to Mo tonight. He earned it.” At the sound of his name we heard a scratching at the door. Cin got up and let him in.
After getting his petting in from the both of us. He went and made himself comfortable on m
y bed.
“Well at least someone will get some use out of it.” Rolling my eyes. I began massaging my temples with my fingers. “My heads hurting from all this.”
“I can’t stop thinking about what Joshua told me. About how to quit calling him. I haven’t the slightest idea what he was even talking about.” She paused.
“And then granny. Cin, she was trying to tell us something. Cin I know you think the same thing.”
“Of course, I do girly.” And she half smiled. “She knew about the baby already.” She looked at me. “She told me my mom was gonna be needin me now. Remember? I guess it was a way to leave me a piece of happiness in all this dark.”
“I’m sorry Cin. It’s my fault granny’s not here. I should have done my job.” The tears were there again. Seems they would never stop.
Cin snickered. “Now I know ya crazy girly. Since when in forever did ya ever know my granny to do nothin she didn’t want too. Or nothin that wasn’t to help someone she loved.” Cin went and sat on the floor in front of Serina’s chair. “Granny did what she had to do Rina. She had a reason. I know she did. It’s our job to trust in her. Trust that she had a reason. And we will know when the time is right what that is.”
“I know your right Cin.” And she wiped her tears. “My guts telling me everything is gonna be ok. But my heart is still breaking.”
“Now come on girly. Things will start lookin up. Now don’t cha go forgetin bout our new baby sis on the way.”
This made Serina smile. “That’s right. Ummm how long till you let it slip that the baby’s a girl.”
“About the time the car door shut when we was leaven.”
They both laughed.
“I hope your mom and dad wasn’t too upset.”
“Are you kiddin my parents even stopped and we all went baby girl shoppin. Everyone was a squealin and a clappin. It was nice to feel that happy again.”
“I’m so happy for y’all. Babies are always a blessing. Gives us hope for a brighter future.”
“Now ya just gettin all sappy and weird on me.” Cin got up off the floor grabbing Serina’s hand. “Ok we goin down to the mineral baths and thinkin some things out. Besides ya look way too drained. Ya need to refresh girly.”
