In his mind, there was no rubber between them, and he was pumping his spunk into David with a few more jabs, leaving his mark inside this beautiful guy who accepted him so completely. David didn’t even blink, just looked at Raja with wholehearted adoration, his cheeks flushed, his lips trembling.
“I never came like that on my own,” David uttered with his fingers buried in Raja’s beard. Legs spread wide, body still throbbing around Raja’s cock, and mouth open in invitation for a kiss. Never had Raja felt more welcome.
He tightened his hold around the condom, not to let it slip off his softening cock, and pressed his lips to David’s, savoring the warmth of his embrace. The buzz of pleasure was still there, but mellow and warm around his heart when he looked at David’s flushed face.
“Was it good?” he asked, pulling out of David gently. He quickly disposed of the condom, but David wrapped his legs around him and pulled him right back.
He was still out of breath, but beamed at Raja with dreamy eyes. “Yes, let me savor it. I’d have come sooner if I jerked off.”
Raja rolled off David and pulled him close for a loose embrace, still riding the postorgasmic high. His senses were alert and tuned in to David so perfectly, it almost felt as if they became one being. It was a strange and unfamiliar sensation deep inside Raja, but he didn’t want it to stop either. His lips found David’s brow, and with heat rapidly leaving him, he pulled one of the blankets over them both.
David smiled and closed his eyes, cuddling up to Raja. He was half lying on top of him, legs tangled with Raja’s, and not bothered by the stickiness between them. “I have to text Hunter.”
“Already?” asked Raja, not wanting this moment to end yet. He brushed his fingers over David’s neck, smiling at him gently. It felt as if the brutality of the previous hour never happened downstairs. He suddenly understood why Tooth chose himself a pretty, cute boyfriend like Lucky.
“Nah, later. It’s too good here.” David kissed Raja’s cheek, and there was no care in Raja’s world for once.
“It feels different with you,” he whispered in the end, glancing at David, unsure whether he should say things like this out loud, but they were already choking him.
“How come?” David instantly looked more awake, and with his whole being so hungry for affection, it was somehow easier to give it.
Raja cleared his throat, playing with the baby hair on David’s arm. “I don’t usually... like to stay and talk to people I fuck. It’s always been a separate world from the rest of my life.”
“I can imagine, now that I think about it. If you only came out before you became the club president, it wasn’t that long ago. And no one knew? You only met up with people for sex?” David nuzzled his arm.
Raja chewed on his lip and curled his hand around one of David’s as he looked into his soulful green eyes. Just this was a pleasure on its own. As if everything fell into place in this ugly room with dirty wallpaper. “I never... I suppose I never really liked the people I fucked. Except for my boyfriend, but that ended when I was seventeen.”
“You didn’t have anyone serious for so many years after?” There was so much sympathy in David’s question it made Raja feel as if he really had missed out on relationships, even though he’d always told himself he was happy fucking a new guy every week.
Raja shook his head, and his stomach clenched. “I don’t really trust guys this way.”
David gave him a quick kiss. “I know I’m still young, and not that experienced, but you can trust me. I’m learning to stick with what I want instead of trying to please everyone else.”
Raja smiled and brushed the tip of his nose against David’s. “I know you’re not like that. You’re frighteningly honest.”
David’s smile widened. “It’s an important building block for a relationship. I’ve read about that.”
It was such a cute, innocent thing to say that Raja couldn’t help himself and laughed, petting David’s hair. “I’m sure it is. It’s a shame I didn’t meet someone like you when I was younger.”
David ran his thumb over Raja’s side. “That would have been creepy, because I’m only eighteen now.”
“Stupid,” muttered Raja and gently poked David in the ribs. Memories were leaving a sour taste in his mouth. “It’s not that easy to be a teenage runaway. I could have used some help before I met Spin.”
David sighed. “I feel so sorry for what you had to go through. I can’t imagine being on my own like that. And after the horrible things that happened to you at that conversion facility as well…”
Raja bit down on his lip. “It was hard, because my parents were actually looking for me. I couldn’t really get a job or stay in one place without risking that someone recognized me and reported it to the police.”
David stroked his arm, watching him, listening, like a comfy sponge Raja could sink all his troubles into. Raja exhaled, needing to speak yet not wanting to say anything more at the same time. But with the atmosphere so intimate, he knew this was his one chance to get a few things off his shoulders. “I was traveling across the country for over a year. Just hiking or walking. I shaved my head to be unrecognizable at first glance.”
David snorted but then gave him a kiss. “I’m sorry. I just imagined you with no hair.” His hug became even tighter, and it felt as if anything Raja could say would be always contained between the two of them. That was exactly what he needed.
Raja closed his eyes and breathed in the calming mixture of scents that he now recognized as uniquely David. “I couldn’t get a job anywhere. Well, sometimes I could get an odd job here and there, but I needed to eat, and I couldn’t risk being arrested for stealing stuff, so... I decided to use my assets,” he whispered, moving his fingers to the front of David’s chest.
Raja was afraid that with David’s religious upbringing, he wouldn’t understand the meaning of what Raja was saying. Or worse, understand and judge him for it, just like he had many times when he called sex ‘dirty’. If regular sex was dirty, what would turning tricks be?
“You mean… like…” David didn’t back away, only pulled closer.
Raja nodded, not ready to look at David yet. He’d had sex with so many guys in his life, and yet no matter how many he’d fuck per week, it never made him feel the way doing it for food or money had. He’d felt so powerless, trapped in the situation he was in, never really having the upper hand. He almost wanted his “clients” to be unpleasant, because when they were not and yet still wanted to solicit sex from him, Raja couldn’t even believe in human kindness anymore. Everything was just barter in this world.
David hugged him tight, and despite him being so much smaller, younger, weaker, despite him being a boy who hid under the table when he heard sounds of violence, right now, he was a rock Raja could hold on to. Something good in a world full of liars and opportunists.
Raja finally opened his eyes and looked into David’s face. “It was difficult. It really was. I wouldn’t have done it again.”
“You did what you had to,” David whispered and gave Raja a soothing kiss. “It must have made it hard for you to… connect to others. You’re not that boy anymore.”
Raja blinked as emotion suddenly hit him head-on. “I know, but he’s still inside me.”
David took a deep breath, watching Raja with his attentive eyes. “Maybe he waited for me after all.”
Raja laughed, choked up, and nervously scratched his scalp. “Maybe. Maybe he did. He really appreciates you.”
“He went to a lot of trouble for me today, and did some hard, honest soul searching.” David gave him another kiss that spoke of acceptance despite everything he has learned about Raja today. “It’s what I needed, and it’s what I think you needed too.”
Raja pulled David closer, squeezing him hard against his own body until his muscles ached and he became worried he’d strangle David. “He likes you more than anyone else.”
“I love you,” David whispered, his warm body pressing against Raja’s ch
est. “I never stopped. And I don’t know if you can ever say the same to me, but it doesn’t change how I feel. You’re complicated, and I’ll be here to untangle you.”
Raja massaged his throat. It would be so easy to just say what was expected of him, but he wanted to be honest with David. “You are so pure that you really know what that means, I think. I’m not sure. It’s a complicated word.”
“I understand. Let’s take it one step at a time.” David slipped his fingers into Raja’s hair. “Hunter won’t be happy about this, but I have to follow my heart.”
Raja opened his mouth, sobering up from the lovey-dovey haze. “I don’t think he should know yet. It feels like he threw me out of his yard just yesterday, and I think we should give him time to calm down about this.”
David bit his lip. “It’s been a month. I mean… isn’t this what this evening is about?”
Raja blinked as his mind lit up with red flashing lights. “This evening is about us. I don’t think we should let anyone else know just yet.”
“Oh.” And for the first time in a while, David’s gaze drifted away from Raja’s face. “I suppose we can give it some time,” he mumbled.
Raja raised himself on one hand and looked down at him. He needed to handle this right now. “It’s temporary. Just... there’s so much going on right now. Hunter wants to off me, and clearly so did one of my closest friends. I have this transport of illegal medicine in the room next door, and this month I need to deal with this kind of cargo for the first time in my life. I don’t think I can take any more hate from your family at the moment.”
David groaned. “Okay, okay! But… we are exclusive, right? It’s not some weird arrangement on top of being secret?”
“No, no,” said Raja quickly and pushed David against the mattress, ready to smother him with kisses in order to get his way. “Of course we are. We’ve already been for the past month.”
Relief drizzled down his spine when David smiled. “I was afraid to ask. You didn’t have anyone after we broke up?”
Raja shook his head. “I just... didn’t feel like it when you were so upset with me.”
David pulled him down for a kiss. “I’ll be your dirty secret. But only for a while. And only if you keep me really dirty.”
Raja grinned and sucked on David’s lip, rolling on top of David. “I will. I will shoot my cum all over your pretty innocent face later.”
At first David, opened his mouth, as if in shock, but then his smile widened. So the danger to Raja’s lifestyle had been pushed away for at least few weeks of bliss. Raja could think about this. Later. For now, being in a relationship after years of fucking whomever he chose from the endless online catalogue would be enough of a challenge.
Chapter 26
Moving out was a sad affair. Hunter brought his van, and they were taking out box after box of David’s stuff, with Dad locked up in his study and Mom following them with her tears, hurtful words, and desperate rhetoric. It tired David so much all he wanted was to take a bus to Toledo and fall asleep in Raja’s arms.
Keeping the relationship secret was a pain, and with every passing day, David felt more ready to tell Asty and Hunter about it. Or any of his other friends for that matter. He decided that maybe at the one-month mark he would try to bring up the topic again. For now, hanging out with Raja, meeting up in secret, and going on dates was kind of exciting in its own way.
Mom’s voice penetrated his thoughts like a cleaver, and no matter how much he was telling himself that he deserved to live the life he wanted, seeing her so upset still made him feel guilty.
“That is not how we raised him!”
Hunter growled and turned around with the big cardboard box he was carrying. “So what? He doesn’t do what you want, and you don’t want him around anymore until he changes? What’s wrong with you? He’s a person, not a puppet!”
Mom squeezed her hands into fists. “It’s not what this is all about. You of all people wouldn’t understand, but if that’s what it takes to bring him back into the arms of the church, then I will not talk to him until he changes his mind.”
Hunter clenched his teeth. “David, go to the car.”
David looked at the display of family photos Mom kept in the living room. Hunter hadn’t been present in them for years, and now his photos were gone as well. The one in which he was holding a bronze medal for winning a running competition, and the one where he was standing with a rake next to a patch of ground where he planted tomatoes. It was as if none of those moments in the life of his family mattered anymore, just because he was gay.
“No, it’s fine. I mean… it’s not fine, but I can handle it.” David looked up at his mother, holding a tray full of potted plants. At least Mom hadn’t let them die when he wasn’t there to take care of them in the greenhouse.
“David…” Mom wiped her eyes. “What can you ‘handle’? You’re still a baby. That biker confused you. You’ll be fine if you only focus on the Lord again.”
The mere mention of Raja had David’s adrenaline spiking. “I’m actually not a baby anymore. I’m eighteen. I’ve got a job. I’m getting a car soon. Raja has nothing to do with me being gay. He just helped me realize what I needed.”
“I should have never let you watch those Indian movies. All those beastly ‘gods’ they have, and the strange way those people act must have—”
David’s eyes went wide, and he trembled with anger. On one hand he knew Raja was a big guy who could handle anyone, yet hearing such things said about his ethnicity, and by extension—him made David explode with protective feelings. “Mom! This has nothing to do with Bollywood! He’s a person! And he’s American. He’s never even been to India, or doesn’t even— I just can’t believe that’s what you think of people who believe in something else!”
She took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you’re protecting that man! You’re acting as if he bewitched you!”
Hunter groaned and slumped against the wall, clearly torn between being there for David and the urge to leave.
David rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. With his hindu voodoo. Do you even hear yourself?” He took a deep breath. “This is hard for me too, but I can’t change being gay. I really tried. But I’m happy this way. I can finally be myself.”
Mom crossed her arms. “Yourself? With that ring in your nose, like a cow?”
David decided to not even address that. “I’m going. These are the last boxes. You’ve got my number, and Hunter’s, and Asty’s. And I know sooner or later you will want to come by to see little Bell. Maybe things will cool off by then.”
Mom shook her head and took a deep, strangled breath, but Hunter pulled David along and through the door. “Bye, mom. Talk to you in a bit.”
Instead of a good-bye, Mom only sobbed louder, and David’s heart sank. He never wanted to be this much of a disappointment to his parents. But what he hated most was that he was leaving his little sister, Amy, in a house filled with grief and abandonment. When he packed the last box into the van, she was there, looking their way from the window of David’s former room. No matter what, David would make it up to her. He would make sure to keep in touch one way or another.
Hunter also waved at her, but he quickly sat behind the wheel and started the car. “Shit, those people are more toxic than mercury. I feel like taking a shower when we get home.”
David closed his seatbelt and melted into the upholstery, completely exhausted. “I never knew how much until I actually decided to go against them. She’s got these silly ideas in her head…” He rubbed his eyes, unwilling to cry in front of Hunter yet again.
“At least she was there, unlike Dad,” said Hunter, squeezing his hands on the wheel.
David put his head against the window. “He doesn’t even want to look at me. Like I’m disgusting. Like being gay is a disease he could catch.” And sadly, knowing that only made him feel like there really was something wrong with him. Like he really was ‘dirty’.
Hunter exhaled and awk
wardly patted David’s shoulder. “Dad’s a dick. I have nothing else to say about him. Since I remember, he’s only been interested in himself. His hobbies, his friends, and his peace and quiet. Whatever I could say about Mom, at least she was taking care of us. Until we disappointed her.”
“I hate disappointing her so much.” David took a shaky breath. “It makes me feel so ungrateful. But I can’t live life by her rules, can I?”
“You can’t. She raised you, but your life doesn’t belong to her. It’s gonna be fine, David,” said Hunter.
“I don’t want to leave Amy there, but at the end of the day, if I were doing what Mom wanted me to, I’d be moving out to college anyway.”
“You’ll be better off with us,” said Hunter and gave David a faint smile. “We’re really thankful for all the help around the house and with the baby. Otherwise it would be hard to live like a couple again, you know?”
“I can imagine.” David smiled back at his brother, knowing that without him, making any kind of decision about moving out would have been much harder. “Thanks for being there for me. Only now I realize how hard it must have been for you.”
Hunter scowled. “It was. I was choking at their home, and even Uncle Head seemed like a better option at the time. He was a bastard, but at least he didn’t keep me on such a tight leash. I could breathe again when I joined the motorcycle club.”
“At least he was family, right?” Family that Raja didn’t have. “Why did you want to join?”
Hunter pulled back his long hair. “Everyone needs to belong somewhere, and with Uncle being the president of his club, it only seemed natural that I prospect for them. He kind of pressured me into it, too, but even with all the downsides, I can’t say I think badly of the time with the Rabid Hogs.”
David licked his lips. “Do you think you could be friends with Raja again? Because I’m kind of over all that’s happened…” He wanted to probe before the coming out about it in a few weeks.
Heart Ripper Page 27
