“Oh, I’m just not very hungry,” Diana said quickly. “Jet lag, I guess.”
Seth consulted his watch. “It’s dinnertime in Florida.” He cocked his head to one side, eyeing her up and down. “I guess this is kind of slumming for you, huh? The guys and I have lunch here every day. The fish is fresh, but I know the place isn’t much to look at.”
Diana took in the little restaurant, with its tacky marine decor. She hadn’t really noticed it until that moment. She’d been too busy looking at Seth. He was even more attractive than she’d remembered, which was saying something. His deep brown eyes always hinted at a smile, and his smile always hinted at some tantalizing and very sexy possibilities.
Or maybe she was just imagining things. Was Seth bored? Uncomfortable? Did he even remember the night that was burned into her own memory?
She stretched out casually, letting her foot just graze his leg under the table. He didn’t move. Good. That was a good sign. He would have pulled away if he’d felt really uncomfortable.
Or maybe he just hadn’t noticed her foot. Or her.
“You probably would have eaten better if you’d stuck with your mom in Laguna Beach,” Seth said.
“But I prefer the company here,” Diana replied, sounding more seductive than she’d intended.
Seth took a swig of his Coke. “It would have been cool if Summer could have come along, too.”
Oh, yeah. Way cool.
“She was pretty busy,” Diana said, “what with job hunting and getting settled in. Seeing old friends, that sort of thing.” She ticked off the seconds as she waited for Seth to ask which old friends, but he wasn’t biting.
Instead she shifted position a little, her right foot still making contact with Seth’s shin. “You know, when I was leaving this morning, Summer and I were talking,” Diana said casually. She toyed with a french fry. “And she said you hadn’t mentioned that I’d called you to tell you I was coming.” She dipped the fry in ketchup, taking her time, then popped it into her mouth delicately, the picture of innocence. “And I was wondering how come.”
“How come?” Seth echoed. It was his turn to shift in his seat. “Uh, no reason. You know. I guess it just didn’t come up.”
“I was starting to worry,” Diana said, playing with another french fry, trailing it across her plate, “that you’d told her about what happened between us.”
Seth’s eyes went wide. “Wh—Why would I do that?” he sputtered. “That was ages ago. It was just a fluke, just a—” He ran out of steam. “No, of course I never told her.”
“A fluke.” Diana considered the word. “A fun fluke, though, wasn’t it?”
A new thought seemed to occur to Seth. “Diana, you didn’t tell her, did you?”
“Of course not.”
“Or tell Marquez, because Marquez would keep her mouth shut for about three seconds flat—”
“No, Seth.” Diana reached across the table and took his hand. The feel of his rough fingers made her shiver. “I care about Summer, even if she doesn’t…”
“Doesn’t what?”
Diana pulled her hand away. She had him. Now to reel him in, nice and slow. “Nothing. I was just babbling. Hey, I almost forgot. I brought some pictures of our new apartment. Want to see?”
Seth pursed his lips, still mulling over her words. “Sure.”
Diana opened her purse. “Now, keep in mind this is a new camera I was experimenting with, so don’t expect miracles. But it’ll give you the idea.” She withdrew the packet of photos, which she’d carefully organized on the plane trip for maximum impact.
She handed him the first photo. “That’s our place from the outside. There’s a café and bookstore on the bottom floor and apartments on the upper levels. Cute, huh?”
Seth nodded. “Not bad. Although it’s kind of a comedown from your mom’s house, isn’t it?”
“Well, it doesn’t have a Jacuzzi, no. But then, it doesn’t have Mallory either.” She passed him the next photo. “That’s the inside, the day we moved in. I believe I captured Summer and Marquez in all their sweaty glory. Sorry you missed out. Two flights of stairs, no elevator, ninety-six degrees.”
Seth gazed fondly at the picture. “Is that Diver in the corner?”
“Yeah. He helped out.”
“How’s Summer doing with him?”
Diana shrugged. “They’re tolerating each other, at least.” She handed him another photo. “That’s the backyard view. The pool’s a little scuzzy, but you get the idea.”
“Who’s that? It sort of looks like Summer, but it’s hard to tell with all the palms.”
Diana checked the photo. “Yeah, that’s Summer.”
“Who’s with her?”
Not too fast. Nice and easy. “I can’t tell,” Diana said. “Some guy, it looks like.”
Seth set the picture aside, unperturbed.
Diana passed him the next picture with calculated nonchalance. “And that’s the inside of Jitters, the coffee place downstairs.” She added a careful pause. “You know, where Marquez and Austin work.”
She waited, flipping through the photos, counting the seconds until Seth absorbed it all.
One one thousand, two one thousand—
“Austin,” he repeated. It was barely a whisper.
She had to be careful not to overplay her hand. Diana looked at him, eyes wide, making certain she was conveying her horror. She dropped the photos onto the table with a little gasp—a nice touch, she thought.
“Oh, Seth. Oh, God, I just assumed you knew….”
“He’s there, on Coconut Key?”
Diana nodded. She reached out for his hand, but he yanked it away.
“Is that all?” He was seething. She could see the anger in the tight muscles of his jaw. His words came out like the urgent release of air from a pierced tire. “I mean, he’s just there, is that all? Are they…is she, you know…spending time with him? Being with him?”
Diana didn’t answer. She closed her eyes and sighed to make it clear she was far too decent to tell him what he didn’t want to hear.
Seth pounded the table. “Tell me, Diana,”
Diana rifled through her pictures, as if she didn’t know quite what she was looking for. It was right where she’d placed it, at the bottom of the pile.
“Here,” she said, pleased and a little shocked when actual tears sprouted in her eyes. She almost hated to hurt Seth this way, but it was, after all, for a greater good.
For a long time he stared at the picture without moving. She was surprised when he suddenly leapt up.
“I have to use the phone,” he said, tossing the photo down. Before she could say anything, he was rushing off.
She picked up the picture. The composition was a little off, the focus a little hazy, the palm leaves distracting. Still, she’d managed to nicely capture Summer’s rapturous smile as Austin massaged her by the pool.
When the phone rang, Marquez decided to ignore it. Diana’s cell phone was on the couch, miles away, and Marquez was on the exercise bike with miles to go. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been riding. She knew her legs weren’t going very fast, but it didn’t seem to matter. She couldn’t really feel them anymore. She couldn’t feel her body much at all. She was weightless, floating, unattached.
The ringing continued. “Go away,” Marquez muttered, but the damn phone kept chirping away incessantly.
At last she climbed slowly off the bike. Her legs nearly gave way, but then she righted herself. Sucking in air, she dragged herself over to the couch and picked up the phone.
“What?” she demanded.
“Marquez? Is that you?”
The voice was fuzzy and faraway, the way Marquez felt inside her head. “Who is this?” she asked, panting.
“It’s Seth. Seth Warner. Are you okay? You weren’t—I mean, I didn’t catch you and Diver in the middle of something—”
“Seth. Imagine that. Is Diana there, too?”
“Um, yeah. We’re at a rest
aurant. Listen, is Summer there? I really need to talk to her.”
Fragments of Diana’s letter came back to Marquez. She should say something, shouldn’t she? Defend Summer? Yell at Seth?
Marquez opened her mouth to speak, but the words had evaporated. Her stomach twisted and lurched. She wondered vaguely if she was going to be sick.
“Marquez?”
Marquez closed her eyes and willed the queasiness away. It had happened before. It was nothing to worry about.
“Marquez, are you there?”
“Seth, Summer isn’t here right now. And I have to go.”
“But I really need to talk to her.”
“Bye, Seth—”
“Just tell me this, Marquez.” The edge in Seth’s voice finally caught her attention. Was he crying? Or angry? Or both? “Just tell me this. Is she with Austin?”
The dizziness came again, grabbing her hard, shaking the breath from her. The room was dancing past, and she could not keep up.
“Yeah, Seth,” Marquez said. She had to lie down, hang up the phone, make Seth go away, make the awful ache in her gut go away. “She’s with Austin.”
She hung up on him, tossed the phone aside, and tried to stand. Water. A glass of water would be good. No calories.
She was halfway to the sink when her legs gave way and she fell to the floor. Her eyes closed and then, finally, the world stopped its wild dance and stood perfectly still.
21
Decisions, Decisions…
Summer dug her toes into the cool, wet sand and sighed. The waves surged and receded in a soothing rhythm, but she didn’t feel soothed at all.
Austin sat beside her, close enough for their shoulders to touch.
“Look, I know the lasagna was bad, but was it bad enough to send you into a coma?” he chided.
“Sorry. I guess I haven’t been very talkative.”
“I know rocks that are more expressive.” Austin laced his fingers through hers. “Especially given that this is our second walk of the evening. During the first one you sounded like you had something to say.”
“I did. Do.”
“But you didn’t seem to get around to saying it.”
“I’m just…trying to sort everything out, Austin.” Summer closed her eyes to the silver blanket of stars. “It was hard enough coming to a decision about Carlson today. I came here tonight sure I was going to tell you I never wanted to see you again, but somehow it hasn’t been as easy as I’d thought it would be.”
“You do know what’s standing in your way, don’t you?”
“My incredible indecisiveness?”
“No. Our incredible kiss.” Austin leaned close. His eyes were bright with moonlight. “Here’s the deal, Summer. Seth is the University of Wisconsin. Safe, logical, a good, all-around choice, if a little dull. I, on the other hand, am Carlson. Demanding, difficult, challenging, and a really great kisser.”
“I think you may be stretching the analogy.”
“You’ve made one good decision today. Why not go for two?”
Austin cupped her chin in his hands. She felt the same exquisite, tantalizing free fall she always felt when she was close to him. She felt the same irresistible draw, the pull like gravity claiming her.
She stared up at the sky and tried to think of Seth, but her thoughts got lost in the crush of stars. How did he make sense of them, finding pictures in the glittering maze? Why did some people always seem to know just where to look and just what they wanted, when it was so hard for her?
“Where’s Venus?” Summer asked.
Austin blinked. “Could we stay on the subject here? Let’s stargaze later.”
Summer lay back on the sand, one arm under her head. How had she known that it was a good idea to try for Carlson? It wasn’t as though there’d been beacons and marching bands and red flags guiding her to the answer. It had been more like a soft glow, a delicate bubble of feeling that said, “This will feel more right than any other choice you can make.” And it wasn’t as though she still didn’t have doubts. Carlson might not take her. Her mom might be furious. Seth most definitely would be furious.
But the little bubble of feeling was still there. Somehow she knew that doing the thing that scared her, the hard thing, was the right thing.
She looked at Austin. He was gazing down at her with obvious longing. He was gorgeous and complicated and wonderful, and she was probably in love with him.
The stars overhead were impossible to know. But Seth had taught her that if you started with a guidepost or two—the Big Dipper, for example—you could learn to navigate them.
Love was a guidepost like that. But when you loved two people, there had to be something more. Summer closed her eyes and searched for a little bubble of feeling, something to hang on to.
Seth had forgiven her once before. Seth had stood by her. Seth had loved her longer. Seth had placed a diamond ring on her finger because he loved her that much.
Loyalty, honor. They were big, important words, but they were there inside her, softly glowing like candles in a far-off window.
She wanted Austin. She loved Austin.
But she loved Seth, too, and she owed him her loyalty in a way she didn’t owe Austin. She’d made a vow to Seth. And if she hadn’t honored it as well as she should have so far, well, maybe it wasn’t too late to try.
“Summer. God, you’re beautiful,” Austin whispered, but as he brought his lips to hers she at last knew the right thing to say.
“It’s time for me to go home,” she said. “I’m going to call Seth.” She kissed Austin on the cheek, a kiss filled with regret and longing. “I’m sorry, Austin. But that’s my choice.”
Diana stared out of Seth’s bedroom window, watching the ocean come and go. It would be dark soon. She couldn’t see any stars yet, but the sky was turning a bruised purple.
“I’m sorry, Seth,” she said for what had to be the hundredth time.
After he’d called Marquez, they’d gone back to Seth’s apartment at Diana’s suggestion. He’d cried a little, ranted some. Then he’d fallen silent. He’d been lying on his bed staring up at his ceiling, lost in contemplation for way too long. This wasn’t working out the way she’d hoped. She hadn’t counted on all this messy emotion.
“I don’t believe it.” Seth sat up, eyes bright, as if he’d come to an obvious conclusion.
“I thought Marquez told you—”
“I don’t care.” Seth crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t believe it. Summer wouldn’t betray me this way. If she’s hanging out with Austin, it’s because they’re friends.”
“Maybe,” Diana conceded. “But then why didn’t she tell you about him?”
“Because…because she knew how upset I’d be. She didn’t want me worrying when we were so far apart.”
His voice had taken on a plaintive, hopeful quality. It made Diana feel pity and frustration. He just wasn’t getting it. She was going to have to use her secret weapon, and she didn’t want to. Not anymore. It seemed…cruel, somehow.
“Summer wouldn’t do something like that. She wouldn’t,” Seth insisted, as much to himself as to Diana.
“Seth,” Diana said reasonably, “she already did it once. Have you forgotten spring break?”
“But she told me about that. She’s not the kind of person who would keep a secret—”
“Not like you, you mean?”
Seth looked at her like a wounded animal.
“You never exactly mentioned New Year’s to Summer, did you?” Diana added.
Seth closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “I know. I know. I’m a hypocrite.”
“Well, then, so am I.” Diana went over to the bed and sat beside him. Not too close, but close enough. She touched his hand.
“I don’t regret what happened between us, Seth. Do you?”
Seth stared through her as if she were a pane of glass. He didn’t answer.
“She wouldn’t do it,” he said at last. “We were engaged, Diana. S
he was wearing my ring.”
Diana took a long, slow breath. “I want you to know something, Seth. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to come here and tell you these things. But in my heart, I knew you deserved the truth. You deserve a whole lot better than this. A whole lot better.”
She reached for her purse. Slowly she unzipped the little pouch.
When she took out the ring and held it in the air, Seth didn’t react. He just stared at it, mesmerized, as if she’d performed a fantastic, impossible magic trick.
“She hasn’t worn it for a long time, Seth,” Diana whispered.
Slowly he pulled his gaze from the ring to Diana. His eyes were hard and dark.
“You certainly came prepared,” he said. “You brought everything but fingerprints, Diana. ‘Gee whiz, Seth, didn’t Summer mention Austin?’ Why’d you even bother with the innocent act? Why not just trot out the evidence like the FBI?”
Diana looked away. “I thought you liked innocent,” she said. “It always worked for Summer.”
Seth yanked the ring from her grasp and threw it across the room. In one swift move he pulled Diana down on top of him.
She could still hear the ring rolling slowly across the floor as they began to kiss.
july
1
Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch…
Summer could still hear the waves crashing slowly onto the sand as Austin bent down to kiss her.
It had been an hour since they’d left the beach and walked back to her front porch. An hour since she’d told him, finally and absolutely, that it was over between them.
His warm lips brushed hers. She backed away a step. “Austin—”
“It’s my birthday, you realize,” he said, with just the hint of a smile.
“Under the circumstances, I don’t think kissing would be a good idea.”
“A harmless good-night kiss, nothing more.” He ran a finger down her bare arm. The bright yellow porch light turned his dark eyes amber.
“I really don’t think—”
“Okay, then.” Austin hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his worn jeans. “I’m going to go for the last-ditch, cross-your-fingers, Hail Mary pass. The mark of a truly desperate man.”
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