“Denny knows a lot more than what most people think he does. If you take the time to listen, he is pretty darn intuitive. Did you know he was a handyman before his accident?”
“Harry told me.” He sat back and watched her face, making her feel uncomfortable.
“Would you excuse me? I need to use the ladies’ room.” Rhian needed a moment to gather herself. His change in tactic had taken her by surprise.
Chapter Thirty
Kellen watched her walk away and the old insecurities came flooding back. He knew with his background, she should run away from him as fast as she could. His mind told him Rhian deserved better. His heart told him to take a chance.
Thoughts of that terrible night wound their way into his mind again, seeping into his thoughts like smoke winding and curling around the fire creating it. He’d come home and found his new girlfriend, Kelly, sitting in the living room with his mother. Christmas decorations lay broken on the floor by the tree. He knew instantly his mother was drunk again. Kelly wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“What’s going on?” His heart hammered in his chest. He walked over and stood in front of Kelly. “Can you look at me, please?” The happiness he’d felt that someone so perfect and popular had chosen him was now replaced by fear. “Kelly? Mom, what did you do?”
He tried to shake the memory away, but the smoke wound itself tighter now. She laughed. “I told her about you. Told her you’re a loser. You’ll never be good enough for someone like her. Boy, you’ll never be good enough for any woman. You’re nothing.”
Humiliation hit him hard and he looked at Kelly. She was crying. He reached for her hand, but she stood up shaking her head. “Stop Kellen. I can’t go out with you. I’m sorry.” She ran from him as his mother’s laughter filled the room.
He never spent another night in her house. He took his pitiful stash of money, threw some clothes in a backpack, and jumped on his dirt bike. He escaped that town and had never looked back.
It had taken years of wandering to reinvent himself. He would stay in a town for a few months, find work, and save a little money. He learned carpentry and picked up odd jobs for quick cash. His body changed, his muscles becoming chiseled from all the hard work. He cut his hair and started wearing a few days stubble on his face. Watching women in bars, he studied the type of man they found attractive. He bought a used Harley and developed the same attitude and swagger of the men he watched. He became the image of a bad boy, molding himself into the aloof man that wanted sex with no strings attached.
He shook his head. He had worked too hard to get past his mother’s disdain, and his feelings of worthlessness. No one would ever hurt or humiliate him like that again. Those memories needed to stay tucked away. He looked over at Rhian returning to the booth and saw her brows knitted together as she stared at him.
“Are you okay, Kellen? You looked far away.”
“I’m fine.” He picked at a napkin, feeling the doubt start to creep into his mind again. “I thought about something I needed to order for the cafe.”
Rhian reached across the table and took his hand. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not right now. I don’t know…” His words trailed off as the waiter arrived with their burgers.
Rhian watched him as they ate. She sighed and leaned back from the table. “Are you ever going to trust me, Kellen?”
His eyes shot up to look into hers. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know everything that happened to you in the past, but you need to trust me. I like you a lot, but I can’t be in a relationship with someone who will never open up. I need someone who gives me everything, not just a little piece here and there. So I’ll ask you again, are you ever going to trust me?”
“I want to. You’re right, you don’t know my past. It took me a long time to get over it.”
“Kellen, I don’t think you got over whatever happened. You have a wall around yourself. I think you like me, but you keep holding back.”
“What happened in Italy? You seem different, more forthright. Did you find what you were looking for while you were there?” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled, knowing she knew he was changing the subject from him to her.
“Yes, I did.” She sighed. “I found out something about myself. I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to love me for who I am, trust me and believe in me. I want a man who will give himself to me completely, like my grandfather gave himself to my grandmother. I want a person who won’t judge my flaws or my mistakes, see my imperfections and still accept me as I am. When I reflected on what happened there, I realized something very important.”
“What was that?”
“Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? Somewhere private, please?” She wiped away the tears that now streamed down her face.
Kellen grabbed money out of his pocket and threw it onto the table. “Come on, I know just where we can go.” He took her hand and helped her out of her seat. When they got to the parking lot, he walked straight to her car.
“What’s going on?”
“You’re upset. I’m driving, and you’re not dressed to ride on the bike. Hand me your keys.”
Reaching into her purse, she took the keys and tossed them into his hand. She wanted to ask where they were going but saw Kellen’s jaw clenched, the muscles working in his face. For once, she decided to let it be. She closed her eyes and thought back to when she had made the decision in Italy to live only for herself. Am I doing the right thing? Why does everything always have to be so complicated?
The car slowed and turned into the driveway of a large cottage with a neatly trimmed yard and flowerpots sitting on the front porch. She glanced over at Kellen’s pale face, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.
He turned off the engine and motioned her to follow him up the three steps and across the porch. “What do you think?” he asked once they stepped inside. Off to the left was a well-ordered living room with antique wood tables, a dark leather couch, and beautiful overstuffed recliner.
“Is this yours?” she asked, as she took in all the elements of the room. Turning toward him, she smiled. “What did you need me for? Seems like you certainly have an eye for detail. Can I see the kitchen?”
“Sure, come on.” He took her hand as they walked through the house. When they got to the kitchen, she laughed.
“What?” His face turned red.
“Do you cook, too? Look at this place.” She took in the professional gas range, large double refrigerator, full pantry, and extensive counter space. “You have a stand mixer? You sure are full of surprises.” She turned to see him standing with his shoulders slumped and his head down.
Rhian took his hand. “Please talk to me, Kellen. What happened that broke you so badly?”
“What happened to you in Italy, Rhian? You seem different somehow.”
“Can we sit down? I’ll tell you what happened to me if you promise to do the same.”
“I’ll try.”
“Well, after I explain, you may not want to bother.” She sat down on a kitchen chair. “It’s not a pleasant story, but here goes.” She sighed again and looked down at her hands. “I went to Italy to get away from my controlling father, you, and my life in general. I was upset with myself because I thought you liked me. I saw something in your eyes and had feelings for you but didn’t understand you. I was afraid.”
The tears flowed softly down her face. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “I met the man who owned the villa I rented. He is also an artist and owns a shop where I bought my supplies. He’s handsome, rich, and a smooth talker. Long story short, he is everything my father wants for me in a man, and I thought he really liked me.” She looked up at Kellen. “He called me his mia bella. God, I am such a fool.”
Kellen sat perfectly still. She could read nothing in the expression on his face.
“He took me to his grandparents' home, told me how unique their love was, and about th
eir life together. I felt special and thought he took me there because I was important to him.” She laughed sadly. “He tried to seduce me.” Her voice broke as she tried to continue, “I made him stop. I realized at that moment, I couldn’t be a passing fling. I won’t be someone’s whore.” She dared a glance at Kellen and saw a look of guilt on his face.
“I was just another woman he’d picked up. He brought me where he takes every woman he wants to make love to and I was a fool for allowing it to go that far. Thank heaven he stopped.” She dropped her head, afraid to see his reaction.
“Rhian, you’re not a fool. Please, look at me.” He moved to her side and took her chin in his hand, looking into her eyes. “I hate that he tried to use you.”
“I thought you and I had a chance at something special. I really did. I got scared. I ran because I wanted to find myself, to find out who I am without every aspect of my life being controlled by my father. While I was in Italy, I realized I do have strong feelings for you. When I almost fell for Dante’s pretty words, it did something to me. I thought maybe if I came back and told you how I feel, maybe we could start again. But I can’t live my life with someone who doesn’t want to give all of himself in a relationship.” She pushed herself away from the table and stood. “I should leave now before I make a bigger fool of myself.”
Kellen grabbed her around the waist, stopping her.
“Please, please just let me go.” Her resolve faltered.
Pulling her close against his chest, he put his chin on the top of her head. “No, Rhian. There’s something you have to know before you walk out that door.” He felt her stop struggling. “You were right, something did happen to me a long time ago. It was my last year in high school.”
He hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “The most popular girl in school said yes when I got the courage up to ask her to go out with me. I was over the moon. We talked on the phone for two weeks, planning the date. I was walking around the school all week thinking I was now one of the popular kids.” He laughed. “I thought I wasn’t the piece of shit my mom and dad always told me I was.”
He felt her head tip up to look at him. “Don’t. Can we just stay like this until I’m done telling you this?”
She nodded her head and leaned closer to him.
“I made the mistake of telling my mother I had a date with her. We were going to go to the Christmas dance. The night before the big day, I came home and found her sitting with my mother. She wouldn’t even look at me.” He felt her tense up and hugged her tighter. “My mother was shit-faced drunk as usual. I never brought anyone home because of her drinking.”
“To this day, I don’t understand why my mother called her. She laughed at me in front of her, told me I was worthless and would never be good enough for anyone. Kelly told me she couldn’t go out with me and ran from the house. I left that night after my mother drank herself into her usual stupor. I knew she would never let me out from under her relentless bitterness. You know, I never had a Christmas that woman didn’t ruin for me. She never let me have a damn thing.
“I spent years making myself into who I am today, all the while trying to keep that scared boy from surfacing so I wouldn’t get hurt again.” He laughed. “Denny saw it before I did. Hell, your grandfather knew it before I did.”
“Knew what?”
“That I like you, and I’m scared shitless of how this might end. You’re the beautiful, rich girl, and I’m the poor boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Why the hell would you want to be with a loser like me?” He let go of her and waited with his head down and heart racing.
She turned, took his face in her hands, and gently lifted it. “I’m not that girl and you are not that boy. Look what you’ve made of yourself. You have a successful business. Word of mouth has it you are the best at what you do.”
Staring down into her beautiful eyes, he replied, “I’m good at my job, I know that. But I suck at my life. How many women have I hurt because of my past? I’ve spent my life punishing them because of my drunken mother and one scared high school girl. My parents don’t give a shit what they did to me. Hell, I bet my mother doesn’t even think about her son. I’m not good enough for you. You need to walk out that door and find someone who is.”
She put her hands on her hips, nostrils flared, and her eyes flashing with anger. “Don’t you tell me what to do, Kellen Slade! Didn’t we have this discussion once before? You don’t think for me. I have a mind of my own. I may not always make the best choices, but I’m willing to give it a try. You have been driven by hurtful words from an alcoholic mother and some scared teenager’s insecurities, and it took over your life. That’s sad, but it’s not unfixable.
“So here is the thing, Kellen. You need to decide if you can give one hundred percent to this relationship. If not, then I will walk away and never look back because I will not be one of your many women. Do you get that? If you want to be with me, you are only with me.” The anger drained from her face as she looked him.
“You’re willing to take a chance with me?”
She sighed. “Do you think you’re the only one Grandfather and Denny talked to? Denny called me while I was in Italy and told me not to give up on you. I didn’t know if you would be willing to give me a chance after I told you about Dante.”
Kellen laughed. “You weren’t even with the man. The question is, can you get past the women I have been with?”
“The way I see it, if we can both forgive, we can move on and make new promises and new dreams.”
“I can if you can.” He took her hand and asked, “Would you come with me?”
She nodded and followed him. Her father would not be happy when he found out she had fallen for a bad boy. But she knew how happy her grandfather would be that she was taking a chance on love.
He opened his back door and stepped outside, still holding her hand. The back yard was beginning to burst with color; the flowers and gardenia bushes acted as a fence along the perimeter. Lush, green grass, as smooth as carpet, surrounded a beautiful gazebo with climbing roses that wound their way upward toward the sky.
“Wow, your yard is gorgeous. Did you build that gazebo?”
“Yeah, I made it after you left for Italy. Actually, I did the entire yard after you left. After work, I needed to keep my mind busy. I planted things I thought you would love.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I realized I wanted to make this perfect for you. I wanted to share my home with you.” He pushed his hair back with his hand and waited for her to speak.
“I need to know something.” She looked him in the eyes. “Have you brought other women here?”
Smiling, he took her into his arms. “I can honestly tell you there have been no other women in my home or my bed. You’re the only one who has crossed that threshold. He leaned down, gently kissed her mouth, and pulled her close.
Chapter Thirty-One
A month later, they sat in Kellen’s kitchen eating dinner by candlelight. Rhian watched him closely, wondering what was wrong. His hands shook as he ran his hand through his hair more than usual. Something was up.
“Kellen?” She put her fork down and reached over the table to take his hand in hers. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t do this anymore.” He pushed his chair back from the table and walked over to the sink.
“You can’t do what anymore?” Rhian felt as if her heart had stopped beating. This month had been the most wonderful of her life. They had spent every evening together and she thought things were fine. Her shoulders fell and tears formed in her eyes. What is going on? She pushed her chair back just as he turned.
With a few long strides, he was in front of her on his knees. She looked down into his face as he took her hand. “Rhian, I know this is fast, but I can’t wait any longer.” He held his left hand up. Her breath caught when she saw the little blue Tiffany box. “Will you marry me and make me the happiest man on this planet?”
She took the box from him, opened the lid with
shaking hands, and stared at the ring. She handed it back to him afraid to try to lift it out. “Can you take it out of the box please?” she whispered.
Kellen removed the one-carat diamond in the traditional Tiffany Setting. It was the most breathtaking gem she had ever seen. “Will you?” he asked again.
Looking him in the eyes, she nodded as tears of joy streamed down her face.
Kellen placed the ring on her finger, stood, and pulled her into his arms. “I love you, Rhian St. Claire.” He leaned down and kissed her gently. “You have made me the happiest man alive.”
“I love you, Kellen Slade. You have just made me the luckiest, happiest woman alive,” she whispered in his ear, pulling him closer and kissing him back. She trembled, at first with happiness, and then the fear of her father’s wrath wrapped its cold hand around her heart. She shoved it back into the nothingness it deserved. She would not live her life for him.
“Where’d you go just then?” he asked, his brows drawn down as he searched her face. “Is something wrong?”
Rhian let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “No, I promise. I just thought about what my father will say when he finds out.” She squared her shoulders. “I’m an adult, and this is my life. I don’t care what he thinks.”
“Yes, you do. I promise we’ll tell him together, and he’ll see this is right for both of us.” He took her hand and led her to the steps. “Would you like to go upstairs?”
She looked at him, her head tilted to one side. “Upstairs?” He had never invited her to that part of his house.
“Yes.” He smiled, touching her nose softly. “I want you to stay with me tonight. I want to make love to you—if you’re ready.”
Whispers of Winter: A Limited Edition Collection of Winter Romances Page 27
