by J. Kenner
She swallowed, but she didn’t hesitate. And when she said, “Yes, of course I do,” he thought those were the sweetest words in the world.
“Jared described it as a hamster wheel, and he’s right. There’s only one way off, and that’s to make the jump. Take a leap.”
“A leap of faith,” she said, her voice fragile. “At least you’re luckier than a lot of people. You have your money and your family business. A safety net for if you fall.”
“True,” he said. And not true, though he didn’t tell her that yet. No sense muddying things up before they needed to be.
He drew in a breath and continued. “But here’s the thing. It’s not just that I’m sick of traveling, it’s that I want to see you more. And not just more often, but more. Richer. Deeper. I love what we have, don’t misunderstand. But I don’t want to be going in a circle on a hamster wheel with you. I want a highway. Or long, lazy country roads. I want a horizon and a future.”
“You want a relationship.”
“Yes. No. I think we have a relationship. I want to put the stamp of approval on it and trot it out for our friends and family to see.”
She pressed her lips together. “What if I’m not ready for that?”
He leaned forward so that he could put his hands on her knees. “Baby, why wouldn’t you be? What is it that’s scaring you?”
She drew in a breath. “I don’t know.”
He slid off the ottoman so that he was on the floor looking up at her. “I think you do. I talked to Nolan, and Leo was a prick. He left without warning, he was an asshole. And that makes you scared. But I’m not Leo. You’re going to have to put up a fight to get rid of me.”
Her eyes met his, and for a moment, he saw their future in her soul. Then she hugged herself and shook her head.
“Dammit, Amanda, you’re scared to take a risk on something just because it might fail. That puts you on the damn hamster wheel.”
“Forget the fucking hamsters,” she snapped. “And you know what? It’s not just me. Or have you forgotten about the motor inn. Because that’s some pretty risky business, but I haven’t seen you going after that project in almost a year.”
“Right, well, that’s something else I wanted to tell you. I took that leap, too.”
She blinked at him, then slowly sat down. “What?”
“The motel’s just been sitting there, waiting to be renovated. My pet project going ignored, and I couldn’t stand it. So Since the board didn’t want it to be a division, I set up my own corporation—DW Boutiques. The Winston Corporation is coming in as an investor, which is how I’m capitalizing it. But it’s all on me. This fails, my name in this business is shit. My dad will probably stick me back in the mailroom.”
Fire lit her eyes, and his heart swelled. “Derek, that’s amazing. Congratulations.”
“I can’t do that, though,” she continued, and he felt that flicker of hope fade into ash. “I don’t have a safety net.”
“Sure you do. You have me.” He grinned. “I’ll need a good real estate agent.”
“That’s only the net for if the business fails.” A tear trickled down her cheek. “The truth is, I didn’t even love Leo. It was my ego that was hurt, and my business, which really pissed me off. But if I go all in and then I lose you…”
She stood and started pacing. Again. And, dammit, he let his frustration get the better of him.
“For Christ’s sake, Amanda, I love you. I love you enough to take a risk. To go out into the world with you at my side and to tell people that we belong together. That we’re in this whole thing together, hamster wheel or highway. Don’t you get it, baby? For me, it’s all about you. I do,” he whispered. “I really do love you.”
Tears streamed down her face, and she hugged herself so tight her knuckles were white.
“Maybe I don’t love you.”
He shook his head. “That one’s lame,” he said. “I know you do.”
A strangled laugh bubbled out of her. “Yes,” she said simply. “I do.” She licked her lips. “But maybe that’s not what matters. I’m sorry, Derek,” she blurted as she hurried for the door. “I really am, but I have to go.”
Chapter Thirteen
“I want him,” Amanda said to Jenna as they sat in the back office of The Fix, just before the lunch crowd came in. Amanda had spent over twenty-four hours doing nothing but watching sappy movies and drinking wine, and contrary to pop culture, she hadn’t figured a single thing out.
“I mean, I really do want him. I was even getting there on my own. And then he went and dumped everything on me without warning. I wasn’t ready. But maybe I was on my way to getting ready.”
“So tell him that.”
Amanda sighed. “I thought I did. But I think he heard no.”
And honestly, maybe she’d said no. He was mixing up the idea of a relationship—and the way he was describing it as a long highway all the way over the horizon sounded a whole lot like ’til death do us part. And to go from not even telling their friends—until this very moment—to side-by-side burial plots was a little too zero to sixty for her.
Or maybe she was just making excuses.
“Why am I making excuses?” she asked. “I mean, if I’m really ready—if I love him the way I’m supposed to—wouldn’t I be ready to jump right in?”
Jenna shook her head. “Reece was full of excuses. But we’re great now. Maybe you’re just scared.”
“I am,” Amanda said. “I really am. That it won’t work out. That my business will fail.”
“Fail? Why?”
“I—” She threw up her hands. Because the truth was that she hadn’t cocktailed her way to a lead or a client since she met Derek, and yet she had more clients than ever simply from the folks she’d met in his building.
“Oh, hell.” Tears trickled down her face and she felt like an idiot. “If I never say yes, I can’t be wrong.”
Jenna frowned. “What?”
“That’s it. I think that’s what’s holding me back.” She twisted a strand of hair. “I thought I loved Leo—it wasn’t love. It was lust. But they seemed the same at the time. I thought everything was fine, and then he just left. Boom. Everything I believed was wrong.”
“So you’re saying that maybe what you believe about Derek is wrong, too?”
Amanda exhaled slowly. “What if he realizes he doesn’t love me after all? I mean, obviously I’m a basket case. Maybe he bolts.”
“Maybe he sticks.”
“How can I be sure?”
Jenna lifted a shoulder. “You can’t. So the question is, are you willing to take the chance?”
Amanda nodded, thinking about Jenna’s words. Maybe Jenna was right and you really couldn’t know. But who could ever really know anything? So she had to focus on what she did know. That Derek had been there for her since that very first day. That he loved her. He respected her. She wasn’t just window dressing the way she’d sometimes felt with Leo.
Derek saw her. He respected her and her boundaries. He supported her hopes and helped launch her dreams. He was present in the world with her.
She frowned. Maybe that was love. Seeing and sticking.
Amanda started to suggest that to Jenna, but Tiffany Russell, one of the waitresses, burst into the room. “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I was looking for you,” she said to Jenna. “Here are Taylor’s keys. She said you wanted to borrow her car. I’ve been using it while mine’s in the shop, but I don’t need it today.”
“Thank you. Reece has the Volvo and I just need to make a quick run to Costco.”
“Need help?” Amanda asked.
“I’ve got it. But thanks. You okay?”
“Much better. You’re amazing.”
“Love you,” Jenna said.
“Right back at you.”
Parker took a sip of Scotch. “I think it boils down to the fact that women are weird.”
“Cheers to that,” Derek said, lifting his glass to toast with Park
er and Landon. On the other side of the bar, the bartender, Eric, looked across the room at a pretty waitress who was clearing glasses. “I’m guessing you agree?” Derek asked, but Eric just muttered something about side work and hurried down the bar.
“So what do I do, gentlemen?” Derek asked.
“Do you love her?” Landon tossed back the dregs of his bourbon.
“Yeah. Not even a doubt.”
“Then you stick,” Parker said. “What else can you do?”
“Run for your life,” Landon quipped.
“My friend in law enforcement has a calloused heart,” Derek explained to Parker. “And unfortunately, I think I have to stick. She’s holding my heart. Run, and I’d rip the damn thing right out. Pretty sure I need one, too.”
“I’m cutting you off, Pretty Boy,” Landon said. “You’re getting way too poetic. Or pathetic.” He frowned. “Or are those the same?”
“If you’re sticking, tell her. Maybe that’s all she needs to hear,” Parker said. “If she knows she can’t get rid of you, maybe she figures she’ll just put up with you.”
“Nice,” Derek retorted.
“Where is she, anyway?”
Derek lifted a shoulder, then let it fall. “No idea.” He blew out a loud breath. “All I want is for her to get her shit together and realize that the two of us together is a good thing. Is that too much to ask?”
“Not in my book.” Landon managed to slur all the words. “But women are weird. That’s mostly why I’m done with them.”
“I should call her, right?” Derek looked at Parker, because Landon was less than useful. “Or should I not call her and give her space?”
Parker shook his head. “I never read the rulebook on those. Not sure you—”
SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
The horrific sound of tires slamming and metal crunching filled the bar, followed almost immediately by the wail of multiple car sirens.
There weren’t many people in the bar at lunchtime, but those that were bolted for the door, with Landon leading the charge, stone-cold sober now. “Call 911,” he yelled to Derek. “Tell them we need an ambulance, and fast.”
“Who’s hurt?” Derek asked, waiting for the call to connect, but Landon was already out the door.
Parker, however, was at the window. “I’ll get Reece,” he said. “It’s Jenna.”
“What?” The cry from behind them came from Tiffany, who was now racing to the door. Amanda was pacing her, but as she passed Derek, she shot him such a pitiful look he almost hung up on 911 just so he could go comfort her.
“Yes,” he said in reply to the dispatcher. He ran through all the answers, gave all the necessary information, then hung up and pushed outside into the noise of the crowd.
As soon as he was through the door, Amanda threw herself into his arms. He hugged her tight, but his mind was only half on her. He was looking at the car. At Jenna’s slumped form. At the hole in the back window that didn’t look like it could have come from an accident.
Landon was at the driver’s side beside her, and Tiffany was standing by pacing, holding her cellphone, and telling anyone nearby that she was on the phone with Taylor and there was supposed to be airbags. Why were there no airbags?
Soon, the wail of sirens filled the street, and at the same time, Reece came running, so fast he looked to be flying. He pushed through the onlookers, his face a mask of terror, then knelt beside her just as the first paramedic arrived on the scene.
Landon backed away then, consulted with the second paramedic, then finally came over to where Derek stood with his arm around Amanda.
“They think she’s going to be fine. They’re taking her in just to be sure, but I think everything will be okay.”
“I think she’s pregnant,” Amanda said. “She hasn’t said anything, but—”
“She is,” Landon said. “She told the paramedics. That’s another reason they’re taking her in. Just to be safe.”
Amanda nodded, not sure if she should be relieved or worried.
“One other thing—someone threw a brick through the back window. That’s what made her lose control.”
“What?”
“Who would do that?” Derek asked.
“No idea. But I’m going to ask around. Try to learn if anyone saw something.” He looked between the two of them. “Maybe you two should go home.”
“Maybe we should,” Derek said once Landon was out of earshot. “Do you want to come home with me?”
“No,” Amanda said, the word making his heart break a little more. “I mean yes. But I need to tell you something first.”
“Wha—”
But he didn’t get to finish because she silenced him with a kiss, long and deep and overflowing with passion. “I love you,” she said when she pulled away. “More important, I know you love me, too. And I’ve figured out what that means. It means you’re here. With me. Beside me, like for always. Right?”
He nodded, her words making his legs a little weak. “Nowhere else, baby.”
“That’s what I want.” She nodded toward the ambulance. “Not the wreck. But what the two of them have. Reece and Jenna. And My parents. And my brother now that he’s found Shelby. And I think that’s you, Derek.” She licked her lips. “The man who’ll always be beside me. I think it is. Honestly, I’m sure it is.”
“Baby...” He took her hand, wanting to kiss her, but she was still talking.
“I’m sorry I was scared. Or stupid. Or both. But I love you.” She sniffled. “I think I thought by being an ostrich I could keep myself safe.” She nodded at the wreckage. “But you can’t do it.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yeah, well, if I’m going to navigate all these long dark scary roads you keep talking about, then I want someone strong by my side. I pick you,” she said.
“Well, that works out great. Because I picked you a long time ago.”
“Say it again,” Amanda begged as Derek thrust deep inside her. It was still early, but they’d spent the rest of the afternoon in bed making love. Fast and hard. Slow and lazy. Didn’t matter. They just wanted each other.
“Say it,” she begged.
“I love you,” Derek murmured as he buried himself inside her. “I love you, Amanda. And I always will.”
“I love you, too,” she said, but that was all she could manage, because he was close, and he’d quickened his pace, thrusting deeper each time until he’d completely filled her, and she didn’t know where he ended and she began.
“Touch yourself,” he demanded. “Come with me.”
With a moan, she slid her hand between their bodies, then stroked her clit, her passion rising as she felt his muscles tense. And then—faster than she’d anticipated—her body went over. Her sex clenched with the force of the orgasm, milking him. Taking him to the final, utter edge until they both fell, shattered and satisfied, against each other as the world slowly put itself back together.
“That was spectacular,” Amanda murmured.
“You’re spectacular.”
She smiled, but didn’t roll over. She was too wiped to even move.
Or so she thought until the phone rang. Then she leaped for it, saying a silent prayer when she saw it was Reece. “How is she?”
“Perfect,” he said. “And so is the baby.”
“Thank goodness.” She nodded to Derek, and gave him a thumbs-up.
“Jenna said she has a favor to ask Derek, and that surely he won’t turn down an injured pregnant woman.”
“What’s that?”
“One of the contestants dropped out of the next Man of the Month contest. She wants him to take the slot.”
Amanda let her eyes drift over the naked man beside her, then decided that she was generous enough to share his bare chest with the world. So long as there was no touching. “He’s in,” she said, flashing him an evil grin.
“Shouldn’t you ask him?”
“Nope,” she said, scampering backward as Derek tried to grab the ph
one. “He told me he loved me and that he’d do anything for me. I’m calling in my marker. Wait!” she cried as Derek stole the phone, and the last thing she heard was the echo of Reece’s laughter.
Just shy of two weeks later, she stood in the crowd at The Fix on Sixth and watched the crowd ooh and ahhh over her shirtless, gorgeous boyfriend.
“They do know he’s mine,” she asked Jenna, who was still using a crutch, but otherwise fine.
“They know.”
Amanda nodded with satisfaction. “I knew he was going to win, you know.”
“Oh? How?”
Amanda shrugged. “Simple. He’s been my man of the month for the last year. About time he got the title to go with it.”
Then she blew a kiss to the man she loved, and sighed with pleasure when he caught it and sent it right back, his eyes on no woman but her.
Epilogue
“You either let me check out the apartment, or you come sleep at my house. Your choice.” Landon stared down the girl. And considering their ten year age difference, he needed to continue thinking of her as the girl. “I’m not taking risks with you. Brent would have my ass if something happened to you.”
“Brent’s not the boss of me.” Taylor pushed back her hair as she shrugged, and Landon knew damn well she was trying to act disaffected. But she was spooked.
Hell, considering everything that had gone on in the last week, she’d be an idiot not to be spooked. First her car with Jenna driving. Now the disturbing notes. And then to come home to find the apartment unlocked. Maybe she’d left it that way … but he wasn’t going to let it slide without checking every inch.
He put a hand on her shoulder, and felt her stiffen beneath his palm. Immediately, he regretted the action. He’d felt the chemistry between them the first moment they’d met when she’d barreled into him on Sixth Street, almost knocking him over.
