She nods at me, a big smile on her face. As she does that, I head into the pantry, grabbing popcorn to microwave. One thing you learn when your mom shuts down is how to cook the little things.
In the distance, the front door slams.
Instead of starting the popcorn, I tiptoe into the foyer. From where I’m standing, his crying can be heard.
My dad... crying.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard him cry.
But hearing him cry doesn’t fix the misery he’s caused. It doesn’t ease the betrayal. My fists ball up on their own accord, and I’m practically stomping toward him. The newfound anger that’s been bottled up releases like a deadly gas leak.
“How could you do that to Mom?” My voice slices through the air. Uncontrollable and bitter. It’s harsh and untamed, and it shakes with the hatred I feel inside.
His head lifts to mine. His eyes that mirror my own and Jaz’s are sad. He can be sad all he wants. He did this.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he deflects, wiping his face.
My heart hammers, my nails dig into my palms, barely holding myself back from him. “Bullshit!” I shout.
He immediately rises. “Watch your mouth,” he bites back.
Good thing I’m no longer cowering to his deceit. I want my mom back home, and he’s the reason she’s gone. He’s the reason this family has fallen apart.
“You ruined everything!” My entire body shakes with the truth. The violence coursing through me has me near tears. I hardly cry, but crying in anger is even rarer. “Why would you do that, Dad?”
“Ace, I need you to calm down.”
“I don’t care what you want!” I scream.
In the next moment, I’m hitting him. I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t lose control, but he hurt Mom. He decided to step out on her. He’s at fault.
“She’s gone because of you!” Tears betray my anger, showing the sadness consuming me. My fists hit his chest, making loud sounds of impact.
“Ace! Stop hitting Daddy!” Jazzy cries, tugging on my shirt.
My chest deflates. I promised not to hurt her. I promised to protect her, to always be the strength she needs. I promised to be better than them.
My limbs drop, and Dad’s face is full of regret. He doesn’t say anything. He’s still as a statue as his daughter sobs.
I turn to her since he can’t even comfort her. “Hey, pretty girl,” I say, choking back the hollow feeling inside. “Don’t worry. We were playing.”
The lie rolls off my tongue immediately. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and her lip-wobble is back.
“I’m sorry,” I add. Because I am. She doesn’t deserve me breaking down, too.
Dad shuffles past me, going into their room, slamming the door.
“Does Daddy not love us anymore?” she asks, her voice so small and childlike.
I shut my eyes, barely holding on.
“Of course he does,” I return with a lack of conviction. I just pray she doesn’t realize that.
She lets go of my shirt then lunges at me.
“I don’t think he does,” she snivels, her face tucked into my shoulder.
He did this. He hurt us all. I need Mom. I can’t do this without her.
“He does, Jazzy bear. Let’s go watch that movie, okay?”
She doesn’t look convinced, but she nods. Setting her down, I hear her little feet tap on the linoleum as she retreats back to my room.
While I’m cooking the popcorn, I text Mom. Please come home, Mom. I can’t do this, I want to say.
But she doesn’t respond, and how can I blame her? I just watched my dad break her heart. I witnessed it with my own two eyes.
After the popcorn finishes, we watch Shrek. Dad doesn’t come out of his room.
I’m just a kid. I can’t do it all, but for my mom, I’ll do my best.
She has enough to worry about.
I’ll make you proud, Mom.
chapter twenty-four
Past
College
Jase
There’s nothing I hate more than being away from Lo. We’ve already been together for over three years. It’s been tough, but it’s worth every moment. She’s in her first year of culinary school, and she only has four left. When we were in high school, I always gave her shit for making weird food concoctions, but it’s paying off in classes, and they take her seriously. She’s happy, which makes me happy.
I’m almost done with my Bachelor’s degree in business since I’ve been cramming in as many credit hours as possible so I can finish a year early. She doesn’t know it, but I’m transferring to Bradbury, as soon as I finish, for my Master’s. I’d only intended to go for a Bachelor’s but I’ve found I love the investment industry. After transferring, I’ll spend the last three years of her degree with her without Toby. Toby doesn’t know that, but he’s gone once I’m there. I can’t keep doing this. He’s tearing us apart.
I love him, but he has to go.
It’s insane how you can love and hate someone in equal parts. That’s been us for years. Even though we’re brothers, he holds a grudge against me, I can tell.
Lo and I get in fights weekly, and she doesn’t understand my turmoil.
He wants you, I wish I could say. She wouldn’t hear it. She never does. She has it in her head that he’s just being her friend, that he’s supporting her while I’m away.
They’ve grown close.
He stays there many nights.
It saves them both money but I know his game. I just wish she did too.
What hurts is, I wouldn’t know from them telling me. They upload stupid photos of them every single fucking day. I shouldn’t stalk, shouldn’t follow, shouldn’t do this to myself, but I can’t help it.
It’s driving me nuts.
We don’t have an open relationship, but Lo told me that if I had needs, she’d let me fill them. To just let her know, so her heart isn’t hurt in the process.
In answer, I drove the five hours it took to see her and told her to her face that she’s it for me. We made love all night and solidified our trust in one another. Since then, though, I’ve felt like something’s missing. I need to graduate and quickly.
Apparently, I’ve been showing how much I miss her by moping, or at least, that’s what Francis says.
“Dude, you’re such a little bitch lately,” Francis jokes, smacking my arm. “If pussy-whipped had a dictionary definition...”
Giving him a stiff middle finger, I laugh at his lame attempts to make me smile. “Thanks, broski,” I mock. “You’re just jealous I’m getting pussy.”
Which only rings true because last weekend, I flew to see Peaches and was inside her all night. Before then, I’d been beating it with my hand for almost a month.
He rolls his eyes then glowers in my direction. Nora’s apparently making him suffer. There was a rumor that he’d sucked face with a coed at a party. I wasn’t there, but it must’ve held some truth since Nora has been avoiding him.
I’m trying to fix them, or at least get Nora to give him another chance. Francis hasn’t admitted anything to me, but I can tell he’s hurting. He loves the hell out of that girl.
“Fuck you, Jase. God, what I’d do to get her to forgive me,” he gripes.
“So, you did it?” I wonder out loud.
“I was drunk,” he mutters, pushing past me. He heads toward the cafeteria. It’s nearly dinner time, and he apparently isn’t ordering in tonight, which means he’s partying again.
“That’s a poor excuse if I’ve ever heard one.”
“Yeah, well, she’s been weird lately. She’s not only pushed me away. She seems to cling to you like a fucking joey in a kangaroo pouch.”
Ouch.
“Harsh, but I get it. You’re jealous. She’s needy and for some reason isn’t going to you.”
Yeah, that wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever said. But it’s the only thing that will get him to stop being a shithead.
&nbs
p; “The fuck did you just say?” He turns toward me, many onlookers watching him rush me. I don’t back up, waiting for his attack. He grips the front of my shirt, bunching it in his fists. “She’s coming to you? For what?” he hollers, spittle hitting my face.
“You. Heard. Me,” I taunt, smirking at the fury creasing his forehead.
“Did you fuck her?” he bites out, the words dripping with contempt and disgust.
“Nah, Frankie boy. Just wanted you to see you’re a dick for not apologizing to her sooner. You obviously love her. Get it together, and go win your girl back.”
He visibly relaxes, his once hunched shoulders almost falling. He releases my shirt then attempts to straighten it.
“Dude, stop,” I chastise.
He puts his palms up, his face less tense but still pinched, like he had an epiphany.
“I-I need to go,” he mumbles, turning in the direction of Bay Hall, the girls’ dormitories.
I shake my head, straighten my clothes, and head to the pizza place I love so much.
I miss you, I text Lo, imaging her smile and the way her hair looked last I saw her. She recently put lavender highlights in her hair. They make her eyes pop.
I miss you more and more. When are you coming back? she replies.
As soon as I can convince Mother Dearest to send me more dough.
So, never? Kidding, babe. Video chat? I bought this new lace set. I know how much you love new lingerie.
My dick immediately replies fuck yeah, while my heart wants to write her poetic sweet nothings so she’ll stay with me forever.
I’ll be there, Peaches. And make sure you eat dinner. I know how you get when you start a new Hell’s Kitchen season on Netflix.
Oh! I totally forgot! I’ll whip something up. I haven’t been feeling too well.
You okay?
Yeah, just throwing up a lot randomly especially in class when we were making breaded chicken. The eggs made me gag.
I hate when she gets sick. She was doing fine on Sunday, I think. I can’t remember though. All I can think about was spreading her creamy thighs and eating her for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My cock salutes, missing its playmate. It’s insatiable when she’s gone and even more so when we only get two days a month.
Make Toby pick you up some soup, crackers, and ginger ale. I hate even telling her that, but he’s there, and I’m not.
I might. But I’m watching Dirty Dancing, not Hell’s Kitchen, and I’m sucked in.
Shaking my head, I smile. She’s in love with Patrick Swayze, and once she starts the movie, she’s not getting off her couch.
I’ll text him. Rest up, Peaches. You have that final next week. After that, I’m yours for a few weeks. Spring break! I respond with excitement thrumming through me.
I can’t wait, Jase. I’ve been miserable without you.
The feeling’s mutual. I’m going to eat and shower. Then we’ll video chat? With that my body aches from the force of loneliness that seeps through me. Why does it feel like it’s been forever? When will this lingering neediness disappear?
That sounds like dirty talk unless it’s pizza. It’s pizza, isn’t it?
I laugh out loud, standing near Pauly’s Pizzeria.
I plead the fifth. I love you, Peaches.
For always? she asks, and I can imagine her worrisome frown.
For always, babe. Go smile and eat something.
I love you, too, Jase. Give me an hour or so.
Talk to you soon, I reply, wishing I was watching that stupid movie with her, holding her hair back while she chucks up whatever crap she’s come up with all while rubbing her back until she falls asleep in my arms.
God, I miss her.
She doesn’t respond, and I don’t expect her to until the end of DD. I order a medium pizza and head back to my dorm.
Hey, bro. Sorry about earlier. I need your help. Frankie messages me when I reach my dorm.
Party tonight at ODP? Nora’s text comes in right after.
Responding to both, I roll my eyes.
Francis and Nora have been trying to get me to go to parties, not together, but both seem to have the same intentions. Distracting me. But tonight, I’m better. Tonight is a video date with milady.
I need to get her back, he texts when I ignore his party invite. I heard she’ll be there.
Rolling my eyes, I scarf down two slices of pizza. Can’t. Date night.
Dude, come on. You saw her last weekend.
And if you didn’t fuck up, you’d see Nora every day.
Low blow. My phone chirps with his response.
Just laying that out there.
Just help me this once? Please? I’ll buy Lo whatever she wants for graduation. He barters, making me snicker. She’s been begging for one of those five-hundred dollar KitchenAid mixers.
Deal. I type and hit send.
Be over in ten.
I eat two more slices before he’s pounding my door down.
“One sec!” I yell, taking my sweet time to walk ten steps. He deserves to wait. Fucker is ruining date night.
As soon as I open the door, he’s bounding through. “Okay, so Sarah said that Mandy mentioned that Cora convinced Nora to go to Omega Delta Psi for a party.”
“That’s a lot of he said, she said,” I mutter sarcastically. Who says that much in one go?
“Don’t be a dick. I need to tell her how I feel.”
“She knows. You just don’t show her that well.”
“Thanks. Will you help me?”
“Why do you need me?”
“Buffer,” he states simply, shrugging. “And... just in case I fuck up some frat boys for hitting on her.”
“Yay,” I mock. “Let me shower and change. I haven’t showered since practice.”
“Now that you mention it, you smell rank, man.”
I flip him off, and head to the shower.
We make it to ODP as the party is hitting off. Music blares, surrounding us like a club, and we’re only on the lawn. There’s a line to get in, but luckily, we know most of the dudes on Greek Row because of football, and they wave us in. The glares and sneers from onlookers make me laugh. People get jealous of everything. It’s no big deal.
Frankie elbows me. “Over there.”
He gestures to the kitchen, where there are a ton of girls drinking. Nearby with several others is Nora. She’s not drinking anything, but she’s in some deep conversation with a blonde I’ve seen at many parties.
“Shit,” Frankie mutters, halting his pursuit.
“What’s wrong?”
“Maverick. That’s the girl I made out with, the one Ellie’s talking to.”
“Maverick Sawyer? The debutant?”
“She’s not a deb, Jase. She’s just a fashion-forward person.”
“Okay.” I blow out a breath. “What’s she doing with your girl?”
“Probably fucking up my life.”
“Go get ‘er tiger,” I muse, pushing him toward the kitchen.
He stumbles before catching his step. He turns his head to look at me since my pushing him got Nora’s attention. I’ll kill you, he mouths.
I shrug, smiling mischievously. Maybe they’ll get their shit together.
chapter twenty-five
Past
Jase
By the time I get a few drinks in, Nora and Frankie are screaming at each other, and I’m rushing to break it up.
“You’re a piece of shit, Francis Satoray!” Nora yells, and then her palm collides with his face. The smack silences everyone within five feet, me included. I nearly spit out this watery beer I’ve been sipping on since arriving.
“Really? Eleanor? Really! I apologized! I did!”
“I’m fucking pregnant!” Nora yells, making us all falter in our steps.
I watch as Frankie’s face drains of color, his ashen complexion staring back at her then flashing to me in the next moment. I’m stalk-still, holding the beer in my hand, not even sure what to say.
Nora is pregnant.
Oh, fuck.
“You’re what?” Frankie asks, his face still going through the motions.
“I’m. Pregnant. With. Your. Child.” Her words are so slow. It’s like she doesn’t believe he’ll understand her unless she speaks to him like he’s stupid. “Makes it better that we were dumb enough to get married at a fucking drive thru and you didn’t even tell Jase.” My eyes bulge, my mouth stuck wide open. They got married? When? Holy shit. No wonder she’s furious about him cheating. It makes perfect sense.
He tries pulling her into him, but she’s too frantic with tears and flailing arms, and he can’t get a hold of her.
“El,” he softly repeats her name over and over again. “I’m here. I’m here. I got you. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
He finally gets her to stop hitting him, but she’s still sobbing, and I’m still holding my drink, not knowing what the fuck is happening.
Their hushed whispers remind me of my girl and the date I bailed on.
Lo.
I never texted her back. Dammit! She’s going to be pissed.
Whipping my phone out, I see several missed texts, video calls, and regular phone calls.
Jase, you ready for me?
Jase?
Why aren’t you answering?
Babe, you okay?
Did you fall asleep? I’m starting to worry.
What’s going on?
Jason Collins, I swear if you’re playing a joke...
Fine. I’m going to bed. Better hope you’re alive, so I can kill you myself.
I love you for always.
I feel like such a fucker. She’s worried about me while I’m out at a party. At least she’ll appreciate that I’m trying to help her best friend be happy, but the fact that I never told her, well, that’s going to get me in trouble.
Hey, Peaches. I’m so sorry I missed our video call, the texts, and everything. I was trying to help Eleanor and Frankie get back together. Apparently, they’re married. Please don’t be mad. I totally spaced. I love you for always. Text me when you’re up. Hope you’re feeling better and that you ate.
She doesn’t respond, but I’m hoping that’s just because she’s asleep. I’m also hoping she ate since I forgot to text Toby to feed her. Finally, I’m hoping she’s not sick either.
Inhale, Exhale Page 21
