Of course he’d been crushed when they expelled her, but so be it. Ever since then she’d been able to go her own way, and thank goodness. No more mortician jokes. No more teasing about the girl whose mother had been run over by a golf cart and what a lovely job her father had done with the body. No more being on the outside looking in. She was Taffeta Tasmania, the most powerful woman in the world of crime, and proud of it.
She fluffed her hair and looked up the number of her next prospect. It was going to be a good day.
When Harry Sheriff decided to kidnap Saliva Snaffle, he hadn’t reckoned on Simon and Clive’s history machine addling her brain. He’d had it all planned out. Rejected by his girlfriend, Taffeta, and ousted by the detectives, he would have his revenge twice over: steal the metadata and keep Taffy from being able to use the secrets she’d stolen, and grab the rest of the trove for himself. With the metadata securely in his possession, he would unlock the secrets and set up his own criminal organization, wiping out both groups in the process. Then, with that information and no one to stop him, he would surpass the great Blixus Moriarty and topple his organization at the same time. Fully in charge of the largest criminal cartel in the island’s history, he would sit back and enjoy the fruits of his labors.
The first task was to grab Snaffle, that statue of a woman who controlled the secrets. He’d been tailing her for months, even when she’d gone off to Scotland, and at Dandy Castle he’d seen his opportunity. She’d toddled off by herself, close to the wood that surrounded the compound, and he’d pounced. Chloroform was an old trick but an effective one, and she’d succumbed easily.
When she awakened in the car, though, he’d got a shock. She was incoherent, speaking gibberish, and although he slapped her around she kept babbling.
What had they done to her? Was it battle shock? Had she been hit with some kind of projectile? He couldn’t see any injuries. Was the woman drunk? Perhaps if he waited she’d sober up. He’d make her tell and the metadata would be his and then Taffeta would see. Why he might even raid her stash and take all the secrets for himself. And then—and then—he would laugh in her face and show her what she was missing. Nobody rejected Harry Sheriff.
But things hadn’t turned out the way he planned. That fool woman wouldn’t come out of her drunken stupor. In fact, she’d got worse, begun prattling in Czech or Hungarian or Russian, it sounded like. And she wouldn’t shut up. So he’d pulled onto a narrow bridge, pushed her off, and that had been that. Useless woman.
He’d decided then to forget the metadata. He’d get back into the trove and claim the rest of the secrets. He wasn’t sure how he’d open the locks but he’d figure it out. He was Harry Sheriff, rogue, playboy, devil. He could do anything. They had just refused to give him a chance. But now they’d see.
But when he got there he saw the strangest thing—monkeys, piles of paper, and old Sidebotham standing at the edge of the lake collecting whatever the beasts were handing her. Maybe he was drunk, although he hadn’t touched a drop. He did wonder if he was hallucinating, though, when he saw the old woman get into a flashy sports car and drive off.
Curious as all get-out, he’d followed her to Blackpool, where she’d pulled up outside the Carnelian Bank. He’d watched her go inside and twenty minutes later come out again, then drive away. And then he’d come up with an idea.
It had been easy to stroll into the bank and sweet talk the teller in charge of safe deposit boxes. She was an English rose—the kind of girl you’d see in a soap advert. He knew her type, and he knew exactly what to do.
He’d leaned on the counter, flashed his most winning smile, and said, “Hi there.” She’d looked up, done a double take, gazed into his eyes, and said, “Hi yourself,” in a voice that would melt butter.
“What’s your name?” he’d said to the girl whose badge read “Summer.”
“I’m Summer,” she cooed in a way that meant something else entirely.
“Harry,” he said. “I’m Harry.”
“Well, then, Mr. Potter,” she said, “perhaps you can show me some magic.”
Five minutes later Harry had got her phone number, and five minutes after that he opened Professor Sideobotham’s safe deposit box and removed the rest of the secrets. Then he climbed into his expensive convertible and sped toward London with Summer in the seat next to him.
At a secret location in an out of the way place, Banting Waltz ran his large hands through Lila Lester’s bleached blond hair.
“It’s outrageous him firing you like that,” he said, rearranging a few wisps to his liking.
“Thank you, Banting,” she sighed, grabbing hold of his hand and bringing it to her lips. “You’re the only one who understands.”
He clasped her arms and gazed into her face. She was a good-looking woman, if a little brassy, but he liked that. Brassy and smart. It got him every time. “Of course I do. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said, but her thoughts were obviously elsewhere.
He had to get her focused. He needed to move ahead and make some decisions. “I have an idea, my darling. To get back at him and make you everything you should be.”
Lila smiled. “Back at Thrillkill?”
He traced her smile with a finger. “Of course. The man is an imbecile.”
“He is, isn’t he? I’m disappointed. Herb had such faith in him.”
He stroked her cheek. “Herb is gone. I’m here now.”
She gazed up at him. “You are, aren’t you? I’m so glad. So what’s this idea to get back at him? Thrillkill, I mean.”
Waltz was proud of his plan and knew she’d love it too. Just wait till she heard what he’d done. She would go positively wild. He brought his mouth to her ear and whispered, “We’ll co-opt him.”
She found his ear and whispered back. “Make him redundant, you mean?”
Now he spoke aloud. He was too excited for whispering. “Yes, but more than that. We’ll make him look a fool and gain a world for ourselves.”
“That sounds intriguing,” she said playfully. “What do you mean?”
He kept her in suspense as long as he could stand it. She searched his face but he wouldn’t say a word. He just grinned. Then, when she looked as if she couldn’t stand it anymore he said, “Blixus.”
“Blixus?” She hadn’t figured it out. When he told her she’d be so proud of him.
He took her hand and squeezed. “We’ll crush him.”
“Ooooh, I like this idea. It’s what he deserves. Him and that horrible son of his ruining my daughter’s life.”
“We can change all that.”
Lila sat up. “Tell me what you’re thinking. I want a good life for her, but she doesn’t listen. I don’t know how I ended up with such a thick child.”
“You won’t need to worry about that anymore. She can be reformed. We just need to get rid of the boy. Blixus and the other kid will be icing on the cake.”
“How?”
He pulled out his phone. This was it. Now she’d see the real Waltz, the splendid Waltz, the colossus who would make her dreams come true.
He started the video of Blixus spilling his guts. As she watched her eyes grew wide, and even wider when it became obvious that Waltz had taken over the cartel.
“It’s all ours,” he said, nuzzling her ear.
Lila was in shock. “I don’t see—I mean, how did you—”
He put a hand over her lips. “It was easy, my darling. The Moriartys are not as smart as they think.”
“But what will you do now? You have the names and locations of Blixus’s lieutenants. Give them to the Yard, I suppose.”
Waltz pulled back and looked at her sternly. She still wasn’t getting it. “You misunderstand me, my love.”
“I don’t—”
He took her hands in his. “When I said it was all ours, I meant it. It’s our organization now. We command it. We can do anything we want.”
Lila gasped. “How can you—but this is impossible. I never wo
uld have thought . . .”
He lifted her hand to his lips. “But it has. And now that such a thing has happened?”
“I never dreamed . . .”
“Now you can. Now we can. Imagine the power of an organization like this. Dare to dream, Lila. We’ll be a king and queen.
“But Banting, they’re criminals.”
He looked at her slyly. “So?”
She dropped his hands and walked to the window, then spun around to face him. “I see what you’re getting at, but . . .”
“Look,” he said, coming over and enfolding her in his arms. “You love me, don’t you?”
“More than anything. You know that.”
“And you want us to be together?”
“Of course.”
“Then join me. You won’t regret it. I will lay the moon at your feet.”
He kissed her softly, then, feeling her respond, more urgently.
“I do love you, Lila. I must have you with me.”
“Oh, Banting. I don’t know. What about Amanda?”
“Amanda will be fine. I’ll see to that.”
She pulled his arms tight around her. “You’re such a comfort.”
“I try, my love.”
“It’s just so sudden. I’ll have to think about it. I’ve always been on the other side.”
“Of course you have, my darling. But things change. You’ve seen how they behave. They’re losers. You’re a winner. You’ll never have what you deserve if you stick with them.”
She thought for a moment. “I won’t, will I?”
He turned her around and looked into her eyes. “You know you won’t.
She was a million miles away. “It sounds good on paper, but I’ll have to think about it.”
“Of course, my love. But don’t take too long.” His eyes were full of fire. “It’s quite a simple thing really. There’s only one question you need to answer: are you with me or against me?”
SPRING TERM SECOND-YEAR CLASS SCHEDULE
Monday
8:00 – 9:15. Criminals and Their Methods, Feeney
9:30 – 10:45. Cyberforensics, Dinklage
11:15 – 12:30. Crime Lab, Stegelmeyer
12:30 – 1:30. Lunch
1:30 – 2:45. Disguise, Tumble.
Tuesday
8:00 – 9:15. Police Procedure, McTavish
9:30 – 10:45. Observation, Scribbish
11:15 – 12:30. Self-defense, Peaksribbon
12:30 – 1:30. Lunch
1:30 – 2:45. Forensic Photography, Kindseth.
Wednesday
8:00 – 9:15. Cyberforensics, Dinklage
9:30 – 10:45. Profiling, Buck
11:15 – 12:30. Criminals and Their Methods, Feeney
12:30 – 1:30. Lunch
1:30 – 2:45. Crime Lab, Stegelmeyer.
Thursday
8:00 – 9:15. Observation, Scribbish
9:30 – 10:45. Legal Issues, Mukherjee
11:15 – 12:30. Self-defense, Peaksribbon
12:30 – 1:30. Lunch
1:30 – 2:45. Fires and Explosions, Pole.
Friday
8:00 – 9:15. Profiling, Buck
9:30 – 10:45. Cyberforensics, Dinklage
11:15 – 12:30. Pathology, Hoxby
12:30 – 1:30. Lunch
1:30 – 2:45. History of Detectives, Also.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR YOUR READING GROUP
Are you afraid of spiders? Would you let a spider bite you in order to save something precious?
What do you think the secret about Scapulus Holmes is?
If you could be one of the characters from this book, who would you choose? Why?
Do you think the kids are too hard on Ramon? Why?
Have you ever been on a film studio tour? What did you see? What was your favorite part?
Who do you think is the most odious villain in the series? Why?
Who is the smartest character in the series? Why do you think so?
Should the teachers let Eustace into Legatum?
If you had to devise three labors for Nick, what would they be?
Do you think Professor Buck will make a good headmaster? Whom would you choose to replace Thrillkill if it were up to you?
Have you ever done any ghost hunting? Would you like to?
What do you think happened to Simon’s parcel?
Will Nick get his hearing back?
What do you think Lila will do?
Would Ivy and Simon make a good couple? Why?
If Simon’s history machine were available to you, how would you use it?
If you went to Legatum, what would you pick as your specialty? Why?
What is the most useful skill for a detective to have?
If you could have dinner with any of the characters from the series, whom would you choose? Why?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Paula Berinstein is the former producer and host of the popular podcast, The Writing Show. She lives in Los Angeles.
Amanda Lester and the Red Spider Rumpus Page 29
