by Javan Bonds
Yards from the opened lift, my greeter emerged. It was a small, naked, and filthy, blue female, who in life, had been a child; probably around the age of five or six. Not yet of age to bear offspring, the young, snaggle-toothed female turned to me and squealed. Its clutch mates would join their fellow shortly.
Walking slowly, I approached the short creature now standing in place, waiting for its comrades. I was trying to determine if this was Sabrina Peters. There was no way to tell her natural hair color, having been soaked in every imaginable bodily fluid. The yellow-eyed monster was grotesquely thin. It was safe to say this wasn't the chubby, little girl from the pictures. Perhaps Sabrina remained in the elevator, trapped and being slowly consumed. Lifting both weapons free from their scabbards, I watched in disgust as the rest of the miniature squad of zombies appeared.
Some of the blue cannibals didn’t even have a full set of teeth. They came to the side of their petite compatriot, growling and hissing threateningly. Not all of them could be considered blue, so bloodied and rolled in excrement as were they. Prior to turning, they ranged from crawling toddler to kindergarten age. Necessary, but sickening, was the fact that we were about to end the lives of things that had barely lived, even as humans.
The HITs were rushing up the last flight of stairs to back me up, but they wouldn’t make it before the brawl began. The tiny beasts surged as a single unit, slinging themselves against me with the force of rabid spider monkeys on bath salts. Toothless baby peevies gummed the literal shit out of my jacket while tiny undead dodged my blades. Agile little suckers!
Shooting my left arm out at ninety degrees, the infantile cannibal on my elbow rocketed back at the approaching Clone Troopers. My ally with green accents on his armor extended his trishula. Screaming in a high-pitched whine until all three blades caught it; the minuscule monster immediately met true death. One point stuck cleanly through the back of the hairless skull and protruded from just below the nostrils to the bottom of the chin. Number two jutted right through the not fully formed sternum, its breastbone providing no resistance. Finally, the last speared cleanly through the pelvis, destroying a chance of ever being able to discover if this had been a male or a female. Black liquid ran down the shaft on this end, meaning the animal must have eaten within the past day or so. Making a disgusted noise, Rajesh shook his catch from the end of the weapon. Deceased undead slid from the tip; a small sound of suction popping could be heard as the body fell.
My katana stabbed cleanly through one of the young peevies, lodging at the halfway point on the blade. Rather than attempt to fight with the body on my blade, I simply released Ivory, choosing to make Ebony my primary weapon. The deviant imps came running around to my nine o’clock, forcing me to turn with my back now facing the railing. As the vicious little bastards closed, I took steps back, making sure I still had some distance between me and the edge. As I swiped my tanto at one of the monsters, it expertly dodged, causing only air to be sliced.
Before I could react, the other blue demon launched itself at me feet first, drop kicking me in the chest. The wind was knocked out of me as I was forced backward. The middle of my lower back banged against the top of the rail, and I could see myself falling end over end. Enough carcasses covered the bottom level that my body might still be recognizable, albeit deceased. Falling from such a distance would surely kill me, but the detritus at the tower base would cushion the fall enough that I might not explode. My broken body could possibly be returned to my wife.
Tipping over the rail, I tossed my sword straight up. Dropping both of my hands at my sides, I grabbed the railing as I flipped over it. When my feet were even with the floor, I forced my feet back through the opening below the bar that I had just toppled over. As I swung around my momentum carried me at such speed there were several inches between my ass and the ground. I reached out grabbing my short samurai sword from the air on its return fall and continued past the short zombies. All of this happened so fast they didn’t have enough time to react, and I was able to cleave three of them in two pieces somewhere above the knee. Actually, counting both legs, I suppose it was three pieces.
The middle creature toppled into the one directly behind it, knocking it away from its severed legs. The first fell into the position of the second’s upper body. For the briefest instant, they nearly appeared to have been matched with the other’s lower appendages. Their flailing and flopping only increased the speed at which they would bleed out. Dark red blood ran from the freshly loosened appendages, toes still twitching. Those three were down for the count. Now all I had to deal with were the last three imps.
Jumping up, when my glide came to an end, I spun to face my final foes. I smiled because there now was a solid wall behind me. If they knew that a deadly drop waited behind them, they didn’t show it. They grinned wickedly and came at me in a half circle. Ebony whistled as I sliced through the air readying for their assault.
Just before they got within range, what I immediately mistook for a pitchfork jammed into the cranium of the animal on the right. Rajesh had thrown his trishula at one of the little reanimated corpses. The center blade impacted above the ear and protruded from the other side. The other two points remained clean at the front and back of the skull. Being weighed down by the staff of the death god’s tool of destruction, the brain-dead beast collapsed and momentarily appearing propped up, while grey matter leaked onto the floor.
Mahatma threw himself at the middlemost former child. The sharpened steel tip of his bhuj penetrated just below the rib cage and continued digging into the small animal. The one-sided axe knife exited the other side as the digestive tract was destroyed. Bile and blood soaked the floor on either side of the tiny ghoul.
Without some quick thinking from the mindless, remaining reanimant, it too would have suffered a painful death by my Indian comrade. It launched itself forward, seemingly not noticing my tanto coming in from the side. The short blade sliced cleanly through the neck, immediately ending the peevie. Now that I think about it, maybe it knew what it was doing; ending its miserable existence. Swift death by my blade was surely more acceptable than bleeding out like its fellows behind it. The bleeding body hit the ground with a wet thud as the severed head did a flip, landing squarely face first into its shit covered ass cheeks.
My coat flapped when I turned to make my way to the elevator. Looking inside, what I was hoping to find didn’t seem present. A few mostly eaten, and former furry animals set inside a shit covered box. Some of the bones could have been human, but there were no abducted living children here. Even if this pack of zombies had taken Sabrina; she hadn’t been brought here.
I gripped the handle of Ebony hard enough to turn my knuckles white. “Another waste of time! Why?” I looked up and screamed at the fates.
The black Trooper peeked around an imaginary corner. “What’s the point of this elevator, anyway?” Rajesh chuckled in response. I only shrugged.
Sighing, I grasped my proffered katana from Mahatma, who had retrieved it from the now dead peevie. “Another mystery unsolved. More paperwork. Joy!” I made my way down the steps. Maybe there won’t be a next time.
14
Criminal
Shit, here comes that damn idiot neighbor again. Jones? Yeah, that's it. I’ve got to start remembering his name. As long as he can fellowship with me, a guiding light through this present darkness, he seems to be recovering well after the loss of his precious daughter. I must be a real fucking encouragement, the way these stupid bastards hang on every word I say. Motherfucker probably smelled what I’m grilling and wants to come share. Goddamn. Well, what would Jesus do, right?
Sheeple like this fool would blindly follow me into hell. If they all brake bread with me like he has, then they’ll have to stay faithful because they won’t be able to accept what they’ve done. Well, it’s not really bread but, I guess–
“You got hamburgers?”
“Something like that. We’ve got plenty if you want to come share!”
“Great. Lauren can bake them. That will be perfect with these burgers.”
☠☠☠
Both couples sat around the table, chowing down on the delectable burgers.
Jones asked around a mouthful of meat. “This tastes unbelievable! What kind of seasoning did you use?”
“Oh, that is Lauren’s secret.” Brother Brown smiled and dipped his head at his wife.
“I didn’t need much.” Lauren smiled, “The meat has a flavor by itself.” Jones gave her puppy dog eyes but relented and agreed with her.
“Well, if you think you've enough of it, you should try using some of this freeze-dried meat at the church. I don’t mean all of it, but I’m sure all the members would go crazy for just a bite.”
The temporary replacement for The Man of God looked over to his wife with raised eyebrows. He shook his head as he spoke to Jones. “Actually, I was just thinking about that. Lauren and I need to discuss it, but I think its God’s will. And there’s no reason not to share when the Lord has given me so much.” The pastor paused, allowing his Christ likeness to sink in.
“You think the congregation would be up for some chili?”
Interlude 2
It was almost time for my nightly radio chat with my father. Walking to the stairs from just taking a steaming shit, I met The Tech walking below deck. I stopped with my arms at my sides as he met me in the hall.
I was expecting him to slightly bow as he passed or give me his usual Jedi greeting. He unexpectedly stopped and looked at me. “Wrex.”
I knew what he was doing. I had seen the YouTube videos of the comical greeting scene between the Krogan and human protagonists from Mass Effect on the Normandy. There are these videos where the two repeat their names as a greeting and a farewell over and over. Yes, I know I’m a geek, don’t rub it in.
I tried not to smile as I returned with a pathetic attempt at an impersonation of a giant alien lizard. “Shepard.”
It just happened. I just came out of the closet as a secret geek to the only other person on board that would have a clue what I had just referenced. We both realized at the same moment what had just occurred. A devilish grin broke across his face, and I could see he was about to point and laugh before running upstairs to tell the others I secretly wished my girlfriend was blue.
Holy shit, I just now realized that both Mass Effect’s Asari and peevies share that skin color. Okay, it is a different tone, but still. And yeah, it kind of would be cool if she were blue and had those hair folds.
My head swiveled to him as quickly as that of a Geth. Our eyes locked. I knew he knew, and he knew that I knew he knew. My photoreceptors were pleading with him not to say anything to anyone, to keep my dark secret quiet. Our Force auras must have been communicating. The broad smile faded, leaving only a hint of a smirk as he nodded in agreement to keep it on the down low.
He then turned and continued walking on down the hall. Probably going to make sure his Warhammer figurines remained untouched. I swear I could hear a voice whisper through the invisible Force. “Your secret’s safe with me, my fellow nerd.”
Slowly turning to make my way upstairs I thought; well, now I know I never need to piss off this particular geek. I’m sure he’s going to save threatening me with letting this secret out when he wants a Back to the Future skateboard.
☠☠☠
As I made my way across the deck, the setting sun was almost blinding as it reflected off of the river. Stumbling due to the temporary inability to see, I approached the table to find most of the crew already involved in a family chat. Thanks for waiting on me, guys! Can you feel the love?
I heard my dad over the radio as I drew closer. “And Doctor George? Brother Brown’s wife is a nurse practitioner. She started helping out at the clinic, and people seem pretty happy. I guess she can be The Medicine Man for now.” He didn’t sound pleased as he said this. The fact that The Oracle remained stone faced didn’t make it sit well with me.
The cardiologist smiled and said something I didn’t catch when Gene emerged from below deck. He came to the table at an asthmatic sprint and huffed. “How’s Hunter?” I knew he had been thinking of the boy he had adopted since the death of Georgia.
My dad came back. “He’s doing really well. Debbie has him talking now. Only tells jokes from Laffy Taffy wrappers.” He groaned. “But at least it’s something.”
I knew where Hunter got this trait. My mother has always loved Laffy Taffy jokes. She must be saving the Bazooka Joe lines for a rainy day. I’m sure that will get the boy to come out of his shell. Jokes that are not the slightest bit funny to anyone above the age of six, and she can barely tell them without breaking into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Seriously, she is doubled over and barely retaining consciousness when she tells you what kind of birds stick together. “Velcrows!”
I guess it really is an improvement. The boy didn’t speak after the death of his father, Daniel. When Georgia, his mother, was murdered by The Betrayer, the young boy completely closed himself off from any sort of interaction with anyone. He may only be quoting retarded lines from candy wrappers, but it’s a big leap.
The Tech almost thanked my dad. “That’s great! Can he tell me one?”
My dad clicked his tongue. “I’m sure he would. He’s out with Mama feeding the chickens.”
My eyes grew wide. “What?”
“I said he’s with Debbie.”
“No, you didn’t. I heard what you said.” Daddy is only supposed to call my mother Mama when she’s doing something with one of her children. She’s my mama, not Hunter’s! He made a noncommittal noise, and I just let it go. I knew I would never get him to admit what I knew he said.
I changed subjects. “So what about the girl that went missing? Anything yet?”
“No. No bodies in the water, no sign.”
Damn Daddy, morbid much?
“And another girl went missing yesterday. No trace, blonde just like the other one.” He grew disgusted. “And Brother Brown has pretty much accused us of being at fault for it.”
I was confused. “Us?”
“Me and your mama.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “But... He thinks you're the kidnappers?”
He chuckled through his derision. “I doubt he thinks it. Of course, we’re not, but he is indirectly pointing at us.”
I knew Mama wasn’t around, so I could get by with a four letter word. “What the hell for?”
“I think he’s trying to get people on his side and off ours. He must be positioning himself to make a power-play.”
“You mean this guy is going to stage a coup?” It was hard to believe people would turn on the guy that pretty much got the island up and running. Actually, never mind. I’m the guy that got that ball rolling. I know somebody would find it easy to assassinate me, but Randy Collins made Guntersville better on top of everything I did. And I didn’t do a lot, really.
He exhaled. “It won’t be too hard, the way he has everybody wrapped around his finger.”
Smokes glanced back at the Forever Young to our rear, still visible in the fading daylight and then looked at me. “We gots to git, dawg.”
I put my hands on my hips, pissed at myself. I forgot to even mention the ship following us. Oh well, I’m sure he didn’t have anything to tell us, either.
I took the radio from my brother and spoke. “Well Daddy, we’re gonna have to get out of this port. We’ll talk later.
The entire crew called their farewells. My father signed off. “Roger. Gray Fox. Over and out.”
☠☠☠
15
Memoirs of Benji Two:
Part One: Comic Relief
“Gene said if we needed anything, we should take a look in here.”
“Well, can’t hurt.”
“Hasn’t so far.”
I was attempting to convince my girlfriend Amy Rice, that w
hat we sought would be inside Excelsior Comics. The girl hadn’t seen things play out as of yet like the rest of us. As if our new existence is just some fucked up movie. I didn’t blame her for her lack of faith. Eventually, she would see these miracles, divine acts, or whatever you want to call them as part of the plan. You’re always where you are always supposed to be, right?
When she first made it known that she wanted to come with us on missions, I initially declined. Nobody wants to put a loved one in harm’s way! After a couple of rounds of kicking this Asian dude’s tail with her martial arts badassness, it seemed she could hold her own in a fight. We just needed to outfit her in something more protective than a tank top. Maybe Gene could be of some help to us, even though he was assuredly halfway down the Tennessee River at this point.
It was a mystery if The Tech knew what we would need or if he even put it there. Perhaps it spontaneously appeared, willed into that place and time when the writer of this screenplay saw fit.
Unlocking the door with the key Randy gave me, we began moving to the back room. Did Devin know what we’d find? Maybe that’s one reason he didn’t offer to come along. One reason, anyway.
☠☠☠
“Oh my God, I love it!
I raised my eyebrows. Elektra. I looked at the outfit, black vest, gloves, loincloth, and boots. This all accented the red leotard. Along with the getup, were the obligatory katana and an accompanying pair of sai. Swiveling my head to Amy, I grinned. “I think you need to try it on.”
She raised an eyebrow and gave a mischievous wink. “Oh, that can be arranged.” She grabbed the outfit from the rack and sprinted to the bathroom.
