“Hello, Rose.”
“Hello. Is everything alright? You don’t look too happy.”
He looked down at the ground and then took a couple of steps before he looked back up at her. “There have been some developments.”
“Jah, I know. I was there at your work today and I ran into Jessica.”
“So you know?”
Rose nodded. “I do.”
He gave a relieved sigh. “That’s good. I thought you’d be upset with me.”
He was here, so he must’ve sorted things out with Jessica, she thought. “There are always two sides to every story. I’m not upset with you at all. I only hope that Jessica isn’t upset.”
His eyebrows drew together. “Why would she be upset?”
“When you told her that you weren’t going to marry her.”
He looked away and then shuffled his foot, rolling a couple of pebbles back and forth under his shoe. He looked up at her. “Jessica and I had a long talk today, and to make a long story short, we’re getting married.”
Rose felt all life drain from her. It couldn’t be true. “What are you talking about? She said you just left her and came here. She said you were going to marry her and then you changed your mind, or something.”
“I had to clear my head. I had to think what I really felt about her before I made the next step. I’m only here to tell you in person. I’m not here to stay for the meal.”
Rose’s fingertips flew to the sides of her head. “You wanted to see who else was out there? Was that it?”
“I’m sorry, Rose. I never meant to hurt you.”
“We kissed! You kissed me!”
“It was only a kiss—nothing more.”
“I told you I didn’t want to.” She was hurt, desperately hurt. He preferred someone else. Nothing he’d ever said was true. She scowled, not the slightest bit concerned about how unattractive her face looked in that moment.
He took a step toward her. “Rose, it’s not like that. I honestly prefer you, but—”
“But what?”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not complicated in the least. You chose her over me, so there’s nothing difficult about that. I don’t know what you’re thinking by even coming here. I even made a special dessert for you. I’ll throw it in the trash!”
“I won’t come in. I didn’t expect that I would be staying for dinner after I said what I came to say. I only came to tell you in person. Let your parents know I’m sorry, but … tell them I’m unwell. I’m sorry, Rose. I didn’t … I didn’t mean it to end like this. I didn’t mean to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted.”
“What about all those things you said to me? Were you lying about everything?”
He looked down at the ground once more. “I can’t answer that.”
Rose stamped her foot. “You can’t answer that because you were lying. Go! Leave my place now and never come back!” Rose turned to leave, but he caught her by her elbow and abruptly swung her around to face him.
“Rose, there are some things you don’t know.”
“Well, tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“You forced me to kiss you and you said it would be okay because we’d be married. I wanted my first kiss to be on my wedding day, or at least with my husband, and you stole that from me.”
He shook his head. “Grow up, Rose. You’re not so special that a man would wait for you to kiss him. Maybe that’s how things were two hundred years ago, but today a man needs more. More than a kiss, even.”
Rose’s jaw dropped open and she turned on her heel and stomped away without saying another word. Now she knew the truth. Jacob was just horrid, and she’d made an awful, terrible mistake.
Chapter 17
Minutes before…
From the kitchen window, Nancy watched her daughter hurry to meet Jacob outside. The scene brought her mind back to when she and her husband were getting to know one another. She’d told herself she’d never spy on her daughters, but she found herself doing just that.
“I’ll set the table, Mamm,” Tulip said.
“Denke.” Nancy didn’t want Tulip to see she was watching the young couple so she busied herself preparing for her daughter’s boyfriend’s dinner at the house.
When Tulip’s back was turned, she glanced out the window again to see what looked like some kind of a disagreement. Nancy guessed there was more to the story of Jessica, the young woman who was visiting their community. Could he have chosen Jessica over her daughter? It certainly looked that way from Rose’s body movements and it looked like she was even yelling at him.
Now Rose headed to the house and Jacob was wasting no time getting back into his buggy. Nancy hurried to meet Rose at the front door. “What’s happened? Where’s Jacob?”
“He’s not coming to dinner tonight, or any other night. We’re through—it’s over!” Rose burst into tears before she ran up the stairs.
Nancy stood there frozen, not knowing what to do. She hadn’t had any dramas like this with her sons. The sound of Rose’s bedroom door slamming echoed through the house.
Tulip ran out of the kitchen. “What’s going on?”
Nancy swung around to face her. “Rose and Jacob had some kind of argument.”
“I’ll go to her.”
“Nee, don’t. I’ll give her a few minutes and then I’ll talk with her.”
“What’s happening? Isn’t Jacob coming to dinner now?” Daisy asked as she also ran from the kitchen to her mother.
“Did they have an argument?” Lily yelled out from the kitchen.
“Hush!” their mother said, not wanting Rose to hear them discussing her. It’d only upset her more. She looked at Daisy. “He’s not coming to dinner now. Go and tell your schweschder to be quiet.”
“Which one? Rose or Lily?”
“Lily, of course. Now’s not the time for game playing. You know who I meant.”
Daisy’s mouth turned down at the corners as she flounced back into the kitchen.
“He’s not coming now,” Daisy yelled to her twin on the way.
“Gut! There’ll be more food for us,” Lily called back.
Nancy shook her head. “Hush, all of you.”
“Mamm, it’s best if I go up and talk with her,” Tulip said over the top of the twins’ sniggers.
Nancy was a little disturbed that the twins seemed to be enjoying the drama. She looked at Tulip, her second oldest daughter, and put her hands on her shoulders and looked her directly into her face to hold her attention. “This is something that is a mudder dochder thing. I’ll have a talk with your vadder when he gets home, which should be soon, and then I’ll go to her. Until then, help me with the dinner, jah?”
Rather than answer, Tulip pulled her mouth to one side.
“Trust me, Tulip, I know what I’m doing,” Mamm said, taking hold of Tulip’s arm and guiding her back to the kitchen.
“I could talk to her,” Lily suggested.
“Nee!” Tulip and their mother said at the same time.
“That’s a little harsh,” Daisy said.
“It’s okay, I’m used to being left out of things,” Lily replied, stifling a giggle.
“Stop it, both of you!” Nancy wagged a finger at her twin daughters. “This is a serious thing. Rose is upset, and you’re being very unkind.”
“He was too handsome anyway,” Daisy said in a small voice.
Nancy frowned. “What has that got to do with anything?”
“The more handsome a man is, the less kind he is,” Daisy said, which made Lily giggle. “It’s true. I know these things,” Daisy insisted.
“You’ll marry an ugly man and have ugly kinner then,” Lily replied.
Daisy stuck her nose in the air. “As long as he loves me, I don’t care.”
Nancy sighed in despair. Her two sons had been so easy to deal with and she hadn’t appreciated it at the time. They’d found wives without any problems. Something gave Nancy the fe
eling that all of her girls would be challenging in the romance sector of life.
A horrible thought occurred to Nancy and she clutched at her throat. What if her four daughters all remained single? She would be an old lady with four middle-aged daughters still living in her house squabbling and bickering. When would she have a chance to be alone and enjoy her last years with Hezekiah? “All of you concentrate on cooking.”
“It’s all done,” Lily said with her arms raised.
“The table’s still not set. You know how your vadder likes his dinner as soon as he gets home.”
To Nancy’s relief, the three girls found something else to talk about other than Rose’s disaster.
As soon as Nancy walked into Rose’s room, she looked up from her seated position on her bed. “I’m never going to marry anyone—ever. I’ll never be able to trust anybody. I trusted Jacob and look what happened. He lied to me. He told me how much he liked me, and he knew it was all lies. He didn’t mean a word of it.”
“What happened?”
“He’s going to marry Jessica. That’s what happened. After telling me he loved me. I don’t know how Jessica can trust him after he walked out on her.”
Nancy gasped and put her hand on her heart. “That’s a surprise.”
“Why would she take him back? It doesn’t make sense.”
“She probably has forgiveness in her heart.”
Rose’s green eyes flashed. “I have none! I will never forgive him and I will never marry anyone because I’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again as long as I live.”
“Rose, you can’t mean that. You’re just upset.”
“Why would I love and put myself at risk for being hurt again?”
“You only knew him for a couple of weeks or less. It can’t have been real love. You can’t tell me you could have fallen in love with him in that short amount of time.”
“I didn’t know there was a time limit on love, Mamm.”
“I don’t know that there is, but you wouldn’t have had time to find out what kind of person he was.”
“Well I certainly know what kind of person he is now! He’s a person who can’t be trusted, and if I’m so dumb and easily fooled who can I ever trust again?”
Her mother pushed some strands of hair away from Rose’s face.
“Anyway, Mamm, denke for coming to talk with me, but I’d rather be alone if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is. I understand. I’ll bring some dinner up to you.”
“Nee, don’t.” Rose shook her head and then ripped off her prayer kapp and held it with both hands. “The last thing I feel like is food.”
“You’ve got to keep your strength up, Rose.”
“You can bring the food up if you want, but I won’t eat it. It’ll only be wasted.” Rose lay down across her bed, wiggled herself lower, and pulled the covers over her head.
The next morning, Rose had to go back to work. She couldn’t miss two days in a row. And she’d quite possibly feel better back in her normal routine. Some time with Mark would make her feel happy again. She wondered what Mark would say about his cousin and Jessica. Rose only hoped Jacob would go home sooner than he’d planned. It would be hurtful and embarrassing to see him out and about with his girlfriend. What a fool she’d made of herself by liking him.
As soon as Mrs. Walker let her out at the farmers market, she saw Mark in the distance and hurried toward him. When she got closer, he saw her and waited for her.
“I’m so sorry I was mean to you, Mark,” she blurted out.
“You were?”
“Jah.”
“Nee, it’s me who should apologize to you. I had no right to tell you what to do.”
“You’ve heard about Jacob?”
“Have you?” Mark asked.
“He told me he’s marrying Jessica. After he told me …”
Mark frowned and his eyes narrowed.
Rose’s shoulders drooped. “Never mind. It’s just a weird thing that’s happened.”
“It is, and I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you and Jacob. I know you liked him.”
Rose sighed. “At least I know now that I’ll never marry.”
“Never marry anyone?”
“Never.”
“You can’t mean that, Rosie.”
“I do.”
“Unless it’s to marry me, right?” Mark asked jokingly.
Rose was pleased they were back to the old Mark and Rose. She had to giggle at his words and the silly expression now on his face. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Mark. I won’t even marry you.”
“You’ll change your mind one day. I’ll grow on you; you just wait and see. I’ll grow on you like ivy grows on a tree—slowly but surely, never giving up.”
“We’ll see.” Rose giggled again.
During the day, Rose learned that Jacob and Jessica were leaving that day, along with Jessica’s aunt, to head back home.
Rose was relieved that she wouldn’t have to see them. She felt foolish to have believed everything Jacob had said to her. Not only had he robbed her potential husband of her first kiss, he’d robbed her of her desire to marry.
Chapter 18
When Rose arrived home from work that night, her gloomy mood returned. Somehow everything reminded her of Jacob.
Rose knew she was in a depression and she couldn’t pull herself out of it. She had been dumped; she had been cheated by the man she thought she would marry, and no one except Tulip understood.
The twins weren’t sympathetic because they didn’t understand how she could develop real feelings for someone in such a short space of time. They poked fun at her and told their mother that Rose was just trying to get attention. Her mother was worried about her, and her father always stayed out of what he called, ‘girl problems.’
After dinner that night, while they were washing up, Rose’s mother told her she wanted to have a chat with her. The twins and Tulip were sent to sit with their father in the living room.
“I’m troubled about you, Rose.”
“Why? I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.” Rose dried the plate too many times back and front until she noticed her mother staring at her. She quickly put the plate with the other dry ones.
“You’re not yourself.”
“I am, I’m the new me. This is how I am now.”
“Don’t be like that. Just because you’ve had one bad experience with a man doesn’t mean you’re never going to find someone who suits you.”
“I’m not going to marry, and I don’t have to. Even the Bible says that people don’t need to marry if they don’t want to. I think it was Paul who said it was preferable not to marry but if people had to do so, then it was okay. So, I’m going to be like Paul and stay single. It’s a Godly choice.”
“Leave the dishes. Let’s sit at the table. I’ll have the twins do it.”
Rose sat down and her mother sat opposite.
Then her mother’s fingertips drummed on the kitchen table. “You’re not making your decision out of a Godly choice. You’re making it out of hurt. Besides, Paul was a man. Maybe things were different for men and women back then. Those were different times and in a different culture.”
“Ask Dat about it. He’d know. I’m sure it’s okay for a woman just as it would be for a man not to marry. No one can force me; it’s my choice.”
“I just want you to be happy, and in an ideal situation you would be happily married.”
“That’s not what I want anymore, Mamm. I thought I did, but it only leads to disappointment. I want to be happy and being in love is okay when it’s gut, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so low. I feel as though there’s no point to life, almost.”
“Honey, that was just one man. They’re not all like that.”
Rose swallowed hard. “He was the only man for me and then it all turned bad.”
“Is he the only man you want?”
Rose nodded. “He is.”
“Do you think
you should find out if he and Jessica are still engaged? They had a rocky relationship, so maybe they’re off again. I could make some calls and—”
“Nee, I don’t like him anymore! I wouldn’t marry him now. He could change his mind about me just as easily as he changed his mind about her. The perfect man for me would never have walked away and left me.”
Her mother was silent for a while before she spoke again. “Your vadder and I have talked about it and we’ve arranged for you to speak with Bishop John and his fraa.”
Rose leaped to her feet, knocking the chair over as she did so. “Talk to the bishop about my personal things?”
“We’re worried about you. And we both think it’s best that you speak with him and tell him how you feel.”
Rose picked up her chair and sat back down. Maybe talking it over with someone would help her sort out her feelings. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt if that’s what you want me to do. But I’m not sure what you think it’s going to accomplish. I can’t be the only girl in the community who has chosen never to marry.”
“It’s not only that. You just don’t seem to be yourself.”
“And what do you think the bishop can do about that? I’m upset, that’s all.”
“He has a lot of experience about everything—all life’s situations. He’ll give you some good advice, I’m sure.”
“I can’t imagine what about.”
“See that there—that attitude? That ‘don’t care’ attitude? I think you’re feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve never spoken out like that to me before. You’ve always been so polite.”
Rose didn’t make a comment. No one cared about her, so why should she care about herself? “And when have you arranged for me to go and see them—the bishop and Olga?”
“On Thursday, after you finish work. Dat will collect you from work and take you there. You can tell Mrs. Walker tomorrow that she won’t need to collect you on Thursday night.”
Rose shrugged, too tired to be bothered with arguing. “Okay, Mamm. Whatever you want.”
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