by Claire Raye
“Hey,” I say, smiling as I pull the ear buds from my ears.
Sadie stands in the doorway, shoulder against the frame and her arms crossed over her chest as she all but glares at me. She looks cute mad, especially dressed in a tiny pair of hot shorts and a tank.
“Hey,” she repeats sarcastically. “Hey, is what you say to me?”
“Good morning?” I try, grinning. “Did you sleep well?”
Sadie lets out a huff. “I’d say, what the fuck are you doing would be more appropriate.”
A chuckle falls from my mouth. “I’m taking it easy,” I tell her. “I promise.”
“Okay, first,” she says, uncrossing her arms as she starts to count off on her fingers, “you aren’t supposed to be working out at all. Second, we’re on the second floor. How the hell did you get up here? And third…”
“Third,” I say, cutting her off, “is you look really cute when you’re mad.”
Sadie’s mouth falls open in surprise as she stares at me. I can’t help but laugh, especially when her cheeks start to darken.
“It’s okay, Sadie, I promise,” I tell her, reaching for my crutches as I lift myself off the bench. “Anyway, I’m going mad not doing anything.”
“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing!” she says, hands up.
“Mmmm,” I murmur, walking over and stopping in front of her. “How’d you even know I was in here?”
She cocks a brow, her arms crossed over her chest again, but not before I realize she isn’t wearing a bra. She must catch me checking her out though, her cheeks darkening even more.
“Sadie?” I prompt, unable to stop the grin.
Sadie clears her throat before saying, “You do realize you sing when you work out, don’t you?”
A laugh falls from my mouth as I shake my head. “Shit.”
“Yeah, shit,” she mimics back, rolling her eyes. “And now you’re in deep shit for even attempting to do this.”
This time it’s me cocking my brow at her. “Is that so?” I ask her teasingly. “And what’s my punishment gonna be for this little crime?”
Her brows narrow as she goes back to glaring at me. Pushing off the doorframe, she gestures to the hall and the staircase at the end. “How exactly did you manage to get up here?” she asks again.
“Yeah, about that,” I say, scrubbing a hand across my jaw. “You think maybe you could go take a shower or something so I can go back down?”
“Why?”
“Umm, because it’s not exactly a pretty sight.”
Sadie chuckles, moving toward the staircase. “In that case,” she says, waiting for me, “there’s not a chance in hell I’m missing this.”
Rolling my eyes, I hobble toward her, knowing she’s not letting me get away with this after my early morning workout stunt. Resigned to the idea that’s she going to see my totally ungraceful stair climbing methods, I hand her my crutches before I sit down on the top stair. Then, like a toddler who hasn’t yet learned to walk, I lower my ass down the stairs, one by one until I reach the bottom.
When I finally do, Sadie jogs down to join me, a cheeky smile on her face as I stand and take my crutches from her.
“Happy?” I ask, shaking my head.
She laughs now. “That may well have been the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.”
“Whatever,” I say, turning toward the kitchen. “Coffee?”
After we’ve had our morning coffee, the two of us sitting at the kitchen island, I turn to her and ask, “What’s on the agenda for today? Do you have to work?”
Sadie shakes her head. “Nope, day off.”
“So…plans?” I ask, hoping for no.
Sadie shrugs. “Maybe,” she says, as she shoots me a sideways glance.
“What’s maybe?”
“Well, I might have gotten you something,” she says, pushing her stool back and standing. “Something I thought you might need.”
“Oh,” I say, my eyes widening as a smile breaks out. “And is this something related to me being naughty this morning?” I ask, air quoting the word naughty.
Sadie scowls at me. “Actually, based on this morning’s performance, maybe I shouldn’t give this to you at all.”
“No, no,” I say, as I reach over and put my hand on her bare arm. “I promise to be good. Come on Sadie,” I say, squeezing. “I’m going nuts here.”
“Hmmm,” she murmurs. “Hang on.”
She disappears out of the room and I hear her rummaging through her bag. When she walks back into the kitchen, she’s holding up what looks to be a fiberglass moon boot. Similar to the one I’m wearing, but scaled back, no comfortable padding or whatever.
“Here,” she says, dangling it in front of me.
My eyes flick to the boot and then back to her face. “What’s this?”
She raises her brows as if to say, seriously?
I chuckle. “Well, obviously I can see what it is, but in case you haven’t noticed,” I add, extending my right leg, “I sorta already have one.”
“Yes,” she replies, smiling now, a smugly satisfied look on her face as she adds, “But is that one waterproof?”
I immediately get it as I jump up from my stool, my left leg taking my full weight as I grab her shoulders and press a hard kiss to her cheek. “Sadie, you genius,” I say, laughing. “This is fucking perfect!”
When I pull back her eyes are wide, her cheeks a little pink. I realize immediately my hands are still on her, our bodies practically touching. And I just kissed her.
She stares up at me, a look on her face that suggests she’s trying to figure out what just happened.
I find my fingers gently squeezing her shoulders again, my eyes dropping to her mouth as I wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips. As though she can read my mind, her tongue slips out, wetting them, before she drags her bottom lip between her teeth.
My thumb moves to that mouth of hers, gently tugging on her lip. “Wanna try it out? Maybe join me for a swim?” I whisper, the words floating between us.
Sadie swallows hard as she nods, her eyes still locked with mine.
“Go put your suit on,” I tell her. “I’ll meet you out there.”
Sadie nods again before I let her go. My eyes focused on her as she turns and walks out of the kitchen. It’s only after she’s gone that I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding.
“Fuck me,” I murmur, scrubbing a hand down my face.
This whole attraction to her, wanting her far more than I should feels like it’s reaching breaking point. Like I’m not going to be able to hold back from doing something for much longer.
I have no idea how she feels in all of this, whether she even wants to embark on a new relationship when the papers on her last one haven’t even been finalized. Hell, maybe she sees me as nothing more than a rebound guy, someone to use to get used to dating again.
I don’t wanna be the rebound guy.
But do I even want a relationship?
After Helena and all the shit that happened at the end, I’m not sure. But almost as soon as I think that, I know when it comes to Sadie, I do. For one thing, she’s nothing like Helena and given her past, I know she’d never do anything like what Helena did to me either.
Plus, I’m attracted to her. In a big way—a really big way.
But I don’t want to be just a fling either. Or an excuse or a way to get back at her husband. I don’t want that.
Sighing, I pick up the new boot she’s bought me, before hobbling back to my bedroom to get changed. When I get outside, Sadie still hasn’t come down, so I throw my towel on one of the chairs before making my way toward the edge of the pool.
“Be careful,” she calls out, standing in the open sliding glass doorway.
I glance up and give her a wink. “I will.”
She shakes her head at me, her eyes never leaving me as she watches me lower my crutches to the ground before sitting at the edge of the pool. The cool water feels fuckin
g fantastic against my skin and even though I’d love to just take this boot off completely, it’s enough that I can get in the pool at all.
“You gonna join me?” I ask, slipping into the water.
Sadie nods, walking out as she throws her towel on the chair next to mine before putting two bottles of water on the side table. I don’t take my eyes off her, watching as she pulls the sundress from her body to reveal a blue bikini underneath.
“Looking good, Sadie,” I say, motioning to her, to the muscles that now define her body.
She smiles, even as she blushes. “Apparently going to the gym has its benefits.”
I chuckle, my hand out as she walks toward the pool ladder.
She slips her hand into mine, taking the steps slowly until she’s standing in the water beside me. I don’t let go of her though, sliding our fingers together and tugging her closer.
“Paul,” she whispers, her other hand moving to my bare chest.
I slide my free hand over hers, holding it against my skin. Goose bumps spring up and I know she sees them, her eyes scanning my chest.
She swallows hard, not looking at me as she asks, “Is your ankle okay? You’re not putting any weight on it, are you?”
The smile tugs at my mouth as I move my hand from hers, my fingers under her chin and tilting her face to mine. “I’m all good, Sadie,” I whisper. “I promise.”
She nods, licking her lips again as she looks up at me, her eyes wide and filled with questions. “What are we doing?”
It’s so soft, I barely hear it, but it doesn’t stop me from wrapping our joined hands behind her back. I pull her even closer, so her body is pressed against mine, her breasts now against my chest, only a thin scrap of material separating us.
I cup her jaw in my hand, our eyes locked. I can see the fear in her eyes, along with the questions.
What are we doing?
What does this mean?
But I’m done trying to figure out the answers, so without thinking about them anymore, I lower my mouth to hers.
The groan falls from my throat as soon as our lips touch. Sadie gasps, her lips parting and allowing the tip of my tongue to touch hers. My hand at her jaw slides to the back of her neck, angling her better so I can deepen the kiss.
It’s gentle though, almost as though we’re trying each other out, tasting what we know is probably forbidden or a bad idea. Neither of us stops though, her lips parting again as this time my tongue slips inside her mouth.
Now it’s Sadie groaning, her hand curling on my chest as her nails dig into my skin. I slip my hand from her lower back to her ass, pulling her even closer so she can see exactly what this is doing to me as she moves her free hand to my hip and we continue our kiss.
Eventually she pulls back, her eyes opening slowly as she stares up me. Both of us are breathing a little harder, and I feel a smile tug at my mouth as she once again bites her bottom lip.
“What…” she breathes out. “What was that?”
My smile widens. “That was something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
Chapter Nineteen
Sadie
I pull back but wanting so much more. My body is warring with itself, wanting to push against him, feel just how much what we’re doing is affecting him, yet something about it feels wrong.
I’m married.
“Paul, I can’t…” I start, looking down at the water, my stomach fluttering and my heart racing. “I’m married.” The words come out in a rush, pushing through my lips and easing the knot that has now tied itself in my stomach.
“I know you are,” he replies as if this is inconsequential and maybe it is. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re married. I’m sorry I kissed you.” He steps back away from me now and my body screams in protest.
Who gives a shit if I’m married!
I certainly shouldn’t. My marriage is a piece of paper only, something that claims Noel and I are together when in actuality we haven’t been in years. A marriage of convenience is what we were and it’s taken me this long to realize it. He never cared about my feelings or considered me when he was making all the rash decisions he made, so why the hell am I even giving this a second thought.
Because I have a name to uphold, a movie to promote and having cheater attached to it will only make it all look bad. Even if I’m in the process of a divorce, the press doesn’t care. They’ll spin this however they want and right now Noel is on an upswing and I’ll look like the shitty wife.
“Please don’t be sorry,” I say, sympathy for what I’ve just put his body through. “It’s my fault. I married the asshole. But fuck, trust me when I say stepping out of this pool is going to be the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”
“No one needs to know, Sadie.” His words are a murmur on his lips, filled with insinuation and seduction, and holy shit, I had no idea words could make my legs quiver and make me feel like I need an orgasm immediately. He steps closer to me and my body screams to go to him.
“But I’ll know and eventually the press will know and…” I can’t finish my thought, climbing out of the pool because the longer I stand here with him, the harder it will be to say no.
“I want this, Sadie and I want you,” Paul says, and again his words appeal to my body. “But I understand and I’m going to say one more thing.” He takes in a deep breath, looking up at me as I stand on the edge of the pool. “Choose you. Choose what you want and fuck everyone else.”
“I have to go…go to the set. I have work to do.” My words are quiet, yet somehow ear-piercingly loud. I’m about to ruin what we have, the friendship we built, and I hate myself for it.
“You’re running away,” Paul says, but there’s no malice in his tone, no blame.
“I am, but please don’t leave,” I say, begging just a little, like I have any place to demand things of him.
“I’ll be here when you get home.” And there’s something in his words that breaks my heart. His loyalty to someone who doesn’t care enough to stay should be exactly what I need to hear, but it’s not.
I race up the stairs, leaving wet footprints in my path and striping out of my suit as I go. Tossing it onto the bathroom floor, I throw on a sundress and a pair of underwear, slipping my feet into my flip-flops; I’m out the door before Paul can even get himself out of the pool.
As soon as I hit the solace of my car the tears start. I’m a horrible person. I’m just as bad as Noel. Leading Paul on. And he’s right, I need to choose myself, but I hate what that looks like to the public. I’m already plastered on every tabloid, made to the look like the submissive wife who let her husband go on tirades and ruin people’s lives. This movie is all I have left of salvaging my career and as much as I want to run with any publicity is good publicity, this is my life, this is Paul’s life; this isn’t a movie.
I pull into the set parking garage, looking in the rearview mirror I swipe at the puffiness under my eyes, like that will make it go away. I climb out and hope like hell the set is empty.
I had given everyone the day off because the next few days our shooting schedule is jammed with long hours and emotionally draining scenes. I had no clue that my life would be just as emotionally draining.
I go right to my trailer, pulling out the scene notes, I begin to read though them. I make a few adjustments and shoot off emails to let the writers, producers and crew know of the changes. But as I sit here, I realize I’m doing what I always do. I’m burying myself in my work to avoid anything of substance. It’s what I’ve done for years; it’s what I do when I can’t handle life. It’s how I’ve learned to cope with marrying Noel, and I realize it’s not fair to Paul.
He isn’t Noel, far from it actually and for once in my life I need to confront something head on. I need to stop avoiding conflict to keep the peace. For so long this job has been my life, a way of controlling what I can’t control. Writing and directing lets me dictate exactly how everything should be when my own life is out of control. It gives me the c
omfort I need, but now I just need to let it all go.
I need things to implode.
I need chaos.
I don’t want someone else controlling my decisions. It’s why I’m divorcing Noel. It’s why I took this job and it’s why I’m back in L.A.
I throw down my pen, watching it bounce on the desk and I laugh out loud when it crashes to the floor. I don’t bother to pick it up nor do I clean off my desk before I leave. I just grab my purse and leave it all as is, because right now there’s something bigger I need to do.
I don’t call his name when I walk in the house. I head straight for the living room and when he’s not there I try the theater, his bedroom and the pool, still coming up short. But it hits me and I know exactly where he is and as I take the stairs two at a time, I can hear the quiet humming of the music playing and the dropping of weights.
The smile that spreads across my face pushes me on, making me feel like I can take on the world.
I stop in the doorway to the gym, Ray LaMontange’s “The Best Thing” playing loud enough that he doesn’t hear me and I watch him for a few seconds. The muscles in his arms flexing as he lifts, his stomach clenched, and his body is that of perfection. Besides the boot he shows no signs of his injuries, all the bruising now faded and he moves as if it never happened.
Every nerve in my body is pulsing, shooting sparks like I could ignite at any moment and when Paul sits up and sees me, his face is awash of pure surprise. He lifts his chin, his lips parting slightly and his eyes roam down my body and back up to my face, but neither of us speaks.
I don’t waste any time, stalking over to where he’s straddling the weight bench and I find myself climbing on top of him. My hands tangle in his hair, pulling his mouth to mine and when our lips connect, it’s the explosion I’ve been waiting for.
It’s intense and I feel like I’m floating. There’s desperation in our touch, his hands grope my body, our mouths explore and our tongues entwine. I moan out loud when his tongue runs along my teeth.
