by Stasia Black
Oh God, please don’t let her come all this way only to die before she’d ever even done anything with her life.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine, I’m fine,” she said shakily. In fact she felt like running over to the side of the road and barfing her guts up, but it wouldn’t do to be telling Finn that.
He’d managed to bring them to a stop. It had all happened so fast, she could barely even recollect how he’d done it. He put his boots down to the asphalt, all his muscles tense, but he’d kept them steady as they slowed down and finally, finally came to a stop.
“Come on,” she said, pushing her hair out of her face. It was a mess, having been whipped all over the place by the wind. She pulled out her ponytail and redid it as best as she could without a comb.
“We should get off the road, shouldn’t we?”
Finn stood there watching her another long moment before nodding and gesturing toward the other side of the road.
“We can follow the Pecos River up. Safer than staying on the road and we’ll have water.”
Sophia nodded, hiking her backpack up on her shoulders. Finn must have noticed because he held out a hand.
“Give me the pack.”
“Oh it’s fine. I’ve got it—”
“Sophia, don’t be a brat. Give me the backpack. You look like you’re about to tip over backwards any second.”
She shot him a glare. She was really making an effort to be nice to him but did he have to make it so dang difficult?
She slung the backpack down off her shoulders. “I totally could have handled it. It’s not very heavy.” She threw it towards him.
He caught it and staggered back a step. “Damn, girl. You’re stronger than you look.”
She rolled her eyes. “All right, jackass. Which way to the river?”
“I wasn’t kidding. This thing is heavy. What the hell you got in here? A few bricks you just couldn’t bear to leave behind?”
She frowned, looking over at him as he readjusted the straps and slung it over his shoulders. She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not about the weight and her being strong. Sometimes she thought she was strong from constantly carrying huge cornmeal bags and soup pots here and there between the kitchens and the serving window in the soup kitchen but it wasn’t like she had many people to compare herself to.
“How far is the river?” she asked, lifting a hand over her eyes in the direction Finn had pointed.
Even though it was late autumn, the day was sweltering. She’d already sweat through her linen shirt but knew she couldn’t take it off no matter how hot she got. Finn must have been thinking along similar lines because he came over and pulled a baseball cap from his back pocket. He settled it on her head.
“River’s probaby about twelve miles.”
“Twelve…” Sophia’s mouth went dry even at the thought. “How much water do we have left?”
“Two bottles were all we could carry. But I also grabbed a pot so we can boil the river water and drink all we want once we get there.” He turned slightly and she saw both the bottles and the pot tied on to his belt. With that and the pack on his back, he looked ridiculous. But efficient.
Still. Only two bottles?
“Here, have a swallow now and then not again for a while, all right?”
He untied one of the bottles and held it out to her.
She took a swallow, feeling panicky at the thought of how tightly they’d have to ration the water. As soon as she handed the water back, she realized just how much she’d drank and felt embarrassed and guilty.
“We’ll be okay, Soph. I been in worse situations, believe me.”
She nodded and smiled brightly in spite of her anxiety. “I’m not worried. Get to the river, follow the river up to Santa Fe. No problem.”
Finn just stood there looking at her.
“What?”
“Soph, you gotta know that’s not realistic. You think we’re just going to walk across New Mexico? Santa Fe’s clear on the other side of the state. We don’t know what’s going on in this territory. It was one thing when we had a vehicle. Gas was gonna be an issue but we maybe could have figured our way around it. But without something to drive—"
“We’ll make it,” Sophia said determinately. “We have to.”
“I’m sure your dad and Drea and General Cruz have it under contr—"
“But they don’t,” she said, unable to help her exasperation showing through. “Don’t you get it? Dad never expected Jacob’s Well to get attacked. I overheard General Cruz talking about how outnumbered his men were. It’s two to one against Travis’s forces. No one saw this coming. No one prepared for the President getting assassinated or Travis making his power grab, and—”
“Soph, don’t you think taking on the world’s problems all on your own shoulders is a little much, though?”
“Drea never did. She saw something that needed doing so she did it. She never waited around for someone else to do it.”
“Why are you bringing her into this? I thought you hated her.”
“What? I don’t hate her! Sometimes I may have thought she lacked a certain… grace. But I admire her. She went into that MC compound and singlehandedly freed all those women.” Sophia shook her head.
She couldn’t even fathom the courage something like that would take. And she was finally mature enough to say that all her attitude toward Drea over the months might have been partially driven out of envy.
Drea was everything Sophia wasn’t. Cool, calm, collected, and a total badass. When Drea stepped into a room, people took a step back, either in reverence, fear, or dislike. Some people didn’t like so much confidence and drive in a woman.
When Sophia stepped into a room, there were smiles all around. For a long time, she’d thought that meant she was doing everything right. But maybe that just meant people thought of her like they did pretty pictures on the wall. Nice enough to look at but basically useless when it came to anything else.
“Come on.” Finn looked around. “I don’t like being on the road.”
“Not that it will make much difference.” In spite of how hot it was, Sophia shivered when she looked out. And out. And out and out and out.
There was nothing.
Not even trees.
It was just flat. With the barest of scrub brush.
She knew in theory that east Texas was basically a desert but seeing it up close like this. Being stranded here…
Finn didn’t seem bothered though. He’d just started walking and several paces later turned back around, frowning.
“You coming?”
Sophia nodded because all the sudden, her throat felt incredibly dry and she wasn’t quite sure she’d be able to get any words out.
They continued on like that for half an hour, Sophia just focusing on putting one foot in front of another on the dry, cracked earth, avoiding the occasional shrubs. She’d never seen earth so scorched. She’d just taken water for granted, living in the hill country like she had all her life. Before The Fall water came out the tap and afterwards, she’d thought she’d suffered learning to adapt to walking two houses down to the well to get water most of the time.
She knew in a sort of esoteric way that she was privileged. Good Lord, twice a month Daddy even let her use the solar panels on the roof to run a bath or shower and have hot water in the house.
But God… What did people out here do?
Then again, she didn’t see any people.
She knew there were people. Finn had driven wide circles around towns so she hadn’t seen any close up but there were towns. She supposed they had wells too. Aquifers ran underneath all of Texas, even out here if she wasn’t wrong.
But what did they do for food? This ground couldn’t be good for farming. Maybe ranching, but how fat could cows get, eating this scrub?
“Whatcha thinking about so quiet over there, Sophia pizzeria?”
She shot Finn a look. “Pizzaria?”
“It was eithe
r that or tortilla. Not that many words that rhyme with Sophia. I’ve been thinking on it the past, like, fifteen minutes. I got pizzeria, tortilla, and diarrh—”
“I get the idea,” she cut him off.
He smiled. “I figured I like pizza better than tortillas.”
“Tortilla rhymes better.”
“But I like Pizza.”
She shook her head. “I think you just like being contrary.”
His smile turned to a grin. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Only proving my point.”
They were quiet for awhile after that. Finn tried engaging her in conversation a few more times but Sophia couldn’t give him much in return.
She was too busy trying to ignore the growing pain in her feet.
The hiking boots she was wearing?
Well, she hadn’t exactly had much time to break them in. And they were chafing something awful.
She hadn’t expected she’d have to walk so much in them. She thought they’d be driving the whole way.
She’d just grin and bear it, then give her feet a nice long soak in the cool river tonight.
At least that had been her plan, but after walking a couple hours, it was too much. She stumbled and fell.
And landed on a cactus. Because oh yeah, in addition to the scrub brush, the only other thing that grew in abundance? Friggin’ prickly pear cacti.
“Son of a witch!” she shouted, not daring to move and get even more cactus spines in her butt. She’d at least twisted as she fell so she had a butt full of cactus spines rather than a face full. Something that was little comfort at the moment.
“Shit, Soph!”
Finn hurried over to her, took her hands, and helped her up off the cactus. But standing just hurt worse, her feet were in so much pain.
“Turn around, hon. I gotta pull the spines out.”
If there was anything more humiliating than bending over in the middle of nowhere so Finnigan Knight could pull cactus spines out of her behind, Sophia didn’t know what it was.
He was at it a good twenty minutes. Sophia finally had to get on the ground on hands and knees because she just couldn’t handle standing another second.
“All right, I got all the ones I can see. If you got another pair of jeans in the backpack, I think you should put them on cause if I didn’t, you don’t want to accidently sit down and get an unpleasant surprise later.”
Sophia nodded as she turned around and crawled toward the pack.
“Hey, Soph. You crying?”
Sophia shook her head back and forth rapidly, turning her head away from him. God. Of course she was crying. She’d been crying ever since she fell into the damn patch of cactus. But crying silently was a skill she’d perfected a long time ago.
“I’m fine,” she said and her voice didn’t even break.
She unzipped the backpack and her cheeks colored. She hadn’t anticipated having to open it in front of Finn.
“Can you turn around? While I change.”
“Sophia. You’re hurt. Let me help.”
“I said turn around,” she spat.
“Jesus. Fine.”
She swallowed but her throat felt as dry as the desert around them even though Finn had insisted she take a long drink of water right after she’d fallen.
She unzipped the backpack and pulled out the bag that took up the largest portion of the big camping pack.
She reverently touched the plastic as she set the huge bag on the dirt beside her.
Her mother’s wedding dress.
The fact that she still had it after all these years was something of a miracle.
She’d insisted they take it that horrific night so long ago. She and mom had talked about it so many times.
Some day you’ll find your Prince Charming who sweeps you off your feet.
Just like Daddy did you?
Just like Daddy did me.
And I’ll wear your dress, Mama.
And your daddy will walk you down the aisle. I’ll be in the front row bawling my eyes out at seeing my baby all grown up.
Not much would be like her mother envisioned all those years ago. Mama died. Daddy was off fighting a war.
But she still had Mama’s dress and by God, she’d be married in it. No matter if she had to carry it all the way across New Mexico.
Except… she wasn’t sure she could walk ten more steps, let alone across an entire state.
More tears slipped down her cheeks and she sniffled and swallowed again.
She’d figure it out. Somehow. She had to. Daddy needed—
“What the hell is that?”
Sophia swung around, mortified. And then furious.
Finn was walking toward her, eyes locked on the wedding dress in the plastic bag beside her. She grabbed it before he could grab for it, clutching it to her chest.
“Nothing that concerns you.”
Finn had tied a handkerchief over his nose and mouth to protect his face from the sun but she could still see his eyes and he looked furious.
“Sophia Wolford, tell me that is not a fucking wedding dress.”
Sophia pursed her lips. She was having the worst day of her life and he was going to yell at her? Screw him.
“I told you this was a diplomatic mission. They want to start instituting the Marriage Raffle. I’m going to offer myself as a sign of good faith.”
“That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He tried to snatch the dress away from her but she just held on tighter.
“Don’t you dare! Let go, Finn! I’m not kidding. Let go!”
“What the fuck are you thinking?” he shouted, finally letting go and standing up, running his hands through his hair and turning away from her, but only for a second.
“Jesus Christ, Sophia! Your dad spent his whole life making the Raffle safe for you.” He threw his hands toward her. “Why do you think there’s such a careful vetting process that men who want to enter as potential husbands have to go through? You have to live in town for two years and have regular meetings with an elder before you’re even qualified for the outer tier of eligibility. And now you’re just going to go throw yourself like a sheep among wolves. They’ll tear you afucking part! No. I won’t let you. We’re going back home.”
“You do not get to say what I do and don’t do,” she cried, painfully getting to her feet. She could ignore it. She was so furious, she could ignore anything. “You’re not my father. And even if you were, I’m nineteen. I’m a grown woman. I can make my own choices. I can do my part!”
She shoved Finn hard in the chest but he didn’t even stumble backwards. She shoved him again.
She shouted in fury and when she went to shove him again, he pulled her into his arms.
She fought him at first. She was furious at him. She hated him. Stupid Finn. Stupid men. Stupid feet.
Why was everything going wrong?
If only those bikers hadn’t come after them and wrecked the truck.
If only the bike hadn’t malfunctioned.
If only she’d packed better shoes.
If only she weren’t so goddamned weak.
She buried her face in Finn’s chest and wept. He pulled her close and then his strong arms wrapped around her.
She didn’t know how long he held her like that. She was the one who finally pulled back, feeling stupid and panicky at the thought of how much water she was wasting by crying. And because her feet still hurt like all hell.
“My feet,” she said, feeling her face crumple.
Finn’s features were awash with concern but he cupped her face and forced her to look at him when she tried to avert her eyes.
“You are going to let me help you. Without giving me any lip. We’ll figure this shit out. But we’ll do it together, okay? No more secrets.”
Sophia hiccupped but nodded. And staring into Finn’s eyes… How had she never noticed the fact that he had green eyes before? Green with little flecks of gold.
God, maybe
she was getting loopy with dehydration in all this heat. Because she let Finn help her. With everything.
Her legs felt shaky as he tugged her jeans down. He unbuttoned the long-sleeved denim shirt he was wearing and laid it out on the dirt for her to sit down while he took a look at her feet.
And she couldn’t help looking at him. It was so ridiculous to even be looking or thinking anything like that.
But his back was broad and his shoulders were muscled. Since when had Finnigan Knight gone and grown into a man?
She quickly averted her eyes when he turned back toward her, pulling off her first boot.
“Jesus, Soph, why didn’t you say something earlier?”
She winced with pain as he tugged down her sock. The back of her heel was bleeding and the outer side of her foot looked worn raw, too.
“I thought if we could just get to the river…”
She thought he’d yell at her again but he just looked pained as he gently lifted her ankle and looked at her foot from all sides.
He was so gentle with her it just made her want to cry again.
“How are we going to get to the river now?” she whispered, more stupid tears seeping down her cheeks.
Finn gave her calf a squeeze and looked her in the eye. “We’ll make it there, Soph. I promise, I’ll take care of you. Okay? I swear.”
His voice and gaze were so intense as he said it, it made Sophia’s insides quiver. She bit her lip and nodded, just barely stopping herself from asking, why?
Why, Finn? Why did you agree to come in the first place? Why are you looking at me like that?
But she just bit her lip harder as Finn pulled off the other boot, giving that foot just as thorough an examination.
“You got a first aid kit in the bag?”
She nodded and he rooted around for it. But even while he did, he kept one hand on her leg. It was presumptuous but she liked the contact. Maybe he felt like he needed to stay tethered to her as much as she suddenly needed to be to him.
She could have told him that she could put on the ointment and bandages herself. She should have.
But she didn’t.
She let him do it. Marveling the whole time at how gentle his big, clumsy fingers were at the task.
All she’d ever seen Finn do was haul around Scrapper junk and do construction. Oh and she’d seen him going in to visit Ana Martinez, one of the few single women in Jacob’s Well who shared her favors widely, about six months after he turned 18. One of the many men who did.
