“I don’t have a happy feeling about this,” I said.
“It is safe, pretty sure,” T’Vel said.
The rumble turned to a roar. The ship started to move. Either that or the thing was vibrating apart. It was hard to tell.
Movement in the little window caught my eye. A flash of black armor.
“Look out!” I shouted.
T’Vel punched the controls and we shot forward. There was a tremendous clang that turned the little ship into the universe’s worst bell. The nose of the ship dipped for a moment. T’Vel’s fingers flew over the controls and suddenly the ship was corkscrewing through the air.
My stomach lurched and tried to get rid of that last beer I’d drunk. I clenched my teeth and hung on to it some how.
The ship steadied and turned nose upward. Then it accelerated hard. I saw the prison walls and the distant, foggy roof through the little window. The roof was coming fast.
“Uh, T’Vel? Roof?” I said over the roar of the engine.
“Okay, hole already there,” she said, “Don helped.”
I braced myself and bit back a scream as we plunged into the fog. Against all expectations, we didn’t go splat against the rocky ceiling. One instant we were in gray fog, and the next we were soaring in star speckled blackness.
Then things started exploding. Again.
Twenty-Five
The first explosion rocked the ship so hard, I knocked my head against the side of the cabin. I spun in my office chair while T’Vel cursed a solid stream of invective that I couldn’t understand.
Her fingers slapped the controls and the ship leveled out.
White light flashed past the window. It looked a lot like a plasma beam. I thought I heard a hissing sound and hoped it wasn’t the sound of air escaping the ship. As it was the air was cold and metallic tasting, with an overlay of T’Vel’s spicy odor.
Something slapped the ship again. Sparks flew from something on the wall behind me. I uttered a few curses at the acrid smoke that started to curl around us.
“This is not good, Roy,” T’Vel said.
“Really? Thought we were having a lovely time,” I said. My teeth were clenched so tight I’m surprised they didn’t crack.
“That is humor?” T’vel said.
I didn’t answer because just then she put the little jalopy into some maneuver that had us spinning like a top. When we straightened out I took a breath.
“Is it the Don?” I asked.
“Don, Blinky, Stickman–all,” she said, “We have limited fuel, also.”
It seemed like the worst of all worlds.
You look after Buck, you hear?
Oh, go suck a lemon, mamma. Buck needed to start looking after me.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked. Because surely T’vel had a plan? She wouldn’t have shoved me in some improbable homemade spaceship and blasted us into outer space without a plan, right?
“Go faster, current plan,” T’Vel said.
I put my face in my hands. I was gonna die. Die a horrible space death. Either blasted to oblivion, or suffocated and frozen. Are you happy now momma? What did she ever have against me anyway?
The ship rocked with another explosion. More than sparks flew this time. The frame of the ship crunched and bent. The window in front of us cracked, lines snaking across it.
T’Vel pounded the console. The images on it flickered, then dimmed. Only faint ghosts of them remained. T’vel ran her hands over the console, trying to coax it back to life.
The air got icy. And thin. My chest hurt with each breath.
The engine cut out and we became weightless. I put a hand out to brace myself, then yanked my hand back. The metal was already frosted and colder than all my ex girlfriends combined.
T’Vel blew out a breath and pushed back in her seat. She turned her wolf snout to me. Her bulbous green eyes were unreadable, but I could see the resignation in her face. She laid a hand on my arm. It was hot and dry.
“I am sorry, Roy,” she said.
The console beeped. She leaned forward. Then her head snapped up toward the window. Something gold flashed by. Her jaw hung open.
Her voice a whisper, she said: “We are saved.”
Twenty-Six
Saved sounded good. As long it was someone on my side for once. Before I could ask T’Vel what was gonna save us, something hit our little jalopy. Metal rang against metal. I twisted around. Course, I couldn’t see a dang thing. There was nothing but dented metal there.
Suddenly we were getting shoved. Hard enough that I had to grab my wobbly office chair to keep from flying backward.
The air inside was getting colder and thinner. I shivered so hard I was gonna rattle my fillings out, and my chest felt like it was filled with ice.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
T’Vel just shook her head. She put all four of her hands together and bowed her head like she was praying. Were we getting rescued by one of her gods?
The cracked little window was frosting over, but I saw a light. It grew bigger. I realized it was a ship. Or at least the open hanger bay of a ship. I put a hand on T’Vel’s shoulder.
“Uh, hey, something is happening here,” I said.
“We are saved, Roy,” she said, “There is much thankfulness.”
The hanger swallowed our ship. I saw clean, white walls. They curved in graceful lines. I wasn’t prepared to be thankful for anything until I got back to Earth. Back to my cabin where I could set my feet up and warm them by the fireplace while I drank a real beer. Until that happened, whatever came next was just another step closer to a horrible death.
The ship dropped to the deck with a crash. Everything inside our little jalopy rattled. A couple things sparked. I was surprised the ship had enough energy in its batteries to do that much.
T’Vel moved to open the hatch. I put a hand on her shoulder.
“What is this?” I asked.
Before she could answer, a male voice boomed out from somewhere.
“Hold on to your butts, we’re going to jump in Three, Two, One.”
Then the universe tried to turn inside out on me. For a second, that seemed to go one for around five hundred years, I was one with the universe. Except I was a tiny speck of dust spinning endlessly through space. Colors I’d never seen before assaulted my ears and my eyes sniffed the farts of distant stars.
I’d never taken in LSD, but I imagine it was something like that.
An instant later, the feelings passed. I was back in myself, still sitting in a beat-up space jalopy with a four-armed, bug-eyed alien. There was still a sense of otherness nagging the back of my consciousness. Like hackles on a dog’s back that wouldn’t quite settle down.
“What was that?” I asked.
T’Vel shook her head. “There are legends, but I never thought to experience myself,” she said, “We are truly blessed. I did not think our peril was worthy of them.”
“Who?” I asked.
She pushed open the hatch and was out before I could ask her again. I scrambled out after her. I tripped on the edge and fell face first onto the deck. I sprawled out, spitting out curses as stars danced in front on my eyes.
“This is what we came across the galaxy for?”
The voice was female, warm, and somewhat amused. I raised my head and let out a gasp. I scrambled to my feet and put my back to the beat up little ship as the thing came closer.
A faceless female figure that seemed to be made out of solid gold stepped up to us. Her skin was covered with frost, steaming off in the warm air of…wherever we were.
“What the hell are you?” I asked, “Are you a robot?”
The golden thing shook off the remaining frost. Chunks of ices showered to the spotless white floor. Then the next amazing thing happened.
The gold retreated from the figure, revealing creamy white skin. The gold shimmered like liquid, flowing over the woman’s skin until all that was left was a golden circle below the hollow of her throat
. The woman was human, very human. She had long, blonde hair and blue eyes. She was also completely naked.
“I’m Liz,” the woman said, “And you’re in a load of trouble, dude.”
I stifled a groan. Like I needed her to tell me that.
Twenty-Seven
After telling me to avert my eyes from her nakedness–very difficult to do since, well, she wasn’t ugly by any means–the woman, Liz put on a robe and told us to follow her.
She led us out of the hanger and down a curving corridor. The walls of the corridor were spotless white and the gray floor looked clean enough to eat off of. I didn’t see any ornamentation on the walls. No signs or lines or rock & roll posters. The bareness of it creeped me out a little. There wasn’t any smell to it, either. Unless clean counted as an odor. It was so clean I could smell the musky scent of myself, even over the chili pepper scent of T’Vel.
If God owned a spaceship, I imagine it would look and smell a lot like this one.
It seemed to be getting to T’Vel, too. Her body trembled and shook. I put a hand on her arm. She jumped a little.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Never thought to experience the presence,” she said, “Never thought myself worthy.”
“Knock that crap off,” Liz said. She half turned her head toward us, “We are not gods. We do not wish to be worshiped. So stop it. Seriously.”
T’Vel bowed her head and clasped her four hands together. “Yes, Golden One,” she said.
Liz rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You people really need to raise your standards for godhood.”
“Yes, Golden One,” T’Vel said.
Liz let out a long sigh. We came up to a set of double doors. They were a silvery color. So silvery that they were almost white. She waved a hand and the doors parted.
Then things got even weirder.
Mouth-watering smells of grilling meat washed over me. My stomach rumbled so loud that T’Vel glanced my way. But just for an instant. Her–and my–attention focused on the room beyond the open doorway.
It was a kitchen. A big, metal topped island sat in the middle of it. More metal topped counters ran along the walls. White cabinets sat above and below the counters. Over the big table was a big silver hood. At the island a brown haired man was grilling burgers. He was average height, normal build, but trim. He wore blue jeans and a black t-shirt with Blue Oyster Cult written on the front.
He gave us a broad smile. “Hey, hope everyone’s hungry,” he said, “I got enough here to feed an army.”
Liz went over and he put his arm around her waist and pulled her into a kiss. A very affectionate kiss. She was a little taller than him and solidly built like an amazon–though I can attest to the fact that she didn’t have any extra fat on her.
The fry cook and and the golden space goddess were obviously a couple. Not that I ever stood a chance, but I still felt a twinge of disappointment that she was off the market.
“Make me two, I’m starved,” Liz said. She slapped his butt, then went over to a refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water.
The fry cook turned to us. “How do you guys like your burgers? I always make mine with bacon and green chilis and cheddar.”
T’Vel moaned and dropped to her knees. She put her head to the spotless gray floor.
“I am not worthy to feast with you, Lord of Dendon,” she said.
The fry cook dropped his spatula and went to kneel in front of her. Gently, he took her shoulders and lifted her.
“Of course you’re worthy,” he said, “We’re all equals here. Come on, have some food with us. We can be friends, right? And I'm not the Lord of anything. Just call me Chris.”
He got T’Vel to her feet, though she kept her head down. Across the room Liz was rolling her eyes and shaking her head. How often did that sort of thing happen to them? Long enough for the novelty to have worn off.
There were some barstool style chairs next to the big center island. Chris the fry cook guided T’Vel to one and got her to sit. Then he turned to me. He came over with movements so smooth it almost seemed like he was gliding across the floor. He stuck his hand out.
“Hi there, you’re Roy DeHaas, right? I’m Chris,” he said.
“Yeah, that’s me,” I said. I took his hand. A little jolt ran through my arm and I yanked my arm back.
“Sorry,” he said, “Must be a little staticy in here.” He gave me a grin and waved me over to a chair next to T’Vel. “Take a seat, burgers will be up in a minute.”
He went back to his grill and I stepped over to the chair. Sure enough, he had what looked like a gas fired grill and he had burger patties sizzling away. It was all I could do to keep from snatching one off the grill and stuffing it down my gullet. It’d been so long since I had real food.
I eased onto the seat. The place felt homey. And it put my hackles up. I glanced around. This could have been a kitchen back on earth. Cabinets, sinks, fridge, stove.
“What is this place?” I asked, “And who are you?”
Chris the fry cook grinned. He flipped some patties over, then he buttered some buns and put them on the grill.
“I’m Chris,” he said, “You’ve already met Liz. You’re on our ship.”
I watched his face. The man was playing with me, of course. The only thing I needed to figure out was if he was a good guy or a bad guy.
“Your ship got a name, Chris?” I asked. I was trying to figure out how old he was. One second he looked twenty-five, but then his eyes looked older.
“Oh, we call it different things,” he said. He looked up at Liz. “I don’t think we ever gave it a proper name, did we?”
Liz shrugged, and downed the rest of her water bottle. She threw it into a hole on the counter, ten feet away. The bottle never touched the sides of the hole–even though it was barely bigger than the bottle.
“It’s just the ship, why would we name it?” she said.
I chewed on that while Chris the fry cook worked on burgers. He put some coarse salt on the burgers, then put down thick slices of green chilies. He put salt, pepper and garlic powder on those, then he laid on slices of white cheese. While the cheese was melting, he got out five plates and started building burgers. He put the toasted buns down and slathered an orangey sauce on both sides. Then he lay down some grilled onions on the bottom of the bun and slid the burger on. From there he put on several slices of thin and crispy bacon, shredded lettuce and the other half of the bun.
“Where’s the tomatoes, buster?” Liz said.
Chris gave a half grin, half grimace. He pulled a plate of sliced tomatoes from the fridge and set it on the island. “Sorry, dear, forgot,” he said. He put a hand up to his mouth and leaned toward me. “I don’t like tomatoes on my burger, so I always forget to put them on.”
I didn’t know what to say. I would have eaten anything he put in front of me, tomatoes or not. He slid plates in front of me and T’Vel. He put one more plate to the side of T’Vel. Liz’s plate with two burgers he put on the other side of the island, alongside one for him.
“Sorry, I don’t have any fries,” Chris said, “Never been able to figure out how to make a deep fryer work in a space ship.”
Liz got several dark bottles of what I hoped was beer from the fridge and brought them over. They made a satisfying clink as she set them down.
I stared at the burger and beer. The burger smelled so wonderful, the inside of my mouth was like a waterfall, waiting for me to bite into it. I kept my hands on my lap, though. I took a glance at T’Vel. Her head was still bowed, her body trembling. Just past her, that extra plate with its steaming load of burger was making me nervous.
“Are you people from Earth?” I asked.
“Dang right we are,” Liz said around a mouthful of burger.
I stared at the gold disk at her throat. It wasn’t hanging by a chain or nothing, it seemed to be just stuck there on her skin.
“It’s okay,” Chris said, “We’re here to help you.”
“Don’t tell him that,” Liz said, “Now he’ll be paranoid that we’re out to get him.”
She gave me a wink and took a giant bite out of her burger. My stomach growled like german shepherd cornering a burglar. Oh well, if they was gonna poison me, at least it was a good way to go. I reached for the burger.
“Paranoid’s the way pappy raised us.”
I whipped around so fast I about fell off the barstool.
Standing in the doorway was Buck.
The bastard was smirking though his braided beard. He had on his black cowboy hat and that stupid zebra striped duster. He stood with his thumbs hooked in his front jeans pockets, one heel of his crocodile skin boots rocked back.
“You son of a bitch!” I shouted.
I flew off the stool, my hands going for his throat. Buck twisted aside and I stumbled into the corridor and smacked my face into the wall. I spun around.
“Like your beard, little bro,” Buck said, “You should probably go for a goatee, though, the sides are a bit thin.”
I growled and jumped at him. He twisted again, but this time his arm shot out and grabbed my upper arm. I took a swing at him, but he blocked it with his other hand.
“Take it easy, Roy,” he said.
“You left me in that ship!” I shouted, spittle flying at him, “You know what that blue skinned freak almost did to me?”
Buck’s eyes softened a little. “It had to be done,” he said, “I needed to find out how far up this thing went.”
“What thing?” I said.
His grip relaxed just a bit. His eyes rolled ever so slightly. As he took a breath to answer me, I jerked my head forward. He was fast, but he wasn’t ready this time. Before he could move more than a centimeter, my forehead smashed into his nose. It gave with a satisfying crunch.
Eclipsing Vengeance Page 13
