Walking on the treadmill of the world, he tried to blank his mind. He stared at the sidewalk, walking quickly through the patches of street lights and into darkness again, trying not to think.
His mind would not cooperate; it was typical of introspective minds. What he told it not to think about it dwelt on. What he demanded it to leave alone it clung to, doglike. It was the way.
Summer nights on the lake were sometimes chilly. He drew up the collar of his jacket and walked on, looking ahead at the dark, shifting waters. Since it was a week night, the cafés and taverns along the shore were not open. Approaching the dark lake, he began to hear the slapping of water on the pebbled beach.
The sidewalk ended. He moved out across rough ground, the leaves and twigs crackling under his tread like things alive. There was a cold wind blowing off the lake. It cut through his jacket, chilling him. He didn’t care.
About a hundred yards from the sidewalk, he came to an open area beside a dark, rustic building. It was a German café and tavern, next to it a few dozen tables and benches for outdoor eating and drinking. Scott threaded his way among them until he overlooked the lake. There he sank down on the rough, pocked surface of a bench.
He sat staring grimly at the lake. He tried to imagine sinking down on it forever. Was it so fantastic? The same thing was happening to him now. No, he would hit bottom and that would be the end of it.
He was drowning in another way.
***
They had moved to the lake six weeks before, because Scott had felt trapped in the apartment. If he went out, people stared at him. With the first week and a half of the Globe-Post series already in print and reprint, he had become a national celebrity. Requests still poured in for personal appearances. Reporters came endlessly to the door.
But mostly it was the ordinary people, the curious, staring people who wanted to look at the shrinking man and think, Thank God, I’m normal.
So they had moved to the lake, and somehow they had managed to get there without anyone’s finding out.
Life there, he discovered, was no improvement.
The dragging of it was what made it so bad. The way shrinking went on day by day, never noticeable, never ceasing, an inch a week like hideous clockwork. And all the humdrum, functions of the day went on along with it in inexorable monotony.
Until anger, crouching in him like a cornered animal, would spring out wildly. The subject didn’t matter. It was the opening that counted.
Like the cat:
“I swear to God, if you don’t get rid of that goddam cat, I’ll kill it!”
Fury from a doll, his voice not manlike and authoritative, but frail and uncompelling.
“Scott, she’s not hurting you.”
He dragged up a sleeve. “What’s that? Imagination?” He pointed to a ragged scar.
“She was frightened when she did that.”
“Well, I’m frightened too! What does she have to do, rip open my throat before you get rid of her?”
And the two beds:
“What are you trying to do, humiliate me?”
“Scott, it was your idea.”
“Only because you couldn’t stand to touch me.”
“That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it?”
“No! I tried everything I could to—”
“I’m not a boy! You can’t treat my body like a little boy’s!”
And Beth:
“Scott, can’t you see she doesn’t understand?”
“I’m still her father, damn it!”
All his outbursts ended alike, him rushing to the cool cellar, standing down there, leaning on the refrigerator, breath a rasping sound in him, teeth gritted, hands clenched.
Days passed, one torture on another. Clothes were taken in for him, furniture got bigger, less manageable. Beth and Lou got bigger. Financial worries got bigger.
“Scott, I hate to say it, but I don’t see how we can go on much longer on fifty dollars a week. With all of us to feed and clothe and house…” Her voice trailed off; she shook her head in distress.
“I suppose you expect me to go back to the paper.”
“I didn’t say that. I merely said—”
“I know what you said.”
“Well, if it offends you, I’m sorry. Fifty dollars a week isn’t enough. What about when winter comes? What about winter clothes, and oil?”
He shook his head as if he were trying to shake away the need to think of it.
“Do you think Marty would—”
“I can’t ask Marty for more money,” he said curtly.
“Well…” She said no more. She didn’t have to.
And if she forgot and undressed without turning out the light, perhaps thinking he was asleep, he would lie in bed staring at her naked body, listening to the liquid rustle of her nightgown as it undulated down over her large breasts and stomach and hips and legs. He’d never realized it before, but it was the most maddening sound in the world. And he’d look at her as if he were a man dying of thirst looking at unreachable waters.
Then, the last week in July, Marty’s check didn’t come.
First they thought it was an oversight. But two more days went by and the check still didn’t come.
“We can’t wait much longer, Scott,” she said.
“What about the savings account?”
“There isn’t more than seventy dollars in it.”
“Oh. Well… we’ll wait one more day,” he said.
He spent that day in the living room, staring at the same page of the book he was supposedly reading.
He kept on telling himself he should go back to the Globe-Post, let them continue their series. Or accept one of the many offers for personal appearances. Or let those lurid magazines write his story. Or allow a ghost writer to grind out a book about his case. Then there would be enough money, then the insecurity that Lou feared so desperately would be ended.
But telling himself about it wasn’t enough. His revulsion against placing himself before the blatant curiosity of people was too strong.
He comforted himself. The check will come tomorrow, he kept repeating, it’ll come tomorrow.
But it didn’t. And that night they’d driven over to Marty’s and Marty had told him that he’d lost his contract with Fairchild and had to cut down operations to almost nothing. The checks would have to stop. He gave Scott a hundred dollars, but that was the end.
***
Cold wind blew across him. Across the lake a dog barked. He looked down and watched his shoes swinging above the ground like pendulum tips. And now no money coming in. Seventy dollars in the bank, a hundred in his wallet. When that was gone, what?
He imagined himself at the paper again. Berg taking pictures, ogling Lou, Hammer asking endless questions. Headlines uttered across his mind like banners. SMALLER THAN TWO-YEAR-OLD! EATS IN HIGH CHAIR! WEARS BABY CLOTHES! LIVES IN SHOE BOX! SEX DESIRE STILL SAME!
His eyes shut quickly. Why wasn’t it really acromicria? At least then his sex desire would be almost gone. As it was, it got worse and worse. It seemed twice as bad as when he had been normal, but that was doubtless because there was no outlet at all. He couldn’t approach Louise any more. The drive went on burning in him, banking higher and higher each day, adding its own uniquely hideous pressure to everything else he was suffering.
And he couldn’t talk to Louise about it. The night she’d made that obvious offer, he’d felt almost offended. He knew it was over.
***
“Laughin’ at the blues!
Laughin’ till I’m crazee!”
***
He twitched up on the bench, his head snapping around. Squinting into the darkness, he saw three shadowy figures strolling a short distance away, their youthful voices thin as they sang.
***
“My life is nothin’ but a stumblin’ in the dark.
I lost my way when I was born.”
***
Boys, he thought, singing, growing up and t
aking it for granted. He watched them with a biting envy.
“Hey, there’s a kid down there,” one of them said.
At first Scott didn’t realize they were talking about him. Then he did and his mouth tightened.
“Wonder what he’s doin’ there.”
“Prob’ly—”
Scott didn’t hear the rest of it, but from the burst of coarse laughter he could guess what had been whispered. With a tensing of muscles, he slid off the bench and started walking back toward the sidewalk.
“Hey, he’s goin’,” one of the boys said.
“Let’s have some fun,” said another.
Scott felt a jolt of panic, but pride would not allow him to run. He kept steadily on toward the sidewalk.
Now the footsteps of the three boys grew faster.
“Hey, where ya goin’, kid?” he heard one of the boys call to him.
“Yeah, kid, where ya goin’?” said another.
“Where’s the fire, kid?”
There was a general snicker. Scott couldn’t help it; he walked faster. The boys walked faster.
“I don’t think Kiddo likes us,” said one of them.
“That’s ain’t nice,” said another.
It was a race. Scott knew it was a hanging tautness in his stomach. But he wouldn’t run. Not from three boys. He’d never be small enough to run from three boys. He glanced aside as he started up the slope toward the sidewalk. They were gaining on him. He saw the glowing tips of their cigarettes moving toward him like hopping fireflies.
They caught up to him before he reached the sidewalk. One of them grabbed his arm and held him back.
“Let go of me,” he said.
“Hey, kid, where ya goin’?” asked the boy who held him. His voice was insolent with pretended friendliness.
“I’m going home,” he said.
The boy looked about fifteen, sixteen maybe. He had a baseball cap on. His fingers dug into Scott’s arm. Scott didn’t have to see his face; he could almost imagine it—thin, mean, the jawline and brow peppered with pimples, the cigarette drooping from one corner of a lean almost lipless mouth.
“The kid says he’s goin’ home,” said the boy.
“Izzat wot the kid says?” said another.
“Yeah,” said the third. “Ain’t that somethin’?”
Scott tried to push by them, but the boy in the cap drew him back into their surrounding circle.
“Kid, you shouldn’t do that,” he said. “We don’t like kids that do that, do we, fellas?”
“Naw, naw. He’s a fresh kid. We don’t like fresh kids.”
“Let go of me,” Scott said, shocked at the tremble of his voice.
The boy released his arm, but he was still penned in.
“I wantcha t’meet my pals,” said the boy. No face. Just the flash of a pale cheek, the glitter of an eye in the tiny flaring glow of the cigarette. A black, shadowy figure leaning over him.
“This is Tony,” he said. “Say hello to ’im.”
“I have to go home,” Scott said, moving forward.
The boy pushed him back. “Hey, kid, you don’t unnerstand. Fellas, this kid don’t unnerstand.” He tried to sound gentle and reasonable.
“Kid, don’t you unnerstand?” said one of the other boys. “That’s funny, y’know? The kid should unnerstand.”
“You’re very funny,” Scott said. “Now will you—”
“Hey. The kid thinks we’re funny,” said the boy with the baseball cap on. “D’ya hear that, fellas? He thinks we’re funny.” His voice lost its banter. “Maybe we oughta show ’im how funny we are,” he said.
Scott felt a crawling sensation in his groin and lower stomach. He looked around at the boys, unable to keep down the fear.
“Listen, my mother expects me home,” he heard Himself saying.
“Awwwww,” said the boy with the cap. “His mother’s waitin’. Jesus, ain’t that sad? Ain’t that sad, fellas?”
“That makes me cry,” said one of the others. “Boo-hoo-hoo. I’m cryin’.” A vicious chuckle emptied from his throat. The third boy snickered and punched his friend playfully on the arm.
“Live around here, kid?” asked the boy with the cap. He blew smoke into Scott’s face and Scott coughed. “Hey, the kid’s croakin’,” said the boy, with mock concern. “He’s chokin’ n croakin’. Ain’t that sad?”
Scott tried to push past them again, but he was shoved back, more violently this time.
“Don’t do that again,” warned the boy in the cap. His voice was friendly and amiable. “We wouldn’t wanna hurt a kid. Would we, fellas?”
“Naw, we wouldn’t wanna do that,” said another.
“Hey, let’s see if he has any dough on ’im,” said the third.
Scott felt himself tightening with a weird mixture of adult fury and childlike dread. It was even worse than it had been with that man. He was smaller now, much weaker. There was no strength in him to match his man’s anger.
“Yeah,” said the boy in the cap. “Hey, ya got any dough on ya, kid?”
“No, I haven’t,” he said angrily.
He gasped as the boy in the cap hit him on the arm.
“Don’t talk t’me like that, kid,” said the boy. “I don’t like fresh kids.”
Dread overwhelmed anger again. He knew he’d have to play it different to get out of this.
“I don’t have any money,” he said. His neck was beginning to arch from looking up at them. “My mother doesn’t give me any.”
The boy in the cap turned to his friends. “The kid says his mother don’t give him none.”
“Cheap bitch!” said another.
“I’ll give her a good cheap—” said the third, breaking off with a convulsive forward jerk of his lower frame.
The boys laughed loudly. “Ya hear that, kid?” said the boy in the cap. “Tell yer old lady that Tony’ll give her a good cheap one.”
“Cheap? I’ll do it fer nothin’,” Tony said, humor submerged in a sudden surge of angry desire. “Hey, kid, has she got a big pair on ’er?”
Their raucous laughter broke off as Scott lunged between two of them. The boy in the cap grabbed him by the arm and spun him around. The heel of his palm slammed across Scott’s cheek.
“I told ya not t’do that,” snarled the boy.
“Son-of-a—” Scott raged, spitting blood. The last word was swallowed in a grunt as he drove his small fist into the boy’s stomach.
“Bitch!” snapped the boy in a fury. He shot a fist into Scott’s face. Scott cried out as the blow drove a wedge of pain into his skull. He fell back against one of the other boys, blood streaming darkly from his nose.
“Hold ’im!” snarled the boy, and the two other boys grabbed Scott’s arms.
“Hit me in the belly, will ya, ya little son-of-a-bitch?” the boy said. “I’ll…” He seemed undecided as to what revenge to take. Then he made a sound of angry decision and pulled out a book of matches from his trouser pocket.
“Maybe I’ll give ya a couple brands, kiddo,” he said. “How d’ya like that?”
“Let me go!” Scott struggled wildly in the boys’ grip. He kept on sniffing to keep the blood from running across his lips. “Please!” His voice cracked badly.
The match flared in the darkness and Scott saw the boy’s face as he’d imagined it.
The boy leaned in close.
“Hey,” he said, suddenly fascinated. “Hey!” a crooked smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “This ain’t no kid.” He stared into Scott’s twisted face. “Ya know who this is?”
“Whattaya talkin’ about?” asked one of the boys.
“It’s that guy! That shrinkin’ guy!”
“What?” they said.
“Look at ’im, look at ’im, for God’s sake!”
“Damn it, let me go or I’ll have you all in jail!” Scott stormed at them to hide the burst of agony in him.
“Shut up!” ordered the boy in the cap. His grin returned. “Yeah, don’t
ya see? It’s—”
The match sputtered out and he lit another one. He held it so close to Scott’s face that Scott could feel the heat of it.
“Ya see now? Ya see?”
“Yeah.” The two other boys stared, open-mouthed, into Scott’s face. “Yeah, it’s him. I seen his picture on T.V.”
“And he tried t’make us think he was a kid,” the boy said. “The freakin’ son-of-a-bitch.”
Scott couldn’t speak. Despair had toppled anger. They knew him, they could betray him. He stood drained, his chest rising and falling with convulsive breath. The second match was thrown on the ground.
“Uh!” His head snapped over as the boy in the cap back-handed him.
“That’s fuh lyin’, Freako,” the boy said. His laugh was thin and strained. “Freako, that’s ya name. What d’ya say, freako? What d’ya say?”
“What do you want of me?” Scott gasped.
“What do we want?” mimicked the boy. “Freako wants t’know what we want.” The boys laughed.
“Hey,” said the third boy, “let’s pull down his pants and see if all of him shrunk!”
Scott surged forward in their grip like a berserk midget. The boy in the cap drove a palm stingingly across his face. The night was a spiraling blur before Scott’s eyes. “Freako don’t understand,” said the boy. “He’s a dumb freako.” He was breathing quickly through clenched teeth.
Dread was the knife in Scott now. He knew there was no reasoning with these boys. They were hating angry with their world and could express it only through violence.
“If you want my money, take it,” he said quickly, buying desperate time.
“Bet ya shrinkin’ butt we’ll take it,” sneered the boy. He laughed at his own joke. “Hey, that’s pretty good.” The humor left again. “Hold ’im,” he said coldly, “I’ll get his wallet.”
Scott tensed himself in the darkness as the boy in the cap started around one of his friends.
“Ow!” One of the boys howled as Scott’s shoe tip flashed up against his shin. The restraining hands on Scott’s left arm were dropped.
“Ow!” the other boy’s cry echoed the first; his hands dropped. Scott lunged forward in the darkness, heartbeat like a fist driving at his chest.
Richard Matheson Suspense Novels Page 10
