Even though Regina had spent the day laughing at something, Monica still felt safer among these people she barely knew than among her own pack. Her betrayal, a cause she thought right, had severed whatever familiarity they’d had. Family turned to enemies in the blink of an eye, and she wasn’t sure what it would take to get back in their good graces.
Even Oscar doubted her, that much was apparent. In the morning, she should stop by Oscar’s again and see if there was anything that needed repairing. Little by little, she would show them that she hadn’t given up on her family. She was still one of them.
Right?
Doubt crept in, raking at her mind like her panther’s unsheathed claws. Each step further felt like a step away from what she’d known. Monica couldn’t tell if it was her, growing as a person, or if it was her Pack pushing her away. The thought made her chest tight, her lungs useless.
Beside her, Nessa and Regina chatted away about books and business. All the while, Monica was struggling with her own mind. It tormented her over and over, unrelenting in its fears and worries.
The panther purred and presented her with an image, a thought—Nikolai laying on his side with his head in his hand and a smirk on the corner of his mouth, his shirt fallen open to reveal the tattoos that stretched across his chest and the nest of golden hair between his pecs. Her mouth went dry, and she cursed the panther.
Horny beast, she chastised it.
It purred with delight and offered a few more images, visions of her dark-skinned hand sliding across Nikolai’s pale gold skin, fingers threading through the nest of chest hair. Monica bit her lip while fighting back the beast’s obvious desire for the Alpha of another Pack. Not once had she ever acted like this with Oscar. Sure, she admired him, wanted to protect him, but she’d never thought of him as…visually as this.
“You okay over there, Alvarado?” Regina watched Monica with a spark in her eyes. If Monica didn’t know better, she’d almost say it was a knowing look.
What did Regina know that Monica didn’t? It’d been like that all night. Lia called everyone to the deck before Monica had the chance to ask. Monica glared at the back of Regina’s head, wishing she could pry answers out of her perfect hair.
Regina looked back and mouthed something.
Later. Okay?
Monica had no other choice but to nod before they climbed the short steps onto the deck and gathered for Lia’s announcement. They all knew what was coming, from the glow on Lia’s cheeks and the loose t-shirt dress she wore. If she and Miles thought they were being subtle, their friends could pretend to be surprised.
Lia could barely contain her smile as they gathered around. She shifted from foot to foot, looking to Miles as if for the go-ahead. The look of patience on his face was admirable, Monica thought. This was the most emotional Monica had seen Lia since the day they retrieved her sealskin.
“I’m pregnant!” Lia blurted. No ceremony, no pretenses. The words simply fell from her lips.
Nessa jumped and clapped her hands before lunging to wrap her arms around her sister. It was clear they shared no blood, Lia looking like an Amazon and Nessa so small and nimble she might be mistaken for a twelve-year-old, but their love for one another was the bond of siblings nonetheless. And, Monica felt sucked into it.
She felt as though she’d been a part of this tiny pack all along. They pulled her into the hug, Miles stumbling back and laughing at the girl pile of happiness. While they shared their joy with Monica, another thought hit her.
To her, children had always been something she wanted to give her mate. They weren’t something she wanted for herself, but a thing she felt she had to give. When she pulled back and watched Lia gravitate back to Miles, when she watched him look down at Lia as if she were the sun itself, Monica realized she’d been wrong. These two cherished the small life that had been granted to them, even before it took its first breath.
The emotion was foreign to Monica. Her head spun, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever been living at all. This life she thought she’d planned for herself, what good was it? Turning it over, she realized there was no happiness in it. Pride, sure, but happiness was a thing she’d never accounted for.
Exhaustion crept in on her. The day had already been long, starting with a commission she hated all the while staring at her phone as if someone might call and release her from the hell she’d cursed herself to. Each moment on the deck, watching people smile and cheer with joy, drained her bit by bit.
At the first chance, Monica said her goodbyes to the group and snuck off toward her car. While letting her head rest against the roof of her car, she heard footsteps behind her. The scent of Regina, mostly moss, caught up to her.
“Hey, I promised you a word.”
“I’d hope you have more than just one word. One doesn’t quite offer much.”
Regina groaned at Monica’s sarcasm. “You’re insufferable. I found your artwork at Nikolai’s today.”
Monica straightened. “Is that why you’ve been laughing at me all day? Do you find the idea of him and me funny or is it my art that’s so laughable?” She couldn’t help the bitterness. The day had chipped her away until there was nothing left but a raw girl.
“Fuck no! I fully support both. The laughter… I’m sorry. It’s a secret that you’ll find out when you get home. Don’t worry about that.”
Regina’s words made no sense. They did nothing to help Monica’s muddled mind.
“There’s something else I wanted to discuss. It’s about my Pack, Nikolai’s Pack.” Regina paused, looking away as if weighing her words. Monica wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake the knowledge out of her. The night had been maddening, exhausting, between Regina’s laughter and the beast’s obvious desire for sex.
Monica was done with it. She wanted answers.
“You know what?” Regina shook her head. “Just… have fun. Be safe, wear a condom, and have fun with Nikolai. Okay? You both deserve it.”
Before Monica could scream and pull her hair out, Regina had already turned on her heel and made it halfway back to the beach house. Monica didn’t even know what she meant. Of course, Regina had been talking about sex, but everything she’d led with felt as though it belonged to a different conversation.
The urge to beat her head against something only grew stronger. Perhaps, she would go home and lose herself in some sort of abstract painting, something she could sell online for big bucks and buy herself a regular dildo. Clearly, relationships were a strange and confusing thing to manage, and she wasn’t even in a relationship.
Chapter Seven
The sun was hovering over the horizon behind Monica when she arrived home. Exhausted to the bone, her panther brushed against her skin. The beast had been the source of Monica’s unending sexual frustration. The damned thing had been filling her mind with images of a very naked and very well-endowed Nikolai all night. At this point, Monica’s insides felt wrung out. They ached for something she told herself would never happen.
At least, it shouldn’t happen.
Trudging through the house, Monica was prepared to throw herself onto her bed when she noticed her bedroom door was closed. It struck her as odd. Living alone, there was never a reason to close that door. She straightened her spine and scented the air.
Regina. She caught the smell of moss and ocean water floating through the air. But, also, she could smell Nikolai. Her stomach tightened. No matter how high she held her chin, she couldn’t keep it from quivering beneath the weight of the images her mind fed her. Back were the visions of Nikolai and Regina rolling together. The thought of Regina’s porcelain body thrown over Nikolai made bile rise in the back of her throat.
A small shadow sat in the hall, pressed against the wall. Monica couldn’t make out what it was until she stepped closer. The scent of Nikolai and Regina grew stronger until she could barely handle it. Her heart hammered while she crept closer to the shape. When she realized it was a small pile of balls, everything i
n her mind silenced.
It threw her for a loop. Where had the rainbow-colored balls come from? They made no sense. Monica only shook her head and looked back to her closed bedroom door. Jealousy stabbed her from the inside out. Regina’s scent prickled her nose with each passing moment.
She asked herself why she cared, but also wondered what they would be doing in her house. The panther growled at the thought of them using her bed. There was a prank war going on between Monica and Nikolai, but to fuck in her bed felt….Wrong.
Reluctantly, she opened the bedroom door. Expecting the musky scent of sex, Monica was greeted by the rush of balls. They bounced, in every color of the rainbow, across her floor. A laugh slipped out of her, filled with relief and a strange sense of joy. Nikolai and Regina had turned her bedroom into a knee-high ball-pit. Quickly, she shut the door behind her and waded into the room. Instead of flopping onto the bed, Monica threw herself into the balls.
She sank into the mess while joy made her heart light. There was only one problem. It was clear that Nikolai was plaguing her. She could barely think about anyone without him sneaking his way into her mind. If she was going to claim her spot beside Oscar, then she was going to have to get Nikolai out of her system. She didn’t think cold-turkey would work in this instance.
Chewing her lip, she rolled over and reached for the phone in her pocket. There was no way of knowing if she was doing the right thing, but she dialed Nikolai’s number anyway.
***
Brigid was back. Hitting a woman felt bad, but she seemed determined to tear his Pack apart so that it was only a matter of time before there needed to be an official challenge. Part of him wanted to say good riddance, but he knew that whichever fools she took, they wouldn’t leave his territory. They’d only continue to cause trouble.
He stormed out the front door intent on facing the woman when his phone vibrated in his pocket. The sight of the number on the screen made him pause. He was caught between the thumping of his heart and the fury burning in his stomach. Against his better judgement, he answered the phone and lifted it to his ear.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Brigid waiting for him. She walked around his truck, making eye contact when she broke his passenger side mirror, as if it were some sort of dominance display.
“I see I had a visit tonight,” Monica purred on the other end of the phone.
His stomach tightened, the flames of fury dampening at the sound of her voice. He let out the breath he’d been holding and even started smiling. He listened to the shifting of the balls, as if she were laying in them. For a moment, he closed his eyes and let himself imagine her doing exactly that. His bear stripped her of all her clothing and Nikolai’s smile spread a little wider.
“Only the best for you,” he growled. The bear wanted him to march past Brigid and into Monica’s house, so they could lay in the pit of balls together.
He listened to the shuffle of balls on the phone while Brigid grew impatient. While he watched, the shifter that should have been in his control stomped around to the other side of his truck. She wrapped her hands around his driver’s side mirror. Just as his lips parted to tell her to stop, he heard the crack of plastic and metal.
This time, his growl was threatening.
“What’s wrong?” Monica asked, urgently. He could hear the pain in her voice.
“Not you. Bit of an issue on my end.”
“Issue?” The balls moved, and he wished he could be those balls, rubbing and rolling against her body, over the width of her hips and the muscles of her legs.
“We need to talk, dickweed!” Brigid shouted at the top of her lungs. Nikolai was grateful he had little in the way of neighbors. “You’ve failed your Pack for the last time.”
“I’m going to have to call you back.”
Monica made a small sound on the other end. He hated hearing it, but Brigid needed to be dealt with. Any longer and she would start tearing apart his house.
Heart sinking, he hung up and tucked the phone back into his pocket. He promised himself he would visit Monica in the morning. He would explain to her what was going on and why it was probably for the best that they end this war. The thought of pulling Monica into the mess he’d made of his own Pack frightened him. She didn’t deserve to be a part of this.
Hands in his pockets, as if he hadn’t a care in the world while she destroyed his truck, Nikolai stepped toward her. Brigid’s spine was ramrod straight, her jaw tight, and her eyes filled with the promise of war. He wondered if that was what Spartan women had looked like in the days of Greek myth. If she hadn’t been standing against him, it would have been admirable.
“Your Pack wants you dead,” she declared, emotionless.
“Good for them,” he replied as if her words hadn’t cut through him. Was Nikolai going to be his father’s son and take them back with the fury of his fists? Or, would he become a new man, himself for the first time in his life?
There was no time to decide because Brigid went on. “If you won’t give us what your father promised, I know someone else who will!”
Nikolai held up two fingers. “Two things. One; what makes you or the rest of the Pack think you even need what my father proposed? Two; are you that person?”
“No, I’m not talking about myself. Not because I’m a woman, but because I know someone better fitted for the position of Alpha. You aren’t the only one with your father’s blood.”
While she hadn’t even bothered to acknowledge his first question, Nikolai’s world still tilted beneath him. He wasn’t the only one with his father’s blood? His parents had been mated, he knew that. They loved each other as only two horrible people could. From what he knew, and he should have known best, he was the only child to have come from that union.
“Whoever is trying to sell you something, I can promise they’re lying. My father only had one child. There’s no way around that.”
Brigid smirked. “That’s what you think. Men are so seldom faithful. You have an older brother and I’m starting to think we should have been following him all along.”
Nikolai laughed because it was the only thing he could do in the face of this news. It still hadn’t sunk in. It refused to sink in, the thought so outlandish. “You are welcome to leave with him. Follow him to some new territory. I heard there are some great, untamed spaces in the Nevada mountains. You could be the king and queen of Virginia City for all I care.” His voice dropped into a low growl that rumbled along the ground. “You just can’t stay here.”
Brigid stepped back from his threat, almost reflexively. The look in her eyes never wavered. They had their eyes set on Nikolai’s territory, on the coast, and maybe even Monterey or Santa Cruz. He rolled his shoulders back, making the decision that they wouldn’t get through him at all.
Even if this mystery shifter she was taking orders from was his brother, there was no way he was going to let them walk over him again. He was done with it. Nikolai would be his own man, his own kind of Alpha, from here on out.
“Leave.” He threaded the command through his words.
Brigid, still his shifter, jerked into robotic motion and staggered away. Once she was out of earshot, he let out a long breath. There was a war on the horizon. Perhaps it had been a long time coming. Perhaps he deserved this. All he knew was that he had a bit of soul-searching to do before it started.
Who was he?
Nikolai once thought of himself as a clever man. Now he felt like a fool. The idea of a bastard brother wasn’t all that unheard of. When he thought of his father, the idea became even more obvious. This was the voice that had been stirring the pot of dissent from a distance, a creature Nikolai had yet to meet.
Chapter Eight
After the phone call the night before, things started to click into place for Monica. Nikolai’s distance, Regina’s reluctance to talk. It was clear their Pack was going through something and Monica thought Nikolai might be at the center of it.
Each Pack was dealing with
the fallout of their small war over Lia in its own way. Oscar said little about the loss, but she could see how her fellow Packmates looked at her. They blamed her for that loss even though it’d been Nikolai that snatched Lia’s skin, not Oscar. What was it that Nikolai’s pack was going through after they’d thought themselves so close to a territory expansion?
Monica, with her black hair in a tangle and a toasted bagel in one hand, prepared her studio for a new project. The bagel was quickly forgotten once she lost herself in the sketch filling her mind. It wasn’t a naked Nikolai, but it did involve him. The project was huge, she acknowledged, but it might help whatever he was going through.
“What are you doodling?” Nikolai’s voice came from nowhere.
She leapt from her seat, flipping the sketchbook over so that he couldn’t see. Pressing her hand over her racing heart, she willed it to settle as she watched Nikolai laugh. The smile on his face helped push away he anger that’d risen through her. She found herself smiling along with him.
“What are you doing here?” Monica moved to sit on top of her sketchbook so that there was no chance he’d turn it over and see what she’d been working on. It was a surprise—not even half finished.
Nikolai scratched the back of his head. His eyes were distant, as if dealing with something she couldn’t see. She wanted to stand and move toward him, touch him and see if the look faded. Instead, she stayed where she was, keeping her distance.
“Honestly, I didn’t want to be alone. There’s been…” His brows furrowed. “Well, a lot has been going down and I wanted a little diversion. If you’re interested, I brought coffee.”
Her stomach growled in response, yelling at her for forgetting the breakfast she’d made. The bagel was now stale and cold, probably ready for the trashcan. She looked at it mournfully before her gaze switched to Nikolai. Her hunger for him replaced her physical hunger in an instant. It hit her so hard that she only blinked.
Her True Alpha Mate Page 5
