“Why did you leave?” he asked softly, and she could feel his breath on her neck as if he’d moved forward like he wanted to be closer to her as well.
She did turn around at that and lifted her face to look him in the eye. He stood so close she could almost feel the heat from his body. “I left for you.” She swallowed hard. He was so handsome, even more so in person, his cloudy eye only making him more special as a reminder of all he had gone through for her and everyone else. He’d changed into gray trousers and a soft blue shirt that matched his good eye; the expensive fabric draped perfectly over his muscled torso.
He searched her eyes carefully, his hands in his pockets as if to keep from touching her. “I thought you left because you didn’t care.” A spark of pain and vulnerability flashed across his face.
She was already shaking her head and tears she could no longer control slipped out of the corners of her eyes to roll down her cheeks. “Don’t you see? That’s the problem. I care too much.” She stepped away from him, needing distance for what she was about to say, and paced her deck. “More than I should. It’s not fair to you or to me. I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. It’s too hard now that you’re back. You’re getting ready to start a new life.”
“You’re right. I am starting a new life, and I don’t want to be your friend anymore, either.” Her steps faltered over the pain his words invoked, and he reached out to grab her hand. She faced him, and he cupped her cheek with his palm then gently wiped a tear away with his thumb. “Don’t you see? I can’t be your friend because I want to be so much more.”
Her lips parted and shock rocketed through her, rendering her frozen like a statue. A glimmer of hope blossomed and her walls began to crack, but she was afraid to believe in it, afraid to get hurt even worse than she had been. Unable to stop herself, she finally asked, “Y-You do?”
His hands cradled her face as if it were precious to him, his eyes so tender and misting up as much as her own. “I am completely and totally head over heels in love with you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Y-You are?” Could he truly feel the same way she did? Was there actually hope for them after all?
“Yes, Kathleen Connor, I am. I guess I thought you knew even though I was afraid to say the words, but only because I didn’t know if you felt the same way. I adore you. You’re so strong and beautiful and independent. You’ve helped me in ways you will never fully understand. There were times I thought of taking my own life. I might have if it wasn’t for you. You’re everything to me. I want my new life to be with you. No, I need my life to be with you. I can’t live without you. Please say yes.”
That only made her cry harder. She wanted the fairy tale with every ounce of her being, but she thought about where they came from and who they were and the lives they led. She put her hand over the ones cradling her cheek and lowered them, holding them tightly in her own as if that alone would make him hers. “I’m married. It’s impossible.”
He actually winced over the word married, but then he steeled his features with determination. “Separated and nothing’s impossible.” He squeezed her hands for reassurance, holding on just as tight as if to let her know he wasn’t going to let go now or ever.
While she appreciated the effort, she knew it was hopeless. “William will never give me a divorce.”
Joseph was already shaking his head. “I don’t care. That won’t stop us from being together.”
“He’s a monster,” she added, wanting to let him know exactly what he was getting into. Life with her would never be easy.
Joseph didn’t look put off, he looked determined and passionate and ready to take on the world on her behalf. “I’ll protect you.”
Kathleen believed him. Sincerity rang through his every word, and she couldn’t love him more, but she sighed and lowered her head to look at her feet. “Your family will never accept me.”
Joseph tipped her chin up until her gaze met his. “Then it’s their loss.” That meant a lot coming from him because she knew even though they were flawed, he still loved them.
“What about Beverly?” She also knew he was a man of honor and would always do the right thing.
“From the moment I read your first letter, I knew I could never ask her to marry me.” He traced every inch of Kathleen’s face, making her feel cherished and special and loved. “She’s not you, my love. You’re real and you have depth and you have dreams and goals and aspire to be something more. I want to help you achieve that and be there to celebrate when that happens, and it will happen. How do I know? Because you are a special, rare, precious gem that I long to call my own. Now, are you finished?”
“No.” She let a small smile tip up the corners of her lips. “One more thing, Joseph Henry Rutherford III.”
“What?” He eyed her curiously with a slight smile of his own.
“I love you, too. Desperately, completely, wholeheartedly. And if you don’t kiss me this instant, I’ll never survive.”
His smile turned tender as love and passion shined fiercely in his eyes. “God, yes! I thought you’d never ask. I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long now. It was the one thing that kept the nightmares away.” He tugged on her hands and pulled her into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her and lowered his head.
His wide full lips were firm as they pressed against her soft mouth respectfully, but she was having none of that. He wasn’t the only one to dream of them being together in more ways than one. She’d learned life was too short to worry about doing the right and proper thing. She slipped her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his as she deepened the kiss and let her desire shine free in all its glory.
He only hesitated briefly and then poured every ounce of what he was feeling into that kiss as well. His pain and anger and fear ravaged her mouth, and she welcomed being a beacon of light for him. She would weather his storm and calm his seas with her reassurance and love. Soon his kiss turned to one of sadness and homesickness then to one of passion and love, leaving her breathless and aching for more.
When they finally broke apart, she stayed in his arms as he rested his forehead against hers and fought to catch his breath. She kept running her hands up and down his back, caressing him and letting him know she was there for him. “It’s okay, Joseph, I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere,” she said when she felt his tears wet her cheeks. “You’re home now, right where you belong.”
12
July 1943: Beacon Bay, Maine
“I’m not going to marry her, Mother,” Joseph said a week later during dinner at his family home.
The massive colonial sat up the coast in the rich part of town down from the Sanderson place. The fact that Kathleen’s simple cottage was the size of the servants’ quarters or that he even had servants to begin with didn’t go unnoticed by him. He smiled at the staff and served himself, longing for a simpler way of life, which definitely didn’t go unnoticed by his mother.
His mother frowned, obviously disapproving of him fraternizing with the staff about as much as she had disapproved of his casual attire of khaki pants and a blue cotton button down shirt more suitable for day wear. She still very much believed in dressing for dinner. “You’re not feeling well, dear, that’s all. How could you be after all you’ve been through?”
Now she cared about what he’d been through? Since he’d been home all that had concerned her was finding a way to fix his limp and eye so he wouldn’t embarrass her in public and whether or not he’d be up to starting work at Rutherford Ships anytime soon. He’d told her repeatedly there was no “fixing” his wounds, and frankly he didn’t feel he deserved for them to be fixed since he still lived and breathed while so many others no longer did.
His daily nightmares should be proof of that.
She’d sent him to a psychiatrist after that and had kept him so busy with parading him around, he hadn’t been able to sneak off and see Kathleen. He feared she would think he’d forgotten about her. That was why he�
��d decided to take control of his life now. He couldn’t stop reliving what it had felt like to hold her in his arms and kiss her sweet lips and bare his soul, knowing she would never judge him. She would only love him. He needed that.
He needed her.
“You’re right, I don’t feel well, but not in the way that you think. I tried to tell you before I came home that I wasn’t the same person as when I left, and I never will be.” It was just the two of them at dinner. His father spent more and more time at work since Joseph had been home. His father claimed business was booming and that was why, but Joseph suspected he was having trouble coping with and connecting to the wounded different man his son had become. His only son and heir apparent to the family business, who had changed in so many ways.
“Beverly can help you get over the war,” his mother broke into his thoughts. “You need her.”
“No, I don’t. She needs me, or rather she needs my last name. And the war isn’t something you get over. She wouldn’t be able to handle living with a wounded veteran who’s half a man.”
“You’re not half a man, for goodness sake.” He could clearly see his mother was getting frustrated with him and his new backbone. He used to pretty much give in to whatever she wanted. Now that he’d discovered he actually had an opinion and a mind of his own, she wasn’t pleased to say the least. “You have a limp and can’t see out of one eye. How does that make you half a man?”
“I was referring to my emotional state,” he said dryly, quickly realizing that was an area that was off limits. She was uncomfortable dealing with emotions of any kind.
“Oh, well, you need time.” His mother dismissed his concern with a wave of her hand. If only getting better was that easy. “How do you know Beverly can’t help with that as well?” she added. “You haven’t even given her a chance.”
“I know.” He stood and limped over to the window to stare out at the sea and immediately thought of Kathleen. “I don’t love Beverly,” he said quietly.
“You might in time.”
“No, I won’t,” he said with conviction, hoping she would finally back off.
“I’ll arrange for you both to—”
“Mother stop.” He rubbed his temples wearily. He’d been a fool to think she would understand. She was on a single-minded mission.
She went on talking as if he hadn’t even spoken. “There’s the Fourth of July celebration you two can attend together, and then—”
Pressure built inside his head, and he could no longer stand idly by and let her take over his future. “Stop interfering with my life,” he snapped, whirling around to face her. “I can’t take it anymore.”
She blinked, startled, then raised her chin a notch and looked at him disapprovingly. “Fine, spend your life alone. Your sisters will give me grandchildren. I only wanted for you to be happy. Is that so wrong of a mother? I’m trying to help you.”
He sighed, feeling tired. Drained. War hadn’t been much harder than trying to cope in a world he no longer belonged. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to spend my life alone, Mother.” Maybe the truth would set him free. “My heart belongs to someone else and has for a long time now. I’m happy, or at least I will be if you’ll let me.”
She perked up at this. “Someone else? But how on earth could you possibly have met someone else, and who in the world is it?”
He told her everything that had happened over the past year, hoping she cared about his happiness like she’d said. Her face had paled considerably, and she was looking at him with sheer horror in her eyes as if she didn’t know him at all. Disappointment sucker punched him in the gut. No matter how old he got, it was painful accepting reality. His own mother didn’t care about his happiness. She only cared about herself, the same as always. He’d made a big mistake in thinking she would understand.
She surged to her feet. “I forbid you to see that trashy woman. She is beneath you. The things she did to her poor husband were unspeakable. You are not to mention her name again in this house or anywhere. If you have anything at all to do with her, your father and I will cut you off. You will be left with nothing.”
He didn’t know why he was surprised. He should have expected nothing would be different after he got home, but he’d been away for so long and been through so much he had hoped his family would have changed. “I don’t care,” he finally said, making up his mind with ease. Kathleen was his family now, and that was all that mattered. “For without her, I am nothing anyway.”
“You would rather live in poverty and shame in a shack down the coast than to live in splendor and respect while running one of the most prestigious businesses in the area?” His mother gaped at him.
“If it comes to that, then yes. It will seem like paradise compared to where I’ve been living for the past three years.”
“You really have changed.” She shook her head, pacing the room as if searching for something. Finally, she stopped and nodded to herself before staring him down. “Alright then, you’ve forced my hand. If you see her again, I’ll ruin her family. You might not care about your family, but I bet she still cares about hers. I’ll make sure no one buys any fish or vegetables or paintings from them and they are shunned as well. Is that what you want?”
He shook with fury. His mother was worse than the enemy he’d faced in war, worse than the monster Kathleen was married to. His mother was ruthless and cold and heartless and cruel, caring more about her precious reputation than about her own son. He would never forgive her. Joseph loved Kathleen with all his heart, but he couldn’t bear to see her heartbroken when his mother destroyed everything dear to her. He ground his teeth, biting back what he wanted to say, and shook his head no in surrender.
“Good boy. You’ll see this is best for everyone concerned, you included. When you get better, you’ll thank me someday. I’ll call Beverly first thing in the morning.”
Joseph would never get better and would never thank her, but he would play the game a bit longer until he came up with a plan. She might have won this battle, but he would never be defeated. The war was far from over. Somehow someway he would find a way to be with his love.
Present Day: Beacon Bay, Maine
“Got it!” Logan said as he unearthed another treasure box buried beneath a bench at Lighthouse Lane Park. It was late July and a steamy hot day, the sun baking everything in sight. He sat on his bare heels and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, his white, dry-fit tank top and navy-blue basketball shorts soaked through.
“Hurry, shove the dirt back in before we get caught. This park belongs to the town, and we defaced its property.” Emma helped him scoop the dirt back into the hole and pat it into place, giggling all the way.
Her hair was pulled into a tight knot at the back of her head with little pieces curling damply at her temples. She rubbed her dirty hands on the grass and rested them on her tanned legs below her short, snug, denim shorts. Her chest shook with her laughter, and Logan tried like hell not to let his eyes wander to the front of her buttercup yellow tank top that was growing wetter by the minute, revealing the thin lacy bra she wore beneath. Swallowing dryly, he looked away.
“My heart’s pounding,” she said out of breath as she stood up. “I have to admit this is exciting.”
He couldn’t help grinning at her and letting a small chuckle slip. She looked like Trevor on Christmas morning. Logan shook his head and helped her to her feet. They took the box and sat on the bench. “Exciting and safe,” he made sure to point out. “I’d rather face the judge than the Coast Guard any day.”
“Dr. Worrywart’s back.” She rolled her eyes. “Though I have to admit I’ve had my fill of rough seas and super-high trees and critters in the woods.”
“Building a fire was cool, though.” He stared at the island they’d been stranded on way off in the distance beyond the ocean. It hadn’t been that far away, but it had seemed like they were the last two people o
n earth. No outside world, completely unplugged, just the two of them. Was it so wrong for him to long to go back?
“True.” Her gaze met his, her sarcastic humor slipping to one of wistful sincerity. “Not everything that happened on that island was bad.”
Logan immediately thought of lying on top of her with her legs wrapped tightly around him, holding him intimately to her as he caressed her breasts and kissed the breath out of her. Not everything was bad? That was the understatement of the year. It had been damned incredible, and so had she, even if they both had been dreaming.
She seemed to realize where his thoughts were headed because her face flushed a becoming shade of pink. “But now we’re back, firmly grounded in reality where we should most definitely stay. Let’s open the box, Doc. I’m dying to see what happens next.”
So was he, but he was too chicken to find out if she felt the same way. Inhaling a deep breath, he said, “Do you want to do the honors?” He held the box out to her.
She bit her bottom lip, and he had to stifle another groan. “I say we both open it,” she said, breathless with excitement.
“On the count of three,” he said, and she placed her hands beside his as he began to count. “One, two—”
She yanked it open on a laugh. “Sorry, I am so impatient. I’m working on it, though, so bear with me.”
He laughed out loud. “You, my dear Lois, are never predictable.”
She shrugged. “I’ve been called worse. In my book, ‘never predictable’ is a compliment, McGiant.”
“It was meant to be.”
She snatched the box from him and glanced down at her lap as she opened it with a wide-eyed look of anticipation. She clapped her hands and let out a squeal. “Sorry.” She slapped a hand over her mouth and said through her fingers in a muffled tone, “I’m not usually such a spaz.”
“Really? Because from what I’ve seen, this seems like perfectly normal behavior for you.”
Until Tomorrow Page 14
