Dedication
To Susan Campbell Bartoletti,
who led me down the poetry path
Acknowledgments
To my poetry teachers, who may deny any connection to me and this book—Kathleen Driskell, Molly Fisk, Sally Keith, Molly Peacock, Vivian Shipley, and Nancy Willard
Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgments
This Is Just to Say
Introduction
This Is Just to Say
About the Author and Illustrator
Also by Gail Carson Levine
Back Ad
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
This Is Just to Say
This Is Just to Say
My bulldozer
has flattened
the thorny
hedge
which
you mistakenly
expected to sleep behind
until the prince came
Forgive me
I’m charging tourists
ten dollars
to visit the castle
This Is Just to Say
While you were buying
doll dresses
I sanded off
your Barbie’s face
which
you constantly
patted
and praised
Forgive me
her beauty
was only
skin deep
This Is Just to Say
Dwarves
you snore
pick your noses
never take a bath
although
I always
encourage you
to be at your best
Forgive me
I’m making myself ugly
and leaving
with the witch
This Is Just to Say
You fell
and cracked
your skull
on the hill
where
I had carefully
placed
a banana peel
Forgive me
Jill
is now
my girlfriend
This Is Just to Say
If you have feet
I hope
you put on
slippers
when
my spaceship thunderously
shattered
your bedroom window
Forgive me
glass
is unknown
on my home planet
Introduction
This Is Just to Say
Instead of at the beginning
I slipped
this introduction
in here
where
my editor excruciatingly loudly
screeched
it does not belong
Forgive me
I also shredded
her red pencil and stirred
the splinters into her tea
Blame my poems on the American poet William Carlos Williams,
who lived from 1883 to 1963 and was a doctor as well as a poet.
Here’s his false apology poem:
This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
—William Carlos Williams
Imagine his wife coming downstairs in the morning after dreaming about those plums all night and waking up tasting them. Possibly she opens the icebox door (no refrigerators then) and finds a poem in the neatly washed-and-dried plum bowl. Maybe she laughs or maybe she goes for a very long walk or maybe she eats his breakfast and then writes her own false apology poem—
Which you can do too. Many poets have written them, following the form invented by William Carlos Williams. But don’t even consider writing this kind of poem unless you can get yourself into a grouchy mood. You will be wasting your time.
If you do decide to write, your poems should be mean, or what’s the point? Mine are, and William Carlos Williams’s is too, in its subtle way. He’s glad he got to those plums first!
You don’t need a title, because William Carlos Williams has given you one, which can be repeated endlessly until your reader is completely sick of it. You also don’t need a new ninth line, because that’s always the same too: Forgive me. Notice that there are three stanzas, which you may agree are quite enough, and each stanza is four lines long, which you may think are four too many. The first stanza states the horrible offense. The second stanza describes the effect of the offense. The last stanza begins with “Forgive me” and continues with the false apology, because the writer is not sorry at all. There is no punctuation (how nice!), and the beginning words of only the first and ninth lines need to be capitalized. The line beginnings and endings substitute for capital letters and punctuation. Normally, capitals and punctuation help the reader understand, so be careful to end your lines in a way that is very clear, unless you want to confuse your reader, which might be the wisest course.
Also, think about the rhythm of the lines. After you’ve cleared everyone out of the house, read your stanzas aloud to help you decide where to end a line. Funny poems are still poems.
You don’t have to follow William Carlos Williams’s form exactly if you don’t want to. I haven’t. You can add or subtract lines and stanzas. Or you can abandon the form completely and write false apology poems in your own cruel way.
For those of you who lack an ounce of mean and are reading this book only for research into the psychology of unpleasant people, you can write a real apology poem. However, even this will not be possible if you are too angelic to have anything to apologize for.
Whatever way you do it, have fun and save your poems!
—Gail Carson Levine
This Is Just to Say
This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
your hot fudge
sundae
and the cherry on top
which
I thoughtfully
replaced
with anchovies
Forgive me
I gave three spoonfuls
of ice cream
to the cat
This Is Just to Say
I baked
a cottage
made all
of gingerbread
which
you and your sister
will be unable
to resist
Forgive me
I am hungry
and I prefer my food
young
This Is Just to Say
Tonight
we are eating
dinner
at Aunt Mildred’s house
although
you will likely
throw up
when we get home
Forgive me
she made
her peppermint-spinach pudding
just for you
This Is Just to Say
I have chewed
through
the tall
beanstalk
which
you recently
stepped off
way up there
Forgive me
I think
I’m worth
more than five magic beans
This
Is Just to Say
In your new prom dress
I danced
all night
with your boyfriend
who
accidentally
spilled grape juice
on the skirt
Forgive me
the stain
is almost
too small to see
This Is Just to Say
I convinced
Cupid
to pair you
with a warthog
whom
you will eternally
cherish
and love
Forgive me
warthogs
are very
affectionate
This Is Just to Say
The sharp teeth
the fur all over your face
and your new tail
are family traits
which
are charmingly
displayed in the portraits
hanging in the den
Forgive us
we should have
told you
sooner
This Is Just to Say
A single rose
adorned the table
while I breakfasted
on your daughter
which
proves regrettably
that I am
just a beast
Forgive me
please send
her sisters
by the next coach
This Is Just to Say
I recieved
my Joon
report
card
which
says I’m definitly
gonna be left
way back
Forgive me
the kids
in my new class
ain’t been born yet
This Is Just to Say
I found
an old lamp
and called forth
a genie
who
is busily
granting
my wishes
Forgive me
time-out and grounded
and other unpleasant phrases
can no longer be uttered
This Is Just to Say
I have cast
a magic spell
on Louie
the bully
which
will soon
turn him
into a fly
Forgive me
my fly swatter
is already
ready
This Is Just to Say
I swiped
your lucky
baseball
cap
which
made you tragically
lose
the state playoff
Forgive me
the cap
keeps the sun
out of my eyes
This Is Just to Say
Spreading
across your skin
is an itchy
blistery rash
which
was deliberately
caused by yours truly
planting poison ivy on your lawn
Forgive me
next time
pay me
for mowing
This Is Just to Say
Ahead of you
you should see
a track
switch
which
will certainly
startle
and confuse you
Forgive me
you think
you can
but you can’t
This Is Just to Say
I have shortened
my nose
with your saw
because
honestly
telling lies
is so much fun
Forgive me
I don’t care
about becoming
a real boy
This Is Just to Say
You may be jumping around
and skipping
pages
in this book
which
I actually
spent ten years
arranging
Forgive me
I put the curse of the mummy
on anyone
who reads out of order
This Is Just to Say
To get my crimes
off my chest
I broke
into the cemetery
where
I confessed
to the bones
and the tombstones
Forgive me
dead men
tell
no tales
This Is Just to Say
I moved recently
into my new
old
house
through which
you ghoulishly
expected to stump forever
headless and trailing blood
Forgive me
residents
must clean up
after themselves
This Is Just to Say
I have run away
from home
with Muffie
and
they surprisingly
let her
on the plane
Forgive me
we just
landed in—
never mind
This Is Just to Say
They sing
The bear
went over
the mountain
which
leads him repeatedly
to see
other mountains
Forgive me
no one sings the ending
the landslide
and the dead bear
This Is Just to Say
When you arrive
I will not be
lying
in my bed
where
you hungrily
hoped
to find me
Forgive me
tell my granddaughter
better one of us
should live
This Is Just to Say
I heard
screams
coming from the cottage
which
I should valiantly
and immediately
have entered
Forgive me
at the time
I preferred
to finish my bubble bath
This Is Just to Say
I’m the one
who stuck
the cradle
in the tree
which
was probably
a stupid place
to put a baby
Forgive me
I thought
that bough would break
sooner or later
This Is Just to Say
Last night
I plucked
your baby
from your arms
when
you carelessly
fell
asleep
Forgive me
just guess my assumed name
in the Dwarf
Witness Protection Program
This Is Just to Say
I have sent
a hungry lion
into your parents’
hotel room
just when
they were tenderly
talking about
how wonderful you are
Forgive me
I am
starting
an orphanage
This Is Just to Say
I confess
I sliced off
their skinny
tails
which
they seemed awfully
fond
of waving
&nb
sp; Forgive me
I wanted symmetry
sightless in front
tailless behind
This Is Just to Say
I, Rapunzel,
and not the witch
have lopped off
my braid
which
you daily
climbed
to me
Forgive me
you’re not worth
the pain
in my scalp
This Is Just to Say
You screamed
while I
yanked out
your hook
which
would doubtlessly
have injured the crocodile
when it ate you
Forgive me
I hate
cruelty
to animals
This Is Just to Say
Soon
you will
visit
your cousins
who thoughtlessly
broke your bicycle
and chewed your gum
last time
Forgive me
you’re
staying
a month
This Is Just to Say
It was I
who shoved
Forgive Me, I Meant to Do It: False Apology Poems Page 1
