“It was what Addison said to me,” she finally replied.
“What did she say? When?” Tate’s confusion only grew at her cryptic answer.
“She came to the store when I called you. She was upset and crying. One of her friends had told her that her biological mother must not have loved her and that’s why she gave Addison up. Addison was upset, understandably, and she told me that she hated her biological mother. Who is me.” Her voice quivered.
Tate sucked in a quick breath, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders, tightening their grip as if protecting her. “Why would she say that?”
“I couldn’t separate what she said from me. And I couldn’t be in a relationship with you, knowing that Addison, the person you love more than life itself, thought that way about me.”
“She wasn’t talking about you, Renee Albertson. She was talking about her unknown mother. Not you.”
“But I was the one who walked away from her, as you said.”
Tate winced. “I’m so sorry I said that. I didn’t know Addison had said that to you. Besides, what choice did you have? You were all alone. Your mother was sick, and she couldn’t have helped you.”
“Lots of young mothers don’t have help,” she said in a choked voice. “They manage somehow.”
“But your mother needed you, too. You couldn’t do both, and you weren’t going to do a halfway job of taking care of Addison. You are the kind of person who is either all in or all out. You have done amazing things for your mother. That store you have—I don’t know many daughters who can work with their mother half as well as you do. That’s not just guilt that’s motivating you—that’s a genuine and true love for your mother that I admire.”
Renee looked up at him, her eyes alight with a wonder that gave him hope. “You sound like you’re defending me.”
He let his grip loosen, his hands lightly caressing her arms. “Maybe I am defending you. You didn’t walk out on Addison. I was speaking from a place of hurt and anger. Molly put me through the wringer with her cheating, and I wasn’t going to allow myself to go through that again.”
“What are you talking about?”
Tate bent over and picked up a handful of rocks, tossing them one at a time into the river that flowed past as he struggled to find the right words to explain his life to her.
“That scrapbook you made for Addison—it was a way of me helping her get through her grief at losing Molly, but it was also a way to sugarcoat a relationship that had never been good.”
The rocks fell into the river with faint plops, sending up a light spray of water.
“But the pictures? The trips?” Renee sounded puzzled. “Molly seemed like such a perfect mother. I spent hours trying not to compare myself to her.”
“You are nothing like her.”
“What are you saying?”
Tate tossed the last of his rocks into the river, creating another spray that was just as quickly erased by the relentless movement of the water.
He gave Renee a wistful smile. “There’s Scrapbook Molly and then there’s Real Molly. After Molly died, Addison was so heartbroken. I thought the scrapbook would be a way of honoring Addison’s memories of Molly. True or not.”
“You had some wonderful memories. All those trips. All those things you did for her.” Renee’s voice grew wistful. “Things I knew I could never have given to her.”
Tate took her hand in his, tracing the line of her fingers, trying to connect with her, reassure her. “Those trips and birthdays and Christmases make a good scrapbook, but not a good life. Molly was unhappy and difficult to live with. She was an erratic mother at best, and an unfaithful wife. When she was killed in that accident, I felt so incredibly guilty. We were planning to separate, and after Molly died, I was thankful Addison didn’t have to go through that trauma. Addison grieved Molly, as any daughter would her mother.” He looked up at her, hoping she understood. “But Molly wasn’t the mother portrayed in that scrapbook Addison treasures so much.”
Tate touched her face, letting his fingers run down the line of her cheek. “You’ve shown more consistent mothering to her than Molly ever did. You have a way with her that I don’t. I know sometimes it seemed like I resented what you did with her, but that was because I was trying to keep Addison to myself.”
“And you were right to do so.”
“Maybe at one time, but not anymore. You’ve become an important part of my life. I haven’t been very happy without you.”
Renee was silent, and for a moment he thought maybe he had truly messed things up.
“I know I was wrong to keep you at arm’s length,” he continued, pressing his case. “I was foolishly trying to protect myself. I’m so sorry I said what I did.”
Renee shook her head, and when she cupped his face, he felt the tension that had been gripping him ease. Did he still have a chance with her?
“You were just being a good father, and that makes me admire and...care for you even more. Yes, she’s my daughter, but you are also the man...the man I love.”
Tate’s heart faltered. Had she truly said that?
He pulled her close, lowered his head to hers, and as their lips met, he felt as if they were meant to be together. Always.
She pulled back, a look of amazement on her face. “I’ve had my own struggles,” she said. “And I think...I didn’t think I was allowed to be so happy. However, you’ve made me feel like all the decisions in my life, all the missteps, were worth it if it brought you into my life.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t given Addison up all those years ago.”
Renee’s eyes grew wide with wonder, and she laughed aloud.
Then she threw her arms around Tate and returned his kiss.
“I want to go pick up Addison from school,” Tate said. “Together. I want to tell her about us.”
He saw a tear slide down Renee’s cheek.
“And when we do that, I want to tell her that you are her mother.”
He saw hesitation on Renee’s face, and he gave her another quick kiss of consolation. “It will be fine,” he assured her. “She loves you, Renee Albertson.” He gave her an assuring smile.
“Okay, then,” she said with a breathless voice. “Let’s do it.”
He nodded, then got up and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. Then together they walked away. But as they drove to the school, Tate wondered himself how Addison would react.
Renee couldn’t stop the fear that gripped her as they parked by the school. Though she knew she had a connection with Addison and her daughter cared for her, their relationship was one of friends.
What would Addison say to Renee being her mother? How would she react after the anger she had displayed against the amorphous figure of her natural mother?
“It’ll be okay,” Tate said, gripping her ice-cold hand in a gesture of reassurance. “Why don’t you stay here? I’ll go get her and we can take her to the park. Tell her some place private.”
Renee nodded, pulling in a deep breath, sending up another prayer.
Tate got out of the car and walked toward the school. It was as if each step pulled him further away from her. What would they do if Addison was upset? What would happen if Addison rejected her?
She couldn’t go there. Couldn’t focus on that. She and Tate had just gone through a difficult adjustment, a hard time. It had to be for something.
Each minute Tate was gone felt like an hour. Every time a man came walking out of the school with a little girl beside him her heart jumped. She couldn’t sit so she got out, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Finally, after eons, Tate appeared, Addison’s pink backpack slung over his shoulder. Addison was holding his hand, skipping along, laughing at something he was saying. And when she saw Renee she ran toward her, her smile growing wider.
“You came too?” Addison said catching Renee’s hand, glancing back at her father, eyes sparkling. “Both of you came to get me from school?”
> “Yes. We wanted to make today special,” Tate said.
Over Addison’s head, Renee caught his smile but she read the tension in it, which ratcheted up hers.
“What are we doing?” Addison asked as she got into the car and buckled up. Tate put her backpack on the seat beside her then got in and buckled up as well.
“We’re going to get some ice cream from Rockyview Creamery and then go for a walk by the river,” Tate said as he started up the car and pulled past the school busses, into the stream of other parents picking up kids from school.
“Can I get Tiger ice cream?” Addison asked.
“You can get any kind you want,” Tate said, glancing first at Addison then over at Renee.
She wasn’t sure she could eat a single thing and when they got out at the Creamery, she turned down the offer of a cone, her entire body tense with a mixture of anticipation and worry.
“You don’t like ice cream?” Addison asked as she licked on the orange and black confection she had gotten.
“Usually I do,” Renee said, reaching out and taking Addison’s hand as they walked past the outdoor tables of the Creamery, heading toward the walking path along the river.
“But not today?” Addison pressed, swinging Renee’s hand with a familiarity and ease that gave Renee some reassurance.
“Not today.”
“But my dad said it was a special day,” Addison pressed, licking a smear of ice cream that ended up on one side of her mouth.
“It is a special day,” Tate said, stopping by a bench that overlooked a bend in the river. He sat down and Renee and Addison joined him.
The wood of the bench was warm and the chatter of the river falling over the rocks created a soothing rhythm. Renee was content to let the silence go on but knew Addison would wonder why they were here.
They sat there until Tate and Addison were done their ice cream, but each moment created an increasing tension in Renee. Finally Addison was done. Renee took a package of wipes from her purse and handed her one. Then Tate.
He tossed them in the garbage can beside the bench, then turned to Addison.
“You know, sweetheart, that Renee and I have been spending a lot of time together.”
Addison gave Tate a knowing look. “I do. I know you kissed her.”
“What? How?” Tate frowned and Renee’s thoughts ticked back, wondering when she might have seen them.
“You had some lipstick on your cheek once,” Addison said, swinging her legs, looking worldy-wise. “And I know how you look at Renee. I know you like her lots.”
Renee couldn’t stop the blush warming her cheeks.
“Okay then. Maybe this isn’t such a surprise,” Tate continued, shooting Renee a quick smile, “but Renee and I are in love and we want to spend more time together. In fact, we want to get married someday.”
“Really? For true?” Addison jumped up from the bench and threw herself at Renee, hugging her hard.
“Yes, it’s for true.”
“Does that mean you’re going to be my mom?” Addison asked.
“Yes. It does,” Renee said, her love for her daughter filling her heart.
“I am so, so, super excited.” Addison squealed, then gave Renee another hug. “I love you so much.”
Renee held her close, closing her eyes, embracing her daughter, her emotions bittersweet, clinging to this moment of innocence.
They weren’t done yet and from the melancholy look on Tate’s face she knew it was time to tell Addison the rest.
“I love you too,” Renee said, cradling her daughter’s face in her hands and daring to brush a gentle kiss over her forehead. She knew they had to tread carefully now, weigh each word. “In fact, I...I have always loved you.”
“Always?” Addison released a light laugh, looking surprised. “You’ve only known me for a little while.”
Renee held her hands, swallowing down a knot of fear. “No, honey. I’ve known you since you were born.”
Addison’s frown deepened, her puzzlement increasing. “Were you and my mom friends?”
“I didn’t know your mom, but I knew you.” Renee pressed her lips together, struggling to find the next words.
Then, thankfully, Tate placed one hand on her shoulder, the other and Addison’s.
“Renee is trying to tell you that she’s your biological mother. She was the one who had you as a baby.”
Addison looked from Tate to Renee, as if trying to absorb this.
“You had me as a baby?” she asked Renee.
All Renee could do was nod, fighting down her tears, swallowing her apprehension.
“And you gave me away?”
The confusion in her voice was almost her undoing but Renee knew she had to keep her focus on Addison. Not on her own struggle.
“I didn’t give you away,” Renee said, struggling to find a way to parse her own confused emotions. “I wanted you but I couldn’t take care of you.”
Addison could only stare at her and Renee felt hope for a relationship between her and Tate slipping away.
“You didn’t want me.”
“I did, honey, I did,” Renee pleaded. “I wanted you so badly.” She couldn’t stop her voice breaking.
Addison looked confused and she turned to Tate, as if hoping he could enlighten her.
“Why was she mad at me? Why didn’t she want me?”
Tate bit his lip and Renee could see he was struggling as much as she was.
He knelt down and turned her to face him. “Honey, remember Talia? Remember how she didn’t work with you on your Math Facts and you were mad at her?”
Addison frowned and nodded.
“Do you remember why she didn’t work with you?”
“Yes. Because she had to help Natasha.”
“And she had to help Natasha because Talia knew you were really good at Math Facts but Natasha wasn’t. Natasha needed some extra help. And you didn’t.”
“Yes. I remember.”
“Renee, your mother, had the same thing. Her mother was really sick and she was sad about that. You know her mother is in a wheelchair, right?”
Addison nodded.
“Well, Renee had to take care of her mother. And she couldn’t take care of you too. But Renee knew that you were going into our family. Me and your mom. And that you would be okay. That you would be taken care of. But there was no one else to take care of her mother.”
“I wanted to take care of you,” Renee said, taking a chance and laying her hand on Addison’s shoulder. “I wanted to have you so bad. I really did.”
Addison looked at her, as if seeing her in a different light. Through a different lens.
“I like you,” she said, seeming to be puzzled at the conundrum of being angry with her biological mother and yet liking this woman in front of her. “I like you a lot.”
“And that’s good. I’m so glad you do. Because I not only like you, I love you.” Renee took a chance and squeezed her shoulder just a little more. “I love you so much.”
Addison blinked and the tear that drifted down her cheek, gutted her.
“Oh, honey, please don’t cry,” Renee choked out and fighting down her self-imposed restraint, she pulled the little girl into her arms.
Addison fought for only a moment and then collapsed against her, clinging to her.
Renee felt Addison’s hands cling to her, clinging to her heart, settling into her soul.
“Oh, honey, I love you so much.”
Addison trembled in her arms and then, finally, drew away. She looked over at Tate then at Renee.
“We both love you,” Tate said, stroking her hair. “And now we are all together.”
Her daughter sniffed, then swiped at her eyes, looking at Renee. “But my mom is still my mom, right?”
“Of course, honey,” Renee said. “Your mom will always be your mom. But I’m hoping that I can have a small piece of your heart too.”
Addison seemed to consider that then nodded. “You can have a big
piece,” she said.
Renee almost wilted in relief, so thankful that they had navigated this tricky path.
Tate reached over and took her hand, then Addison’s. Addison took Renee’s to close the circle. She smiled, glancing from Tate to Renee. “I’m so lucky,” she said. “I will get to have two moms.”
Tate chuckled and pulled both Addison and Renee into his arms. They stayed that way a moment, then Addison wriggled free.
“And maybe we can make another scrapbook,” she said.
“I think we could do that,” Renee said, her heart full of gratitude and love.
“And Daddy can help again.”
Tate groaned and Renee chuckled. “I think that's a great idea,” she said.
“I thought you were on my side,” Tate grumbled as they stood.
Epilogue
“Delicious. Simply delicious,” Arlan said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and leaning away from a table still full of Parmesan-coated chicken breasts, stuffed potatoes, avocado-and-spinach salad and glazed baby carrots.
All made by Renee and her mother.
“I was going to say that,” Tate protested, reaching beside him and squeezing Renee’s hand. “If we eat like this every day, I’m going to have to go to the gym more often.”
Renee’s happiness bubbled over into a smile that had been a permanent feature for the past week.
Ever since she and Tate had walked down to the river. Ever since they had talked to Addison.
“I’m glad you could come,” was all she said.
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” Then, without a hint of self-consciousness, Tate leaned over and kissed her.
“Can we have dessert now?” Addison said, fairly bouncing on her chair, her happiness as contagious as Renee’s.
“Did you make it?” Renee asked with a grin.
Addison shook her head. “We bought it at the bakery, and it’s a special, special cake for my special, special mom.” She gave Renee a self-conscious smile. “That’s you.”
Renee’s old pain deep within her faded away at the sound of those words on her daughter’s lips.
Ever Caring Page 17
