by Beth Wiseman
“I’m not sure if they’re a couple yet, and, like I said, I don’t know Beverly well, but I really like her.” She straightened her prayer covering after her mother cleared her throat and pointed to it. The wind had been brutal on the way there. “But her schweschder has a boppli a couple of months older than Mattie and used the salve when she was teething. It worked.”
“I remember Mattie being fussy the last time I was at your haus, and ya, the last time we all met.” Her mother shook her head, frowning. “I don’t know why I didn’t think her gums might be hurting.” She shrugged. “But it’s been a long time since either of you were bopplis.”
When the waitress came for drink orders, they all decided to order the buffet. Mary and Lydia waited until their mother returned with her plate before they got their food.
“So how is everything with you and Samuel?” Mary asked as they selected slices of pizza. Her sister’s question was purely a polite inquiry.
“Gut. Everything is gut. And you and Levi are well?” Lydia returned the courtesy question, and her sister nodded.
They slid into their chairs back at the table, where Mattie gnawed on some pizza crust. Mary began talking about the flowers she’d recently planted, but Lydia’s mind drifted back to Samuel, the way it had all morning. Her husband had been upset before, mostly about work or his parents’ failing health, but seeing him break down the way he had last night affected her more than she would have thought. Her heart hurt for him, so much so that she’d been willing to push past her fears to comfort him.
Lydia would be with Samuel for the rest of her life, and it had been easy to tell him she loved him when she thought he was asleep. Why? Over time, the bitterness about being pushed into marriage had faded. Maybe they needed to go backward before they could move forward.
* * *
Samuel slunk around in a haze all day Friday. He’d gone into the break room twice to call his parents, but they hadn’t answered. His folks believed phones were only for emergencies, but Samuel had asked them to please keep theirs on so he could check on them. Then he recalled how his mother said her phone went dead when she’d called the ambulance. He’d doubted his father had the strength to go anywhere to charge the phone today. He should have thought to take care of that himself.
Around four o’clock, he called Lydia. They weren’t as strict about cell phone usage as his parents were, but they did try to limit their calls to a minimum.
“I-I’m going to be late again tonight,” he said when she answered. “And I’m sorry I didn’t call to tell you I wouldn’t be home on time last night. Mei parents . . .” He paused when he feared his voice would crack, so he cleared his throat. “Mei daed had an episode with his heart yesterday. He’s okay, but I need to drop off a few things they were out of, and I might try to help them straighten things up, so if I’m later than—”
“Samuel, it’s fine.” Lydia spoke softly, and Samuel could hear noise in the background. “Stay as long as you need to.”
“Where are you?” He rubbed his forehead as his temples began to pound, something that happened more and more.
“After we ate, Mamm, Mary, and I decided to do a little shopping. We’re at the Bargain Center right now.”
Samuel wanted to tell her he heard her say she loved him. He wanted to tell her he loved her, too, but he hadn’t given them time to fall in love before they got married. He wondered if falling in love could still be a possibility.
“I’m sorry, too, Samuel, for being so upset that you weren’t home on time. I just wanted supper to be . . . special, I guess.”
“Nee. Don’t apologize. I should have called, but the phones . . .” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His wife had made a true effort to do something special for him, and he’d been too consumed with his parents to find a way to call her. Maybe he could have checked with the neighbors. “And, Lydia . . . I really appreciate that you went to so much trouble to make us such a nice supper.”
“You’re welcome,” she said. “I probably should have told you what I had planned, but I wanted it to be a surprise, and I didn’t know about your parents, and—”
“I’ll call from now on if I’m going to be late, whatever the reason.” This felt like they’d had a fight and made up, which Samuel supposed they had. Oddly, it also felt good to have any kind of emotional connection with Lydia. Stemming from a fight wouldn’t have been his first choice, yet he was glad they’d pushed through it and seemed to be in a better place. “But I’ll try not to be too late tonight.”
“Take as long as you need,” Lydia told him again, her voice gentle and soothing. He was embarrassed about the way he’d let himself fall apart the night before. Hearing her talk to him in such a nurturing manner caused a surge of affection for her. He fought to keep his raw emotions in check.
“Do you want me to check on your folks after we’re done here?”
“Nee, I’m sure they’ll be fine until I get there.” Lydia wasn’t close to his parents, but that was his fault. He didn’t want her to see how bad things were, so he often downplayed their situation, encouraging her to visit them with Mattie only when they seemed to be doing well. He’d made up excuses for her not to visit when the house was an awful mess or when they were in a bad place like they were now. His parents might be embarrassed, and Samuel didn’t want that.
After they ended the call, he went back to a table he’d been working on in the back of the store, wishing the noise from the electric sander would drown out the worries spinning in his mind. He didn’t go more than five minutes without looking at the clock on the wall, and right at five, he clocked out and rushed to his horse and buggy.
When he arrived at his parents’ house, he knocked twice, then opened the door. “It’s me.” As he walked into the living room, all was quiet, which made his stomach lurch. His mother was always in her wheelchair in the corner where she kept her knitting basket on the floor, books she was reading on an end table, and a glass of meadow tea. His father was usually on the couch reading or napping.
“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was still quiet. Their buggy was outside, and the horse was in the barn, so they were home. He tossed the bag with the few items he’d brought onto the couch.
After finding the kitchen and mudroom empty, he finally knocked on their closed bedroom door. “Mamm, Daed, are you in there?”
“Ya, we’re okay. Just napping,” his mother said from inside the room.
“Why are you napping this late in the day?” Normally, his mother would have a meal on the table, or they would have already eaten.
“We had an early supper. We’re fine, dear.”
Samuel sniffed the air. “What did you eat?”
Silence.
“Mamm, what did you eat?” he asked again, louder this time.
“Sandwiches.”
Samuel scratched his cheek. They weren’t napping anymore, so why hadn’t they come out of the bedroom? He put a hand on the doorknob, but he didn’t want to walk in uninvited.
“I’m just doing a little knitting, and your father is reading. We’re just fine.” She paused. “See you in a few days, ya?”
Samuel didn’t move. Something was wrong, and that feeling in his gut intensified. He was reaching for the doorknob when heavy footsteps came from the other side of the door. His father opened it, still in his pajamas. Samuel looked past him at his mother, who was tucked under the covers on their bed, her head down. When she looked up, his jaw dropped, and he strode to her.
“Mamm, what happened?” He squatted by the bed and studied her black eye and bruised cheek.
She touched his arm. “It looks much worse than it is, Sammy. I had a bit of a tumble in mei wheelchair. I was reaching for something, and . . .” She shrugged. “I just lost mei balance.”
His father groaned. “Tell him the truth, Fannie. The Lord won’t appreciate the lying just to keep your sohn from worrying.” He turned to Samuel. “Your mamm was reaching for me. I tripped on that stupi
d rug in the kitchen, which is now rolled up and out of the way. When I fell, it scared her, and when she reached for me to make sure I was all right, she fell out of her wheelchair and hit her face on one of the kitchen chairs.” His father shook his head. “A silly course of events that left your mudder with a bruised face and me with a sore knee. But we’re fine, sohn.”
Samuel’s gaze ping-ponged back and forth between his parents. “Ya, well, now that everyone is on board with the truth, did you really eat sandwiches?”
His mother tried to grin but flinched. “Ya, we did.”
“Daed, I really think you and Mamm need some help around here.” Samuel took off his hat, ran an arm against his damp forehead, and faced off with his father. As head of the household, his dad would be the one to make the final call. But now that his wife had fallen out of her wheelchair, maybe he would consider help.
“We’re fine.” His father set his chin in a stubborn line as a muscle quivered at his jaw.
“I know you don’t want to take money from the community fund for home care, but I’m sure the members of our community could work up a schedule so someone can be here with you for a few hours each day.”
“Sammy.” His mother touched his arm again. “It’s one thing for family to visit, but we don’t want other people in and out of here. Your daed and I enjoy our quiet time. And you visit us almost every day.” Smiling, she reached up and pinched his cheek as if he were a child. “And you really don’t need to do that. We enjoy your visits, but you have your own family now.”
This wasn’t an argument Samuel could win right now, but it was his responsibility to ensure his parents were well cared for.
“I left a bag on the couch. You were out of coffee and a couple of other things, so I picked them up on mei way here.” He tipped his head to one side and got a closer look at his mother’s bruised face.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” she repeated before attempting a slow and shaky smile that caused her to flinch again.
Samuel wanted to stay with these people who loved him more than anyone in the world. He wanted to take care of them. But his mother was right. He had a family to take care of. Samuel had never confided in his parents about the state of his marriage. They had enough on their plates. Sometimes, though, he suspected they knew he and Lydia struggled.
After he told them goodbye and left, his thoughts were all over the place, scrambled like overdone eggs in a skillet. He’d thought about every possible option, and his parents would reject them all.
When he pulled into his driveway, he saw Lydia giving Mattie a bottle in a rocking chair on the front porch of their small house. As he crossed the yard, he took in Lydia and how beautiful she was—even prettier as a mother holding their child. He recalled, again, the way she whispered I love you in his ear the night before when she thought he was sleeping. He might have told her he loved her, too, if he hadn’t been sure he’d start to cry again.
He’d never known if Lydia loved him, but he was feeling closer to her lately, and maybe if he opened up more, she’d feel comfortable doing the same. Maybe he would talk to her more about his parents and let her into the world he kept secret from her.
* * *
Lydia gently rocked Mattie in her arms as Samuel came toward them.
“Wie bischt?” she said as he climbed the porch steps. Lydia was reminded of what a handsome man she was married to. But despite his confident stance, she knew he was hurting inside. “How are your parents?”
He leaned over and kissed Mattie on the forehead, then awkwardly kissed Lydia on hers. “Not gut.”
This was the first time Samuel had admitted this to her so bluntly. She should have known his heartache was about his parents. She’d suspected their situation was worse than Samuel let on. But hearing him say it hurt her heart. “I thought maybe their health had declined even more.” She bit her bottom lip, waited until he sat down in the other rocking chair, and hoped her husband might open up to her more than he had in the past.
“Mei daed tripped on a rug and fell, then Mamm reached for him and fell out of her wheelchair. She’s got a black eye and her cheek is bruised.” He rested his elbows on his knees, then lowered his head to his hands. “I don’t know what to do. They don’t want to accept help, but they need to.”
She held Mattie up to her shoulder and gently rubbed her back until she let out a healthy burp. “I can go over there during the day to check on them.”
Samuel shook his head but didn’t look up. “Nee, you have plenty to do around here.”
Lydia was quiet for a few seconds, pondering if she should let this go. If she said what was on her mind, it might lead to an unpleasant conversation. She decided to be truthful. “Samuel, I’ve made plenty of visits to your parents unannounced.” His head came up, but as quickly as he found her eyes, he looked down again. “They’re Mattie’s grandparents, and especially after your father’s heart attack, I know it’s even more difficult for them to get around. Seeing Mattie always brightens their day.”
“Then you know how they live.” He still didn’t look at her.
“Ya, I know sometimes the haus isn’t in order. Other times, they look a bit unkempt. But up until now, they’ve seemed to be doing all right.” Mattie had fallen asleep on Lydia’s shoulder, and she had a cramp in her neck. But if she left to lay their daughter down, Samuel would probably go take a shower. She wanted to talk to him about this.
He finally straightened and turned her way. “Why did you never mention this before?”
“Because you always discouraged me from dropping by to see them. At first, I thought maybe they didn’t like me.”
“They’ve always liked you,” he was quick to say.
“Ach, well, as I got to know them, I felt like they did, so I assumed the way they live embarrasses you, because it doesn’t seem to bother them.” She held her breath and waited for a reaction. Samuel wasn’t one to have an outburst, but Lydia was touching upon a sensitive subject.
He shook his head. “Your parents have a beautiful home, and it’s always in perfect condition. You could eat off the floors. And Mary and Levi have a great haus.” When he found her gaze, Lydia saw an emotion in his eyes she couldn’t quite identify. “You’ve made a beautiful home for us too.”
It warmed her heart to hear the compliment, and she smiled. “Mei mamm, mei schweschder, nor I are confined to a wheelchair and also tending to a sick husband. Don’t be embarrassed about your parents, Samuel.”
“They don’t want to admit they need help.” Samuel stared at his feet again.
“I’m the person to go check on your parents and spend time with them. They love seeing Mattie, and I’ll subtly start offering to do things for them.” Lydia had always liked Herman and Fannie. She’d hadn’t known them well until Mattie came along, but Herman liked to tell stories, and he particularly enjoyed making people laugh. Lydia briefly thought about Joseph and the laughter he’d brought into their home. Maybe that’s one of the reasons she liked spending time with Samuel’s parents—the laughter.
Samuel shook his head. “Nee, it’s not your responsibility, and I know you have enough to do.”
Lydia tried to shift Mattie to the other shoulder without waking her up, and she gasped a little when the crick in her neck sent a shock to her nerve endings.
Samuel stood and lifted Mattie off Lydia’s shoulder. Surprisingly, the baby didn’t wake up. “I’ll go lay her down.”
Lydia assumed that was the end of the conversation until Samuel turned around and stared at her. “Danki for offering to check on mei parents.” Pausing, he got a far away look in his eyes. “I-I’d be appreciative.”
“I would have been going more often if I’d known they were having such a difficult time lately.” She expected him to turn and go inside the house, but he held her gaze.
“Between work and taking care of mei parents, there just wasn’t much time for anything else when I was younger. It was always just the three of us, and I knew they�
�d get old long before other parents who had children my age. But for the first time, I’m seeing them as old people, and I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to them.” He blinked a couple of times, and it was impossible not to see the torment in his expression.
“Something will happen to all of us someday. Our time here on earth is up to Gott. But I understand what you’re saying.” Lydia couldn’t stand the thought of losing her parents, but it would happen at some point, hopefully far in the future. Samuel seemed to have stumbled upon that reality suddenly. She also recalled how her husband recently said he didn’t know what he’d do if anything happened to her.
“I’ll go lay her down,” he said again.
A while later, they ate supper and went through their devotions, and then Samuel left to take a shower. When Lydia climbed into bed, she didn’t roll to her side or pretend to be asleep; her eyes were wide open. When Samuel emerged from the shower, he locked eyes with her. Maybe this would be the night they made love. Maybe not. But as Samuel slipped into bed and pulled her into his arms, Lydia knew they were moving into new territory. A place where love, trust, and faith in each other might slowly grow into the marriage she believed they both wanted.
Chapter 6
When Joseph contacted Beverly about riding with him to their picnic today, she asked him to pick up her and Susan at Gasthof Village, where her sister worked. The restaurant wouldn’t open for another thirty minutes, but the buffet was already laid out, and she and the baby were keeping Anna company while she ate.
“That looks so gut.” Beverly eyed Anna’s plate. Even the remainder of the German potato salad and battered fish fillet her sister had selected made her mouth water as she breathed in the aroma. “But Joseph will be here soon, and I don’t want to spoil mei appetite.” Grinning, she offered Susan some applesauce, and the baby smiled. “I’m excited for you to meet him.”
Anna laid her napkin across her plate. “Ya, I’m eager to meet him too. I haven’t seen you like this since you first started dating Chriss.”
