Alex returned to her salad, wondering if Emily would be open to talking after dinner. She wanted to at least figure out why Emily was upset. Was it because she hadn’t told her about going to the sex party? Or was it what she’d seen in the private room?
Maybe she should give up hoping Emily might like her. If she was keeping her distance now, what more was there to say?
“Butter?”
Alex glanced at the butter dish that Madison was holding out, for a moment completely thrown. “No, thank you.”
“I’ll take it,” TJ said, holding up her hand.
Alex passed the butter. TJ was sitting next to Nicola, and Alex hoped for her sake that the weekend would turn things around for them. If TJ wasn’t able to convince Nicola to change her mind and consider moving to America, in TJ’s mind that meant Nicola didn’t love her enough. But Nicola wouldn’t accept that TJ asked her for a sacrifice she wasn’t willing to make herself. Unless they came to a resolution, Alex guessed it would be the last party with both of them together.
“These rolls are amazing,” TJ said between bites. “Even better than sourdough, and you all know how I feel about sourdough.”
Nicola shook her head. “You need to try fresh Parisian rolls. In Paris.”
“Sounds like an invitation,” Lara said. “Does it apply to the rest of us?”
“Anytime. You know that.” Nicola didn’t look at Lara, however. Her eyes were on TJ instead.
TJ stopped chewing. She set the half-eaten roll on her plate and reached for her napkin. Then she took a sip of wine, all the while holding Nicola’s gaze. There had to be a middle ground, but they were both too strong to back down.
“Do you not like bread?” Emily asked. “Or is it a new health craze to eat pie for lunch and save everything healthy for dinner?”
At the word pie, Alex looked at Emily. She hadn’t realized the question was directed at her until too late, and now that Emily was staring right at her, waiting on her answer, Alex had no idea what she’d asked. Something about pie. “Sorry, what?”
“I know you aren’t gluten intolerant.”
“No.”
“But you didn’t take a roll.”
“A roll? No.” Alex glanced at the breadbasket. She’d passed on the rolls because her thoughts had been on dessert. And what would come after dessert. But she couldn’t exactly say all of that. “I tolerate gluten fine. Maybe a little too fine.”
Emily cocked her head and smiled. The expression was so endearing that Alex wished they were talking about anything besides gluten. It occurred to her that since Emily was a chef, of course she’d ask about food, but maybe she was also looking for an opening. Alex quickly sized up everything on Emily’s plate. No bread for her either.
“I would have taken a roll, but I saw the dessert trays in the kitchen,” Alex admitted.
“Planning your meal with dessert in mind? I like that. So are you thinking the chocolate mousse with the dark chocolate glaze and the raspberry liqueur? My mouth started watering as soon as I spotted it.”
“I love chocolate. And raspberry liqueur. But what I really want is one of those little lemon tarts.”
Emily picked up her wineglass and took a sip. “Somehow, I’m not surprised you’d go for the tart.”
“I bet a chef can guess a lot about a person by what they like to eat.”
“No comment.”
Alex felt a flash of hope at Emily’s subtle smile. She knew they were on shaky ground, but Emily wasn’t ignoring her, and she’d take that as a success for the moment.
Madison and Katherine were chatting about the chance of fresh snow overnight, Nicola was telling TJ about a nightclub in London that her friend owned, and Shay was being Shay, entertaining Ava and Lara with a story about a girl they’d met in airport security and then had sex with twenty minutes later in a somewhat secluded spot behind a vending machine. All of that meant that no one seemed to pay any attention to Emily and Alex.
“It’s nice to meet someone else who thinks about dessert before dinner,” Alex said, wishing they could be talking about what was really on her mind. Finally, she decided that she might as well go for it. The worst that could happen was that Emily would shut her down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was coming here. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I would.”
“I didn’t tell you I was coming either.”
“Yes, but you didn’t lie. You let me try and guess. I told you I was only here to relax and ski.”
“Lies of omission.” Emily glanced at the others, still distracted with their own conversations, and added, “Maybe I should admit my own lie of omission. I like bread as much as dessert.”
“Then why didn’t you take a roll?”
“I’m a chef. I love to cook for other people, but I also love to eat. And high cholesterol runs in my family. The good news is that big boobs go along with that.”
Alex couldn’t help laughing. “Would it work if you skipped the butter?”
“Skip the butter?” Emily’s mouth dropped open.
“Right. What am I thinking?” Alex grinned. Emily’s honesty was refreshing. It was as if she hadn’t read the memo about how you were supposed to impress everyone at dinner parties with an unrealistic version of yourself. Alex thought again of how Emily had gasped when she’d seen her earlier. She hadn’t tried to hide her emotions then either. Maybe she was always real. If so, that only added to how perfect she was. Alex wanted to ask if she still had a chance with her. As crazy as it sounded, she thought Emily would tell her the truth.
“What if you only ate half a roll? Then you’d only need half as much butter and you’d still have room for dessert.”
“And leave half a roll on my plate?”
“Well, that’s clearly out of the question. I don’t have that much self-control either. But we could share a roll. I’ll even let you pick top or bottom.”
Emily opened her mouth as if to answer and then abruptly closed it. Her gaze didn’t leave the rolls, but she seemed truly tongue-tied, and Alex wondered what she’d said wrong. Then it hit her. Top or bottom. Shit. After what Emily had seen, she had to be thinking that there was some hidden message in her words.
“I didn’t mean anything by that,” Alex said quickly. “It wasn’t code for anything, I promise.” Dammit.
Emily shook her head but didn’t say anything.
“I feel like whatever I say next will be the wrong thing.” Alex wondered if she could simply admit the truth. What did she have to lose? “The thing is I like you and—”
“Yeah, that’s the wrong thing to say.”
“Wait, you didn’t let me finish.”
Emily continued. “You hardly know me. You can’t know if you really like me or not. I think we should forget about yesterday and start over from here. Two strangers at a sex party.”
“Is that the start of a joke?” Shay asked.
Alex hadn’t noticed when the other conversations had dropped off, but she felt the table listening now.
Shay pressed on. “Two strangers walk into a sex party. One turns to the other and says, ‘Come here often?’”
Madison and Ava laughed, but Emily only waited for Alex’s response.
Alex took a deep breath. She had a feeling she only had one chance to set things right. “I don’t want to forget what happened yesterday. And I know I like everything about you—at least everything I know so far. I’d like to get to know you more. But you’re right. There’s a lot I don’t know.”
“She wants to know how you look horizontally,” Lara said.
More laughter. Alex ignored everyone, focusing only on Emily. She didn’t care that the others were listening now. Not if Emily didn’t mind.
“Aside from liking dessert before dinner, we probably have nothing in common,” Emily said.
“Well, we also both like to sing in the car.”
“How often do you have a conversation with a woman when you’re not trying to get into their pants?” Emily reached fo
r her wineglass and took a sip. “We’re both here for sex, Alex. You don’t need to pretend it’s about anything more.”
Alex felt her cheeks get hot. It had been a long time since she’d blushed from straight-up embarrassment, but she couldn’t beat it back.
“Looks like Katherine invited someone to put Alex in her place,” Lara said, chuckling.
Alex continued to hold Emily’s gaze. “I was trying to get to know you yesterday. Not get into your pants. But if that’s how you felt, maybe I need to learn how to have a conversation with a beautiful woman without flirting.”
“That’s not happening.” Lara snorted. “Al, you’re too old a dog to learn a new trick.”
Alex didn’t like Lara’s nickname for her. She’d never liked being Al, and at the moment it pissed her off more than it should. Lara knew what she was doing. But Alex wasn’t about to engage. She didn’t care what Lara said or thought about her. She only cared about what Emily thought. And now her expression was impossible to read.
Did Emily believe her? After what she’d seen, why should she?
“So, who’s hitting the slopes tomorrow?” Madison asked. Under the table she gave Alex’s thigh a light squeeze. Madison might seem like the playgirl of the group, but she had a knack for knowing when to intercede.
Alex exhaled. She’d officially messed up her chances with Emily. That, on top of lingering guilt from walking out on Madison earlier, made her think she should call it a night and leave the party now.
As the conversations around the table picked back up, Alex tapped Madison’s wineglass. “Hey. I’m sorry about earlier. After Nicola and the others opened the door, I couldn’t get my head back in the right space.”
“Katherine took over where you left off. Don’t worry.” Madison’s voice was as quiet as Alex’s. “And since you gave me one of the best orgasms I’ve had in a very long time, you have nothing to apologize for.” She cleared her throat and jumped into the conversation about skiing.
Alex didn’t feel totally off the hook despite Madison’s words. But nothing about the day had gone right. Alex eyed Emily. She was chatting with Ava and laughing about something. If only she’d called her earlier… She hadn’t wanted the pang of rejection, but Emily thinking she was someone she wasn’t had turned out to be much worse.
I’m an idiot. Alex sighed and picked up her fork, stabbing the lettuce leaves on her plate. She chewed the food and swallowed without tasting it.
“Want to split this with me?” Emily held out a roll she’d cut in half, a tentative smile on her lips. “Really, you’d be helping me out.”
“I feel like I should be the one making a peace offering.”
Emily shook her head. “I shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. The truth is, I don’t want to forget about yesterday either.”
Alex took the roll and then the butter dish when Emily handed that to her next.
“I have to ask one thing, though. Did you know on the plane that I was coming to this party?”
Alex considered her answer. Emily deserved the truth even if she didn’t want to admit it. “I thought maybe, but I didn’t know for sure. You said you were only coming for the weekend, and you seemed like someone Katherine would invite. But the more I got to know you, the more I didn’t think this would be your scene.”
Emily nodded slowly. “Thanks for telling me.”
Alex wanted to say more, but the set expression on Emily’s face made her wonder if she’d already said too much. Had she said all the wrong things? Or did she still have a chance?
Chapter Thirteen
Emily locked the bathroom door and then paced between the shower stall and the sink. Finally, she sat down on the toilet, lid still closed because she didn’t actually need to pee. After talking with Nicola, she’d convinced herself she could stay cool and detached around Alex. Cool and detached had quickly gone out the window.
Alex was a force she couldn’t resist. Even when she’d tried to focus on the others, tried to keep up with dinner conversation, tried to feel some attraction to anyone else, Alex’s eyes pulled her back. She’d spent half the meal wondering what Alex was thinking. The other half she’d spent wondering how it would feel to kiss her. How it would feel to have Alex’s arms wrap around her body…
She pulled up Gianna’s number and tried to slow her breathing as she listened to the ringing.
“Having fun yet?”
“No. I’m freaking out.” She got off the toilet and walked into the shower stall. The whole stall was made out of quartz rock, and it took her a moment to even figure out where the faucet handles were hidden. “Gi, I’m not cut out for sex parties. What the hell am I doing here?”
“Oh, sweetie.”
Hearing Gianna’s comforting voice made Emily long to be sitting with her on the saggy couch in the living room. “I don’t think I’m ready to have sex.”
“Is there no one there you’re interested in?”
“That’s not it. Everyone here is perfect. Sexy. Confident. Gorgeous. I’d be lucky to have sex with any of them.” Especially one person in particular. She closed her eyes, remembering the look Alex had given her as she handed her the dinner roll. She’d hardly been able to swallow, let alone think.
A damn dinner roll and Alex had thrown her brain on a roller coaster. She still wasn’t sure why she’d gone off on her. Alex triggered some need for her to prove herself—as if she could to someone like that.
“They can’t all be perfect,” Gianna said. “Maybe pick the one who seems the least intimidating? Tell me about who you like the most.”
That was a terrible plan, but she couldn’t resist. “That’d be Alex. I can’t even think around her. She’s so damn hot.” She wanted to go on in detail, but she didn’t need more reason to be fixated on Alex. With a sigh, she added, “She even smells good.”
Gianna laughed. “Only you would say that. Tell me you snapped a picture of this hottie.”
“What? No.” Emily blushed.
“Well, now you have homework. So, wait, why are you freaking out? Sounds like you found the person for your fantasy.”
“I can’t have sex with her.”
“Why not?”
Because Alex was a player? Actually, that made her ideal considering Emily only wanted drama-free sex. But Alex didn’t seem like a player, and that part bothered her more. And yet it wasn’t about Alex at all. It was her. No way would Alex be interested in vanilla sex. And, even if she was, Emily worried she’d be a disappointment at that as well.
“What if I can’t remember how to do the basic stuff? Like what if I’m not good at going down on someone? It’s been so long.”
“Sweetie, it’s a bike. You get on and pedal.” Gianna paused. “Em, I know you’re still thinking you’re not good enough for this party. But that’s all because of what Cass told you. It’s not true. I’ve seen Katherine’s friends. You’re as sexy as any of them.”
“You haven’t seen this group. I swear most of them could be models. And they’re way more experienced.”
“Are you whining?”
“Maybe?” Emily pressed her hand over her eyes.
“And why do you sound like you’re in a tunnel? Where are you, anyway?”
“The bathroom. Technically, the shower. Do you think anyone would notice if I left the party?”
“You’re not leaving. No way. No. Absolutely not. That isn’t even up for discussion. Wait, why are you taking a shower? Aren’t you supposed to be at the dinner?”
“The dinner already happened. I’m standing in the shower. In my dress.”
“Why?”
“I needed to think.” Emily tugged on the hem of the sweaterdress. The outfit had ended up being a fine choice. Everyone was dressed nicely but not extravagantly. And given the way Alex had checked her out, she knew she looked good. Unfortunately, looking good wasn’t enough. She stared at her heels and at the quartz sparkling under her feet. “This is a nice shower. Someday I’d like to have a house with a sh
ower like this.”
“You’re so weird sometimes. What fantasy did you decide on?”
At the thought of that unfinished business, Emily did have to pee. She stepped out of the shower and lifted the toilet lid. “Gi, I’m going to pee with you.”
“You know I can’t see you, right? You’re not peeing in the shower, are you?”
“I’m not that weird. In fact, after what I’ve seen, I’m starting to think I’m more normal than I thought.”
“What do you mean, ‘after what you’ve seen’? Have people already started to have sex?”
Emily wished she could simply be excited like Gianna. “Yes, and I promise I’ll tell you everything. But not now. Right now, I need a fantasy.”
“You haven’t come up with your fantasy yet? Em, what have you been doing?”
“Freaking out. I told you.” In truth, she’d come up with several fantasies in the past eight hours but didn’t want to admit any aloud, let alone write them down. Every single one involved Alex.
“Can you give me a fantasy? I’ll use anything.”
Gianna gave an exasperated groan. “Group sex.”
“No. Not that. Give me another one.” Now that she was sitting on the toilet, she couldn’t actually pee. Even her bladder was nervous.
“Group sex is a good one. Why not that?”
“Something different.” Emily’s mind spun to whom she’d have sex with if an orgy actually occurred. Her traitorous libido went right to the image of Alex, of course. But the thought of having sex with Alex while others were watching was too much. “I’m not ready to have sex with more than one person.”
“Okay. How about something tame like sex in the shower? Apparently, you really like showers.”
Emily laughed. “I do like showers, but everyone’s had sex in the shower. It needs to be more exciting than that.”
“Okay…Sex in a hot tub? Or what about sex in a car?”
“It’s below freezing. I don’t think I could pull down my underwear in a car right now.” But sex in a hot tub wouldn’t be bad. Nicola had assured her that no matter what she wrote, she’d have someone interested simply because she was the newbie—but that meant she’d have to go through with whatever she decided on. “Gi, I don’t know if I’m ready to have sex at all. Maybe it’s too soon. It’s only been two months since Cass and I separated.”
One Weekend in Aspen Page 10
