“I’m not surprised.”
“Wait, I’m not trying to brag. Especially to someone like you. What I’m trying to say is that it’s been a long seven years but I’m not a total virgin.”
“As soon as you kissed me, I had no doubt you knew what you were doing.” Alex pulled her closer, resting her chin on Emily’s shoulder. “Can I state something for the record too? It’s kind of a confession.”
Emily waited, wondering what Alex would possibly have to confess.
“I don’t want to share you with anyone else this weekend. I don’t even want to go to back to the party. I want to keep you all to myself.”
Emily felt a rush go through her and was glad Alex couldn’t see her face in that moment. If only she could simply admit that was exactly what she wanted too. “I bet Katherine has rules about that.”
“Katherine has lots of rules. I recommend ignoring them.”
“Easy for you. She’s my boss, remember?” It wasn’t only about Katherine’s rules. The image of Madison tied up popped in Emily’s mind. Even if things like that turned her on, she wasn’t sure she could actually do something like that. Alex probably wouldn’t be satisfied with her for long.
“I want to do more, but do you mind if we keep doing this for a while?” Emily asked. “Your holding me feels so nice.”
Alex tucked the blanket around them and kissed Emily’s neck again. “You know what else I haven’t done—besides have sex on a rug in front of the fireplace?” She paused a beat, then said, “I’ve never fallen asleep in front of a fire.”
“What about camping?”
“Never been.”
“Seriously?” Emily looked over her shoulder to see if Alex was joking. “You’ve lived all over the world but you’ve never camped?”
“Okay, don’t get all judgy, it’s on my bucket list.”
Emily laughed. “And here I thought you were so worldly, so experienced.”
“Everybody’s got something they haven’t done.”
“Yeah, but for most of us it’s something like, oh, I don’t know, being tied up in a private sex room and used for someone’s pleasure.”
“Is that on your bucket list?”
“Not telling.” Emily smiled, enjoying that they’d fallen back into the flirting banter that had felt so easy earlier. She could joke about being tied up without having to decide if she could go through with it. “Have you ever been the one who was tied up?”
“Someone tried once, but I slipped out of their knots and ended up turning things around pretty quick.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
Alex laughed, and the soft rumbling sound warmed Emily’s heart. It felt entirely too good to hear Alex laugh, to be lying with her chest pressed firmly against Emily’s back. The moment was perfect. She timed her breathing to Alex’s and watched the flames flicker from yellow to orange to red. She was in exactly the right place, with exactly the right person.
Even as she had that thought, warning bells sounded. Perfect moments didn’t last. Still, it didn’t matter. Alex could move on to another woman tomorrow. In a month or two, Alex probably wouldn’t remember this night, wouldn’t remember their conversation, and certainly wouldn’t keep the feeling of lying naked with someone simply watching a fire. Emily, however, knew she would remember all of it.
“Can I try going down on you later?” Emily felt her throat tighten as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth. It shouldn’t be a big deal to ask, but it was. Alex could think she was silly for asking, but she needed to get over the hurdle sooner or later and it might as well be with someone who’d forget her after. No risk. That’s exactly what Alex was, even if she felt incredibly risky. “You might have to give me pointers. It’s been a long time.”
“I like the sound of that. You tell me when you’re ready.”
“As easy as that, huh?” When Alex nodded, Emily knew that it was. She breathed out the anxiety that had welled up. They had all night, and she could feel Alex’s unspoken words telling her there was no rush. It didn’t make sense that someone like Alex could feel so comfortable, so easy, but she couldn’t deny it. For a moment, she could just close her eyes and enjoy how perfect everything felt.
Chapter Nineteen
The last smoldering ember flamed brighter for a second, pulling Alex’s eyes to it, then died out. Without the fire warming the room, Alex knew the one fleece wouldn’t be enough, but she hated to move and wake Emily. Her own mind hadn’t let her drift off, and she knew it was more than the switch of time zones keeping her from sleep.
Carefully, she shifted up on her elbow and brushed a lock of Emily’s dark brown hair back from her forehead. Emily didn’t stir even when Alex lightly kissed her cheek. “I hate to wake you,” she whispered.
Emily shivered. She fumbled for Alex’s arm and pulled it tighter around her middle. Alex waited, expecting Emily to say something or open her eyes, but her breathing only slipped back to the measured rhythm of sleep. When Alex caressed her forearm, she still didn’t wake.
The only light in the room came from the full moon and the stars brightly reflected in the snow outside. Sometime after midnight the storm had cleared and the clouds had moved on. Alex had watched the moon appear and nearly roused Emily at the gorgeous sight of it, but with a fresh snowfall the scene out the window would be even more magical once the sun rose. The sunrise would also mean the conclusion of a night she didn’t want to end. If she woke Emily, would she agree to go upstairs, or would she want to go back to Katherine’s?
Minutes passed. Finally, when Emily shivered again, the worry of her getting chilled won out over the desire to not do anything given the risk of her leaving.
“Emily.” Alex spoke her name aloud instead of whispering, and Emily’s eyelids fluttered open. “The fire’s out and you’re getting cold. We have to get up.”
“I’m not that cold.” Emily snuggled closer, pushing her butt against Alex. Her eyes closed again.
“You’ve been shivering.” Alex shifted to a sitting position and then stood. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”
Alex thought of offering to walk Emily back to Katherine’s, but she didn’t force herself to say those words. “We can still cuddle upstairs. In a bed. With nice warm blankets.” She held out her hand and Emily clasped it.
“I like blankets. And beds,” Emily murmured, leaning against Alex once she was standing.
Alex chuckled. “Me too. And I’d gladly carry you up to my bed, but that might be a little too caveman for your taste.”
“Maybe a little.” Emily smiled, eyes still closed. “Though if you planned on tying me up in your bed once we got there, I might say okay.”
“I hope you remember this conversation tomorrow morning.” Alex led the way upstairs, not letting go of Emily’s hand. The bedroom was cool and Emily shivered, moving against Alex again. “You’ll be warm once we get you under the covers.”
Once Emily was finally in bed, Alex kissed her forehead. “See, that’s better, right?”
“I’d be warmer if I was under you. Or if you were doing other things to me.”
“I think you’re too sleepy for that.”
“You could wake me up the rest of the way…” Emily’s voice trailed into silence, and Alex thought she was already asleep again by her even breathing.
Alex went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. She pulled the comforter up to cover them both and then curved her body against Emily’s. God, she felt perfect.
“Are you tired?” Emily asked.
“No,” Alex said. “But it’s late. We should sleep. I didn’t want to wake you at all.”
“But you did wake me. And now I’m wide awake.”
“Your eyes were closed the whole way up here and now you’re awake?” Alex was happy about the development even if she wanted to tease Emily for making her work so hard to get her upstairs.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Uncertainty slipped back into Emily’s voice.
> Alex took a deep breath. “I didn’t fall asleep downstairs ’cause my mind wouldn’t stop. I kept thinking of all the things I wanted to do with you.”
“What things?”
Alex hesitated. In the dark, she couldn’t see Emily’s expression. “You really want to know?”
“Yes, please.”
Telling Emily what she wanted to do suddenly seemed crass. Even if Emily swore this was still a night of meaningless sex for her, it wasn’t for Alex. And Emily wasn’t simply another woman she’d met at a sex party. She didn’t want to scare her off.
“Are you thinking I can’t handle it?” Emily asked.
Before Alex thought of a reply, Emily said, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but when I realized what you were doing with Madison I wanted to trade places with her. For years I’ve had all these fantasies of things like that, but I’ve never had someone who wanted to do that to me. And maybe you’re right. Maybe if we tried that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I think you should let me decide.”
“Maybe I should.” Alex couldn’t exactly bring up the fact that Madison’s experience level was a little different than Emily’s, but that’s exactly what crossed her mind. She trusted that Madison would tell her how far to go. With Emily, she worried they might go too far too fast before Emily realized her limits. “I don’t want to mess up with you. I want to do the right thing.”
Emily stroked Alex’s chest lightly, then moved lower and traced the triangle of trimmed hair. “Do you always do the right thing?”
“I try.”
“What if I told you that the right thing to do tonight was to stop thinking about what you think I need and let me decide?”
“That’s fair. What do you need?”
“To go down on you.”
“Okay, didn’t expect that.” Alex chuckled. “If that’s what you need, I won’t stand in your way.”
“I really need it.” Emily’s tone was playful as her fingers trailed over Alex’s belly. “You’d be helping me out.”
“I like helping,” Alex said, closing her eyes. She felt a surge between her legs as Emily’s fingers continued to work and her body hummed to attention. “Helping definitely sounds like the right thing to do.”
“And then after you’re done helping me with this, I want you to tell me what you want to do with me. No holding back.”
Alex didn’t say yes or no. Her mind had gone to the image of Emily’s wineglass flying through the air, her gasp of shock. She might say she didn’t want her to hold back, but Alex didn’t want to mess up what they had going. Even if it is only for a night.
Emily moved from her side of the bed to straddle Alex. “Okay, keep in mind it’s been a long time since I’ve done this. I might suck.”
“You know sucking’s a good thing, right?” When Emily didn’t play along with the joke, Alex added, “Even if you don’t get me off, it’s gonna feel good. And I like being part of your practice session.”
Emily leaned down and kissed Alex. She rested her head for a moment in the space between Alex’s neck and her shoulder. “You’re exactly what I needed tonight.”
“We could just lie here. Like this. You feel amazing.”
“No way. I want to go down on you. More than you could possibly realize.” She kissed Alex’s neck. “I’m only taking a moment to psych myself up.”
Alex laughed. “You’re gonna be fine.”
“But are you?” Emily teased.
“I think I’ll probably surv—” Alex stopped mid-word. Emily had shifted between her legs and the next second her tongue dove right in. Alex’s whole body went taut, nerves firing in a blinding rush. She had to remind herself to breathe when Emily started to work on her clit.
After hours of being aroused, her clit was swollen and hard. Emily could have simply pressed her thumb against her and she would have come on the spot. Instead, Emily worked her to a fever pitch with her tongue, circling and stroking relentlessly until Alex was shaking with need for a release.
Finally, Emily sucked her clit between her lips, and Alex couldn’t hold back. She climaxed with a jolt, clenching Emily between her thighs. A second later, she forced her knees to part, worrying that she’d hurt Emily.
As soon as Emily shifted, Alex pulled away and turned on her side, squeezing her legs together as the orgasm continued to roll through her. She ignored Emily’s protest that she wasn’t finished, and only managed to shake her head when Emily asked if she could have another go. When the quivering subsided some, she looked over at Emily.
“You came too fast,” Emily said.
“You’re blaming me? No. That was all you. Damn, you’re good with your tongue. Your ex was missing out.”
Emily kissed her shoulder blade, then the nape of her neck. “You don’t have to say that, but thank you.”
“I’m the one who should be saying thank you.”
Emily draped herself half over Alex, her fingers straying down to Alex’s groin. “I forgot how good it tastes. You sure I can’t lick you a little more?”
“Not now. Sorry.”
Emily flopped onto her back and gave an exasperated groan.
Alex sat up and turned to her. “Poor you? Is that it?” She laughed.
“That’s it exactly. I’ve been waiting for years for that, and you barely gave me five seconds.”
“It’s gotta be hard being that good. How do you handle it?”
Even in the weak moonlight, Alex caught Emily’s eye roll. She laughed again. “How ’bout I let you do it again when my body’s recovered a little?”
“Promise?”
“Yes.” Alex met Emily’s lips. One kiss blended into the next, each one more convincing that there was no reason to stop. Alex moved on top of Emily again and fresh arousal strummed through her. She knew she wouldn’t actually need much time to recover.
Emily pulled away from a kiss and said, “I think I interrupted you earlier.”
“You did?”
“You were going to tell me what you wanted to do with me.”
Alex immediately thought of her strap-on. “I was going to ask how you felt about toys. No pressure, though. I’m quite happy doing more of what we’ve been doing.”
“Do you mean like a dildo?”
Alex nodded.
Emily touched Alex’s chest, then drew a line down to her belly button. She seemed to want to go farther but after a moment pulled her hand away. “I haven’t played with anything more than a vibrator. My ex didn’t think lesbians needed other things.”
“Well, we don’t, but it’s fun.” Alex couldn’t tell from Emily’s response if she was interested or not.
Emily bit her lip. After a moment, she said, “I think I’d like it.”
“Someday? Or do you want me to grab something for us to try now?”
Emily didn’t answer, and as the silence stretched, Alex wished she hadn’t brought it up. She was a reentry ticket for Emily, a first step back into the world of being intimate. Suggesting something Emily had never done was a bad idea. Although, in her defense, she hadn’t known it would be a new thing for Emily.
“Don’t worry. We have lots of other ways to entertain ourselves.” Alex hoped the innuendo gave Emily enough of a graceful out.
“Like this, for instance.” Alex lowered herself until their nipples brushed. Emily parted her lips in a soft gasp. Her sounds only amped up Alex’s arousal. She tried not to think about how good it would feel to slide her cock inside Emily, but as their hips bumped together her craving only increased. Knowing Emily hadn’t been pleasured that way made her want to give her the experience that much more. Yet she couldn’t push for it. Couldn’t bring it up again.
“You feel so good under me,” Alex murmured.
Emily shifted up and met Alex’s lips.
Chapter Twenty
As soon as Emily pulled away from Alex’s lips, she knew it was the right time to ask. All she had to say was “Go get it” and Alex would. There was no doubt that she wanted
her strap-on, and Emily was at least ninety-five percent sure that she wanted Alex wearing it.
Still, she held back. Partly it was old baggage from the arguments Cass had made about how lesbians didn’t need cocks and shouldn’t want them, and how if they did they were only copying heterosexuals—or worse, wanting to submit to the patriarchy. And partly it was embarrassment that at thirty-three she couldn’t bring herself to ask for what she wanted.
Nearly all of her fantasies involved a woman wielding a cock. And yet not once had she had sex with someone in a strap-on.
Alex moved from kissing her lips to kissing her throat and then her breasts. Her leg rested between Emily’s, and as she moved her thigh pressed exactly where Emily wanted her. The pressure wasn’t enough to satisfy her, though. She was impossibly wet, and all she could think of was having Alex inside her. Desire thrummed through her body insistently.
Instead of admitting what she wanted, she focused on massaging Alex’s back and shoulders. Alex’s muscles tensed and released under her ministrations, and when she got to a pressure point and dug in her thumb, Alex broke away from kissing to moan.
“You’re good at that.”
“Gotta have some skills in life,” Emily bantered back. She’d never been good at simply accepting praise, but the more Alex moaned, the more she trusted the compliment.
Alex’s responsiveness was a drug she couldn’t get enough of. It was nearly enough to make her forget her own need. Nearly. She thought of how Alex had climaxed with only her tongue—and in under two minutes. Alex had done more for her ego than years of counseling. And Alex could give her more. She wasn’t Cass. Alex could give her the kind of sex she’d wanted for years. So why shouldn’t she ask for it?
“You have a sexy body. I could give you a massage all night.” Although then I’d be so wet I’d probably be ready to beg. “My ex was more feminine. All soft curves. I always thought she was pretty, but…she wasn’t really my type. That sounds weird, doesn’t it? Since I was married to her for ten years.”
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