“It might look a little bigger without all the boxes. I mean, not much bigger, but…” Emily glanced again at the pile littering the front room. “I like it.”
“And it’s a step up from my saggy couch for sure.”
“You know how much I love your couch.” It was nice to have a bed, however, and her own room. “And you took me in when I had nothing.” At least now with the divorce settled, she had her things out of storage—including all her pots and pans. She’d sent a picture to Alex when she’d unpacked that particular box. “I owe you so much, Gianna. I don’t think I’d be where I am today without you. And six months was longer than either of us planned.”
“Stop before I start crying. You know you’d have done the same for me,” Gianna cleared her throat. “So. How’s it feel to be finally living in your own space?”
“A little lonely, but I’ll get used to it. Kind of ridiculous that at thirty-three I’ve never lived by myself.” The first night had been nice. The next she’d been lonely and stayed up late chatting with Alex, who was still in Tokyo. The third night was the worst. Alex had to cancel their usual video chat date, and for the first time since leaving Aspen, she’d gone to sleep without their saying goodnight. Realizing how attached she’d gotten, she’d spent the morning trying to talk herself down from a freak-out about the whole thing.
But what she couldn’t ignore was that she felt closer to Alex than she’d ever felt to Cass. Four months of talking nearly every night went a long way toward knowing someone—and officially falling for them. More than that, the closer she’d gotten to Alex, the more she felt herself growing into her own, as if opening up to someone else had allowed her to get to know herself again.
Probably guessing the direction of her thoughts, Gianna said, “You won’t be lonely for long. You’ll have Alex soon. One more week before Aspen, right?”
“Yep.” Although a week seemed too long to wait. “Do you think it’s a problem that I talk to her every day?”
“Why would it be?”
“I don’t know. I keep thinking maybe I let myself get in too deep.”
“You’re worried you love her?”
Emily sighed. “I’m not worried. I know it. And she’s…well…her.”
“Your gorgeous fantasy woman who everyone else drools over but who’s only in love with you?” Gianna paused long enough to make her point clear. “Poor you.”
Emily laughed. “Thanks, Gi. But I don’t know if she is in love with me. She hasn’t said it, anyway. And maybe it’s too soon for me to be in love again. How do you know for sure if something isn’t a rebound?”
“Are you serious right now? I’ve seen the two of you on those video chats. You’re both in love. Now stop worrying and be happy. Those of us who aren’t in love are about to lose our patience with you.”
Emily wanted to believe that Gianna was right. In her heart she thought she was, but they hadn’t said the love word yet. Twice Alex had slipped up and nearly said it, then covered with “I love-like you, goodnight,” to which Emily could only laugh because it was dorky enough that she could imagine Alex saying it on purpose. They both seemed to be waiting for the right moment, but until she heard Alex say the words, she wasn’t certain.
“You’re going to have so much fun in Aspen,” Gianna said.
“I hope so.”
Alex had invited Emily to Aspen, insisting she ought to see the place in the summer before completely discounting the town. Emily didn’t admit that since she’d fallen in love in Aspen, it would forever have a place in her heart, snow or no snow. She’d fretted about taking time off, but after going four months without Alex she needed to see her. Needed to wrap her arms around her. And she most definitely needed to kiss her.
“What if she gets tired of me?”
“Stop.” Gianna gave Emily her I-mean-business look and then added, “I’ve heard her say goodnight to you. She’s in deep. And after four months she’s still texting you how many times a day?”
Emily’s phone beeped with a text and they both laughed.
“Five bucks says that’s her.”
Emily went over to the counter where she’d left her phone and flipped it face up. “I owe you five bucks.” She cleared her throat and read: “‘Don’t think I can wait a whole week to see you.’”
“Mm-hmm.”
Emily smiled. Her chest felt tight. Alex didn’t need to say the words. She knew the truth. She also knew Alex wasn’t a rebound. Alex was more real than anything she’d ever had.
“As much as I want to see her, it’s going to be even harder coming home alone this time. I won’t have her, and I won’t have your shoulder to cry on about it. I’ll have an empty apartment.”
“You make the popcorn and I’ll be here.”
“Thanks, Gi.” Emily sniffed. She straightened up. “Okay, I’m not letting myself get all sad and mushy before I even get to Aspen.” She sent a quick note back to Alex with a sad emoji and then a promise to make the wait worth it. Turning back to Gianna, she said, “Let’s talk about tonight and your hot date. Where are we meeting Lara?”
“Miss Chavelle’s. She said she liked Caribbean food.” Gianna shook her head. “Still can’t believe you talked me into doing this. I’m too old for blind dates.”
“You’re thirty-three. That’s not too old for anything. And you and Lara are going to hit it off. I’m sure of it. Even Alex agrees.”
In fact, Alex was the one to suggest it. They’d apparently repaired their friendship over the past several months, and Lara had even visited Alex in Tokyo. She was still sober and working through all of that, but Alex felt confident she was in a good place—which was enough recommendation for Emily.
“Besides, she’s gorgeous. And I’ve heard from Nicola that she’s very good in bed. So even if it’s only for a night, it’ll be a good one.”
“Only you would include references about her abilities in bed.” Gianna rolled her eyes. “I guess if I don’t get to go to a sex party myself, the next best thing is a graduate of the program.”
Emily laughed. “I love you, Gi. Have I told you that lately?”
“But what if there’s no chemistry?”
“Then we’ll all hang out and have dinner and that’ll be the end of it.” Emily doubted that would happen. Regardless, she was excited to see Lara again. Lara felt like a link to Alex and a reminder of the good parts of the sex party. And it was because of Lara that she’d gone to Alex’s house after the tequila incident. If they hadn’t reconnected then, they might never have resolved all the misunderstandings. “I won’t leave unless I can tell you’re ready to jump her bones.”
“Stop waggling your eyebrows at me,” Gianna said, her eyebrows dancing in return. “Okay, tell me everything you know about her again.”
* * *
“Why are you smiling like that?”
Alex held up her phone. “Emily sent me a picture of her new place.”
Lara squinted at the screen. “Is that her bathroom?”
“Well, yeah, but look.” Alex pointed to the snapshot of Aspen stuck on the bottom corner of the bathroom mirror.
Lara shook her head. “I can’t believe it. You found someone as cheesy as you.”
“Being sentimental isn’t a bad thing.”
“You still carrying around her pen?”
Alex reached into her pocket and whipped it out. “Gonna tease me for it? Go ahead.”
Lara laughed. “No way, man. You’re the one with the girlfriend.”
“I don’t know if we’re technically there yet.”
“Whatever. You two text nonstop. The only reason you haven’t asked her to marry you is because you’ve been stuck in Tokyo.”
Alex started to argue, but Lara shot her a look that made her realize there was no point trying to hide anything. “I keep wanting to say ‘I love you’ but I want to do it in person the first time. And maybe it’s too soon? It’s only been four months.”
Lara dropped onto the couch next to Alex. “Okay, first
things first. You need to tell her about the interview.”
Alex set her phone down. “I’ve never been so nervous about an interview in my life.”
“Because this is about more than a job. It’s a big step.”
“I know, and I’m not completely qualified to—”
“Bullshit. You’re plenty qualified. When I was helping you with that cover letter, more than once I had to stop myself from feeling jealous about all the damn things you’ve done.”
“Whatever. You’re a lawyer.”
“As of last week.” Lara exhaled. “I still have trouble thinking of myself as anything more than a bartender who can’t handle her booze.”
“But you are more now. A lot more.” Not only had Lara finished law school, she’d passed the bar exam and gotten a good job. Her life had completely turned around from even a year ago, and Alex was proud of her for how hard she’d worked. The one piece of advice that Katherine had given her about giving Lara a second chance had paid off. “You’re a different person now that you don’t drink. I actually like you.”
“Well, you’re still an asshole and way too good-looking, but I like you too.” Lara laughed. “I’m serious about the job interview. You’re completely qualified. But if they don’t want you, someone else will. You know that. The big step is you moving here for Emily.”
Alex breathed out. Her stomach had been a hard knot since she’d gotten off the plane that morning and it had nothing to do with the long flight. Even though she talked to Emily all the time, she wasn’t certain that Emily was ready for more. And she’d made a promise not to push her. Moving to San Francisco might feel like a push, but Alex couldn’t handle staying away any longer.
Despite sharing everything from mundane snags she ran into on her job to what she thought of when she slipped her hand between her legs at night, she’d stopped short of telling Emily about tomorrow’s interview. She also hadn’t said that instead of a video chat tonight, they’d be seeing each other in person.
When she’d planned it all out, she’d been certain the surprise was a good idea. At first it was only about setting Lara up with Gianna, but then the interview came up and the timing worked. She managed to get in touch with Gianna privately and ran everything past her first. Instead of a blind date with Lara and Gianna alone, Alex had suggested that Emily go—to make it feel more casual. Emily had been game to see Lara again and had quickly agreed, wanting to ease the awkwardness of a blind date. Hopefully, she’d also be happy that Lara wasn’t going to be alone.
“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”
Lara’s eyebrows bunched together. “Seriously?”
“Well, she told me she needed time, and maybe this is going to feel like I’m pressuring her. Moving here and everything. Dammit, I should have asked her first.”
“You haven’t moved here officially yet. I’m not going to argue that you need to talk to her, but maybe nothing needs to change in your relationship. At this point, she’s basically your online girlfriend, right? All this means is that instead of being twenty-four hours away, you’ll be in the same state. You can date in person. It’s not like you’re TJ showing up in London unannounced asking Nicola to marry her.”
“Yeah, but they were dating for years.” One month after Aspen, TJ had flown to London. Alex never thought it would be possible, but TJ had convinced her dad to move. She’d changed jobs, moved in with Nicola, and set her dad up in a flat next door. So far, it was working. “Emily and I haven’t even agreed to the girlfriend thing—”
Lara held up her hand. “I get it. We won’t use the girlfriend word. You’re kinky online friends who show each other their titties, probably with clamps on them.”
Alex bust up laughing. Lara knew her too well.
“Do you honestly think she isn’t going to be over the moon to see you?”
“I don’t know.” Even yesterday, Alex had been convinced that Emily would be happy to see her, but now she was too nervous to think straight. She wanted Emily more than she’d ever wanted anyone. It wasn’t only how amazing the sex had been in Aspen. It was everything that had happened in between. All the conversations that neither had wanted to end. All the little things they had in common. Even longing for kids and wanting a family. “I really hope she’s happy to see me, but…what if she isn’t? What if I think this is a whole lot more important of a relationship than she does?”
“That’s why love bites. There’s no way to know.”
“You kind of suck at relationship advice.”
Lara nodded. “I totally do. Which is why I’m single at thirty-seven and going on my first blind date.”
“You’re gonna rock this blind date.” Lara didn’t seem completely sure and Alex knew she needed more to convince her. “Think about it. You’re a lawyer, you’re good-looking, you’re a smart-ass—I mean funny—and you genuinely care about the people you love. You’re gonna knock Gianna’s socks off.”
“This is my first real, sober date.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Lara exhaled. “I kind of stopped dating after I stopped drinking. Aside from Katherine’s parties and random hookups, I couldn’t do it. I tried a couple times, but turns out I’m not as brave when I’m not drinking. If it’s only sex, I’m good to go. But talking to a woman and trying to make a real connection?”
“You can do this,” Alex said. “I know you can.”
“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into a blind date.”
“You’re gonna be fine. Turn on your charm. You still got it, even if you’re old enough to be going gray.”
Lara jabbed Alex’s arm and then furrowed her brow. “Can you see gray hairs on my head?”
“No, I was teasing you, goofball. Besides, you bleach your damn hair. And we’re not that old.”
“We? You’re thirty-nine. I’m not that old.”
Alex shook her head. “I swear, sometimes you’re like the little sister I never wanted.”
“Do you mean it?”
Lara’s question was endearing. Even if mostly sarcasm, Alex knew there was a hint of truth to it. “Actually, I do.” Neither had said as much aloud, but there was no doubt rekindling their friendship had been good for both of them.
Alex gave Lara a halfhearted sideways shove, and Lara laughed as she almost lost her balance. She looked back at Alex, still grinning, and stuck up her middle finger.
“Gianna’s gonna love you,” Alex said. “Emily keeps saying how you two would be perfect together. She’s good at reading people.”
“Then why’d she pick you?” Lara winked.
Definitely more like an annoying little sister. “Remind me again why we’re friends?”
“’Cause TJ moved to London and no one else will put up with either of us.”
“Oh. Right.” Alex wished TJ was still in California and the three of them could all hang out like old times. “I miss TJ.”
“Me too. I miss Katherine’s sex parties too.”
“I don’t.” It was the truth. As fun as it had been, and while she missed friends, Alex didn’t long for the rest of what came with Katherine’s parties. Besides, nearly all of the old crew—Lara, TJ, Nicola, and Alex—had decided to stop going. Katherine would find a new group. Or not. Alex didn’t care anymore. “I also don’t miss Katherine.”
“We could have our own parties someday,” Lara continued. “I bet Emily would be into it. We could convince TJ and Nicola to come to San Francisco…”
“I’m not saying no to a sex party, but you’re gonna have to give me some time. Right now I don’t want to think about sharing Emily. I want her all to myself for a while. If she’ll have me.”
“If she’ll have you? Damn, you really are in love.”
“Hopelessly.” Alex wasn’t even going to pretend it wasn’t the truth. “Maybe Gianna will be exactly who you were meant to find. Maybe it’ll be fate, just like with me and Emily.”
“You realize that wasn’t fate who put you two on the airplan
e together, right? That was Katherine. By the way, how many more of these cheesy lines do you have up your sleeve?”
“Lots. And Katherine may have set up the flight, but she didn’t make a snowstorm.” Or anything that happened after.
Chapter Thirty-nine
“You sure you want to bring that whole bag of ramen?” Lara kept eyeing the brown grocery bag full of packaged noodles like she was uncomfortable walking next to it.
“I’m telling you, Emily’s gonna love it.” Alex hefted the bag higher. “It’s a long story.”
“It might be a long story, but it’s also weird.”
Admittedly, Alex had stressed about the decision of what to bring Emily. She’d thought of jewelry or simply flowers, but that seemed too cliché. A practical housewarming present didn’t feel right either. “I’m weird. Is bringing a girl ramen weirder than any of my other crazy ideas?”
Lara chuckled. “Actually, no.”
“Besides, this isn’t just any packaged ramen. It’s the world’s best ramen. I made it for Emily when she was sick, and she loved it.” Alex took a deep breath. The sign for the restaurant had come into view and with it a nervous excitement. “I know you’re the one going on a blind date but, man, my hands are sweating.”
“You’re bringing your girlfriend, who you haven’t seen in four months, a bag of ramen. I’d be nervous too. We’re a few minutes early. Maybe we could swing into that corner shop and you could throw in a pack of gum.”
Alex laughed. “You’re an asshole.”
Lara eyed the bag again and shook her head. “I got an idea. What if you slip a ring in that bag?”
“I’m working up the courage to ask how she feels about me moving to the same damn state. She’s not ready for a ring.”
“But you are.”
Alex didn’t answer. She’d been ready to jump in with both feet months ago. Getting to know Emily better had only made her more certain of everything. Her fingers were crossed that Emily wouldn’t pull back now.
“Where are you going to put that bag when we get to the restaurant?”
“This ramen is really bothering you, isn’t it?”
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