by Ella Hansing
face with my scarf, the single guard stationed in the dark taking little interest in a small, disheveled figure such as mine exiting the city alone.
Though I struck my already stubbed toe the minute I broke from the main road – cutting out across rocky terrain, this slowed me little. I found my body, along with my mind, had gone completely numb – as I was scarce able to feel pain of any degree. Overhead there were no stars to guide me on my crooked path, closely tracing the base of the city wall, headed now to my familiar pool of water; I could smell its warm stench long before reaching it. Stretching out my arm I felt for the rigid wall of Arrapha to my right. A few more yards and I could see the reflection of the water – my lungs expelling air deeply as I gazed.
Transfixed, my scrambled mind wondered what Aeros had done after I’d left – wondered what he’d thought, now that the incident was finished. Surely he felt equally humiliated, judging by the size of the crowd that had gathered around us. I knew he had involved himself in the matter only out of instinct – nothing more. Face distorted in agony, I pulled away from the support of the wall. I didn’t have to guess what Phaena might be thinking or feeling, knowing already that she would be embarrassed beyond words; and Hesba, sweet Hesba who came running with nothing but concern – she would be wondering only if I was alright. Finding a spot against the base of the city wall, I curled myself up – wrapping my thin arms around my bended legs in hopes my stomach would stop churning.
Recognizing the pattern my thoughts began to follow, I knew I would need to find a way of silencing my mind. Tormenting myself into the late hours of night would come of no avail. There was nothing in this life that could be undone, and the gods were seldom kind even afterward – often leaving me for hours to fester inwardly in ashamed madness. Many were the times I suffered alone, since my mother knew little of humility. Perhaps this was what the gods wanted? If I even had money to afford a sacrifice would Ashur even listen? Perhaps it was Ashur himself who found me entertaining, and not Aeros. How he must have laughed when I came crawling into his temple that night, thinking I went unnoticed. Shuddering, I turned to look out across the pool. At least I felt safe for now – being far outside the city, crouched near the water in this strange place that somehow choked out chaos. Closing my eyes I let my shoulders drop, surrendering readily to the full weight of my sadness.
5. Mystery of the Veil
Though temperatures in Assyria often soared to staggering heights during the day, they often became abruptly cold after sunset, leaving many caught off-guard by the sudden changes – myself being no exception. Considering how much time I spent outdoors, it never failed to surprise me how ill-prepared I always seemed. As the warmth of my adrenaline began to subside, I found myself growing colder and colder in the darkness outside, with nothing more than my scarf to cover my limbs. Utterly alone, nothing but the wind broke the silence surrounding me – howling as it cut across the top of the city wall above, little by little tapering the frenzied thinking of my mind.
Cold and sore as I might become the idea of returning home that night was out of the question. I knew my mother would already be busy entertaining her guest, and besides my possibly being in the way I feared I wouldn’t be able to return amicably – not in my present state at least. I could easily still sense a wild impulse within me to either yell or cry – though it had lessened somewhat as my physical strength began to dissolve.
As the temperature continued to drop I straightened out my legs from beneath me, feeling them begin to stiffen already. Since it wasn’t the first time I’d slept by the pool, I knew it would be a rough night – though worth it in the end for the small comfort it would afford my mind. After several attempts to situate myself, I at last settled with lying on my right side – hip throbbing mildly as it rested it on solid rock, eyes focused unwavering on the surface of the water. With a stone just high enough for my head and my scarf tucked tightly over my shoulders, I finally felt ready for sleep – too exhausted even to shiver, the acceleration of my thinking slowing enough so that my mind began to drift aimless.
In closing my eyes I was surprised to sense them open again almost at once. Squinting upward I saw the sky above the city began to glow brightly orange. Confused, I sat up in place, strength seeming renewed just as my ears filled with the distant sound of music – of tambourines and singing. Wordless I rose from beside the pool, the blazing light from the city drawing me back the way I’d come – back to the main road leading up to the eastern gate.
Though I traveled at a rapid pace, I noticed I didn’t grow tired or stumble – my feet remaining steady over uneven terrain, seeming almost to glide instead of climb. In seeing the eastern gate rise before me I was at once reluctant to enter, recalling all of what had just transpired for me therein. My hesitancy was of no avail, though, as I drifted through the empty gateway regardless, unperturbed and without protest in the absence of any bystanders or guards, drawn on by the lights and sounds. As I drew nearer the source of the commotion, I found myself standing in the arena of the central temple, where twenty bonfires had been lit – sputtering oil and ash in every direction, setting the sky ablaze in defiance of the dark night. The smell of the fumes filled my nostrils and lungs deeply, almost choking me.
Stepping back a ways, I glanced to either side and I saw the arena was mostly empty; everyone had gone someplace again and not told me where. With music still throbbing in my ears I journeyed on, walking plainly down the middle of the road since there was no one to hide from. As the music grew louder I began to slow my walk, halting entirely as I reached the end of the street – pausing out of instinctive caution before proceeding out from darkness. The entire city it seemed had converged in one area, packing along the edges of the main street leading up to the central temple – so tightly that I could scarce see what everyone was looking at. Assorted men and women stood, like a wall with their backs to me. I was able to weave and duck my way through them only with great determination – bursting out onto the open road ahead of them more forceful than I planned. Dazed, my feet shuffled through a carpet of red petals several inches thick. Thousands upon thousands of petals had been littered across the pavement until it was nearly invisible – trailing all the way down the road from the steps of the high temple, like a river of blood. The sight took my breath away. With the celebration now engulfing me, I knew this must be the festival of Ashur. Any hesitation I once felt now completely dissolved amid the wild fervor of the crowds, my feet carried me onward.
With the passing of a few mere moments, hundreds had gathered in the temple square to witness the ceremonial proceedings. From my place in the open street I could see a giant bull had already been slaughtered, lying in pieces at the foot of the towering temple pillars. Just inside, the high priest began to disrobe in preparation for Arrapha to burst into song and dance – the young women my age eagerly aligning along the base of the temple steps – stepping cautiously to avoid the pooled blood of the sacrifices, their colorful garments billowing in the warm breeze. In an instant I became overtaken – the spectators along the street sidelines beginning to crowd around me. Lifting my hands I pushed my way to the front, fighting to stay ahead of the chaos until I made it all the way to the outskirt of the brightly lit temple arena – feet skidding uneasily across the open pavement.
Though for some reason unable to see myself, I sensed my clothes had now somehow changed – that I now wore an exquisite dress, unlike anything I owned or had ever worn before. A veil, shimmering like gold as it hung from the back of my head, mixed with my long, smooth hair as I gently swayed. Bewildered, I looked to check the faces of the crowd behind me to see if they noticed. As they were too hazy to distinguish from one another, they afforded me no answers. Once more unsure of myself, I ventured forward only two steps more. Then the tambourines began to rattle loudly – the flutes striking up and drums beginning to pound in deafening rhythm. Without warning, the other girls came forward and took hands with me – drawing me into line with them. Mesmerized by the
swish of so much fabric and glitter of so much jewelry, I found myself beginning to dance. As my hips began to sway, my feet mimicked the pattern they followed with surprising ease. Soon I was almost running to keep up with the others, face stretching into a rare smile as I moved – even casting my head back and laughing. I could feel the hem of my veil graze the pavement beneath me as I danced.
Approaching near the end of our performance we began to spin in circles, raising our hands just above our heads – enough that I became dizzy and had to slow myself, breaking slightly from the group. Pausing to catch my breath, I glanced back at the young group of girls, so colorful and bright, scarce able to believe I was actually dancing in the festival with them. Through the fiery torchlight and blur of the crowd, I was just barely able to spy Hesba, nodding her head and clapping her hands – eyes happy as she watched the performance. Glancing to my left I found the backside of Phaena, dancing at the other end of the arena – her light blue skirt swirling widely as she spun round and round, her face somehow turned just so I
