A flash of emotion crossed his features, but it was gone too quickly for me to catch it. “It’s okay. We don’t have to,” he replied.
I frowned at him and kissed the tip of his nose. “Of course we are going to. Just let me check on this puppy which was rescued today.”
I released him, but he clutched my forearm. “Oh, can I see? I always wanted a pet, but they’re not allowed in my apartment.”
“Sure, but we’ll have to wash up before and after. He’s not doing so well right now.”
I led him over to the washroom where we washed our hands, and I slipped a smock over his head, tying it behind him. I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss while I was getting him dressed.
“You’re such a big distraction,” I told him.
He blinked at me. “Me? But I didn’t do anything.”
“You exist, sweetheart, and that’s doing a lot to me at this moment.”
I led the way inside the room where the puppy was. This was the room used for the sickest animals who we took great care with, to minimize the exposure to contamination. The puppy was already so sick that he probably wouldn’t survive being hit by a nasty virus.
Ainsley gasped when he saw the Beagle puppy, all snowy white coat except for tan streaks on both ears. “He’s so tiny. He doesn’t look like he was born too long ago.”
“My guess is three days old,” I answered, checking the puppy’s temperature again. I was pleased that it was staying regulated.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Some friends of mine who operate an animal shelter found them in a dumpster.”
He glanced up at me, his eyes wide, and I wanted to ask him how he managed to look so damn innocent when we both knew he was anything but. I was under no illusion where Ainsley was concerned. Although we didn’t discuss the specifics, he had been with several guys. I hadn’t been with any other man outside of my husband.
“You said them just now,” he stated. “Are there more?”
“The other two didn't make it.” My voice turned husky with emotions, and I cleared my throat. Not everyone understood the desire to care for and protect animals.
“Oh no!" The look Ainsley directed at me was full of compassion. "Poor, baby. You’ve been dealing with a lot today, haven’t you?”
My heart lurched in my chest. I couldn't remember ever being called baby before. It was strangely nice. “Yeah, I was thinking of calling you when you showed up like you knew I needed you.”
He smiled at me, but whatever he was about to say was forgotten when the puppy made a pitiful sound.
“I can’t get him to eat,” I said, my attention turned to the puppy. I lightly rubbed his body with the back of my index finger. “If he doesn’t eat, he won’t survive for long.”
Ainsley reached inside the cot to stroke the puppy lightly as well. The animal curled into his touch which prompted a smile from the man at my side. “He moved. He likes me.”
“I imagine everyone loves Ainsley.”
He glanced up at me with sadness in his eyes. “Not everyone. Not my family.”
“What?” I was shocked he said it because he always avoided the topic of his parents. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
He shook his head but said nothing further. “Do you think I could try feeding him?”
“Sure. Let me get the bottle then show you how to do it.”
I brought the bottle over after checking the temperature of the milk. I seated Ainsley in a chair then swaddled the puppy in the heat blanket and placed him in Ainsley’s hand. He was all smiles, cooing to the puppy.
“Hey there little one,” he addressed the puppy. “It’s Uncle Ainsley.”
“Ainsley, don’t.”
He glanced up at me, his eyes full of worry. “Am I holding him wrong?”
“No, not that. Don’t get attached.”
“I won’t.” But I was afraid he already was. He returned his attention to the puppy. “You need to eat so you can get better. You’ve got Uncle Willy here worried about you, but we’re going to show him and the world that you’re a survivor, aren’t we?”
He placed the nipple at the puppy’s mouth, but he wouldn’t take it. I sighed, exhausted just by watching Ainsley’s failing efforts. He remained persistent, refusing to give up.
“Ainsley, he’s not going to take it,” I told him, stroking his hair. “At least not now. I’ll try again later.”
Ainsley didn’t even look up at me. “No, he’ll take it. I’m not giving up on him yet.”
To my complete surprise, Ainsley started to sing to the puppy. I didn’t know the song, and he was singing too low for me to make out the words. I felt for him because he had already bonded with the puppy which was the worst thing he could have ever done. Animals came and went. They were born, and they died. Getting attached brought nothing but heartache. Ainsley would be devastated should the pup die like his siblings.
“He’s suckling!”
At Ainsley’s cry of delight, I snapped out of my thoughts and verified that the puppy was really latched to the nipple and suckling, albeit a little weak. Ainsley looked up at me, and he had tears in his eyes which spilled down his cheeks. He made no effort to hide them.
“You did it,” I told him, my tone full of pride. “I can’t believe you did it.”
Still looking at me, he responded, “Some things are worth believing they’ll happen.”
The way he was looking at me, I knew he wasn’t just talking about the puppy in his hand.
Chapter Thirteen
Ainsley
Willy and I did not have sex in his office as I had orchestrated by visiting with condom and lube in my wallet. It just wasn’t meant to be. Once I met the puppy, my focus shifted, and I ended up spending all afternoon with him at the clinic. He needed an extra hand anyway, so I volunteered my two. I fed the puppy every two hours, and after each feeding, I followed the procedure Willy taught me for the animal not to be constipated. I couldn’t say it was fun, but I would have done almost anything to help. I had no idea the veterinary clinic had so many patients popping in and out. He worked longer hours than I had thought, but I could see that he did it because he loved the animals placed in his care. By the time he was relieved by the other vet for the night, he was tired.
“I’m pretty useless to have around,” I sighed as we left the clinic and settled in his truck. “I can’t even help you out by driving us while you rest.”
“You’re not useless,” he said. “That’s absurd. You did a wonderful job with the puppy. If you ever give up modeling, you could come work for me.”
"Then you’d get to feel me up all day?”
“Hey, I haven’t felt you up once today.” He paused as though thinking. "Okay, maybe once when I had you up against the wall."
“Doesn't sound like enough was done. We need to remedy that. I love when you get all handsy with me.”
Leaning across the console, I kissed his cheek. When I would have retreated, he grabbed the back of my head and brought my head forward once more. I shifted closer to him so our lips met.
As usual, kissing him ignited my blood. Before I knew it, he was urging me over the console and into his seat to straddle his lap. The steering wheel poked me in the back and would probably leave a bruise, but I couldn’t care enough to stop kissing him. His hand slipped beneath my shirt to stroke my back. Each brush of his fingertips along my spine shot ecstasy through my veins. I gyrated in his lap, rubbing my ass across the front of his jeans until I was satisfied he was rock hard. Only I wasn’t satisfied. I wouldn’t be until he was buried to the hilt inside me.
An unexpected knock on his window startled the shit out of us. We jerked but in the same direction, smacking our heads together.
“Fuck!” I cried at the sharp pain that radiated through my skull. Willy immediately pulled my head against his chest, rubbing the area at the side where I’d bashed into him.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Your head’s like a sledgehamm
er,” I muttered, wincing.
“Hey, yours is no Jello either.” He removed his hand from my head, and I turned to watch him wind down the window. The other vet who had taken over from him was crouched at the window, his face red. In his right hand, he jiggled Willy’s keys.
“You left these on the receptionist desk,” Doctor Martin said, passing the keys to Willy through the open window.
“Thanks, man. I should have noticed I didn’t have it.”
Doctor Martin glanced at me still perched in Willy’s lap. “Well, I can see you had your hands full. Glad to have saved you the trip back in. Safe journey!”
“Thanks,” Willy answered for both of us. He gave me a little nudge. “You should probably move back to your seat, so I can drive us home.”
I ran my hands beneath his shirt, stroking his stomach. “You mean you can’t drive with us like this?”
“No, I like you alive just fine,” he answered, pinching my ass. “Come on, Ainsley-With-the-Attitude. Scoot over. The longer we take to get home, the longer it will be before I can deflower you.”
I laughed as I crawled inelegantly back over to my seat. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’ve been deflowered since high school.” I snapped my seatbelt into place this time without him having to ask. He backed out of his parking spot and eased into the evening’s traffic.
“Yeah? Like senior year or something?”
I didn’t want him to think badly of me. I really didn’t. I’d never lied to anyone about when I lost my virginity. I never gave a damn before, but I was afraid Willy would probably be disgusted at me. So I lied.
“Yeah, senior year.”
From my peripheral vision, I saw his smile. “Luke and I didn't until college, and not until we were married to engage in penetrative sex. Months after in fact. It just wasn’t high on our agenda, you know?” He cleared his throat. “So, uh, are you really into, you know, penetrative sex?”
My tongue went numb at his question. Anyone else I knew would have just asked if I liked getting fucked in the ass. Only Willy would come up with a nice way of asking that question. Except, he probably shouldn’t have asked it after his comment about the lack thereof in his own past relationship. How did I respond by telling him I loved it? I was afraid of how he would react since it didn’t seem like he and his late husband had been interested much in anal sex. I knew not all gay men participated in anal, but I’d never met one before. At least not that I knew of.
“Uh, it’s okay,” I answered and fell silent. What else could I say? I had already gone ahead and lied about when I lost my virginity. I was annoyed at my response. Any shame of my sexuality had diminished after I had been exposed by Joey. I had ceased giving a damn about how highly-sexed I was, and upon leaving Alabama, I had explored to the fullest.
I was relieved when he turned on the radio and found a channel playing Christmas songs. He drummed on the steering wheel as he sang in a really nice voice. I couldn’t sing to save my life, so I didn’t join in. Plus, I was too preoccupied with thoughts of what Willy was like in bed. I was a bundle of nerves, thinking about all the times we had kissed. I had been open and willing to do more, but he had never once asked to go beyond our kisses and caresses. I had not met any other man who had me in his arms and didn't take what I offered. Would a man like Willy not be bothered about my past? What if he thought me too slutty? The people I hung out with back in NYC lived mostly in the fast lane. They didn’t bat an eye when I’d been on the promiscuous side before settling down with Cam, but Willy was different. He was a good guy. The kind who took care of sick animals, opened doors for his man, and insisted in paying tabs, even though I probably had more money in my bank account than he did.
My guilt increased as he drove me to his parents’ house to pack a bag for the night. He had proposed that I spend the night at his place so we could get an early start to visit my parents tomorrow. I had agreed, thinking the underlying reason was that he wanted me in his bed, but now I wasn't so sure. What if he meant for us to sleep in separate rooms? And to think I walked around today with the condom and lube boring a hole in my pocket.
By the time we arrived at his parents', I had decided to come clean or I would never be able to relax around him. He parked, the music dying when he removed the key from the ignition. When he would have gotten out of the truck to open my door, I placed a hand to his thigh to stop him.
Willy frowned at me. “You okay? You kinda went silent there for a while. Was it something I said?”
I realized I was digging my nails into his thigh when his muscles tightened in response. I immediately released him. “Sorry. I just got to tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded and took a deep breath before I took the plunge. “I lied to you.” His eyebrows went north, but I ignored the look and continued, deciding to just say everything and get it over with. “I didn’t lose my virginity senior year of high school. I was impatient and a horny little fucker back then. I didn’t wait a day past my fifteenth birthday, and I’ve never been ashamed to admit that before. Never!” I paused to breathe in deeply before continuing.
“Why did you lie?”
I stared down at my painted nails. “I lied because you made me feel ashamed.” Hearing the words coming from my mouth, I frowned, because I really had nothing to be ashamed of. I shouldn’t have to feel any less because of my sexual exploits and preferences. My heart squeezed at the notion that he might find me distasteful after this. “The truth, Willy, is that I enjoy sex. I enjoy being fucked. I love being on the receiving end. I love the attention that comes with it, and if that makes me an attention whore then so be it. I’m not going to pretend otherwise because it’s different from what you had with your husband. That’s something you’ll have to deal with. I’m me. Ainsley. Not Luke, and I want you to remember that when— if we continue this relationship.”
I was done. I had nothing else to say. I had gone on the offensive and said things based on assumption and not exactly what left his lips. Still, I felt it had to be said more for me than even to him. I had no idea before this how much I felt inadequate when around Willy, who was at that moment staring at me with his mouth slightly opened. Seconds passed, and everything was quiet between us. I waited for him to tell me I had overacted. That he didn’t expect me to be his deceased husband, but he seemed to be struggling to find the words to say.
“I see,” I muttered, wanting to burst into tears. “Your silence says everything.”
“Ainsley—”
But I didn’t wait to hear what he said. I let myself out of his truck and ran toward the house. Willy swore, and I ignored him. The nice guy that he was, he probably didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I stomped up the steps and let myself in the house, wishing I had somewhere else to take refuge. I needed some time alone to regain my self-confidence. I wished that safe place wasn’t the home of the man who had hurt me with his silence than even Cam had done with his lies.
“Ainsley?” Martha called my name, but I dashed by her up the stairs. She was just like Willy, way too nice. I felt bad for running out on her, but I was near tears. I knew it was way more than just Willy and his late husband's different sexual preferences. I’d been worrying about seeing my parents again, and as the hour got closer and closer, old insecurities resurfaced.
I didn’t stop running until I was in Willy’s bedroom. I closed the door behind me and leaned heavily against it, breathing hard. I anticipated Willy coming after me, but just like in his car, the minutes ticking by was really the only thing I needed to know. I shuffled across to the bed to sit on my hands because I didn’t know what to do with them. Now that I was alone, I thought maybe I had blown everything out of proportion. I remembered Cam always blaming me for being too dramatic and over the top.
“You always blow shit out of proportion,” he yelled at me the last time we argued, and he dumped his stuff in a suitcase to leave. “I can’t put up with your drama and your constant need for attention from me. Shouldn�
�t you already have enough attention from your modeling? But no, you try to hog my attention all the time."
I grimaced, remembering how I’d proven his point by throwing his trainers at him. It had been a half-hearted attempt, but it had been the last straw in our relationship.
A knock on the door grabbed my attention. “Ainsley, honey, can I come in?”
For the life of me, I couldn’t fathom what it meant that Willy’s mother had come after me instead of him.
“Yes, come in, Martha.”
She pushed the door open, and at the look of concern she wore, the tears I had suppressed popped back in the corners of my eyes. To my horror, tears trickled down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and sniffed, ashamed, and a bit defeated.
“Oh honey, don’t cry,” she said, coming over to sit beside me on the bed. She wrapped an arm around me and pulled my head to her shoulder which only made me cry more. I couldn’t remember the last time my own mom had held me. “Whatever it is, we can fix it,” she cooed to me like I was six years old. “Now we only have a few minutes for you to tell me what’s wrong before that son of mine charges inside. I barely got him to agree to give me a few minutes with you first.”
“He’s still waiting?” I asked on a sniff.
“Of course, he is. He says you’re spending the night with him.”
I eased out of her arms and wiped my eyes with my hands. “Maybe I shouldn’t,” I replied, not feeling the least bit embarrassed to talk to her about this although I probably should be. “He’s too good for me.”
“What?” she cried in surprise.
I shrugged. “He is. You should know that. You raised a wonderful son. Will’s the perfect gentleman.” I lowered my voice as I continued. “You can probably tell I’ve lived life in the fast lane. The fastest lane. How will I ever measure up to Luke?”
“You won’t.”
I already knew that, but hearing it from Willy’s mother hurt. I breathed deeply to ease some of the hurt from my chest. Who knew emotional pain could translate to physical pain as well? My heart hurt, and it was difficult to breathe.
Unwrapping Ainsley Page 9
